Girls Shaving Their Legs

There is no set age. She should start shaving if and when her body hair bothers HER.
If it never bothers her, she needn't ever shave any of it.
If it bothers her, then teach her how to shave correctly so that she doesn't cut herself.

I was in 4th grade... didn't ask my mom, just did it & told her after. I didn't know i needed permission?

When it's time for my daughter to shave IT'S TIME TO SHAVE :)

Would she (MIL) let her grandson grow a beard at 12?

I would have run it by her parents first, unless you had sole custody of her.

I was about 11 years old when I started shaving. My mom was anti shaving and I just started doing it on my own without asking her. I bought shaving gel and razors with allowance. My mom really didn't notice it until I was 12 that I was shaving.

Your husband needs to have a talk with his mother about girls and puberty. It's HIS job to deal with this. He needs to man up for the sake of his daughter and drag his mother into the 21st century.

i don't think that's too young, but i can't imagine why you wouldn't check with her legal guardian before giving her something like that.
'proper grooming' is less important than respectful behavior.
khairete
S.

I went to a Catholic school with uniforms (skirts - no pants), so everyone knew which girls were shaving and which weren't. I'm pretty sure the girls at my school began shaving in 5th grade. But I played sports with girls from other schools, and most of them did not shave their legs until high school. I was teased for not shaving, and my mom wouldn't let me do it. (Which is weird, because it's not really like her to have hang-ups like that.) I wonder if your MIL (and perhaps my mom) associate shaving your legs with sexuality. Anyway, eventually she let me go ahead.

I understand your wanting to teach her proper hygiene and grooming habits, but this is neither. This is a preference. There are many girls and ladies who choose to not shave their legs. It's not the norm in our society, but I would definitely not classify it as poor grooming. It's a preference. Some people will not like it, but it is a personal choice. (Unlike keeping our hair neatly trim and styled. That is proper grooming.)

You're in a tough spot as the step-mother. You are a role model, but you don't have the same authority as a parent and in this case a grandparent.

Talk to your husband about your concerns, but let him deal with his mom. Yes, she's being ridiculous about this topic, but you still have to respect her role. Talk to your husband. I'm sure you can come up with a solution. You want what's best for your step-daughter, and you want her to fit in with her peers. That's really important at this age, and that makes it all the more important to keep those lines of communication open - on this topic and on so many more in the future.

I think it totally depends upon your role in her life. It may or may not be "wrong" to provide such tools for someone of her age... but you wouldn't give them to a classmate of your daughter without discussing it with her parents. The same kind of rules apply here. She does not live with you. Why does she not live with her dad and lives with his parent instead? I think there may be some boundary issues here that you did not disclose?

Without that information, I would simply suggest to you that before you give her any other "personal care" items, that you discuss it with the person(s) with whom she resides and who presumably has guardianship over her.

Since she lives with someone else it's not your business to try and interfere with this decision. If they feel she's too young you need to back off.

I am a grandparent raising grand kids and I can tell you that if you keep doing this it will not make you look good and on the kiddo's side, it will make you look bad to your kid in the long run. Show her you respect the grandma and that you agree with her about her rules and this will help make the peace a lot quicker and it will be life long.

My daughter will come to visit her kids and I'll tell them to do something, something I have a rule about. For instance, I'll tell them it's time to start getting ready for bed, she'll tell them "No, don't do that, we're going to go to my friends house to play"....uhhhh, no, they have school tomorrow and they have to get ready for bed. "IT's only 8pm mom!!! They can go with me for an hour or two" Uhhhh, no, they have stuff to do like bathe, have a snack, brush their teeth, reading, etc... they need to start getting ready for bed.

Then the argument ensues. The kids start talking bad to me and get into trouble. Sometimes it's a week or more before the stress from her visit calms down. I can say she can't see them at any time, I have guardianship. BUT I want them to have a relationship with her, some day they might go back and live with her.

So it's only making their life harder when you make choices like this. She has to go by grandma's rule and you cannot interfere, you can talk to grandma when kiddo isn't around to try and resolve issues but it's bad for kiddo to do this in front of her. She wants to love you and put mom first but she can't because someone else is in that role. Not that she's trying to be her mommy but she's the final word on all matters. Ask her first when it comes to stuff like this.

