Future Mom Terrified of Labor and Delivery

I wish I had advice, but after watching "A Baby Story," and some other shows, I am just as freaked out as you are. I told my dr at my appointment this month and she said its normal, I asked if I could have a C-section and she said I could, but its not recommended if I don't have to.

If you want to vent, definitely message me. But I know how you feel, I just try to remember that this baby is a part of me and that after the fact we will have a part of us to hold on to.

D., I was afraid of labor too and told my doctor about my concerns and she recommended the book Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. I read it and my fears completely went away. It was painful, but looking back on it noe, I can't wait to do it again. Good luck to you and I know everything will be just fine.

I completely understand your fear of the unknown. When I was about due with my first child I got terrified. My biggest fear was that I am terrified of NEEDLES...and so I knew I would have a problem getting pain meds which scared me even more to think that I will be in so much more pain without pain meds---BUT I did it....and I have had both of my children without any pain meds, IV's, or anything! Now that said, I can guarantee that you can do it!! I know that each hospital is different--some will give you different kinds of pain meds when it is still too early for an epidural. You need to talk it through with your dr. The thing that will help the most is to try to not freak out when the contractions first start. Go with the flow and breathe--stay as calm as you can. When it first starts you WILL be able to bear it...do you best to concentrate on breathing. Keep everything around you peaceful. I know this all may sound ridiclous to you esp. because of how nervous you are but I promise you will be ok, and with how scared you are it may not even be as bad as you are anticipating. All of my friends/family had epidurals and they say it is so "easy" after that....I would not know but I was there when my sister-in-law had her first and after she got her epidural she was as happy as a clam.
I know how scary this all is, esp. when you watch all those shows on TLC and whatnot. I did the same thing and it freaked me out--I do not recommed watching those only because it is so different to watch labor than it is to be in labor.
One more thing is that there are many relaxation teqniques that my hospital offers and I am sure that yours will too....some you can do at home before you go to....
I have heard water births are amazing--although I have never done one--I hate water...but so many people swear by it....when you start to have contractions, go to the tub (no bubble bath or anything)...and take a nice warm bath, put on soothing music and concentrate on the contractions and breathing. What helped me the most was a balancing ball, the ones you use to exercise...I had on it and rocked back and forth and it took all the pressure off my hips, pelvis, and legs and eased the pain of labor. At the hospital I go to the say to do whatever makes you comfortable--they will let you sit or walk or shower or be in the jacouzzi (sp?)...they said I could deliver whereever however I wanted as long as they can catch the baby....you do not need to be on your back in a bed...do whatever you can to be as comfortable as you can (I do not know your hospitals protocall but these are things you can apply to your labor even before you go to the hospital)
GOOD LUCK!!! You will get through it, and it may not even be as bad as you think.

D.,

Really, it isn't so bad. :)

I've had 3, the first one with an epidural, and two without. After I did one natural (and was still in the delivery room) I told my husband that I wanted to do that again. I can honestly tell you, the pain is not so bad. You have to truly focus on the end result (your amazing baby) and go through one contraction at a time. The Business of Being Born is a great movie. I know you said you want the epidural, but you can never predict how your labor will go, so you should be prepared for not having one as well. Also, STOP WATCHING those programs! If they scare you, why are you doing that to yourself? My prenatal yoga instructor said to only read/watch/research things that assure you of your ability to do it, not the ones that freak you out. EVERYONE of us has come into the world this way, your body is designed to manage every step of the labor.

If you can, relax. Take a yoga class. Go for walks. Enjoy the last days of your pregnancy, you will miss it :) Being pregnant is amazing, and your baby will astonish you. You will be a great mom, and you body is stronger than you will know.

Best to you!
Jessica

SO you said you didn't need any more horror stories and most of these responses are just that... It seems people really want to tell their own birth stories, which are just stories because we all put our own spin on our experience after the fact. PLEASE Stop watching movies/videos of labor. They won't help you.

I would strongly suggest you talk with people including a Doula (you can find one on http://www.childbirthcollective.org/ ), a midwife, and a counselor if you've been seeing one for your depression/anxiety, and your OB/GYN. They have information that might help. Continuing to talk with moms will only lead to hearing more stories.

You CAN DO THIS. Millions have before and will after. Your body was meant to do this, our minds just need to be convinced so we can relax and let our bodies work the way they are built to.

Dear D.,
You are not alone!!!! I felt some of the fear you are experiencing too and I don't think I am that good at taking pain either.

When I finally started having contractions I had back labor so they were more severe and mostly in my back. BUT, I was able to take the pain (Which definitely didn't get VERY bad until close to the very end right before you get an epidural. The point is, though, that even though it hurts, it is MUCH easier to endure pain than to watch someone else, I think. You and your body will just know what to do to handle it. If you have a supportive husband and maybe even a doula (you could hire one), they can be there for you and massage your back during the contractions to relieve any pain as much as possible. Also, even very intense pain is bearable when it only lasts for 60 seconds or less! Remember, you always have at least 3 minutes of no pain between contractions for added relief. This is the one thing that surprised me the most because I kept thinking it was UNBEARABLE pain. But anything is bearable when it isn't constant and it always stops, right? Anyway, I had an epidural the first time and as soon as I got it, I slept for many hours and there was NO pain after that. It WAS exhausting, though. The second time (I have 2 kids), I waited as long as possible at home and went in the bathtub to ease contraction pain. I gave birth about 20 minutes after arriving at the hospital!!! There was no time for an epidural or anything. Since it was back labor again, it WAS pretty bad and the only thing I wish I had was somebody massaging my back- nobody did that because they were too busy trying to find a doctor and get me ready to deliver. I kept screaming "help me!" but they said 'I'm sorry, you're having the baby now." So, if you plan to have someone there with you and instruct them to massage your back, that would probably help. Also, even though it was very painful, it only lasted for 20 minutes and then the baby was there!

So, what I'm trying to say is that you WILL be O.K. The only thing you CAN do is just exercise a little (take lots of walks- this is your last chance to walk freely without having to carry or stroll a baby!), and make sure you have a good meal before you go to the hospital for energy. Walking would also relieve anxiety and depression( which I also have a little :) ) I think people choose not to medicate because it IS possible. TRUST ME- YOU WILL BE O.K. This is a special time in your life that you will only experience once ( for each baby, that is). This is the last time that people will be caring and attending to only you. Try to relish that to the fullest. This experience will also make you feel VERY powerful. You are making a LIFE!!! Remember this and know that God made your body able to handle whatever happens and you will survive with flying colors.

My love and prayers are going out to you. Good luck honey!!

Okay, deeeeep breath! You are going to be okay. I know the thought of giving birth is a little scary...believe me, even with my second I was a little worried of the unknown, but honestly...you will be okay.

Both times I went as long as I comfortably could before getting the epidural, but once I did get it, my body relaxed so much more and the labor moved along better. Don't feel like a wimp. The nurses will be watching over you and guiding you through the experience and will take great care of you and monitor your comfort level. They are there to make sure you and baby are safe and that you are comfortable. It is a WONDERFUL day. Try to relax and know that you will be okay. Most likely, your labor will be very long from start to finish because this is your first, so you will have PLENTY of time to get an epidural or whatever pain meds you need (get the epidural, the other pain meds don't work).

Good luck and congratulations. Everything is going to be great :)

The more you stress about it the worse it will be you. All the body parts needed to give birth are muscles and they will tighten up if you are stressed (much like back and shoulders hurt when stressed but it's your uterus and cervics).

My advice. Stop watching births and try to not think about it. Keep in mind those stupid baby shows only show the dramatic births because it makes for good tv. If birthing is as aweful as you think it will be no one would have more than one child.

As far as the epidural. Not sure on the specifics but if they give it too early it can wear off before the baby is born and they can't give it to you twice. There are lots of reasons people choose natural birth but those reasons won't help you with your fears. So I won't go into that. I didn't have an epidural. I won't say that it was painfree and wonderful but it wasn't the worst thing either. I also had back labor.

Good luck!

Stop watching those shows! They scared me too, so I stopped watching them. I'm pretty sure that you can get an epidural really early in labor. Maybe you could ask the doctor about scheduling an inducement, so it is a little more controlled for you and the anesthesiologist would be ready for you. After hours, you run the risk of the anesthesiologist being busy with emergencies. This did happen with my second child. The early labor is easy, I thought. It just felt like menstrual cramps. They were so mild and insignificant in the beginning for mine that I couldn't tell if I was actually in labor or not. I had to call and talk to a nurse and tell her what I was feeling first. They definitely got more uncomfortable later, but then you get an epidural. After it's over, you will only be able to think about that precious baby. In the meantime, that baby needs you to take care of yourself and needs nutrition from you - so EAT and SLEEP. Good luck!

O.k. D., please try to calm down. It is true that every experience is different. You have seen and heard a lot of the more difficult ones. Here are a couple examples of some really easy ones. I have a friend, who, with her first child, went out to dinner in the evening, and then had her daughter by midnight. I have a friend who had two kids, neither labor was more than 9 hours from start to finish. I won't lie, labor can be painful, but even before you can get an epidural, there are other medicines they can give you to help. Ask lots of questions at your Doctors, and lay out a pain management plan with him/her, so that you go in armed with some plan. Good Luck, and please remember, many thousands of women go through this daily, and yet we go on to have more!

