Getting 3 Yr Old into Bed

I am a firm believer in the No Cry Sleep Solution. You can download it as an e-book from the library. It helped us a lot.

good luck!

stop.
do it no more.
decide absolutely what your bedtime routine is.
stick to it.
decide absolutely what the consequence of not sticking to the routine is.
apply it.
make it something short, immediately applicable, and of sufficient weight to make an impact.
do not deviate from this sequence.
now that you are trained to beg, it will take a while to retrain yourself. don't expect miracles.
good luck.
khairete
S.

try creating a checklist...need to have a night time routine and a checklist can help with that. google checklist and you will find one.

Stinks, doesn't it? We have trouble getting our 3 year old to focus on the tasks to get ready for bed, but her sister (5) does it like clockwork and is very good about it. That makes the issues with the 3 year old seem even more frustrating and stand out more. We try to keep in mind that there is a huge maturity difference, and they just have very different personalities.

We send them upstairs to get dressed in pjs on their own. Then we ask them to brush their teeth... usually she likes to read books instead of getting this done. Then if it is before about 7:30, we let them come back down stairs as a treat and play for a few more minutes in their pjs... usually in some sort of family tickle or physical activity. If it is after 7:30, we tell them it's time for stories. Then if we're having trouble, we start the warnings that everyone better be ready or they will miss their story. Our children LOVE their stories. They each get to pick one out and we read them together. If they are bad, they loose their story but get to hear their sister's story. If they are really bad, they loose both stories and go straight to bed (after extended crying). Sometimes, we add an extra short story if they are super good about getting ready.

So, you need to determine what simple activity would be an incentive for your child. If he isn't into stories as much, maybe he has a special toy he likes to play with and you can play with it together. Maybe there is a special silly game you can play like who can make the silliest faces or make up the silliest songs. Maybe he loves Thomas and you can plan to read an extra Thomas book to his toy Thomas and put it to bed first. Plan that what ever you pick may or may not be a big enough incentive every day... so have a back up idea.

For bath time, we have the "hair dryer game" as incentive to get dressed fast. If they are slow, we get less time. If they are too slow or bad, we skip it. All we do for the game is, I sit with the hair dryer on and they run up to me. I blow it at them in the face and they run away. Sounds ridiculous when you type it, but they love it... it's like playing tag and barely missing being tagged. Sometimes I blow it under their night gowns or shirts if it's cold. The older child likes to play Uno too. They both love to read a "projector book" which I don't like to do because it seems to take a lot longer for them to mess around with the mini projector... but that makes it a great incentive, because it doesn't happen often.

Good luck. I hope you are able to come up with some great incentives and that he responds to the idea. Mix it up a little so he finds it interesting. Also, as you're going up stairs to get to bed, say silly things like "Fee Fi Fo Fum, Look out because here I come". Or, say who's the rotten egg... is it going to be me or .... uh, oh.... pee-eewe... I think it's Johnny! Better hurry up or you'll be the stinky rotten egg! (My kids usually giggle themselves uncontrollable as they scamper up the stairs yelling ...yuck, mommy is a smelly rotten egg. We have the "rotten egg", "pokey little puppy", "tortoise" and who ever gets up first is the "hare". We had to add a few because my younger one doesn't like to be the egg and will cry if her sister says she is. So I am always the egg :)

Also, we give the girls 3 jelly beans if they are good about going to bed... after the story time ends. It gives them 3 chances to work out the kinks and stop calling us after they go to bed. If they are really bad, they have to give Daddy the jelly beans they should have gotten and watch him eat them... or give them to the sibling. That always hurts a lot. They get the beans before breakfast so it's a special treat to eat sugar before a meal.

Good luck and I hope this helps. Be consistent with taking away the extra activity if he isn't reasonably good but give him a chance to succeed. Kids really want to be good, they are just testing the waters and have trouble doing things that lead them to an unpleasant outcome.

Be strong and hang in there. He'll grow up fast!

Liz (sorry for the long message)

Do not plead, beg, threaten or yell, that puts him in control. I'd tell him "it's bed time" and go on with your routine. If you read a story in bed, sit down on the bed and read the story, whether he's there or not. Tell him if he's not in bed then you can't tuck him in, and then leave the room. If he's out of bed, so be it, he may crash in the floor or whatever for a night or two, but he'll soon decide he'd rather have mom tuck him in.

M. - I am having a similar issue to you right now. Ever since we transitioned to the big boy bed, my 3 year old has struggled to self-soothe to sleep and jumps upan d down out of bed all night long. Our bedtime routine remains unchanged (he was a dream pre-transition). He is tired when we read the story and then gets energized after the lights go out. I lie in his bed with him until he sleeps (so preventing him from getting out of bed) but last night it took 1.5 hours after the lights went out!
Thank you for posting your request and to the women who responded with calm consistent advice. I'm on my own as my husband travels so find I have given in to exhaustion and that has caused the sleep disturbances and going to bed issue to spiral out of control. My goal is to be back where we were before the transition. I think I might set-up the pack and play in his room tonight as a threat for getting out of bed too much.

Try putting him to bed half an hour before.

Experiment with the bedtime routine. If it's only 5-10 minutes, maybe lengthen it. If it's an hour, definitely shorten it!

Be firm, if you only decide on one book, then stick to it.

Routine charts at this age are WONDERFUL. For some reason they love putting a check by each individual task. We do brush teeth/wash face, get jammies on, pick up toys in room, read story, then in bed. The reward should (IMO) be some special time spent, like a trip to the train museum or some sort of thing that isn't too expensive or elaborate but maybe something you don't typically do.