How does your stepdaughter feel? Does SHE want to start shaving her legs or not?

I was probably 13 when I started and I think at whatever age that the girl starts feeling self-conscience about her appearance and the hair on her legs is an ok time to start. Not really sure what your MIL's issue is, if she's just kinda old-fashioned and associates shaving legs with trying to look sexier or something, but I wonder if it would really hurt to ask her why she feels the way she feels, and when she feels is the right time for a girl to start. Maybe MIL feels that you overstepped your bounds if the girl lives with her and not you guys. If your stepdaughter spends time with you guys, such as visiting on weekends, maybe she could be allowed to shave her legs if she wants to if she is staying overnight and taking a shower, but that has to be a conversation your husband has to have with his mama, and I don't know why she is living with her instead of him, her parent.

Grandma might need to be made aware that her granddaughter, like many girls these days, is hitting puberty at an earlier age and this is one of the things that goes with it. Then again, does your stepdaughter even want to shave her legs or does she feel bothered by the hair on them? If she isn't bothered by it yet, it may not be worth battling over at this time - eventually she will want to do something about it and then you may have more of an argument for allowing it. If you do talk with MIL, I would apologize if she feels you overstepped your bounds, but you are just concerned that stepdaughter may be feeling uncomfortable about the hair on her legs and many girls nowadays are starting to shave at the same age and even younger.

Keep in mind too that in many countries, shaving legs and armpits is NOT the norm, such as in Europe...so can't really argue that it's about hygiene as it is about personal choice. I've known some women along the way who choose not to shave and don't really care what they look like or other people think.

I think your MIL is a loon. My daughter is 10 and I'm 100% okay with her shaving. She has the hair to do it and if it makes her happy, I'm totally fine with it. I have only encouraged her to wait until it's warmer weather because once you start you have to keep doing it. And since it's winter, what's the point in starting now...but if she wants to start tonight, fine by me!

Yeah, I believe it should begin when the girl is aware enough to be embarrassed by it and ask for it. If that's 9 or 15, it doesn't matter. Very old school to base it on age.

My 11 year old is pretty hairy but doesn't want to shave yet. Fine by me - I shave but I resent that our culture expects it. The longer she doesn't have to deal with it, the better.

I do feel like unless you consulted with the person who has primary custody then yes..out of line. And even then...if your step daughter is under her roof then she lives by her rules as long as it isn't damaging. Which telling someone they are too young for shaving isn't filed under damaging.

Edit- I was about 12 almost 13

I agree that age shouldn't have anything to do with it, and that every girl should decide for herself when she's ready or wants to deal with leg/armpit hair.
But it sounds like her MIL has custody? If that's the case then you probably should have run it by her first. Your MIL doesn't sound very nice but if she's your stepdaughter's legal guardian then these decisions are really up to her, not you.

Parents, Guardians, need to follow the child's lead on these things.

Having an arbitrary age as some goal is fine, except that every child is a different person and their own person. They have their own needs, Sometimes a revisit to a subject may be needed if the child is mature enough to request a revisit and is articulate enough to ask and discuss.

It breaks my heart to think this girl is self conscious about something as easy to fix as shaving.,. So easy and has no consequences to anyone else.

Why do women think shaving their legs is naughty? What are they thinking? Does it have a meaning to them? Because they were told as a girl they could not until they were some age, it was the right choice for every girl? Is there something I do not know about girls and women that shave their legs?

And I think it was a fine gift from a stepmom and her dad to give her a electric shaver. I recall my mom and dad giving me one at a young age..
He is still her dad.

I think my older girls were around 12, I'm a little old fashioned here and do wait until I feel they are ready, but all of mine aren't hairy. Blondish hair but nothing that jumps out at anyone unless they are really looking.

I think the problem here is that you didn't ask her guardian first. Your heart was in the right place, but your approach was wrong.

Why does grandma have custody and not dad or mom? Maybe this would be a better solution as the young girl grows up.

Wait...who does she live with? You and your husband or her grandmother?

