Gamm

It's not forever. I would probably feel like I should honor my commitment and just minimize contact with the member causing drama.

If your kid signed up to play a team sport, played an essential role on that team, and decide mid-season it wasn't for him (no specific reason, he just didn't want to do it anymore) would you let him quit? Or would you tell him that he needs to honor his commitment to his teammates?

Now, if there was a specific reason he wanted to quit (like he was bullied, or he got hurt), that would be different. And even then, you might encourage him to talk to the coach to see if there was a better way to handle it than just quitting, right?

After reading your SWH - I stand by my answer. You will let down an entire board of 10-12 women because you have a personal conflict with 1 other member.

I do understand where you are coming from, she's being petty and that's annoying. But not reason enough to let down the entire board. Be the bigger person, and go on as if nothing is wrong.

On a tangent - I also work with several volunteer groups, and you have to realize that not everyone is as 'connected' as those of us who are on an online board are. If you are sending requests by email, and then getting frustrated when not everyone responds, I think you are a little too reliant on it. For some people, you have to pick up the phone. So, I don't think you need to quit, I think you just need to be a little more flexible in your communication style. If you had called after the 2 emails in the first place, instead of tryign to replace her, none of this would have happened. Please don't take this as a harsh criticism, it's just something to keep in mind in the future when working with groups like this.

as a parent that helps out when I can, I really respect those of you that dedicate your time to an elected position, Please know that your work there is valuable and that people do appreciate it, even if it isn't the people you want to appreciate it.

With out knowing the circumstances and how suited you are to it i'm inclined to ask you to try to stick it out.
I"ll be watching to see if you add more details, and THANKS for the One year of service at least!

So, my PTO has not met all summer long. Due to family emergency issues with our President we did not have elections at the end of the school year - and have to postpone them until the beginning. Oh well, is my take on it all really. I understand that being an officer you need to have things like this done, but it does beg the question of why it was not done before the end of the school year. The only reason that would make any sense to me is that you had a late fundraiser. In my PTO confirming funds is probably #1.

What I do with PTO is I pick something to chair and THAT'S IT! I am the Chairperson for the Scholastic Book Fairs, we do 3 in one year. I attend the meetings, add my 2cents and attend the events. If I can assist with something I do but I do not otherwise overextend myself due to other activities I am in.

As a member of PTO when someone resigns they typically give notice, allow time for a new election to be held, wrap up their end of the job and move on. I will say however as VP, resigning due to one member OHHH the gossip and drama you are opening up. My suggestion, if you do not like the drama is to meet with this other parent, try to hash it out/work it out and finish your term. Also, what advice would you give your kids if they were VP of student council?

I am sorry you had this experience. I will tell you in our PTA, we pretty much take the summer off, for many reasons.

Vacations, people are trying to care for their children all day, Parents are working and dealing with childcare issues.. and we worked our butts off all year long.

Out of the hundreds of parents, there are going to be some hard to work with people. I in no way would let that 1 or a few taint my feelings about any organization..
Heck I have worked in large companies.. so many crack pots, but I just worked through it. Usually everyone knows the unstable people.. As parents, it will continue all the way through high school.. But we just grin and smile and avoid them and remember not to put them in charge ever again..

So no. As long as you tried to organize a gathering.. if the report is late, so what? Just send a notice in the minutes or to the Headquarters that due to summer schedules the review of the budget will take place once school starts. IF anyone wants to push this issue, put them in charge of it, but do not quit.

I am on the PTA Board at my children's school. It is a mixed bag for sure. When you get a bunch of different personalities together, there is bound to be a little drama here and there. I say that you need to honor your commitment here. Your children are watching how you handle something like this.

You have to realize that sometimes people are going to be flaky as evidenced here. I can understand your frustration though...you hired childcare to make yourself available to do this task. It irritates the hell out of me when I sacrifice time with my children and someone flakes out on me.

If you resign, are you still going to attend events at the school? If so, you will probably still run into these same people. Do you want to be thought of as "the woman that got her panties in a wad and quit"? Doesn't matter that it didn't happen quite like this...perception will grow into this.

