Girls Hitting Boys

It's not O.K. to hit anybody, boys or girls! It doesn't matter who starts the hitting. Tell him that!

It’s a hard place for a little boy to be in when a little girl is harassing him. I think there is not enough emphasis in our society on girls not hitting boys. Or violence by women for that matter. Back in the bad old days when men did hit women without much consequence women rarely hit men. The reason for that was direct and simple. Men would hit you back and they had a big advantage. Teaching your son not hit others even when they hit him is hard, but necessary. These days’ schools have to stop the violence no matter who starts it.

The "how" to explain to him is simply in a 'non-gender' way.
The truth is, ALL kids can and do hit. It doesn't matter if it is a boy or girl. ALL kids can be aggressive and/or "bullies."

So explain this to him.

The thing is, he was trying to defend himself... at this age, they don't always know how and will respond on impulse
Just teach him how to verbally say things like "STOP it now!" AND THEN, teach him that he NEEDS to go to the Teacher or adult in charge, and tell them what happened. Teach them to do this, before hitting back.

Also, teach him that it is PERFECTLY "okay" to tell the Teacher whenever something "bad" or "wrong" happens. Children need to learn this... they must have a voice to speak out, when need be, no matter what. It also builds confidence and communication ability and agility.

Main thing is, since this is not his "fault" per say, that you don't punish him unduly... or he might not be so inclined to tell you things in the future (when you want him to). But do explain that is was not right to hit back either.

Main thing is to teach a child and give them tools to communicate... and not that it is 'wrong.' How to communicate with their Parent, without fear or fear of judgment... will encourage them to tell you things and trust that it is okay.

Yes, kids even in Preschool & Kindergarten can be 'mean' and/or hit other kids. It's happened in my daughter's classes as well.

I personally feel.... that hitting should not be a gender thing... and an Adult in charge should treat both equally...but with the appropriate punishment for the offender or the instigator. Hopefully, the Teacher gave some kind of time-out or what not, to this girl.

In my daughter's school, the Parent is telephoned and notified, and t he child is given a time-out or privilege is taken away, and/or the child sent to the Principal's office.
Hitting is simply not tolerated in my daughter's school, nor bullying. THEN the Teacher also addresses the behavior in class to correct their behavior... without singling out the child unduly.

Main thing is talk with your son about it, let him ask questions and answer him as honestly and plainly as you can. Kids need to feel okay about it too, as the "victim." Or some kids just think it's no big deal and on with things they go. Hopefully your son was not hurt.

All the best,
Susan

Girl or boy - it doesn't matter. No one should be hitting anyone. Period.

Tell your son that if anyone hits him, to tell that person to stop. If they don't stop, he should seek help from an adult. No hitting of any kind is ever okay. No matter what.

If we all chose to raise our kids with a zero tolerance for violence and aggression, we'd have world peace within one generation's time. Imagine that!

Best of luck to you and your precious son!

I fully agree with S H. It doesn't matter if it was a boy or girl who hit your son.
On a personal note...My son is hit all the time in school, he is in second grade. His dad told him to hit the kid back as hard as he could. This started a major fight between my hubby and myself. I work on the playground of my sons school so I see what is happening. I told my son that if this kid starts to hit him again to push him away and tell the yard duty. There really is no reason to hit back at this age.

It's not a matter of "boys shouldn't hit girls". This one is truly outdated. It should be explained as Hitting is never okay no matter who it is or who hit first. Keeping it that simple allows more understanding from our kids than we give them credit for. Too much information causes them to lose sight of the point.

let me begin by saying that it was my child was often an aggresor - a tiny, blonde, angelic-looking girl who would suddenly WHOMP on another child for no apparent reason that anyone could discern. This abated with as little explanation as it began with. A mystery to this day.

You can explain that you definately understand being frustrated and losing his temper and hitting back - but that it is not the right thing to do. . . .(and wasn't the right thing to do). "Hitting is never acceptable" or "hitting doesn't solve anything" - are some things you could start with.
"Walk away" is another good thing to remember. Sometimes just absenting yourself from the situation is the best thing to do - he could go to teacher and ask that he be allowed to play elsewhere "because someone is hitting"

best of luck with negotiating this one - it's tricky but oh so important. There is also negotiating the fine line between tattle-tale-ing and telling teacher.

take care and be patient with explaining again and again

I just read other responses and Tracie D. articulated beautifully! The basic tenant is the same - hitting is not good, by any body at any time.

OMG! Tell him when she hits him he should tell her not to hit, and walk away to play with somebody else!! If it continues, he should tell her he doesn't want to play with her anymore because she hits. Simple as that.

Hi D.,

I see you have plenty of responses but I just wanted to add a tiny bit about school in general. I don't like to mix Home and School. I know that sounds ridiculous so let me explain. I like to sort of...not always, play good cop bad cop. I typically like to let the natural consequences happen for my kids. So I am just a sounding board more or less for school problems. Ofcoarse there are always exceptions. In general I like to really be sympathetic about what happend at school and have MY child feel as though I totally understand their side and validate their feelings about what happend first, then over time I weave in how they might handle it next time or help them think of ideas. If they get in trouble or have a school consequence I don't fly of the handle and ground them at home too. I dicuss it with them and let them expierence the detention or time out at school. No reason for a doule whamy. I try to say things like "oh man thats a bummer, I would hate to have to sit on the fence" Don't get me wrong I never condone the bad behavor, I feel just like boys get a bad rap for behavior and girls get to go around being aggressive. Having 2 boys and one on the way I think they need a little extra TLC at home where it should be the softer place to fall! Sorry that was hardly tiny...all the best!
Smiles,
Steph

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Read that great Bev Bos article on Conflict Resolution. Ideally an adult should step in and help them communicate with each other.

Boy: She hit me.
adult: how do you feel?
boy: angry
adult: tell the little girl, do not hit me...
boy: don't hit me, I don't like it (give the words to the child the child needs to say to be clear)
girl: I hit him because.... and they can talk it out...

sorry i'm rushing... but in an ideal setting a caring adult with help them work it out and use their words instead of their fists.

wow thats a hard one because if hes hitting her in self defense how do you punish him for that? maybe try to explain to him that if she hits him and trys to do it again to yell stop hitting me! push her away and to go tell the teacher. good luck thats a tough situation i feel for your son.

I don't think your son did anything wrong. I think the whole, "don't hit a girl" thing is ridiculous. The little girl needs to learn if she is going to hit someone, then she'll probably get hit back. That said, I would tell your son that if it happens again, that he should not hit her back but should immediately tell the teacher what happened. If it turns out to be a continuing problem, then the teacher needs to know so that it can be addressed. Good luck!

Hi D.,
I have to say I wouldn't approach this in any gender specific way... hitting is wrong- period, is how I would put it. Plain and simple.
"It was wrong of her to hit you, and it's wrong to hit someone back"
Easy as pie... It is not worst that your son hit a girl!
"we use our words and respect each others bodies..."
Kids shouldn't be distracted by silly things like 'especially because she's a girl,' it only takes away from the basic principal that violence is wrong.
Good Luck, I certainly hope that little girl got the same note sent home to her parents!!
Best, M. in Redondo Beach

D.,
Why is the emphasis on no hitting "girls"? Shouldn't the emphasis be on not hitting ~ period?? Regardless of who hits first, what sex they are, or why, we should all do our best not to let physical violence enter our lives. Learning to "use our words" will go much further then "don't hit girls".

Good luck, this is a tough one!

H.

I agree with the other posts. It does not matter if the student was a girl. As a teacher, I tell my students if someone hits them to go tell the teacher. If they hit back they will get in trouble too.