If she lives with you and your husband then granny can go jump in a lake. This girl is your husband's daughter? How does he feel? Parents' vote out weighs grandparents'.

If she lives full time with Grandma, then just leave it be. You weren't "wrong" in your gift, but it appears G'ma is touchy and since she's the guardian, it's her rules.

I was about 8 or 9. I have thick dark hair and with our water heater, it takes 2 showers for me to shave ankle to hip.

If she lives with your MIL, does that mean that your MIL is primary guardian? If so, then you were out of line. If the girl lived with her mother, would you have done the same? It would have been her mother's call, right? Do you have your own biological daughter? How would you like it if you had ideas of how to introduce her to this whole process--maybe puberty in general--and someone else came along and usurped your authority? You overstepped. And MIL will likely clamp down even harder now that you have shown that you are working against her goals.

If it's important to you and you believe that it's important to the girl, then you should talk with your MIL and learn why she's against it. There is no right or wrong when it comes to shaving legs. It is NOT a hygiene issue, and having hair does not reflect poor grooming habits. Feelings on this topic are subjective and very personal, and you should not approach it like she's dirty if her skin is not smooth like yours. She doesn't even live with you. Your job is to support the efforts of the people already parenting her, not come in and take over.

That said, I shaved for the first time when I was 13 or 14 (8th grade). It was experiemental and not at all about grooming; I just wanted to see how it would look and feel. I liked it okay, but I wasn't interested in maintaining it. I was very comfortable with my natural body hair--arms, legs, errant brows. I wasn't hideous, either. I think that 10 years old is very young for a girl to jump on that grooming hamster wheel that adult women run on every day. Puberty is a time to look and feel awkward and to let that awkwardness yield character and security and perseverance, all part of coming into one's own. That's how we continue to build on our self-esteem on a basic level. So many people (females in particular) see it as a time to jumpstart the pressure of how girls/women are supposed to look, like the time to do a full make-over and rush right through this phase and into the rest of their lives couldn't come fast enough . If she doesn't first embrace what she's got, what will happen at 15 when she misses a day and can't stand to be seen? What will happen when she's 35 with a young kid and no time to shave? How will she feel about herself? How much of her identity will depend on how well-manicured her personal lawn is? Girls have to be taught to appreciate themselves--their whole selves--and it should happen before they start trying to change to conform.

If I miss a day or three of shaving my legs or tweezing my brows, my world will continue to turn because I learned early on that it's okay. (Pre-)Adolescence is not the time to convince her that she is not good enough the way she is. Teach her to thoroughly clean her body. Teach her to effectively heal her soul. Let her grow into and come around to cosmetics. These are still basic steps and lessons that serve us well into our adulthood. Puberty isn't Latin for "instant adult".

I would have checked with the Powers That Be before giving such a gift, since there's tension about the subject in the family.

Perhaps the best thing you can do now is to encourage your stepdaughter to go along with her grandmother cheerfully (and hope she'll change her mind soon). Help her with other things - skin care, hair, all the less controversial stuff. As she gets into the teen years she needs to be encouraged to have good relationships with those who live with her.

My own position is that girls shouldn't be pushed into doing "adult" things; however, when a girl is concerned herself about the need to shave, she may certainly be taught to.

That's a shame that Grandma is being so old school - but stay out of it. Grandma is in charge. Your step daughter will do her own thing soon enough. I was 12 BTW.

When the hair begins to bother them, it is time. It sounds like Nanna is a little too old fashioned. I let my daughter start shaving when she was 10.

I think the right time is when it starts bothering the girl. My daughter is 11 and I've allowed it for the past year. What a stupid reason to make a girl feel bad about herself. She should just let her shave! I guess the only thing you did wrong was not to check with the person she lives with first? .... I dunno. I think the MIL is being ridiculous.

Your MIL is not her mother.
She is the Grandma.
It is not up to her, as to when your Stepdaughter can shave her legs or not.
It is up to her parents and her parents should talk to their 12 year old about it. It is a personal matter. Not your MIL's business.

But you are the Step Mom. So it is not your direct decision, either.
So your MIL probably doesn't not like what you did in gifting her the electric razor.