Maybe a different way to have handled this would have been to contact the President and ask her to find someone to help you. The other woman probably felt attacked since you emailed everyone and just automatically got defensive.

I would stick it out....

Hasn't anyone in your PTA heard of these wonderful gadgets called telephones? Whey rely on electronic mail when you should have spoken voice to voice to her first and tried to call her several times before resorting to email?

Sort of your fault here, sorry. You should have called her first before email. Then by emailing the whole group that she was not cooperating in her position you pissed her off and hurt her feelings. She's not going to forgive you for quite some time I bet.

You need to issue an apology to the whole group. Not make any excuses at all about you did send emails, you did this or you did that. You just need to say you messed up by not calling her directly and ask everyone to forgive the error.

I would be upset if this had happened to me, wouldn't you be mad if she had done this to you? It embarrassed her a lot. She had no idea there even was a meeting and here someone is calling her and reading her this email about how you need someone to come and do her job.

What "I" got out of your email is that you planned a meeting with 3 people. You visited with one of them but didn't get a reply from the other. Instead of calling that person and visiting with them you went over their head and basically announced they didn't respond and do their job.

How would you feel if it were you on the other side. You didn't ever contact her voice to voice. You didn't get a response through email, you just assumed she was not doing anything about a meeting, she didn't even know about the meeting.

I'd apologize and acknowledge that next time you coordinate any meetings you need to call every person you are inviting.

Hard to respond, not knowing the exact situation. I have done things via PTA but my activities were for specific, time-limited programs (co-chairing an arts program that only runs Sept.-Jan and has limited responsibilities and no budget responsibility; chairing another program where I mostly collected t-shirt money and picked up the order, etc.).

If you are a "general officer" such as the treasurer or president or secretary for the whole PTA -- as opposed to being a committee chairperson for a particular and limited event or program -- it might be difficult for the PTA to fill your position if you leave it halfway through. If you are doing a single program, the program could fail if you leave it halfway through. (For example, our arts program does not happen, period, if there is no parent volunteer to agree to be the chairperson; the kids simply would not have this particular program that year if the volunteer bails.)

Think it through: Will the job you now do HAVE to be filled even if you leave it? (President, treasurer, etc. work probably would still get done somehow.)

Would kids directly be affected negatively if you leave the job? (As they would in the example I gave above about our arts program.)

If the latter case, don't let down kids. If the former case, what do you dislike about it? Is it harder, more time commitment than you expected? Is your problem one of just not liking the job? Not feeling good at doing it? Do you feel "in over your head"? If that's the case, have you had any chance to get some training from your predecessor so you know better what you should be doing? Or were you just dropped into the job with no advice, no guidance, no training? Would getting those things help you want to stay?

If the issue is a problem in your family, such as finding you don't have adequate time to help your kids with homework or other things because of the PTA job -- that is one where I would bow out of PTA.

You say it "wasn't for you" but it's hard to tell what that really means. If it means personal conflict with other PTA officers or parents, that's tough, but you need a tough shell to be an officer in any group.

Sit down and think about all these questions. List the real reasons why you want to bow out and since no one but you sees the list -- be really honest. Could you stay if you had less contact with one person who really is a problem for you? Can that happen? Could you stay if you had some training? Can that happen? Work through it and decide but don't stay if you truly cannot stay. Better to leave openly and honestly before school gets going than to muddle along and fade away during the school year.

Just send another email out to everyone telling them that you resign. She's already bawled you out in front of everyone and people don't want to do their jobs, so just walk away. So what if they don't like it? They'll have to go to the work of replacing you, plus do the regular work. By the way, if you do it now, everyone will know why you resigned and that will be that.

I have chaired committees for the PTA but have never been an elected officer because I know thyself and know I do not have the 'passion' nor interest level to be an officer.

If I was in your position and felt there was somebody more 'passionate' about the PTA, I would resign and let them nominate someone else to fulfill your term. In my opinion, if it is not your cup of tea than you are doing yourself and the organization a disservice so don't feel guilty about it.