Some of that sounds so familiar! I've had anxiety and panic for about 12 years, and my kids are 5 and 1. I did a 6 week birth preparedness course, and I had panic attacks through every single session. BUT...they did one thing on hypnobirthing, and I was really good at that, because one of my several therapists had taught me self-hypnosis as a way to manage anxiety! Anyway--I won't lie; I had LONG labors, both times. I won't even tell you how long; it'll freak you out more! BUT...my first son's birth was SO empowering. After I was done, the nurses looked at me and, jokingly, said, are you ready for another? Aside from the fact that I was tired and needed at least an hour of sleep and maybe a meal, I WAS ready to do it again. I felt so strong. With my second, we moved cross-country when I was 35 weeks pregnant, so I found a new doc and a new hospital. Where we were in WA, the whole homebirthing thing was big; here, it's not (we are way up north). I was nervous and anxious. My labor took longer, and was more painful, but they were very willing to give me a shot in the thigh that was a sedative. I actually progressed more in the 4 hours I was sedated than I had in the 24 previous hours of regular contractions. POINT BEING: talk to your doctor. Let him/her know how anxious you are. Anxiety is/can be a HUGE impediment to the progression of labor. I had natural births both times--no painkillers--but the sedatives were absolutely necessary. I was exhausted already, and they helped me relax enough to progress. Talk to your doc; find out what you can do. There is always a way around your fear, and it will be very, very helpful for you to find it before you deliver. ALSO...I have had panic and anxiety for 12 years. I will tell you that delivery and the physical pain was NOTHING compared to the difficulty of the emotional pain of a panic attack, which I had daily through both pregnancies. I hope you get a lot of positive feedback here; remember those tv shows need ratings, and a nice, healthy, happy birth is not exciting!

D.,
Congratuations on your 1st child. My suggestion to you is that you talk to your Doctor. Set up a plan as to how far you want to go with or without pain medication. Talk about how long you want to labor before you may consider a c-section.

I had difficult deliveries with my first two children and then came up with a plan on how we were going to manage my 3rd delivery. It was very comforting to me knowing that I had some control as to how things were going to move and progress.

I wish you all the luck for a quick and easy delivery.

G.

I had a similar panic right around the same point in my pregnancy -- oh, no, this baby has to come out! I'm totally a planner and couldn't get my head around the idea that I had no idea when, where, or how this was going to happen. My grandmother, who had four children with little to no medical help gave me the best advice. Don't worry about it. You can't control it or how it happens anyway. Everyone does it and everyone gets through it, and you will too. And in the end you have a wonderful little baby!

Easier said than done, I know. That being said, it's totally reasonable to discuss your fears with your OB before labor and find out what their policy for epidurals and other pain relief is. And mention to the nurses once you are admitted that you're planning on an epidural. That way they can alert the anesthesia staff so you can get one in a timely manner. I labored for about 15 hours total (from the time my water broke) and had the epidural for about 6 hours of that. Usually they won't do one before 3-4 cm, but, honestly, I didn't think it was that bad up to that point, and I was on pitocin, which is supposed to make the contractions stronger and more painful.

Perhaps now would be a good time to look into stress reduction techniques that could help you in labor and beyond. I wish you the best of luck and know that it is something that you will get through just fine.

ok ok ok so you said no "labor and pain tolerance is different for everyone" thoughts... but I thought it may ease your fears at least SLIGHTLY if I said that I too was terrified of giving birth. I almost half-hoped for a c section so I wouldn't have to do it. But when I actually sent into labor, I was surprised by how little it hurt. I will say that once my water was broken the pain increased significantly but I was still talking and doing ok through most of the contractions. I did get an epidural (I always had intention of doing so, but I progressed really fast at first. They didn't think they could give me one, to which I replied "mmmmm..... not ok. Let's figure out a way to get me one.") Luckily I stalled for a couple of hours and so I made it through a few hours with no pain meds at all and I'm a total wuss and I did just fine. I never screamed or anything dramatic... I think at one point they got pretty intense and I just kept repeating "ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok..." I think the only time I cried was when I threw up, and that was mostly because I was scared, not because it hurt.

Then once I had the epidural, I felt the contractions happening, but I had zero pain. When the kids actually came out, I only pushed for 15 total minutes (I have twins) and again, I was surprised at how easy it was... no pain at all Recovery wasn't comfortable and I don't wish to have my lady parts go through it again, but it wasn't terrible.

So although I'm fully aware that I had an easy birthing process and some women have had more painful experiences, there are plenty of women like me who had easy ones. But, I still had to push 2 out (and they were 5 lbs each so not teeny tiny like you might think).

My main point is - relax. The more you hype yourself up about it and the more you scare yourself, the more stressful the experience is going to be. You're welcoming your BABY... it's a beautiful experience to see that little face for the first time! And just remember that any pain you DO feel will be totally erased when you see this new baby you've been so patiently and excitedly waiting to welcome!!

First of all, stop watching any of those labor and delivery shows!!! They are obviously upsetting you and are doing you no good.

Second, don't feel like a wuss because you may want pain medication. There is NOTHING wrong with having an epidural or anything else that may make you more comfortable during labor and delivery. Talk to your doctor about your fears and what to expect once you get to the hospital.

I've always been scared of needles and was afraid to get the epidural with my 1st pregnancy. So I didn't and wish I would have after the fact. It was not a pleasant experience for me, but you get through it and have a beautiful baby in the end.

My 2nd pregnancy I decided I would have the epidural (The thought of how labor went with my first pregnancy took the fear of needles out of me for my 2nd labor/delivery). As far as laboring goes it was much different then the labor with my 1st child(no epidural). They put in the epidural and told me to go lay down and watch tv. I thought WOW this is really different!! Everything went well and I would most definitely have another epidural if I were to have another child.

So whatever works for you, go with it!! It does not matter how other women have chosen to handle their labor/deliveries. The only thing that matters is what is right for YOU!!

Hi D.:
I am so sorry that you are going through such anxiety. this should be a time of joy for you. Yes, everyone woman is different but my experience is that labor is not that painful. I have 4 children and I found it was more like muscle aches, like from over exercising. It is not constant but like a backache that comes and goes. What you saw as horrible pain may have been the pushing. That also is not painful but it is work and takes a lot of energy. There is a reason why childbirth is called labor. I think you should see if you can find a Doula to assist you and talk to you. A doula is a woman who is there to take care of the Mother during her pregnancy and childbirth. There is a woman who has a CafeMom profile on ecafemom.com I wrote her a message that I am giving you her contact info on cafemom. Please contact her hopefully you live close enough to each other to meet, if not see if she can refer you to someone near you.
Take care truly pregnancy and childbirth is a blessing.
http://www.cafemom.com/home/marythedoula

I didn't have a chance to read all the responses, but I too was very concerned about labor, but did go in with an open mind. I was going to see how long I could go without pain medication and take it from there. My water broke and my initial contractions weren't any more than my typical mentral cramps. When I finally got to some contractions a few hours later that were painful enough to say I really needed drugs, I did get Nubain and that was enough to take the edge off and I didn't need an epidural and survived even through 2 hours of pushing my stubborn daughter. :) I have friends that take an epidural as soon as they can and others that have gone completely drug free, so there are certainly a wide variety of options. Honestly, I can remember saying after it was all over, that while I certainly don't want to go through that everyday, it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected!

I'm so sorry. It turns out I was pretty terrified my first time around. Our society conditions us to be afraid by showing us these terrible images of birth.

My first baby was a tough birth, and I desperately wanted something different for my second (just this past March).

I ordered the Hypnobabies Homestudy Course...which you would need to do ASAP (it takes a few weeks to complete)! It was so helpful--I was even looking forward to giving birth! They do a lot of education about all of your options, and the best way for me to describe the hypnosis part of the curriculum (which I was nervous about) is like guided relaxation and positive affirmations about childbirth.

I don't think you'd have enough time to finish it completely, though most women go past 40 weeks their first pregnancy, so you may get close if you got it like today! I think almost any amount that you could get in would be helpful.

My first birth I had a spinal block and other drugs and still had a really difficult and painful delivery and recovery--they don't tell you that your back can be sore for a long time (I'm talking 9 months) after a spinal or epidural!

My second birth was completely natural and AWESOME! I felt empowered, and my recovery has been way easier! Totally not the most unbearable experience of my life, and I consider myself a bit of a wuss as well. I doubted I could do it all along, and I totally could!

Ooo--and as far as not handling stress well, that is me, and Hypnobabies had me sleeping better at 9 months pregnant than on a normal non-preggers night.

Good luck!

You can get it on Amazon. I don't recommend going the E-bay route because sometimes the sets aren't complete. You can also join the Hypnobabies Yahoo group for free if you want more info. from people in your shoes.

So I am unsure if you had your baby yet or not....I can't tell by the dates. Anyhow, if you did, how did it go? If not, let me tell you I am EXACTLY like you! I was SOOOO scared to go through labor and delivery. Very anzious! I just had my son 7 weeks ago and rest assured, it is not as bad as everyone says. I was also induced and let me tell you right now, since I planned on having children, I ALWAYS said there was absolutely no way I would get an epidural. Read on.....I got induced and I was showing contractions on the monitor but I was not feeling them. I thought that if this was labor, I could do it! Well, after my water broke the contractions got worse. Very bad, I am not going to lie. I made my husband promise to not let me get the epidural....but he could tell by the look in my eyes while I was pleading with him, that I needed it. I got some nubain while we waited for the anesthesilogist...it didn't really take the pain away but I felt really good! Finally the guy came and I got the epidural that I SWORE I wouldn't get. Let me tell you...that was the best thing ever. I insisted on telling everyone that came in how great it was while I slurred my words from the nubain. I felt nothing! The nurse checked me and all of a sudden I was ready to go! I didn't feel any contractions or ANY of the delivery. If I hadn't had a mirror I wouldn't have known what was going on....All in all, the point of my story is get the epidural and you'll be fine! good luck! let me know how it goes...if you had your baby already, Congrats!

*****HUG****
okay, seriously it will be okay. With my first one, I was so nervous that I wanted to have a c-section. Seriously. But I really am so thankful that I had a "natural" birthing experience.
I would reccommend that you talk to your OB and schedule an induction for right around your due date. For me that really helped because I felt like I was more in contol. The thought of going into labor and having my water break still scares me...and I've had 5 kids (they all have been induced). I would also say that as soon as they break your water, get the epidural immediatly.
With that said, I bet that you'll be able to handle more than you anticipate. You'll be surprised at how much you can handle when the time comes! You'll be fantastic!

