Getting Ready to Fight for Full Custody

Updated on October 31, 2006
S.H. asks from Columbus, OH
4 answers

My X husband and I split 4 and a half years ago. its been a long 4 years, a lot has happened, I went back to school and got licensed as a cosmetologist, got remarried, and bought a condo in dublin, doing pretty well.
My X husband however, moved in with a woman, and had two more kids with her. at the beging of this past summershe threw him out, she completely lost it. Saying that he was abusive towards her and the kids and filed for a restraining order, it was awful to watch him try to pick up the pieces after that, almost like dejavu. Only Im not a heartless bastard, so when he called in the middle of the night crying, sayig he didn't know what to do, that he needed someone to take the girls, because he couldn't handle it. I was right there to get them. I drove them all the way to and from grandview for the last three weeks of school, mind you, thats half an hour one way at that time of day. So I ended up on the road for about 2 hours a day monday through friday. X husband kept promising to give me money for the gas, and he did like twice, then after school got out, the girls were still with me, and I was having the time of my life. We went to the pool like everyday, we played outside with friends, we went camping, and hiking, we had a great time.
When the time came for the girls to be getting ready to go back to school, I did a little research on the schools in my area, found that they are good schools. I called the X and told him that I thought it was time to get the enrolment started and asked him what was going to happen with that. He said he didn't know, that he had bigger issues right then. So I told him that I could get it all put together, get them to thier back to school chek ups and get them enrolled and everything. He said fine, and so I set to work. I set up appointments with thier doctor, and with the school to get the enrollment going, and when I showed up at the appointment to enroll them, I found out that I needed a court document stating that I was the school placement parent. UGH So I called my old divorce lawyer and she said if we both agreed on all of this that it would be no big deal, but I needed a six hundred dollar retainer. Ouch, my brand new husband and I are really just getting by, can't really afford that, so I called my mom. She paid for it, and we got the papers all written up and ready to go. So I gave a copy to the X....
He said ummm No I don't really agree with any of this. I said well if the girls are going to go to school in my district from now on, I have to have this done legally, or I can't enroll her. Then he says, "no one ever said a thing about from now one, I said for this year!" and Im like well Im not going to have them switched back and forth from year to year, and never know who they are going to go to school with, the next year. How are they supposed to make any friends or develope any kind of relationships, like ever??? he said they have family for that, they don't need all of those friends. UMMM do you think he knows anything about girls?? NO nothing at all.
So anyway he ended up with them in his school district this year, which now is Bexley, since he lives with his parents, again, and my girls are both doing well, they are great kids. but my concern is what he's going to do next year.the way I understand it, he is trying to work things out with that crazy lady that threw them out in the middle of the night. I still wish I knew what he did. But in any case the girls don't need to live with her next year, And even more so this year, they are basically being taken care of by thier grandma, on his side. She is a wonderful grandma, but I am thier mother. and they should be with me.

So my question is, what can I do to make him give me my kids back? and is there anyone else out there who has gone through anything like this, I would really like to talk to some one who is divorced, Im the only one in my family, and All of my friends are newly weds like me, but its thier first marriage :( so I have no one to get advice from on how to deal with my X.

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K.C.

answers from Columbus on

I'm just wondering why you dont have custody of your kids in the first place??? If your their mother you should have been more persistent about the school thing. I have 2 girls about the same age as yours and as much as I love my mother-in-law I couldnt imagine letting her raise them if I was perfectly capable. It sounds like your ex-husband has enough of his own issues, you should try to get your girls back if you feel you can give them a stable life. I definitely agree with you saying they need their friends and shouldnt switch schools back and forth. My only advice to you would be to talk to a lawyer.

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A.

answers from Columbus on

I know exactly where you're coming from and i think what you're going though. I'm divorced and have a 2 1/2 yr old beautiful little boy. the X and I have shared parenting (i have him a month, his father has him a month) and this arrangment obviously can't continue once he reaches school age. I have him in a preschool the alternating months he's here and he does great, but my X lives with his parents and sister (in NJ) so my son just stays with grandma and has no real educational experience, or friends HIS age (just a few older cousins) while with his father. I recently have been thinking about how I go abotu petitioning for either sole custody or at least primary residential custody so i can keep him in his preschool more regularly, and enroll him in "real" school as early as possible.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you (besides talking to your attorney), but i just wanted to let you know, you're not alone in this type of situation. let me know how it all turns out! good luck!
Nicole

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S.H.

answers from Columbus on

Hi there S., my name is S. and I am in kinda the same boat right now. It is a long story how my x got custody of my children in the first place, but I have taken him back to court to fight for custody. It can be rough sometimes I know, so if you want to talk and give each other some advise, feel free to contact me. It would be nice to talk to someone who knows from experience. My phone cell # is ###-###-####.
Thanks,
S.

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M.C.

answers from Columbus on

Dear S., our two lives sound similiar. I have also been divorced for 5 years and put myself through nursing school. When my boys got to the ages of 12 and 14, they wanted to try shared parenting. I had full custody till then b/c their dad couldn't take care of them. But, he now has a wife and has refused to allow the kids back home with me fulltime. It's been an ordeal. I would suggest you file for custody and prepare for a fight. I have been going through it and have had two home studies completed by an incompetent social worker, who suggested, against the boys wishes who are now 13 and 15, that they continue shared parenting. I have been slandered and lied about. I have proven the lies, but, to no avail, the boys rights are not being taken seriously. So, I am now requesting a trial where others have to get involved and the judge will make the decision. The best advice I can tell you is this: Your life will be under the most scrutiny, be a saint!, or, you will not win. I haven't been so lucky. I am a good person, but a single person and have lots of girlfriends and I do date, but, that even is looked down. So, appear to be nothing more than a doting, love sick mom and you might win. It's unfair to say the least. Us as parents, and single parents, have the right to a life and I believe we can be great mothers and individuals. But, the court is looking for someone to blame in these type of situations, so, just be careful about what you do or say. You are slammed if you work to much to provide for not being home enough and then you are slammed for being broke. Make sure you get very involved with your children at school now, especially for academics. I have been the only parent involved in this aspect on my kids lives, but, I still haven't gotten any credit for it due to my "supposedly lifestyle". I am also involved in church as well as my children. And, I go to their sporting events and they are straight A children on top of it. We have 5 pets, a nice home, car. I pack their school lunces everyday I have them, ect, they are clean cut kids. So, no matter how good you are, you must be perfect during this time. So, get busy being nothing but a mom for awhile, get off of myspace (it was used against me), or make it private, and then get an attorney to start the process. Your X isn't willing to sign, so stop trying to change his mind. He probablly doesn't want to pay support? If that's the case, think about having the girls without support if he will sign. You can ask for shared cost for other expenses like medical, school stuff, you get to claim on taxes, ect. Anyway, my boys are unhappy at their dad's house very much so and it's so sad for me. Anyway, I hope what I have and are going through will help you in the future. Good luck and Congrats on getting through school. Isn't cosmetology much fun?..i bet it is. Nursing is okay, pretty strict profession. I think beauty work would be fun. M

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