Girl Drama-help!

I wouldn't simply assume the girls and the moms are mean. I find it hard to believe all these people, including the teacher, are simply ganging up on your daughter. To what end? If she was struggling in school - either socially or academically, it is quite likely she is acting out in very undesirable ways and these people all have valid, if hard to hear, points. You don't say what it was your teacher took issue with - was she talking about your child's behavior? Her academic performance? If she was struggling academically, it may have led to her misbehaving in class and not trying. A lot of times, situations with this begin with an undiagnosed learning disability. I would start by talking it over with your pediatrician and seeking counseling of some sort. But don't simply assume all these people are ganging up on her. They're seeing something you can't or don't want to.

You can only control you and set the standard for your child.

If you have that many reports about your child, then it's time to swallow your pride and get her some help. A counselor would be a good thing. She might talk about things to an independent party and they might be able to counter act some damage that has been done to her self esteem.

Ask them for tools to deal with gossip and the inevitable drama of girls.

If it helps, give her this view of my boys that went through public high school. It there are bad feeling and drama going on, it's a girl who started it.
They would avoid that drama like the plague and the girls who thrived on it.
Hang out with the boys!

If she won't talk to you, take her to a counselor so she can talk and get these feelings in the open and learn how to deal with them. She will be dealing with girl drama for a LONG time.

Girl drama sucks and it is not bullying... it is girl drama queens and princesses along with their moms. It starts in elementary and does not end until high school is over, especially if she is in any type of sports program.

My 19yr old went through plenty of drama, especially in high school as Varsity cheer captain when other moms wanted their daughter to be captain. It was a fine mess... Most of the time, it was the moms being worse at the drama than the girls.

I sat back, watched and shook my head to see adult women acting like high schoolers. To THIS DAY, one woman declares that her daughter was captain in an effort to rile me up. However, truth is truth and there was no need for me to get riled up.. it was all over the yearbook, sports programs, and a huge composite photo is hanging on the wall at the school. My attitude.. Grow up

Help your daughter by getting her to a good counselor who can help her.
Best wishes.

ETA: Mommy of 1... you nailed it. The moms are making these little monsters.

Wow - sounds like some mean moms have made some mean girls. What kind of woman would decline your invitation to sit down and talk about things.

I'd say just keep your daughter away from those girls and have a serious talk with your child about boundaries, talking about people and interacting with kids that she is uneasy with or doesn't like. It's important to tell your child that mean things often get pass on (or texted along) and to always be nice. That's not always going to happen and she will learn her lessons. But just keep the communication open.

Direct her toward friends that are her own age. The 10-12 year olds are likely treating her like the "dumb baby."

As for the drama and the other girls...leave it be. You can't control other people or their children. All you can do is teach yours how to relate to other people in a healthy way. Read the books "Little Girls Can Be Mean" and "Queen Bees and Wannabes." Both are full of excellent ways to deal with the mean girl issue. Unfortunately, this is just the beginning.

There's an age difference of 2 and 4 yrs between your daughter and these other girls. 4 yrs is huge between a 8 yr old and a 12 yr old. The other girls are able to goat your daughter verbally and if your child gets frustrated she doesn't have the verbal skills to combat back so pushing or hitting would probably be her only choices to defend herself.

It looks like the 10 yr old was trying to gain favor with the 12 yr old by showing her loyalty. Your daughter was kind of just used by the 10 yr old so that child is not her friend and the 12 yr old is too old to be her friend.

I think a chit chat with a therapist might help your daughter get out what's bugging her. If might also give you ideas on activities and things you could go to help build up her self esteem which will be important in dealing with future girl drama.

It's not a bad idea to take your daughter to a trained child counselor. Sometimes something that some kid said at school or did to her, can stick with them and affect their developing psyche. If the counselor is trained with children they can get it out of them - they draw pictures, they play with dolls, etc. And the counselor asks a lot of questions. Often times it's just one or two sessions until they can figure out waht's going on - and they can give you advice as to what to do to help her get past it. My daughter just graduated from high school and I wish I had taken her to a counselor when she was younger instead of waiting until 8th grade. We could have avoided a lot of negative stuff - both to her and to us. Thankfully we got to the bottom of things and she is great now. The sooner you can get to the bottom of what's going on the sooner you can fix it and get your child back.

Our youth pastor says that at the end of the Summer most kids are delightful - they're back to their "default setting" back to being their real person becuase they're home, surrounded by people who love them. But once back in school that all gets undone and by the end of the school year they are often cranky and nasty and sullen and sad from being beaten down by the machine of school. Figure out what's been impacting your girl and get her back.

If this trouble is during the school year, I would talk to the counselor at the school about it. My DD shoved a kid in her class - very unlike her. I went to the teachers and they confirmed that the other child was in my child's face all the time and my DD was frustrated. They then worked with the girls to get along.

What are the circumstances re: your girl and these older girls? Where do you see them? What was the situation when she reportedly pushed the 12 yr old, etc? Those girls are tweens and between 10 and 13 or so, girls are VERY dramatic, friendships merge and change on a dime, etc.

I would want to know more about what happened and I would not only tell my child not to bother that girl, but I would ask that that girl not bother mine in return. Even if I told DD not to bother the other girl in her class, they gravitated toward each other, and the teachers had to work with them on that. You can't complain about someone bothering you if YOU bother THEM. Do these girls (or their parents) think your DD is older? I've been in situations where someone realizes that someone is a teen (example) and then isn't so angry because they understand the situation better.

You may not be able to get her to say things like "I'm frustrated because...." but you may be able to tease out more of the situation. I like talking in the car because you don't have to look at each other and she may open up more.

Frankly, if these little gossips are bothering your child, too, then why would you or she want to associate with them?

i dunno. is it 'gossip' if it's true? do you know for a fact that your daughter DIDN'T push the other girl?
there are always extenuating circumstances, and even the best moms want to make excuses as to why it's okay for THEIR kid to have had a Mean Girl Moment.
but parents get way too involved in these tween dramas and soap operas.
if you know something is bothering your daughter, you're certainly correct and i'd focus on figuring that out. the other girls and their fluttering mamas are not your problem. work with your daughter on communication, and on developing her own boundaries so that she's not distraught when things go south, as they're bound to do sometimes. it's part of childhood.
khairete
S.

sit down and simply ask the child what happened,it sounds like the teacher singled her out for bullying and the child is now anxious about seeing the teacher when school starts back up again...sounds to me like the kid your child shoved was probably in the same class as your kid, and thought nothing of bad mouthing your kid (just like the teacher)and then acted surprised when she got shoved, no big loss in the friend game if you ask me.tell the other kids parents to keep their kid away from your child if the kid cant learn not to bad mouth people. a "friend" who antagonizes you and then gossips about you is not your friend. K. h.