I think all the responses are great - stop whatching those shows - they pick the most dramatic births so people will keep watching!

Just a thought, don't think that getting a scheduled C-section will save you from pain. Yes, it will save you from a few hours of labor, BUT, you will be in pain for weeks around your incision, and have trouble lifting, standing up and down, getting in and out of a car and bed, and not be allowed to go up and down stairs, or drive for 2 weeks! The few hours of labor, with meds if you do desire, are much better in my opinion than the weeks of painful recovery form a c-section, and possibly a second or third c-section if your Dr. or hospital won't do VBAC.

I am speaking form experience, I have had 2 c-sections, first one because of high blood pressure /beginning pre-eclampsia after 10 weeks of bedrest....second one because my hospital will not allow VBACs anymore. I wish I had been allowed/able to go through a vaginal birth, I don't know if I would've been able for go med-free, but there si no shame in getting the pain meds!

Also, if it is making you this worried - maybe see if there are any anti-anxiety meds you can be on for the rest of the pregnancy? And post-partum, if you are prone to anxiety and depression, you are more likely to have PPD, and you need to have your friends and family keep a close eye out for symptoms and get help immediately.

Best of luck, and take care of yourself - you need to rest up for the long nights of baby care ahead!

Jessie

Take a deep breath. It is not THAT bad. I have three children, two delivered with an epidural, one without. With our second child I went into premature labor at 32 weeks and did not even KNOW that I was in labor. I had mild cramps, I "thought," but was nearly 6 cm dilated when I arrived at the hospital. It was found that I had an infection of some sort, so they said that I could not have an epi. It did not really "hurt" until I was 9 cm and my OB broke my waters. I don't really remember the rest. Adrenalin kicks in and a woman develops super human powers! :) Stay away from Discovery Health. You'll further scare yourself! The pain, in each of my three deliveries, was completely bearable. I am a person who has exercised feverishly through each of my pregnancies, so perhaps I was ready for it, but still, it was not at all as bad as I had expected. You can do it!

Giving birth is the most amazing thing in life that you will ever experience, I have three children all natural births 2 at home with midwives, one at the hospital with midwives last was a water birth and it was the best experience. You wouldn't believe how strong you actually are if watching movies and birth shows made you anxious then maybe you need to see someone totally relaxed. I have seen a natural birth were the midwive delivered her own baby in a water birth and it was the most amazing thing how she just focused on having her baby in the arms. I took the bradley method and it was a great experience for me to learn how to focus and relax. Others I know have tride hypnosis and it worked for them. Just focuse on having your baby in you arms and forget about the work pain. Also you can prepare your body before by doing massage in a certain area. If you have back pain push your hips together. I'm sure you will be fine, no one really knows how strong they are and how much their bodies can go through before a miracle happens. Best of luck.

You can do this!! And you do not have to feel guilty about not wanting to wallow in pain -- It doesn't make you a better mother. Some moms place as much emphasis on the labor as their goal as they do on actually getting a baby in their arms. Myself...? The baby (however it comes) is my only goal.

Most places want to wait until you are 4 cm before giving an epidural but prior to this you can ask for something that will take the edge off (i.e. nubane).

Hi D.,
You aren't a wuss - pain is pain and like you said, everyone deals with it a little differently. Just remember that YOU are the one in control during your labor/delivery. If you want an epidural - take it!!! This should be a somewhat enjoyable/memorable time for you and your partner. Keep remembering that the end result is going to be this perfect little being that you have created and will love you unconditionally.

I had pain medicine of one kind or another for 2 of my 3 births. Funny thing is - my 2nd child was a 9 pounder and they didn't have time to give me any pain meds so I did deliver him naturally and he was the easiest birth of them all! One deliver is different from your next - and the next one after that. With my 2nd child - I labored at home with no problem - doing laundry, cooking dinner etc all day and night and then about midnight is when I woke my husband up and said I think we should go and then he was born at 2:07am - that's why no pain meds - we just didn't have time. The contractions with him were so light - I barely felt any cramping - my back was uncomfortable and I could tell from my belly getting really tight that I was contracting but that was it.

My youngest has anxiety & depression and wasn't on meds during her pregnancy either. She got her epidural once she had dialated to 5 ... she was going to try it naturally and I could tell she was getting nervous and so I talked her into the epidural. She thanked me afterwards. She is now going to have her 2nd in December and is already planning on an epidural right away.

Best Wishes - and CONGRATS on the new arrival!
D.

I was an only child and very babied growing up, so until I gave birth I was also a giant sissy who whined all the time. But I think it is people like us who come through stronger in major situations. In the last 4 years I have given birth naturally to two children. I also feared the pain, but when it came time, I did what I had to and I honstly was not in nearly as much pain as I had anticipated. it was an awesome experience that I would love to do again...if they just did not grow up!!! LOL So I am sure you will be just fine (no giggle). Good luck!

Wow, I guess this is something many of us relate to, in one way or another! I don't have the time to read all the other responses (don't know that you will either ;-), but I want to share my experience because I was also TERRIFIED of the prospect of labor and delivery. I also watched a ton of TLC birthing shows and did not understand what was so "natural" about "natural childbirth". As I once heard, "there's NOTHING UNNATURAL about humans seeking pain relief." I had heard horror stories of women missing their window for an epidural, and to ensure that it did not happen to me, I asked my OB/GYN ahead of time about it. She reassured me that she had her own given at 2cm and that I would be well taken care of. I was, and shockingly to me, the labor and delivery were my favorite, most magical experiences of the whole pregnancy!! Even my husband who was quite worried about how I would handle the whole process (from witnessing so many screaming women during televised labor) said that he had never seen me so at peace and so extra nice to everyone! Don't be afraid to assert your desire for pain relief. I did have to ask for an extra dose, when I started to feel the effects wearing off after about four hours. I was SO GLAD I did, as I delivered about an hour later. It truly was an amazing experience that I believe was ENHANCED, not dulled by my epidural. Best of luck to you, I bet you will have an awesome experience!!

D.,
Wow, a LOT of responses! Well, here's my two cents:

Yes, labor and delivery is hard for everyone, no matter what happens, but it isn't as bad as you think it's going to be. If you know you're going to get the epidural, you're fine - there's nothing to worry about. There will be a bit of pain leading up to the point when you get the epidural (I think you have to be like 4 centimeters dialated or something, otherwise they worry about labor stalling), but until that point, it's completely bearable. You can do it! I was one of those "all natural" crazy people, and suffered through labor (with pitocin) for a really long time before finally breaking down and getting the epidural. It was a lifesaver. At that point, I could barely feel the contractions at all. With that, you'll be in good business, trust me.

D., your anxiety about the situation is much worse than the situation will actually be, trust me. Once you're in labor, your body will go on autopilot. Your body knows what to do and when to do it, and you will never suffer more pain than you can endure. With meds meds meds you'll be a happy birthing camper. Don't let the videos freak you out.

Best of luck for you - will will do wonderfully!!!
Amy K

I agree with those who suggest to discuss all your fears and anxiety with your doctor and your husband. Try to develop a plan with them so when the time comes, you are all prepared and know what steps to take. You cannot predict everything that will happen, but if you discuss in great length all your fears, then they will know what to do to help you through it. During early labor, you can opt to get some muscle relaxers that will help and you can also move freely, i.e. walk, etc. which helps a lot! Just know that when you do actually get the epidural (in my case, they allowed it once dilated to 4), the baby's heart rate tends to slow, and in my case, very dramatically. It was very scary for me because I didn't expect it. They will move you from side to side in the bed to try to get their heart rate up again. Also know that what you are feeling is very normal -- you cannot compare yourself to others because it is true that it is a different experience for every person. You just need to be proactive now before the time comes so everyone involved is prepared. I also agree that the outcome is well worth it, so try to focus on that! Best of luck to you!

You may want to talk to your doctor about doing an elective induction. That way the situation will be a little more controlled...hopefully easing your anxiety. If you are induced they should be able to start the epidural right away, thus mostly eliminating the pain factor. You will still be sore for a few days after...but it is easy to overlook once you are holding your beautiful new baby. I was induced with me first and plan to be again when I deliver my second in September. It really took the nerves away and allowed me to enjoy the experience! Good luck!!!

Hi D.,

Everyone fears childbirth at some level and that is completely normal. I won't go into my own story but my fear was very real and hard to deal with. There are some things you can't control like how long the delivery will take or how you will begin labor but there are things you can take control of. For instance you can set your atmosphere at the hospital like bringing a CD player and your favorite music to listen to while in labor (that actually helped me a lot because it gave me something to focus on). You can ask for an ephedural if you want one right away or find out other methods of pain control ahead of time so you will know what is out there. Pack your bag ahead of time with your favorite things and maybe even a favorite snack. Let whoever is going to be with you know what you are comfortable with and who you want in your room. If you have a family member who really wants to be in the room but you don't want them there just say, "I have decided that I only want so and so to be in the room with me but I can have so and so call you when I go into labor so you can see the baby after the birth."

Focus on what you have control over - maybe that will help take some of the fear away. Another thing I did was focus on our home and food needs after the baby was born. Making and freezing some meals so you have them ready when you get home (or even having ingredients on hand for simple measl) and don't feel like cooking is a wonderful way to bless yourself with one less thing to stress about. Have the baby's room ready and the house cleaned. This will help you with the depression you already struggle with. Also, I would find a good counselor or a good, reliable friend to help you deal with the emotions you will experience after the baby is born. Another thing that was helpful for me was I asked my mom and sisters if they could clean my house a month or so after the baby was born. Actually I had twins for the first birth so someone else cleaning my house was a HUGE blessing! Be willing to let others help you.

As a side note: there was a period of time recently that I was under a lot of stress. I felt the overwhelming need to have beautiful things around me. I began buying myself flowers and setting them in prominent places in my home. Those flowers reminded me that everything would be okay.