If you want to quit and are very unhappy you should quit. The last PTA I served on we had people who never showed up and it would have been better if they resigned. If you can't fully participate or have difficulty getting along it's better to remove yourself. It's better for the PTA too. And I have to agree with one the previous posters - pick up the phone next time. I can't tell you how many times I have had people blow off their email. Give them a call and you can get somewhere. Lastly, keep in mind that all the people involved are VOLUNTEERS. If it's not a pleasant experience why participate? Good-luck.

ETA after SWH:

Is "toxic" mommy also a board member or just a general member? If she's just a regular member, would you really be required to have all that much contact or interaction with her during the rest of the school year once this task is done?

If you really enjoy what you've been doing with PTA so far and you feel you can make a difference for the kids and the school, do you really want to leave because of this one person---especially if the bulk of your group consists of really good people? If you like what you do and it's fulfilling, don't let this person run you off.

You sound very responsible and just the kind of person a PTA board needs. It would seem such a loss for your board to lose a good member. It sounds like you are trying to do the right thing and get your annual audit of the books done. The books need to be *balanced* monthly, and the treasurer does that, but you are correct that at the end of the year, all of the financial records must be reviewed by people other than the treasurer and other check-signers.

Is it really just these two incidents that have you wanting to leave? Remember, there's often a difficult one in each bunch (whether at work or volunteer organizations) and you kind of just have to learn to work around these people and not let them get to you. If she acts like this all the time, others will also see her true colors and learn to work around her, too. If she's always creating havoc, your president needs to step up, be a leader, and intervene. The success of the group must come before individual pettiness.

However, if there is more to it and you're just done with it, then let your board know asap. Again, keep it brief, positive, and leave on a good note.

I wish you the best, but if you were on my board, I have the feeling I'd try to talk you into staying!!!

Good luck!
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Original:

I have not resigned from any PTA position, but I am an officer on our board. I just finished my second year as our PTA's treasurer, and this year, I'm a Vice-President.

I have to say that our board is a really cohesive, strong team. We also have wonderful, dedicated committee chairs and a really supportive parent population. The teachers and school administration are also completely supportive and very active in the organization. This combination allows our PTA to do a lot of good work during the school year. The parts all work together, and that makes all the difference in the world.

While I agree with the notion of honoring your commitments, in this case, I think it would be really hard to have a board member who wasn't "fully" there.
If you're not committed to giving your best and doing your part, you may end up dragging down the rest of the team. The other members will have to pick up the slack, and resentment may result. That's not a good thing for you or the organization.

If you're treasurer, it will probably hard to find a replacement. Most people don't want to do that job, and it is a lot of work if you have a really busy PTA.
Make sure all your books and paperwork are in good order before you resign and hand over your duties. In fact, PTA rules say your audit must be completed before a new treasurer takes office, so be sure to have all these things done so you don't leave them hanging completely.

Even if you're not treasurer, make sure all of your other business is in order, and if there is something you've been working on, ensure that the next person will have full access to all the contact persons and information necessary to complete the task(s). We keep binders for every board position and committee chair. They contain all pertinent forms, guidelines, documents, "how to....." etc. If you have something similar, make sure the information is all complete for the person stepping into your position.

I think a direct approach is best. Tell your fellow board members you plan to resign. After you tell them personally, submit a brief resignation letter. Keep it short, simple, positive, and give them an effective date for your resignation. Even if you have some bad feelings, keep those to yourself as you don't want to burn bridges or create drama. That would serve no purpose and almost certainly backfire.

You can simply say that due to personal or family reasons, you will not be able to fulfill your duties as _____________ (position) for the 2013-2014 school year and that you are resigning from your position effective _______whatever date you decide. Thank them for their support (no matter how you feel) and wish them well in their endeavors in the coming year.

The sooner you tell them, the sooner they can get to work on finding a replacement before the craziness of the school year starts.

And please, don't beat yourself up. When something in you or your life changes, and what you're doing is no longer a good fit, it's okay to make a change. The sun will still rise.

Best wishes to you.

J. F.