You were not "wrong." And it is not your MIL's business.
But your MIL seems to be controlling everyone
And by the way, what does your Step Daughter's Dad, think?
He's, the parent.
Too.

I think the MIL might be upset that you didn't clear it with her first. Although, I don't understand why she's making this a big deal. My daughter is now 15 and she was afraid to shave her legs with a razor. She was afraid that she would cut herself and it never occured to me to use an electric razor. Instead, we started with Nair hair remover (about 2 years ago) and she just recently felt comfortable enough to try the razor on her own. She's a pro at it now.

I would normally say she is more then ready, and that whenever she decides she wants to shave is the right time. I personally also never felt like I got a good shave from an electric so I would let her use a real razor is she wants, I love the one with the shave lotions built in (intuition).

But, you are not the primary care givers to this child. If she lived with her dad and you then I would have different advice, but your MIL is acting as her mother and she gets to have say. You need to learn how to work with your MIL for the childs best interest. If you husband and you want to have more control then maybe you could change the custody agreement to allow you more time/make you the primary care givers?

DD started right after her 10th birthday, but she's a furry kid and it's dark.

If MIL has primary custody you should have asked before giving her a razor, people are really funny about this subject. Having said that, MIL is a little cuckoo on this. I would talk to hubby, have SD talk to her dad, and let him handle it with MIL.

Huh? Whooping her butt if she shaves her legs?? I think the threat of whooping a 12 year old is the bigger issue here than a pre teen who is in full fledge puberty wanting to shave her legs and most likely pits as well. Ugh..that poor girl :(

I think there are more issues here than merely body hair and a razor. I would bet money that Nana feels you over step your bounds often...and she feels threatened by you. So you and the dad do not have guardianship? Well then, dear Nana calls the shots.

If I were in your shoes then I would have the girl's dad talk to his own mom about the need for a pre teen to have some ownership in how she dresses and grooms herself. This young lady ,who is still getting whooping, will find bigger and more dangerous ways to rebel and be her own person. And then you all will look back at the good ol' days when she merely wanted to shave her legs.

I am thinking grandma thinks only those who are promiscuous would want to shave?? If that is the case then she needs a good talking to.

I just don't see a big deal here regarding the act of shaving. My kids swim and play water polo. BOYS SHAVE BODY HAIR TOO!! Heck..our 7 year old has long,blonde surfer boy hair most of the year. His swim coach told him to shave his head for the championship meet and he did. The kid beat all his times and broke a record in Butterfly. Shaving does help you move faster in the water.

So, coming from this mom who sees young girls and many boys shave legs and other regions, I have come up with a comeback to your MIL. Maybe your step daughter should shave so she can get to her school classes faster. Hee..hee! I couldn't pass that up because I think grandma is off her rocker with this one!!

I feel so sad for your pre teen step daugher who is being shamed and threatened with whoopings over something she is feeling uncomfortable and self conscious about. Girls who are threatened with whooping with things dealing with their normal maturation will have a hard time talking about the bigger issues like body changes,sex,boys etc.

From now on, please talk to Nana about very personal gift items you want to give. Your step daughter now feels the friction in this triangle of adults who love her.

Nope not wrong she may even be embarrassed about it. But if she is living with them you don't want to cause undue stress. I'd talk to your husband about this and see what you can do as the United front. My mom wouldn't let me shave until I was in middle school it sucked. But I snuck and did it

So, if she's living with Nanna, does Nanna have legal guardianship? If so, you should have talked to her about it first, and she should have final say. If not, then her parents should have been able to decide. That aside, I don't think you were far off the mark to think a 12 year old should start shaving her legs, especially if it's visible hair. You don't say if SHE wants to or not, I'm assuming she does. Perhaps there's a female relative that Nanna gets along with that can talk to her about it? Most girls I know (myself included) started shaving around that age, and that is a very hard time to be the only girl to not do something considered so "grownup".

I was probably 7th grade (13)

My daughter is 10 1/2. I told her she can shave whenever she wants to. She is not ready yet. I did tell her though that when the underarm hair starts coming in, it needs to go. Much smaller area and just not cute with sleeveless shirts.