Let me know how things go.
A.

Oh D.!!! I know it is hard to do, but really try not to stress and definitely STOP WATCHING THOSE SHOWS!! They freaked me out too. I told my doctor and he said they really play up the drama. I know labor is different for everyone, but here was my experience: I had mild cramping (they felt like menstrual cramps to me). They never got so bad that I felt like I was in labor. My water broke which clued me in that it was time to go to the hospital. Almost immediately they put me on pitocin to start labor and gave me staydol. I highly recommend it. It really took the edge off. I am ok with having meds during labor because I am a wuss too. My doctor assured me that it was no harm to the baby and I have two healthy, happy and smart babies today. When I dilated to 3 I was able to get the epidural. Seriously, I have to say I watched my contractions happen on the monitor! Both of my labor and delivery experiences were rather pleasant and the recovery was too. I ended up having c-sections because I would dilate to 8 and then the baby got stuck. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking meds for labor. It is a practice that has been done for years and years and many babies are not at all affected by it. Remember natural child birth is no makeup!!
Take care and really try to relax. You will do great!!

A.

D.,
I want to say first and foremost congradulations on your new bundle of joy that is coming. Second, you really do need to calm down as the stress is not good for your baby. yes child birth can be hard, I know because I have had 2 beautiful children. 1 of them was with drugs, and my youngest was without. 1 of the suggestions I ahve is do as much excersize as u can before delivery, the more excersize you have before the easier labor is supposed to be. As I said I had my first daughter with the use of drugs, I was in labor for 10 1/2 hrs with her and yes I did want drugs, with my youngest she was a very little baby, and at first I wanted drugs but she came out with 3 pushes. Now granted I was in labor with her for about an hr. but it was not to bad. I think of it this way, it is like a bad period. 1 month is like really bad cramps the next no cramps. Hope this helps out. BTW they can give you and epidural before you hit 5 or right at 5 centimeters. Again congrats.

Hi D.,

I would probably put myself with some of those women that did not use drugs for delivery. Both of my kids were induced. I did have some sort of drug for the first but it main was to knock me out between my contractions so my body could relax. I was in 'active' labor at that point. The 1st part of labor really isn't that bad. At least for me. I had my second induced because we found an issue with his kidney and I wanted him out so we could find out more with that and get it fixed right away if we needed to. I had back labor with him and I will not lie to you, it sucked! I didn't want a full epidural because I knew my labor wouldn't last long. I would have loved to have had it earlier but because it only lasts about 3-4 hours, the nurses didn't want it to wear off before he was born. But, with all that said, I would first ask your mom how her labor was, if she remembers. if she had a long labor, you might also. My mom never had long hard labors and neither of mine were. There will be pain, but remember this, God has already programmed us to go through this, and to forget the pain mostly. Because I was induced, the potosin (sp) can make it worse. I didn't have back labor with my first, but I did with the second. At the time, it seems like it might never end. But once you are holding that little one in your arms, you almost forget instantly an pain. It's weird. Try not to worry so much. You will get through this. And since you have already decided to have an epi. it will make it easier. If you are that worried about it, you could always go to the hospital as soon as you start feeling your first contractions. Also, if you haven't already mentioned your fears to your doctor, I would do so. They will do all they can to help you through this. I have known people that went through many hours of labor and I have known people that it only took an hour or 2. I would check with your mom to see if she remembers. That will give you an idea about how long you might be in labor. I have heard that it is sort of hereditary on some level. Good luck! If you want someone to talk to, you can always give me a call too. My number if you want is ###-###-####. Just remember this, you have your husband there to support you, and that your body was designed to go through this process. Don't look at the negatives, focus yourself on the positives of this delivery process. You will be finally holding in your arms what you have been feeling in your body over the last 7 months. You will finally be able to kiss her/him. To hold her/him. To smell her/him. And to truly love this awesome miracle we call a baby! You will make it through! A.

(((((( D. ))))))) Hugs to you : ) OMG I soooo could have written that. I just had my second child back in January. If I can give birth then ANYONE can. I too suffer from anxiety and depression. With my first I remember sitting in the parking lot at the library when I was about 35 weeks and looking down at my stomach and balling my eyes out thinking how in the heck is this huge baby gonna come out of my crotch. There is just no way!!!!! So there I sat freaking out with my cell phone. Dialing while panicked is not pretty. I called EVERYONE in my phone crying and leaving messages if they weren't home. I was a pathetic mess thinking about the pain and my crotch just not being up for the inevitable task at hand.

When my water broke my stomach dropped like I was on a roller coaster cause THIS WAS IT!!!! It wasn't so bad. Like bad period cramps. I got my epidural right when it started to hurt. BUT - the hurt was do-able. I never cried once. Just was like "ow ow ow" - I cry when I stub my toe really bad. It's strange. Yes it hurts but it's not anything that you can't handle if you get an epidural. Once that bad boy takes effect - it's a new and fine day let me tell ya! That's when the super hard contractions come but guess what you don't even feel em. You feel them coming on you feel them happening but you don't feel the pain. Just the pressure of the baby coming out. I remember my second more and I felt noooooo pain while pushing her out. Like I said just pressure. I was thinking - wow if I wasn't epiduraled up this would really hurt. But NOPE - I was in the clear pushed her right on out. The real pain for me was the days after. My crotch hurt cause I pushed this baby bear out of it but nothing you can't handle. Women are strong - you can do this! You will do awesome!!! And once it's over you will be so proud of yourself - Please let us know how it goes.

Hugs again!

YOU GOT THIS!!!!

Ok so I'll admit I didn't read too many of the responses- I'll be brief and tell you what my unmedicated labor was like...short intense cramps that I couldn't tell when one ended, lots of PRESSURE when my body was telling me I was ready to push and BURNING ring around the head and body when pushing baby out.

BUT, once baby's out it is ALL gone!!! There is some soreness, bruising, but nothing I deemed worthy of complaining about. I did have some cramping afterward with the pitocin they were running IV. I told them I didn't want it but I was having some bleeding so that was not an option. When they pushed the clots out then the cramping stopped.

Hey D. -
I would be careful wishing for an epidural too early b/c it may not last long enough for you. Also, I think it would be best to talk to your dr about your extreme anxiety - the last thing you want right now is to go into a panic attack or have any of your anxiety affect your baby. I think you would benefit from taking some stress mgmt - I think you need to find other ways to cope with anxiety/stress/pain. Find what works for YOU! I actually went shopping with my mom and sister during the first stages of labor. I knew walking, taking deep breaths, stretching out, and taking my mind off of things would be the best for me. What better way to do this - SHOP! I used a cart to lean on and stretch out during those early contractions - I mainly had my elbows/arms on the front and had my butt back - to stretch out my back almost like a 90 degree angle but not quite (b/c I'm short). When we took a lunch break at my home, I took a short nap and when I got up my water broke. I remember actually being a bit bummed out that I couldn't make it to a few more stores. Ha! I lived in a different state then and I rarely went shopping with others and I knew of some new cool stores. Obviously, I was a bit scared too. I did immediately go to the hospital. I can't recall when I did get my epidural but, I know they have other pain meds they try to use (or will ask you if you want) before the epidural. I was really on the fence about wanting an epidural b/c normally I have a high pain tolerance. However, my dtr was having a difficult time getting through the birth canal so, I was having more back pain. My epidural was given to me at a decent hour since I ended up having to have a c-section and they didn't need to give me any extra meds. You should really write out your birth plan - bring it with to the hospital so that the drs/nurses know exactly what you would prefer ahead of time. My birth class also shared different stretches to do on an exercise/yoga ball and helped us think of other ways to calm ourselves. Deep breathing, instrumental music, and massages worked best for me when I had to go into the hospital. Since they worried a little bit about placenta previa, I couldn't walk around anymore when my water broke. I wasn't too excited about that but, you have to have plan A, plan B, plan C, etc. I always feel like stress/anxiety is lessened when you have a plan in place, things are organized (meaning your bags are packed), you have coping strategies in place, and you have a positive support team near you. You CAN get through this - it is normal to be anxious but since your anxiety is affecting your daily life - I would really seek a professional for advice. I hope you have a good support system in place - look to your family and friends if you can. I'm not sure if you're a religious person but, prayer is a wonderful option to try too. Consulting a doula may be best for you - they are there with you throughout the entire labor/delivery, I believe. I've also heard that they help you with all these coping strategies. Best of luck to you - breathe through it - even if you have to buy Faith Hill's "Just Breathe" CD as your reminder. Best of luck!

D. - I know you've had tons of responses, but I still wanted to give you a quick word of encouragement. I've had 1 child and 3 knee surgeries. Knee surgery was WAY more painful than giving birth!! :) I had pretty severe contractions for several hours before I got an epidural and then it was all uphill from there. Really! Keep thinking of the end goal - you will have a precious baby when it's all over. SO WORTH ANY PAIN IN THE WORLD!! Best of luck!!

Oh D., I feel bad that you have such anxiety. Don't let those shows scare you. They only show the bad ones and the ones with complications. I bet once you are in labor your body is just going to take over and next thing you know you will have a little bundle of joy in your arms and you will be done before you know it! Definately tell your doctor that you want an epidural. I made the mistake of saying I wanted to try it without and that is what they stuck to. You will be able to do it - the breathing techniques really helped me. Good luck and hope things get better.

i echo a lot of the other mommies responses. I was totally anti-drug when I went in, but had to because I had some complications. it made the pain totally manageable until the end. Even with the pain I did go through, i would do it again - my daughter is a constant source of joy! You forget about it almost right away & the overwhelming love you feel surpasses anything on this planet! God Bless you :)

Sounds like you would benefit from a meditation class where you can learn to find a different "zone" to be in and learn ways to calm and relax yourself when anxiety becomes too much.

Develop a birth plan, talk openly and honestly with your doctor about your fears and questions. Make sure your birth plan is available and understood by your birthing partner and your doctor. Personally I would avoid allowing them to give you petocin to induce contractions. Most people I know who have had that have had contractions that were much more intense with less break between them.

