Getting Preschooler to Clean Up

When I was watching my little brother, the best way I could get him to clean up was to make it a game. The more we fought with him, the more stubborn he became. But when we started playing 'basketball' with is toys, or seeing who can carry the most to the toy bucket at once, he would get into the spirit and help.

My daughter and niece love being "secret agents." I'll give them each a "mission" to complete until the room is cleaned up. When being creative and positive doesn't work, I've been known to resort to- if it doesn't get cleaned up, I'll throw it away. I've never had to follow through but I make sure it's something I'm prepared to part with in case I have to. Also, I make sure I do it with with them. Sometimes we'll sing a clean-up song while we do it. I really believe that if I'm doing it with them, then I'm modeling the behavior I want them to do and also it's not so overwhelming for them. Other times, it will simply be- we will not play with something new until this gets cleaned up. Good luck!

Yes, make it a game! Sing the clean up song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJhXVg2QisM)

and let her have fun with it. Kids that age can't stay focused on a task for too long, so I'll direct my daughter "let's pick up the crayons first", "Next let's get all the books!", etc.

First of all, never "ask."
You're the parent, so you TELL your preschooler what you expect from her. (Say please and thank you, but don't make it a question.)

Be specific. Telling a kid to "clean up" is vague. Telling a child to "put all the dolls in the doll crib" is specific.

Organize her play area. Use bins, baskets, boxes, etc. (I get mine from Goodwill or I scavenge.) LABEL each with a simple word or picture. Then supervise during clean up time by saying, "Now put all the blocks in the block box." "Now put all the clothes in the hamper." Praise her, but not too much. Putting away one's toys should be expected behavior from any member of the family.

CRUCIAL: Tell her ONCE. If she ignores you, pick her up, set her in the play room, place a doll in her hand, and TELL her to put the dolls in her crib. Be firm and matter of fact. Don't get mad. But when she does the right thing, laugh and play together!

If you go into a kindergarten classroom, teachers don't ask. They DIRECT and reward good behavior.

I'm just going to throw this out there as a reading suggestion. Try reading "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn.

It really gave me a new perspective on just how much I control and even cajole my kids from day to day. And too much control from us can invoke kids to be even more defiant (as a way of gaining their own sense of control and autonomy). First, work with reasoning and love through games and support and modeling and only use punishment as a very, very last resort.

Try not to make every clean up situation as a battle of wills or think to yourself, "I win! She cleaned up as I told her too." This only leaves a child to feel defeated and overwhelmed by the parent's authority. Do we want our kids to clean up (or brush teeth, get ready on time, etc) just because we told them to or out of fear of punishment OR are there ways to encourage self-disclipline through reasoning, role modeling, and support? The book I suggested takes on these issues.

Good luck!

she is only four and apparently has never cleaned up after herself, so don't expect too much. she will need help (and, i hope, you can expect her to help YOU when things need done, as well - that's called being a family unit - we help EACH OTHER, it goes both ways), especially at first. that's the first thing. don't just send her to her room and tell her to clean it - you won't get ANYwhere. S., the rule at our house is before you get something else out you have to pick the first thing up. they did this at daycare and do it at preschool now, and it's the best rule ever! last, i don't know if she's in any kind of preschool, but it has done wonders for my son's sense of, social obligation, i guess you'd call it. ALL the kids are expected to help clean up, and it has become a normal part of his everyday life. he doesn't even question it anymore. it's awesome! good luck!

Emphasize "Teamwork."
That works for my kids.

Sometimes, with a very young child, having to put away a whole room or a lot of stuff in a room, can be overwhelming to them. Thus they may not even try. Or sometimes they think they cannot do it 'perfect' enough, so they don't try.

Or, without even saying anything, IF your daughter gives 'attitude' about it... then maybe just get a basket/laundry basket.... then, you yourself, go and pick it up, put it away in a closet or up high where she cannot get it.
When she asks you "why are you putting my toys there?" Tell her, "You didn't help when Mommy asked you, so, I put it away..."

Or get her a laundry sized basket, and tell her she can put her toys there. Too.

The book "Have A New Kid By Friday" is real good. By the author Leman. Handy tips, useful, not derogatory. Easy read.

When we were having trouble with this, we instituted the "Follow Directions Game." Say you have a family room with toys all over the floor and books all over the coffee table. You say "We're going to play a follow directions game! Please pick up the doll off the floor. Now...jump up and down 3 times! Put the doll on your head! Now put it in the toy drawer!" The key is to keep it light and silly. After your daughter picks up, say, three things, let her tell YOU what to do for a turn. The Follow Directions Game really worked in our house. If you make it fun for them (with a lot of silly instructions like "Spin around!" "Meow like a kitty!") she won't even notice she's cleaning up.