I don't agree with pandering... begging. I also don't agree with yelling or spanking. There are so many other methods out there that work, it's just not necessary.

Good luck!

Hi M.,

Why not make it into a game of some sort, whatever game he likes the most. Just a thought. Also, the book, 'Playful Parenting' is really helpful and the website www.askdrsears.com.

In the meantime don't forget to B R E A T H E, its going to be OK and you will come up with a great solution :)

Take care, S.

My 3 year old daughter hates bedtime as well. We let her stay up till atleast 8:30, sometimes 9:00 but she has to be on the couch with a book or something else not too stimulating. In the evening after dinner we take her outside to our enclosed trampoline and let her have it all to herself for about 15 minutes. She has so much fun and it wears her out. She can't have juice after dinner. Only milk unless she has brushed her teeth then its water. Try setting a timer for the last five minutes before you actually put him in bed. Another suggestion would be to have him help you clean up and put all his toys away so he knows they will no longer be an option till the next morning. Once I get Savannah into her bed after going potty and having her last sip of water. I sit on her bed for a minute after giving hugs and kisses and she is not allowed to talk. It just a few more minutes of reassuring her that I'm not going any where. That seems to be the biggest thing with her. She thinks once I put her to bed I won't be close to her so I sit in the living room or kitchen making lunches for the next day till she falls asleep before going to the den where I like to relax before going to bed.

You could try a chore chart of some sort with clear rewards after so many stickers or stars are earned. We just got our 3 yr old one and he has responded very well to his new responsibilities. I sat down with him and told him he needed to do more things for himself and he helped me come up with what he was willing to do. He likes having chores and being able to do things that are just for him. Definitely helps him get it together.

Tell him he doesn't have to go to sleep- he just has to lay down. We put in a small bedside lamp and a stack of books. We told my son he didn't have to go to sleep, BUT it was bedtime for big boys, and he could read some books and turn off the light when he was done.
So at night the little lamp is the only light on in there and he has control over the stack of books. He rotates them off of the family bookshleves during the day and knows he is not allowed out of bed unless to pee. At first it took some time to get used to, but I made a point of talking and making a big deal (like it was something that ONLY big boys are allowed to do)about it in the day, picked out a good pile of books and put them in a special box by the bed. I did have to threaten loss of privledges a couple of time (swim time in the pool is his currency!)but, now he negotiates how many books he is allowed to read before lights out-he's five now. It will get easier- my son was just afraid he was going to miss something fun! Good luck!

Hi M.,

I am so sorry that your having such a rough time getting your little guy into bed. Does he take a nap during the day? If so, what time? This could be one reason why he is so energized at bed time. Secondly, I would remove any sugar from his diet, no sweets after 3 pm to help wind down for the evening. If he does take a nap, have it anytime before 4 pm otherwise he may remain this way. Just try to tire him out before your the one that is exhausted. Lastly, I don't recommend having any toys in his room that is easily accessible. Meaning if you have a toy chest, great! place all of them in there to keep him from having easy access to them. Hope this helps and best of luck!

J. Z.
Independent Shaklee Distributor
www.shaklee.net/Z.

Hi M. -

I agree with Kim -- don't beg, yell or threaten. It does put him in control. Instead, have you thought about setting up the expectations early and then following through faithfully with immediate consequences if he does not obey the bedtime rules? This is what I mean (and to tell you where I'm coming from -- I have 3 children: 6 and 4 (boys) and 18 months (girl)): post a schedule in your home (ours is on our refrigerator) with pictures and words telling him when things will happen. It doesn't have to be elaborate (breakfast, preschool, snack time, dinner, playtime, get ready for bed, bedtime). Explain what the pictures mean (we have a teddy bear to represent bedtime) and that he will know what is going to happen next during his day by looking at the schedule. Then walk him through the same routine every night. Tell him that sleep is very important, that his body grows while he sleeps and that sleep gives him energy to play the next day. Adhere to the routine every night. If he doesn't follow the rules about cooperating in the bedtime process, have an unpleasant consequence (we take away video game time as one possible consequence, or read only one book before bed instead of two, or no book at all) and then continue with the bedtime process. If he gets out of bed, put him back in (don't yell or threaten him) and leave (even if you have to do it over and over the first few nights). This will take some time and the first little while may be worse as he tests his boundaries. But, when he learns that you mean what you say he should begin to follow the rules. We also have positive consequences for following the rules -- more playtime with you or Daddy, a trip to the children's museum . . whatever works for your child. Bedtime can be such a difficult thing for children -- and consequently a battleground. But, I believe that they will respond to boundaries and consistent consequences. So far that has been the most effective way with our two boys (and trust me when I tell you that I have tried lots of things to avoid having to draw a line in the sand and enforce that no matter what.) Good luck. I hope some of this helps.

A. T.

Hi M.! We used to have the same problem with our 3 yr old. Now we play 'hide and seek'. Our son will go into his room with one of us and we'll help hide under his blanket from the other. It's made bed time fun for him so he doesn't mind. There are a few times every now and then that hell get out of bed and play with his toys. There really is no way to avoid that unless you lock his toys up. We usually let him play with his toys for about 15 minutes and one of us will go in and calmy tell him that it's time to go night night and he climbs right into bed and that's that. Anyway, I suggest playing hide and seek under the blanket and see how that works. Good luck!