Women have been giving birth naturally for thousands of years. Our minds and bodies are designed for it. When people tell you it is not like any other experience they are being truthful. Believing in yourself and your body is the best way to prepare yourself. Watching other people give birth does not give you any sense of what they were experiencing. Unfortunately, our society spends so much time encouraging people to cover up their pain that many have lost the ability to distinguish productive pain from unproductive pain. Birth is all about a positive outcome and any pain I felt was simply allowing me to be in touch with what was happening with the birth of my baby. I had plenty of people tell me ahead of time that I should just get the epidural as soon as possible, but not having the epidural allowed me to feel the productivity of my pushing effort in final labor and my son was born very quickly because of it. Frankly, it was far from being the most painful experience in my life. For me, giving birth was less painful than being pregnant, because being pregnant meant almost constant/chronic pain in my pelvis and hips. And chronic, unproductive pain is much worse in my book.

But what is most important is that you try to shape the experience that is going to be best for you. Plan what you can, and then embrace the unknown with gusto and a sense of adventure. Most of the birthing experience is about attitude. Focus on the end result and don't spend as much time fretting about the path. I'll be wishing for a happy, successful birthing experience for you.

Though not medically necessary, perhaps you should consider a scheduled c-section.

wow-i was the complete opposite-thought it was just gonna go all smooth...hahaha...well it did-with a whole lot of pain...no meds,,,12 pound baby-a month over due...it was pure hell.i had a real crappy doctor-so that didnt help.dont do an enema...that makes it worse...i was 21 young an dumb-with the 2nd one-also a month overdue-i waited til the last minute to go in-within a 1/2 hour of getting to hospital-had my 2nd baby...11 pounds-no meds.no one told me about the great epidural shot....after the 2nd one-i said enuff got my tubes tide at 23 yrs old.so my advice-really have a heart to heart talk with your doctor-and when you get to the hospital...talk to your nurses about your mental health issues-that your off your meds etc.you didnt say what hospital your going to....really just relax...your educated on meds-thats a huge step...good luck-god speed....

I agree with some of the others on here, stop watching those shows! They do tend to overdramatiz things. With both of my children, I was on pitocin, the first ended in a c-section and the second was a natural birth. I had drugs for the second one to help get me past the 'peaks' of pain with each contraction (towards the very end) and also knocked me out in between contractions, which allowed me to rest. I surrounded myself both times with a great support group (having 4 people in the delivery room with my second...3 close gal friends and my hubby) who cheered me on and encouraged me, held my hand, talked me through, etc. All of the women in the room with me had had children of their own and their presence was a great comfort and help to me.

Epidurals aren't always necessary, there are drugs that can take the 'edge' off but still make it possible for you to participate in the entire birth, including pushing the baby out.

For me, there was no greater feeling in the world than when that baby left my belly!! The relief that my body felt, the stomach 'deflating' and all those stretched muscles from being pregnant instantly relaxed.....almost like being bloated and having instant relief from that bloated, uncomfy feeling.....it was amazing! Then to hold my baby boy and later my baby girl in my arms, to see their face, their fingers, their toes, their eyes looking up at me.....it made everything worth while. Concentrate on the end result, not the process you go through to get there and keep reminding yourself that this pain is for a reason and that it WILL end!! And what a beautiful ending it will be when you hold your child in your arms.....treasure that moment.

My children are 17 and 14 now and everyday I know that I am blessed to be their mother. If the pain of childbirth is the price I had to pay to have them in my life, then it was well worth it, 100%. Really, it's a cheap price to pay in exchange for the rich fullness and love that they bring to your life. Good luck to you hun....

I do not want to write much, as you already had a lot of responses. Just that prenatal yoga and relaxation techniques will be very helpful, before during and after delivery.

D.,

to add to your responses. there are different medications besides epidurals so the women in the video may have had something, just not the total numbing of the epidural.

speaking from experience, i had both children completely natural. NOT BY CHOICE ! first one i got a local and espiotomy, second not even that.

i remember thinking with first that there was no way i would survive labor because my pain was sooo bad and i had only been at hospital an hour. my husband even told me i was scaring the tour group of birthing class with my screaming. in my defense i wasnt screaming screaming, more like moaning loudly!
well lucky for me - my water had broken at 730- got to hospital at 830- it was only two blocks away but contractions were so close i could hardly walk. baby born 920. so -- 2 hours from water break to baby and only 1 hour of real pain-- not so bad.

second one water broke at 1023- born 1145. i told nurse when i got there i didnt get drugs with first one and i wanted them NOW. i was only a 3cm when they checked me at 1120 and told me i wasnt far enough along. i told her to get them ready. low and behold child born 2min after she returned to the room with drugs still in her pocket!

i tell you- it hurts-- BUT-- you REALLY do forget the pain- very quickly! and you may take 24 hours or 1 or 2.

tell your doctor about your feelings and how you want the epidural asap and why. when you arrive at the hospital chances are you wont see your dr for awhile. so much prep work... repeat your wishes to each new face you see. make sure there is NO QUESTION as to what you want. make sure your husband is repeating this to them and checking the status of when it will be happening.

maybe go and meet those on staff at the hospital ahead of time. that way they will be familiar friendly faces.

this is the first step youll be taking in being an advocate for your child. be firm in what you want and why. if you run into a condescending staff memeber, the "oh honey dear" type- ignore them or ask that they be replaced.

my "oh honey dear" nurse is the one that told me i wasnt far enough along for drugs at 1120 then proceeded to pat my knee and giggle when i told her i wanted the baby by midnight! remember 1145 delivery. she was not so condescending when she had to litterly throw betadine all over the delivery room trying to get it on me before the baby popped out. or when the dr asked if i had had any drugs and she had to tell him they were still in her pocket.

MAKE them listen to you. make your husband MAKE them listen to you. they are being paid to do what needs to be done the way YOU want it unless it would be bad for the baby.

ok- sorry- i didnt mean to make this a novel. feel free to contact me if you need to talk- cry- worry- a push to speak up to dr. -whatever.

good luck- you are going to look back and loooove what you have done.

Hi D.,

I just hate the TV shows where they put the worst case scenario for people to see. Everyone does handle childbirth differently so just because one mom may be screaming does not mean that is how it will be for you!! I have had three children. I did not have an epidural with any of them. I opted for pain medication in my IV. I had stadol and nubane. Both worked to manage my pain pretty well. Now I will admit that I did have pretty short labor with them as well. One was six hours, then 5 hours, and my last was only two!! I think the most important thing to remember is to stay as calm as possible. I would close my eyes and tell others not to talk to me (unless necessary of course) I have great faith that you will do as well as the rest of us have. Good luck and please let us know how it goes for you!

I know this response is really late, but I understand your dilemma.

NO YOU ARE NOT A WUSS!!!

Ask for the epidural first thing when you get to the hospital (it may take a while for the anesthesiologist to get there). This will help you rest and keep your strength for the pushing. Even with the epidural (which didn't wear off for me for many hours after labor was done), I still eventually felt really strong contractions. But for a while, I did get to sleep. Personally, I think the women who refuse the epidural are making things much more difficult (and potentially more dangerous) for themselves.

Good Luck!

You are definitely not alone in your fear! After the birth of our daughter, my HUSBAND said, "Never again! That was just too hard!" LOL!

I totally agree that you should find a birthing coach or doula. Their job is to make the whole thing as easy as possible for you. You go over exactly what you want with them, and they are your advocate. So while Daddy slips out to get a sandwich or sneaks into the bathroom to avoid fainting, you'll have someone by your side. Plus, they know tons about how to keep you calm and relaxed--postures, breathing, massages. My doula did battle with the one and only bad nurse we had. The nurse wanted to do things her way, but my doula got in her face, told her to get another nurse when she refused to do what I needed and stood her ground until someone wonderful replaced her.

That being said, coaches and doulas can be pricey. An easy, free solution is to write a birthing plan. You should be able to find a template/example online easily. It goes through everything you might want before, during and after labor. It gives you some time to think before things get rolling. Give it to your OB as soon as you finish it. Before one of your appointments, let them know you want to have time to go over it with him/her. Then have a copy for your husband, have a copy for your labor/delivery room...LOTS of copies! Hand one to the janitor! (Kidding!) And keep pointing it out to people! My birthing instructor said to put a nice big box of chocolates next to the one in your room! Everyone will read it while they munch! :-)

It sounds like you've definitely had TOO MUCH INFORMATION! And scary, bad information at that. The only thing that might be helpful at this point is to have a brief checklist of the progression of labor. It helped me a lot to know that, "Okay, I'm puking my guts out. This must be transition. This is normal, It'll pass soon. Then the next stage is..." Otherwise, I would've been terrified that something was wrong. But you don't need all of these R-Rated horror stories coming at you!

You might also ask your OB if there is someone you can talk to. A lot of hospitals have fabulous birthing support. A couple of sessions with a therapist or even a caring, seasoned nurse could do wonders for you.

Finally, if you're religious at all, I'd ask everyone you know to pray for you. God can calm any fears and take you through the darkest places in peace. I know that's the only way I made it through. (No meds. No choice. Long story!) Whatever place you're in, I'll be praying for you, D.. I promise you'll be okay!