Their rooms are a mess. Toys are all over the living room. You’ve just worked a full-time day to come home to THIS? How can you incent your kids to clean up after themselves?

1. Lead by example. If you expect your kids to keep their spaces clean, you must keep your spaces clean.

2. Have a one-toy-out-at-a-time rule. If Sarah has been playing with her teddy bear, and she decides that she wants to switch to her dolly, have her put the bear away before getting her dolly.

3. Communicate your expectations to your kids. Make sure your kids know that you expect them to clean up after themselves, specifically what clean-up duties are expected of them, and how to perform those duties. Duties may include putting away toys, cleaning up liquid spills, vacuuming up granular spills, or wiping surfaces that bear sticky finger prints. (Younger kids should have fewer and simpler duties; older kids may assume responsibility for a greater quantity and complexity of duties.) Emphasize the benefits of keeping things clean. You may even use humor to emphasize your point.

4. Make games out of cleaning. Games include scavenger hunts, timed cleaning contests (i.e., who can clean their room the best in five minutes), math games (i.e, would you put away two plus two toys?), and color and size games (i.e., would you put away all your red toys? would you put away all your toys that are bigger than your bunny?)

5. Set the cleaning to music. Use moderately lively music as a theme song for cleaning activities. When that song plays, the kids will know it’s time to clean. The pace of the music should be fast enough to encourage active cleaning without being so fast as to have the kids being carelessly fast in cleaning.

6. Involve the kids in cleaning-related craft activities. For example, you can buy some storage bins and have your kids decorate them to indicate what items are stored in which bins. Susie may put her name on her bins and then label the bin with hand-drawn pictures of the contents of the bin (i.e., this bin is for stuffed animals . . . or this bin is for electronic toys).

7. Help your kids clean, at least initially. Working alongside your kids, laughing and making the experience fun, can be very motivating. Your babysitter can also initiate this fun experience.

8. Praise your kids for meeting (or coming near) your expectations. Reward good behavior (i.e., cleaning) with rewards such as treats and fun activities. For example, a dish of ice cream or a trip to the park may be a reward for a room successfully cleaned in the time allowed.

Don't know if this will work, but last night my husband got my daughter (she will be 3 next month) to put away books by making it a "I am going to beat you, I don't think you know where this goes?" game.

I have been working the clean-up thing with my daughter. It's been about 3 weeks now, and last night, she willingly helped me clean-up the play room when her dad told her to help me. I didn't say a word to her, she just shoed up on his encouragement. Three weeks ago she would have just laughed.

Why the change? Well, I realized she needed ME to help her. So I just say "let's clean up." I then start cleaning up. She always just joins in. They need the company and help.

I also find saying "can you do this" to be way more effective then "do this." Something about making it a challenge just inspires my daughter to move into action.

Yep, make it a game whenever you can and give her a big basket to put things into, as others said. I would add: Do you say, "Clean up your room" or "Pick up your toys"? Those are overwhelming for a kid this age. They don't know where to start on such a broad request so they don't start at all. Give her very specific and limited directions: "Please pick up Fluffy and Buffy and put them in the basket." Then praise her when she does that, then: "Now put the red book and the blue book on this shelf here," showing her which shelf. You will need to stay in her room with her and help with this process by giving these small bites of direction and praising her as she does things --- sure, we should all clean our rooms because it's the right thing to do, but for a small child, hearing the praise as she does each small, specific step will make it less of a chore. And it can be a game: How many toys can you get into the basket before this timer goes off? How many books can you give to mom before mom finishes singing this song? Etc. But the key is, keeping it specific and small.

I would scaffold this for her for a while. "Scaffold" is teacher talk for supporting a child in a task, and helping them through step by step until they are ready to do it on their own.

First thing, you should organize her room, maybe without her help. You need to be sure that every single thing in her room has a place. Every Single Thing. You might need to go to Target to get some bins or plastic drawers. For example, my son's room has a little set of plastic drawers on his dresser -- one drawer is for lego guys, one is for Tech Decks, and one is for those cheap rubber bracelets that he collects. Get a label maker and label shelves and drawers so it's clear where each thing goes.

Then, clean up her room with her, daily. She should know that the default setting for her room is "clean." My husband is a neat freak, and so my boys' rooms have always been cleaned up, every day. The boys have no expectation that a messy room is normal; to them, a clean room is normal. Because of that, it's easy to get them to clean up their rooms. We used to do it for our boys, then we started doing it with them, and now they do it on their own.