Getting Your Children to Help Out Around the House and Behave in Public

Maybe you could try to make a game out of it and maybe reward them when they get all of their messes picked up around the house. and when out and about maybe let them know that if they are good then when they get home they also are rewarded with something. Even if it is something simpler like ice cream with sprinkles and they get to decorate their own... i was thinking maybe something like that would maybe help. I hope you find something that works! :)

Unfortunately, you sometimes have to be a Hard Arse to get kids to do what they would not wish to do. What's their motivation to behave in public or to clean up at home? For mine (I only have 2), their motivation is punishment and reward, and it varies on what those are. Ex: no TV time at night or no dessert versus choosing their dinner or extra trampoline time.

With 4, I might actually consider the "O Brother Where Art Thou" movie variation and tie a cord around all their waists like a chain gang until they learned to stay at my side:)

Be Strong Mama!:)

I don't know how old your kids are...

Start with organizing your house. Make sure there is a "place" for everything, so when you want them to "clean up" they know what that actually means because everything has a place where it is supposed to be. For example, I can't stand it when I'm tripping over shoes-- but it's not fair to a child to just say to stop leaving their shoes all over the floor if you don't have a specific place where their shoes are supposed to be kept (in their own closet? in a special place by the front door? pick whatever makes sense for your family and make it CLEAR to everyone)

Once it's clear where everything goes, set a rule that no one can do anything fun (computer time, family time, going out to play, whatever-- again-- I don't know how old your kids are) until the house is picked up. (This can be a Saturday morning thing to get ready for the weekend, or a daily thing after school) Give them specific tasks that are age appropriate. We had a big clean up yesterday because my older 2 wanted to have sleepovers. My 4 year old wasn't just told to go "clean his room"-- he was shown a particularly messy corner of the living room and asked to put those toys where they belong, with his 11 year old sister nearby assisting him if he needed help. She (the 11 year old) was also responsible for picking up the rest of the living room, which does NOT mean to find your own stuff and leave everything else. She knows what belongs to who, so she needed to put away her own stuff, put away general stuff (like a bag of chips that needed to go back in the pantry) and distribute her siblings' stuff to their rooms where they were then responsible for putting it away. My 12 year old was responsible for cleaning the dining room table (the family dumping ground!) and getting all stray shoes (not just his own) by the front door where we have a spot for them.

Once the house is clean, it's much easier to keep up with it daily by pointing out when they plop something where it's not supposed to be or play with something and not put it away when they're done. Depending on the age of your kids (and mood you're in-haha!) you can say that anything left laying around will disappear-- and that could mean being put up high where they can't have it for a few days, or put in a box in the garage for a week, or whatever seems appropriate for your family. If they act like they don't care if/when things disappear, threaten yard sale and follow through!! If part of your problem really is too much clutter, have a yard sale and encourage your kids to give things up by letting them keep the money (all or part) of things that are theirs

i am a huge fan of the sticker chart.... and helping around the house is a must for everyone.... helping mom and DAD... so i put chore chart downstairs and another one in their bathroom for brushing teeth, potty and baths and putting toys away in their room... they love stickers.... and then they have to fill a line of stickers for a reward which would be 1 thing from Target:) or the store... behaving in public lol haven't mastered that one, i have 3 and due any day with my 4th and have given up with thinking its me... i think its just their ages.... food shopping and library are not fun anymore with them... so im trying to go on my own and bring home food and books for them instead of being mad with them its nice to come home to happy kids with food they like and new books to read:)

You already have lots of good suggestions. We have been using a chart with check marks for every family member (Mama and Dad earn money, drive kids places, kids make their beds, etc) and they are suggesting new activities for which they can get a check mark. My only addition to what others have said would be to emphasize that you want the consequences for not following rules to be a logical result. So, if the kids don't put their toys away at the end of the day, put them away someplace and explain to them the next day that not putting them away means that they don't value them, so the toys went away. Similarly, if they are running away in the store, that means they have to sit in the cart for a long time because they couldn't be trusted to stay close. Or maybe they can't come to the store or the library on the day after they kept running away (yes, you'll need to find someone to watch them at home, however hopefully you'd only need to do it once and then when you take them to the store again, they should remember the consequence). Also, you might be able to make a game out of keeping their hand on their part of the cart. Good luck--I have enough of a challenge with two! I so admire people who can manage more.

Read the "Love and Logic" books. These are exactly the types of things they teach you how to deal with......and it works!

When my children were young, I made them hold hands when we went to the store or, if they didn't want to do that, they had to have at least one hand on our shopping cart at all times. I only have two children who are 14-months apart and was totally like you when they were younger for the very same reasons. Now that they are older (6 and 7) they know to ask permission if they want to go look at something and always have to stay in my line of sight.

As for cleaning up, I think it helps to have a rule where you only are allowed to have one toy out at a time and have to put whatever you have been playing with away before you get out another. For us, that meant having a lot of their toys stored out of our children's reach so that they had to ask us to get a toy for them and we had a chance to remind them of our putting things away rule. It's micro-managing at its best.

If this seems to be too much for you or not really feasible, the you can always establish certain clean up times for your kids, like just before lunch and just before dinner is served, and put on some classical music for them to listen to as they are picking up their toys. If you keep consistent with the time and always put on a certain piece or type of music, the music will end up becoming their signal that it is time to clean up and it will (hopefully) become less of a fight to get the to clean up as this becomes more and more routine.

Hope this helps.

Hello~ Parents are the best teachers, children learn from parents. Explain your expectations and work with them, be consistant. It takes time, but eventually they'll learn. When you take a toy out put it back before you get another one. Do clean up time together. Have a home for everything, mark bins and/or show them how things belong. As far as going out, again talk to them and tell them the consequences of not listening. Point out that it's a safely issue and they could get hurt. Since you have four, start by taking one out at a time and then two. That way you can teach them in a smaller quantity and they could learn. Also, praise them for doing well. Whether it's cleaning up and/or listening. They're sponges, they'll learn what you teach them. I'm sure you'll get responses on here to leave your messy house be,it's the kids that count, they're only little once, etc. This is true, but there is no reason you can't be organized and teach them when they're young. Remember, consequences and consistantancy go a long way. Good luck!