Sending **BIG HUGS**

Oh D. - It will be okay. I also suffer from anxiety and depression, depression in the past, anxiety currently. I am the mother of an 8 year old girl and 11 month old boy. Labor does hurt, it's not fun, but the good news is that it is very short lived. You will forget about all the pain you went through as soon as that baby boy or girl is born! I think it is completely normal for any person to be apprehensive about delivery, but with your anxiety that just intensifies things. My suggestion to you is when you are feeling an anxiety attack coming on - practice your lamaze breathing...it will calm you, just as it will calm you during labor. With regard to your question about how long you have to wait before you get drugs, as soon as you ask they will tell you if you're ready or not. Somehow they just know. They can also give you demerol (which by the way made me puke but I wasn't as anxious) during labor to calm your nerves. You can talk to them about that in the very early stages of labor...YOU are the one in labor - they will listen to you and your needs and it is their job to make your requests. You will be good and it will all work out just fine. I promise that as soon as you hold that baby, you will know it is all worth it. And as an afterthought, since you know that you have anxiety and a history of depression, you might want to mention that to your OB at your very first check up - he/she might want to put you on an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant right away so that you don't get postpartom depression as easily. That is what they did for my second child because I had postpartum so bad with my first. Best wishes, and you will be great!!

D.,

Hopefully my experience will give you some ideas on how to make labor easier for you. I have given birth four times without any pain meds and have had pitocin with every delivery. (If they haven't told you, it's a med for women with stalled labor that speeds up your contractions and intensifies them to the point that they are off the chart.) I learned a couple hours into my first induced labor that relaxation is absolutely the key. At first I would get scared and clench my muscles. It literally increased the pain ten fold and I felt very out of control. Lamaze didn't work for me because it is a distraction method and I just couldn't get distracted.

So when the pain would start up, I would just go totally limp, almost like I was willing myself to pass out. No matter how bad it got, I just focused on keeping every muscle totally relaxed and trying to fall asleep almost. It was tremendously helpful and kept me in control. Once I could get on top of the contractions instead of them controlling me, it made labor very manageable. No screaming, no swearing, no "I'm never doing this again!" Would I want to go through it every day? No way! It still hurt, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

American women report having much more pain during deliveries than women in other parts of the world. Why? Because we see all these TV shows and movies where women are screaming like someone is gutting them with a dull, rusty knife and we expect it. It just isn't that bad if you decide it won't be.

Although an epidural was not my choice, I would recommend it for you if it will help you relax. Just have realistic expectations about what an epidural can and can't do. You can't get them on demand from the hospital because they tend to slow labor down. They will want you dialated somewhere between 3-6 centimeters before they will consider it. How long it takes to get to that point is anyone's guess. Some women endure hours of labor to get to a 3. Others can be at a 5-6 and not even know they are in labor. The epidural's strength will be lessened at the end of labor so you have enough feeling to help push the baby out. And it probably won't take all the feeling away during labor, just lessen it considerably.

My last bit of advice is to stop watching those shows. Will your delivery be pain free? Highly unlikely. But it is a matter of hours of discomfort and your reward lasts a lifetime. Try to stay focused on what you get out of the deal, not what you have to sacrifice to get your baby here.

Good luck,
S.

man, you'll probly get tons of stories on this one :) my story is really that i didn't even feel the "easy labor" and by the time i got in to the hospital it was about go time. That's how my family is. The best "advice" i ever got and pass on is to see how the women in your family labor- like your mom, g-ma, aunts any of them, if you can. likely you will follow similarly to at least some of them, that's the best predicator i think (mine was similar to my g-ma and aunt line through my dad, they all were the same about, and my sister closely followed the women in my mom's line...) also, i agree with the other poster, look at how you deal with pain and go from there :)

I understand completely how you feel. I too was so scared of the labor and delivery that when I did go into labor I didn't have a clue that I was in it since it wasn't that horrible screaming pain you see in movies. It was more like stomach cramps. By the time I went to the hospital, I still didn't believe I was truly in labor and expected the doctor to send me home. I was dilated to 5 and the fear of it made it start hurting more. Once the nurses told me how to breath (I didn't have child birth classes back then) and got me to calm down, it stopped being painful. As it turned out I had to have a emergancy C section and missed out on the natural childbirth but all went well with it and with the new little baby to hold and cuddle, it is so easy to forget the fear and the pain you did have. Remember Pain is mind over matter and if you don't allow yourself to give in to the pain it is easier to calm it down a lot. You will do fine and next year you won't think of the child birth in anyway but a blessing. Remember we seem to make unknown things worse in our minds then they really are.

Check out the movie "Orgasmic Birth" it might turn your head around little. And stop watching those baby shows on TV! It doesn't have to be like that. I recommend taking a hynobirthing class - I think you can still fit one in. They know how to relax and get out of your body's way! And you'll see good positive movies - it doesn't have to be horrible! I teach Bradley classes, but I think in situations with extreme anxiety - hypnobirthing is wonderful!

I totally understand where you are coming from! I actually fainted more than once watching childbirth videos as I was growing up. So, when I was pregnant with my first son, I decided I was going into the situation completely blind. I refused to take any classes, read or take part in any discussions about vaginal delivery. My doctor at first didn't agree, but when I explained to her my anxiety, she was okay with it. I had a strong desire for a c-section, so I focused all my attention on that. Whatever your desire... just envision it happening with great ease! Honestly, and I'm not just saying this... ALL my friends that have given birth have said the exact same thing, "It's really not that bad," and yes they did all have epidurals... and there is NOTHING wrong with having one! I think it's crazy not too.

When I had my son, I went through the mild labor, and it was just some cramping and back pain... I'm a big weenie, and it was definitely not the worst thing I've been through... not even close. Just several hours of medium menstrual cramps. After a day and a half I wasn't making progress so I got my c-section (my envisioning worked!) ;)

Also... you really need to talk to your OB about your anxiety and depression. They should have you on something right now! There are safe medications to take while you are pregnant, and if you are calm... the more smoothly things will go.

You can do this... millions of women do this. You'll be fine, and everything will be fantastic!!! Best wishes!

With my first one I got a epidural right away. But with my second there was no time. It was painful, but think about what you get for a little bit of pain. My son who is 5 pick some dandelions for me for mothers day, but forgot them outside. So last night he comes to me with a pile of dried out dandelions and tears in his eyes. "Mom I picked these for you for mothers Day, but now they are all dead." I put them in a vase anyway and proudly displayed them! My mom always tells me of the 18 hours of labor she went through. She tried to have more, but ended up having several miscarriages. Just be glad that you are having a healthy baby. Once the baby comes out it becomes all worth it in the end.

D.,
I too have a history of depression and anxiety...please continue to communicate with your doctor.
I can tell you that the epidural does wonders....the contractions do hurt, but honestly the time goes by so quickly that there isn't much time to focus on them.
The waiting is the tough part and you are so close to delivery that it is hard to not think of anything else but the delivery itself.
It is very hard to answer any of your questions, as every mom experiences labor differently. The best advice I can give you is to quit watching the programs and communicate your fears with your doctor. Good luck!

Hi D.

I feel for you with my daughter I was worried about the labor not knowing what was going to happen .
I am not trying to scare you but I had back labor and it hurt like heck . But I realized why it hurt so much was because I would tense up with each contraction . You need to relax and focus and I am not saying it will be easy but it will not hurt as much . So with my son I knew what was going on with my body no back labor normal labor and it was much easier to handle .
And with a epidural you need to be at least at 4 dialated to get it . I also learned you need to relax for your body to move along with the dialating . When you tense up it really slows down the labor . With my daughter I did not dialate tell I fell asleep and relaxed then it went fast .
Good luck with every thing I wish you a fast a happy labor and a beautiful new baby .

D.,
Labor is different for everyone. I have an extremely low tolerance for pain (I have fibromyalgia). However, early labor was very easy. I labored at home, went shopping, did some cleaning, etc. all day. Never even told my hubby. They really just felt like cramps. And, all day long they were 5-7 minutes apart. I finally went to the hospital around 10 that night.

Depending on where you go, there may be a whirlpool for you to labor in, which makes it easier. The nurses will do what they can to make you comfortable. You may surprise yourself with your level of pain tolerance.

There are drugs you can take, however, know that some of them (I chose not to have an epidural) are less effective with each injection.

Never lose sight of the wonderful gift you are bringing into the world! And, most women decide after birth never to have another child (I did), but usually end up changing their minds (I would love to have another).

You may want to look into hypnosis and other relaxation techniques. Help to ease your mind without the use of drugs.

Good luck, I am sure you will do well.

D.,

Don't worry. The rule of thumb is go into the hospital, when the contractions are 3 to 5 minutes apart and you are pretty uncomfortable, unless of course your water breaks. In that case, you should go in right away. When you go in, they will examine you to see how much you are dilated. In most cases, with first time moms, you will have plenty of time. After they examine you, if you are dilated to about a 3 to 5cm. they may have you walk around a while. This helps the process. They will examine you again, to see if dilation and effacement have progressed. In many cases they will break your water for you. Don't worry it doesn't hurt, actually it is more of a relief. If they break your water, your contractions will more than likely become more intense. Thats when the epidural comes in handy!!! You have to be adequately dilated and contracting before the epidural is placed, because you won't be able to get up and walk around after that. I highly recommend, as a mother of 2 to get the epidural!!! Just go in when your contractions are 3 to 5 minutes apart or you can't stand it. Once you have your epidural, you will be able to relax a little and just let the process happen. The OB RN will monitor you and the baby the entire time you are in labor.

My girlfriend just had a baby 2 weeks ago, with an epidural, and she said it was the best decision she ever made. She had her first son 10 years ago, naturally, and she says, "it gives new meaning to the Burnin' Ring of Fire". It was also the best thing I have ever done too. I actually decided to have a second child!

I think you will surprise yourself. Your not a wuss, you just haven't done this before. It is only natural to be anxious. GIVE YOURSELF SOME CREDIT!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Blessings to you and your new baby.

S.

I had my son when I was 19 and only used a little pain meds towards the end with the bad contractions. I had first daughter and did the same. With my last daughter I had an epidural and I swear I will never give birth without one again.

I will say the one thing that gets me through having babies is this. I tell myself over and over again that no matter how bad labor sucks, I won't live there. Like I won't still be in labor a week from now. I will get through it and go back to do things without contractions even being involved. Does that make sense? I always get really stressed and scared towards the end of my pregnancies. I think it's normal.

