Getting Almost 2 Year Old to Go to Sleep on His Own

I second Becky's comments on the Sleep Lady. You can check out some of her methods at www.sleeplady.com, but the book has the whole shebang.

I also rocked/nursed my son to sleep for his first year plus. I researched the cry-it-out methods (not that it *felt* right to me, but I researched anyway) and there was a study out of a university in Boston that said there may be a connection between that and anxiety later in life. I wanted a gentler method and the Sleep Lady's technique worked great for us.

There were still tears as our son made the transition, but I was able to be right there comforting him.

Good luck!

Maybe hearing what we do will give you some ideas.
Our 2 year old screams when it's prayer time. He sometimes kicks and fights all the way up the stairs, yelling, "no nap time anymore!" (this is at naptime and bedtime)
But usually, I get him thinking about other things by sitting in the rocking chair and talking to him about our day. I ask him questions and he likes to nod or answer them. Things like, "Did you have a good day today? Where did we go? What was your favorite thing about today?"
He calms down, relaxes, and sometimes starts to rub his eyes. Then I kiss his forehead and ask him for a hug. He puts up a fuss when I put him in his crib, and then he pleads, "Mommy, wait! Come back!" but I just close the door most of the way and stick my hand in with the sign language for "I love you." Sometimes he'll cry for a minute, but usually that's the last I hear from him.
If I didn't give him time to relax and talk about his day, it would be a scream-fest, and I doubt he'd fall asleep. He was never good at crying it out. He just gets more worked up. Although if he does end up crying for a while, I find that all I have to do is go pick him up, wipe his nose and tears, give him a hug and cuddle until he calms down, then put him down again. It seems that he just needs to know that he hasn't been abandoned, and that I will still take care of him (the wiping of the nose and tears makes him calm down the most, because I'm taking care of him.)
We used to have a much longer bedtime routine, but I just couldn't handle it anymore. The kids tried to drag it out, asking for more stories and more songs, etc. I whittled it down and set the limit at one song each, a minute or two of talking, a hug and kiss, and then I'm gone. I don't respond to their pleading that I stay. And if they won't let go after the hug, I tickle them off.
It works for us!
Good luck!

when i wanted my boys to be less dependent on me for sleeping, i started reading them stories in the living room before bed. then when they fussed about being in bed, i reminded them that they had lots of mommy time already, i wasn't leaving the house, and they were ok. i moved the story time into the living room because i wanted them to learn that they could fall asleep without me in the room. if after mommy time in the living room they need someone to hug, they have stuffed animals and blankies in bed. if they need songs, they have musical toys and/or a cd/tape player i'll turn on for them. i did make these changes gradually, not all at once, so that little by little they could learn that they don't need me there to sleep and can actually enjoy the experience of alone time before falling asleep. books on tape/cd also help them learn to enjoy being in bed. but i put a limit on those because my oldest loves stories so much he'll stay awake way too long just to hear more of them. so i play one or two for them and then only play music.

Hi L.,

I highly recommend the principles in the book: Good Night, Sleep Tight by the Sleep Lady (Kim West). This book and her concepts are much less harsh than the "cry it out method"...which I did not feel comfortable doing.

The chapters first few chapters are a quick read and she teaches you how to retrain your little one to get to sleep on his own. We've been using this method for about 3 weeks with our 15 month old son and he is sleeping through the night and getting himself to sleep. Now, mind you, it's not without a little fussing...but, that is to be expected when the routine is changed up.

I also rocked and nursed our son to sleep for the first year.

Hope this helps!!
B.

I posted a similar problem a few weeks ago concerning my son's sleeping problems, and I decided to go with the cry it out method (which didn't fly well with some of the other moms) but it worked great. The first night Kyler cried for an hour and a half! The next night, it was 20 minutes, the next it was 10. After that, and now still, he whines for about a minute (no screaming involved) and goes right to sleep. It seems hard, and feels like you are being cruel at first, but it really works, and I would suggest sticking to it, and things will bet better!

Good luck!

Believe it or not my 2 year old goes to bed no problem. Its my 4 year old. But we have let her stay up later and either fall asleep on the couch or in our bed and then we move her to her bed after she has fallen asleep. The problem is we are having number 3 and want a better bed time schedule. My husband and I are watchers of Super Nanny and mostly its common sense. Set a routine and stick with it. We have had to constantly get up without saying anything and just put her back in her bed. Last night it took 5 times but eventually it worked. I know from watching it gets better over time. We create the "problem" and they know with a few tears we ususally give in. Consistancy is the answer with everything. Good luck.

It is important to take the transition slowly. He is used to being rocked to sleep so when that stops abruptly it is confusing and difficult for him to get to sleep. I also rocked one of my daughters to sleep until about that age because she was such a fearful child. Once the fear toned down I started a transition. At first I would rock her to sleep while singing to her so she connected the two. Then I would rock her and sing to her until she was almost asleep. Then I would put her in her crib and hold her hand while I sang to her until she fell asleep. Gradually I would rock her less, but I still always sang to her until she was asleep. Eventually I could put her to right to bed and sing her to sleep. After a while she didn't need the singing anymore. It sounds like a really long time, but I think it was only a few weeks. You may want to try stories instead of singing if your son doesn't like singing, but I have found stories keep my kids awake instead of lulling them to sleep.

You are great to have a routine. Stick to a calm routine and that will signal that bedtime is coming. Everyone is different on this, but letting him cry is not mean in my opinion. It is training him and helping him to get to sleep on his own (that is a gift!). My advice would be to let him cry for 5 minutes, after that go in, pat him on the back and whisper "good night" in a loving manner, return only every 5 min. Every couple of nights increase that time until he is no longer crying for you. It CAN work with consistency and patience. I am a mom of 4 and have successfully used this off and on. Best of luck!

He has learned if he pitches enough of a fit, he gets what he wants. Now you have to untrain him on that and let him cry. Just walk out of the room after kisses, hugs and stories and tell him it is time to sleep. Do not rock him to sleep, do not have a conversation with him about it. If he gets up walk him back to bed, softly reminding him it is time to sleep. It will stop eventually, he will test you to your core, so stand firm, be very consistent and hang in there. It will lessen each night and some kids it stops very quickly,
Let him cry, it will stop. Make sure your husband is on the very same page so there is not inconsistency. It also always helped (and still does some days) is to tell my son how important sleep is, his brain gets smarter and it will help him grow big and strong.
Good luck.