Who knows. You may be one of those women that everyone envies that just has a few contractions and pushes the baby right out. I wish this for you. But if not, you are stronger than you think. Keep your chin up!

Looks like you have had a lot of responses already but thought I would add my 2 cents worth. You can get an epidural as early as you want. With my first I had an epidural when I was only at 1 cm and contractions were bearable. I had not gone into active labor but my water had already broke so they were going to give me pitocin. I insisted I get the epidural prior to inducing. Didn't feel a thing and slept through the labor until it was time to push.

Second child I was also induced and requested an epidural prior to inducing. The nurse talked me out of getting it right away though because she said sometimes the pitocin doesn't get things going and they have to send you home. Well I let them start the pitocin but within 1 hr got the epidural (again only 1 cm dilated) because I didn't want to get too far with the pain. After the epidural, watched a movie and didn't even get through the end of the movie before I had to push. No pain at all!

Talk to your doctor ahead of time and make sure she is on the same page with you. Make sure she/he will let you get the epidural early. If not find another doctor. This is your delivery and you have the right to get the epidural as ealy as you want.

When you do go into labor and get to the hospital, make sure you tell them first thing that you are going to want an epidural so that they can get an IV started right away.

Try not to worry. I too have a low tolerance for pain but don't feel one bit guilty for getting the epidural. Think about it this way...would you go into surgery without being anesthetized? Why is delivery any different?

Good luck. You will do fine and in the end you will wonder why you worried at all.

Good morning! I had a baby 12 months ago and am considering doing it again. I hated being pregnant but after you realize what comes of it, it was well worth it.

I am a very strong person and the best advise I can give you is get the epideral as soon as you are in pain. I waited which was not the smartest. They can give you higher doses if your pain is too intense. I was in labor for 24 hours.

The best advise I can give is do not think about it. When it happens, it becomes natural and your body tells you what to do. I do not handle stress well either and let me tell you, once my son came out, it was like the stress came out with him. It was amazing. People say, you have no idea what you are in for but to be honest, the pregnancy was worse then giving birth because it goes so quick and there are Drs. there supporting you.

We went to the birthing classes and they were telling you to bring a picture or a focal point. I thought they were nuts. I just went in, and kept thinking about the end result and that worked very well for me.

I actually went through the emotional, physical feelings/body changes most do not experience in one pregnancy. SO, if you have questions, ask. If you would like to contact me at anytime, feel free. I am not an expert but I have experienced birth and know the fears you are facing.

You can get the epideral when ever you are ready. Better to order it sooner than later becuase it takes a bit to get anethesia up to your room and for it actually to kick in.

Best of luck--I know it is hard but you can do it---I did.

I also have an anxiety disorder, so consider this in that light: the hardest part of the anticipation and the delivery itself is the utter surrender to your body and it's process. There is absolutely no way to tell if you're going to have a three hour labor (as a friend of mind had, TWICE, saying immediately after each one "I want to do that again!") or if it will be the average 12-16 hours, or if it will be the marathon 24-30 hours (both of mine.) But also let me say: your body knows what its doing. By the time things really get going, you really do go into another part of your brain, you're in another world even from the other people in the room with you. It is intense, and it hurts like hell - but not in the way you might think. Your body knows what it's doing - it doesn't hurt like you've just been in a car accident or fallen off a cliff. It does hurt with a purpose - and that's not a mindset, or an attitude - your body knows what its doing. Try to pay attention to what you body wants you to do when labor starts - if it wants you to move, move. If it wants to sit still, sit still. Sway, hum, pant, chant, tap your feet, rock, bend over, stand up straight - whatever your body wants. It knows what its doing and it will carry your through this.

You have a few weeks to go, so I *highly* recommend this - it was a huge help to me in the weeks leading up to and during labor.

http://www.healthjourneys.com/Product_Detail.aspx?catid=1...

put it on your ipod and listen to it every night before bed. Listen to it any time during the day that you start to feel anxious (and that you can devote 20 minutes only to listening - don't do it in the car or anything.) I have found guided imagery to be surprisingly powerful in dealing with anxiety. After you have listened to it with intention for a week or so, you can fall asleep to it - your body will be starting to create a habit of relaxing and releasing while listening to these words. Listen to it at least once a day every single day - it's only 20 minutes, and the repetition is what makes it work. Bring the CD with you when you go into labor - on a CD player, or laptop, I tried to use an ipod and it just got in my way.

Know that you are not alone - look at all the responses you've gotten - of support and solidarity and hopefulness and strength.

You might want to think about giving each of your friends a family a candle, and when you go into labor, call everyone and ask them to light the candle and think of you. It may give you great strength to know that all the people you love and keeping their minds and hearts focused on you while your body does this hard and amazing thing. It might help you to feel not alone.

Good luck. You will do great, no matter how it goes. At the end, you will have a baby, and you and your spouse and your baby will be a family.

Peace to your heart -

I think a lot of women are worried and scared about labor. I know I was- I had never so much had an iv before having my son. We had an awful labor, too, which ended in a c-section (which are great and I'm getting repeats). With that being said, labor is not fun. BUT, it is so very worth every second of pain the minute you see and hold your child. After all that I went through, I can't wait to have another. There are things prior to the epidural that are very helpful. Massaging the lower back and legs, taking a hot shower/bath, breathing correctly. All these things do help. When you want an epidural, they will certainly give you one. Don't try to hold out. There's no use suffering when you have options. When I got my epidural, they also gave me a spinal block. This is because the epidural takes roughly 20-30 minutes to work and the block is instantly. Be sure to ask for that if it is too much and 1/2 hour seems too long to wait. I'm not saying that I had a hard labor to scare you- just to let you know that it's just a rough moment you have to go through to get a lifetime of happiness and love.

I don't have time to read through all of your responses, so I apologize if I am repeating anything. Have you considered hiring a doula? She can help you with everything that you need much better than any pain medication is able to. You may have more issues than just the pain you are worrying about. Did you know that an epidural just plain doesn't work sometimes? Do you have any plans to handle birth beyond medication? Do you understand all of the risks that you are subjecting your baby to? Please get informed.

I have four boys and with 3 of them I had an epidural. My third boy decided he didn't want to wait for the doctor who was doing the epidural to show up. The doctors usually like you to wait as long as possible before you get the epidural because it can slow down the labor process. With my first one it actually stopped my contractions so they had to turn it off.
I understand your stressing out about it, I did every time even after my first one and I knew what to expect. If they want you to wait for a while before you can have your epidural, you can always ask for something to take the edge off the contractions. I think I was given demerol with one of my labors. The breathing does help. just remember that the doctors will do their best to kepp you comfortable, and when it's all done, you won't remember the pain because you'll have a beautiful new baby to hold. Good luck.

Wow you have a lot of responses already and I have not read all 98 of them so forgive me if I am repeating something.

First of all, IT WILL BE OKAY. One thing my dad said over and over again when I was pregnant was "Women have been giving birth for a long long time...you will do fine" That sounds dumb but it was actually reassuring for me. Imagine all of the women throughout history who have given birth. They didn't even have the technology and experience way back when and they got through it still. You can do it too.

I actually did not have any medication at all during labor. I wanted to experience everything. I wanted a clear mind. And moving around was extremely important to me. I wanted to be able to walk when I wanted [especially to help the labor progress], sit down when I wanted, and in the end I was on all fours until my sons head was crowning. That was an amazingly efficient position because it took the pressure off my back [I had ALL back labor] and gravity was helping too. I went into labor on the 14th and had my son on the 16th...it was long, but honestly it is not as terrible as you think it will be. I would definitely suggest staying home as long as you think you can. Eat something, take a bath, and take your time when you do have to go to the hospital. And instead of thinking about the pain, think of it as "pressure"...that is how I got through it. The pain is all in your mind. Just imagine a lot of pressure, and that pressure will go away as soon as the baby comes out. Labor is only temporary. You will feel nothing when the baby is out. You can get through it. You will have this baby just like all of the women throughout history. And it will be wonderful... and as soon as you are finished you will be able to hold your beautiful new child and rest knowing that you have done a great job.

You've probably read books and lists of things you should bring with you to the hospital...You will be so focused on getting that baby out that you probably wont even remember to put your favorite CD on or light your favorite scented candle or look at "inspiring images". The only thing you really need is a camera, a car seat, and a couple of changes of clothes for you and the baby. The hospital has everything else. And you will only be there for a couple of days so it is pointless to pack a whole bunch of things that you most likely wont even touch and will have to carry home. One other thing you might want to get is breast pads. Even if you are not going to breastfeed, you will still leak, and not all hospitals provide those. The hospital has food of course, but tell your family to bring you a couple of meals. The first thing I ate was Subway because I had avoided deli meat for my whole pregnancy. It was so good! Things high in fiber are good because you will probably be pretty constipated after giving birth.

Before you go home with the baby, grab some extra of those giant pads they give you right away and also regular maxi pads to bring home [you can't use tampons!]. Ask for a couple of packs of newborn diapers too. If you get two or three packs from the hospital, chances are you wont even need anymore newborn ones because by the time you run out of those your baby will most likely be in size 1 already [compare a newborn diaper to size 1 they are like the exact same size].
Anyway, I hope that helped a little. Everything will be fine. Congratulations!

Do what Sue W recommends. The root of the fear is probably anxiety/depression (related). You'll lose no face by seeing a therapist. (More people are using therapists than you might think!)

Escape to fiction tv (not reality!)

Childbirth is different for everyone. Just remember that by delivering in a hospital, you're surrounded by experts who want everything to go smoothly, too.

D., you are not alone. I too like you had many of the same fears - I dreaded L-day. However, I found that my fears and anxiety were much worse than the actual experience. For me, the entire day was a very surreal experience, and went by in what now seems like seconds. And to be honest looking back, it was the best day of my life. I hope you too have the same outcome after feeling so scared.

I would also recommend you discuss your feelings with your doctor and make sure that your chart reflects your wishes for pain medication for the hospital.

Hi D.,
This was my outlook. Women have been handling this for years and have been fine so I decided I would be. We did the Bradley method, which has a helpful attitude. I had a long slow labor and mostly I just did what I needed to do and paused occaisionaly. My labor was more like strong period cramps than anything else. I never did take anything other than some Mead (a kind of honey wine) to relax me apon the midwifes recommendation. As far as an epidural, sorry can't help you with that, I hadn't planned for one and didn't feel the need for it. My take you will be fine, you are not alone in this, many people will be there to help it go as smoothly as possible for you and your baby.
Peace and blessings,
S.

I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious. I was also very anxious before my first delivery. I've given birth twice. (I did not choose to use an epidural, but most women do and you certainly should not feel that is a "wussy" choic.) What I wanted to say was that for me the fear of the unknown - not knowing how long labor would last and how much more difficult it might get - was FAR more difficult than the pain itself. For me, reading many books and learning as much as I could about the birth process helped a lot (not watching those shows on TV; they are going to air stuff that's dramatic and that's not helpful). But if that's not helping you, turn your mind to thinking about what you CAN do.

Try to plan and practice some strategies for relaxing your body and mind to cope with contractions until you're able to get the epidural. Tensing up your body makes pain more intense. Think about meditating, or imagining waves lapping on a beach, or counting clouds floating through a blue sky or whatever image makes you feel relaxed. Make up an encouraging phrase to repeat to yourself like a mantra. If you like to walk, you can plan to go for a walk during early labor, or sit in the bathtub, or put on some music. Whatever you do to relax in other situations.
And best wishes for your birth!

I so understand how you are feeling. You do need to just try to relax. It is not as painful as what you see on tv or what people may be telling you. The more calm and relaxed you are the easier it is. The epidural can be given very early but you do want to try to hold of until you have at least reached 4cm. Ask you Dr, he/she will tell you. Sometimes the epidural can slow down the process so that is why I would try to hold of a little. After you get that epidural you really do not feel much pain. I was in labor for 10 hours and the worst pain that I really had was my back from laying in the bed. Just keep in the back of your mind the beautiful baby that you will soon get to meet.

My little guy is now 3 1/2 months. Since he is my only child, I too was terrified about EVERYTHING!!!! I am the biggest wuss when it comes to pain. I freaked out days before he was born and made myself so sick worrying about everything. I didn't think I would be able to handle giving birth. When I got to the hospital I explained to the staff and my Dr. that I'm not good at handling pain and that I would need extra help and assistance. I was in labor for a long time but never really started dialating. Even though I wasn't really dialated, I thought the pain was enough for me to get an epideral. The staff at the hospital listened to my request and the epideral actually helped speed up the process of dialating. When I felt like I was still in pain, I told the staff. I was actually given a second epideral. Before we knew it, my baby was halfway out and only 3 pushes later he was here!!! The staff at the hospital are there to help you. Its theyre job to see that patients are taken care of and comfortable. Labor isn't as bad as I thought at all. And with great hospital staff, you will be ok. Just give the staff a heads up on your feelings. You can do it!!! Good Luck!!!!

oh sweetie i will pray for you. yes, u have to realize that it comes to an end at some point. you will not live in it forever. and i promise it's bearable because you're doing it for your sweet baby that has grown in you for 9 months! you can do it. and i know it sounds insane but the time does go by quickly. i had a very long natural labor (i won't freak u out with how long)and i can tell you it honestly didn't feel that long. you usually should be able to get an epidural around 4cm and the early ones are easy ones. they really don't last much longer than 30 seconds. but u need to realize that if you don't let your body work, and try to relax as much as possible, even 4cm will take longer than it should. it TRULY is mind over matter. i have a sister who struggles with anxiety and depression as well so i know exactly how u struggle. she hasn't had a baby, but i know how she copes with things and i PROMISE YOU CAN DO THIS! just realize as much as u can that this is natural and our bodies know best. if you can give into labor in the early stages you will get to your epidural quicker. good luck and please keep us all posted!

I would talk to my OB if I were you and let her know that I was having terrible anxiety. She will better know what to advise the nurses what to do for you when you go into labor that way. Maybe you need some anti-anxiety medication now. You should discuss all of this with your doctor.

In general I think that you need to change your thinking. Fear puts us in a weak state. Fearing the inevitable is futile. We could all sit around every day and fear death because it's going to happen and may be very painful, but we don't. We put it out of our minds and get on with life. You need to do the same thing with this. Stop obsessing about it. (I know. Easier said than done.) One way or another you will give birth. It may be difficult, but there is no other choice but to get through it. You need to have confidence that whatever happens during your delivery you can handle it. Which is the absolute truth. My deliveries were far from ideal, but I lived through them and have two beautiful children. It's totally worth it.

I'm not sure if this will help you or not. I have 2 girls. My first child I was in labor/induced for 2days and then a c-section. My 2nd was labor/ then c-section also.

I think having my wisdom teeth pulled was a worse experiance. I think potty training 2year olds is worse.

Seriously giving birth or having a c-section whatever however that baby comes out is the most wonderful experiance in the world. If it was so horrible people wouldn't go on to have kid#2 or kid#6

You'll do just fine!

Hi D.,
Talk to your doctor about your anxiety and your feeling about pain control. Weeks before I delivered, my doctor and I spoke about pain control and he wrote everthing down and relayed my wishes to the nurses when I arrived at the hopsital. Birthing should not have be a horrible experience. I will tell you though, make sure to have pain meds..my first was delivered after 27 hours and no meds. I think I was crazy..worst pain I had ever been in! I was asking for pains meds at the check in desk when I went in for my second child! A little older and wiser I guess then. Good Luck!
T.

Hi D.,

Congrats on that baby! Remember, God made your body the way He did so you can have babies. So, consider yourself already equiped and trained. That's half the battle, right there!

Secondly, you need to hear that not every delivery is a horror story and that most women like to make their's out to be one for the excitement of scaring someone who hasn't done it (and especially the men folk!).

I don't usually share my delivery story because I tend to get dirty looks, but you need to hear it. I went in for my 37 week appointment and found out I had preeclampsia. They did a quick check with the ultrasound to see if my baby was breech (she was) and scheduled my c-section for about 4 hours later. By the time I was admitted to my room, IV hooked up and my husband finally getting there, I was sent in for my c-section. I had my baby without contractions, no water breaking, and no pushing.

My point is that no matter how much I was preparing for childbirth, it didn't happen the way I thought it would. Everytime you start to worry about delivery, think about holding your baby for the first time. THERE IS NOTHING LIKE IT! You will do fine.

You must let us know how it went and how darn cute your little baby is once you are home and not too sleep deprived to type coherent sentences!

With my first pregnancy my early labor was just cramps like I would get with my period, my mom had to tell me that I was in labor and it was time to go to the hospital (I was 19 at the time). Got some pain meds when I got to the hospital, I got to the hospital at about 8am and had Ryan before noon. With my twins every time I was in preterm labor I didn't know it (I was on home monitoring at the time due to higher risk pregnancy), when I was induced with my twins that labor was a little bit stronger (the doctors wanted them out as fast as I could get them out due to my blood pressure getting high and I was spilling protein in my urine - preeclampsia) but as soon as I was dialated to 3 I was able to get an epidural and after that it was smooth sailing even while delivering them, I didn't feel a thing below my belly. Good luck, like you said everybody is different, the best thing to do is to have a birthing plan in place - especially for an epidural (I told the guy who gave me my epidural that I loved him after it was in place).

M.

D.,
I think that your fears are shared by many first-time mothers, I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my first child. The truth is, labor really is different for everybody. I was in labor most of the day before I went to the hospital and I will assure you its is most definitely bearable, much like menstrual cramps that occur at predictable intervals. I made a conscious decision to just take labor one step at a time, rather than focussing on how long it could possibly last. I ended up never having an epidural, not because I was fearful that it would hurt the baby but because I wanted to experience childbirth.
Having a supportive partner, friend, etc is crucial. As is getting up and walking around. If you just lay in bed throughout your entire labor it will likely prolong things as well as give you nothing else to focus on. I personally thought about the millions of women who have been doing this for hundreds of years, which is the a great reason to believe you can do it as well!
I would stop watching videos about it and just focus on the baby! Labor is not unreasonably painful and I am sure you will be just fine!

You do not have to go through pain if you cannot handle it. You should tell your doctor that you are not able to handle pain and will need something to help you through the labor. Tell your doctor NOW. You can get a couple of different things to help with the pain before you get the epidural. (I'm sorry, I can't remember what the names are right now.) I did that and it was great. I could still feel the contractions, but they were like mild cramps like when you first get your period - nothing too bad. Then, when those started to wear off and weren't going to help anymore (they only work until you are at a 5), I got my epidural. But you are able to get an epidural as soon as you want one. I have 2 children and each one, I was asked when I wanted them and was told to just let them know, so they could get it ready. I would tell them as soon as you get to the hospital, that you want it, so they can get it for you. Sometimes, it takes up to a half hour (sometimes longer) for the anthseiologist (I know this is spelled wrong) to get there, especially if he/she has other patients that day. The most important thing is for you to talk to your doctor now about this and ask to go over the different options for the meds and then have them written down (put the list in your hospital bay or purse so you have it with you whenever you end up going into labor), so when you get into the hospital, you know exactly what you want. And you don't have to try to remember, you can just get the list or your husband can get it. You need to get your rest now before your baby comes. I think talking with your doctor and having a plan beforehand will help relieve some of the stress. You do not have to be in pain if you cannot handle it. 2 of my sisters were scared and stressed about labor and deliver and couldn't handle much pain and they did just fine. My one sister had 4 children and she is a complete wuss when it comes to pain. I know you can do this. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you. Best wishes!!

I learned two very good things from my childbirth class that got me through labor:
1. Focus on your goal: healthy baby, healthy Mom. Our teacher, who is also a doula recommended we bring a focus object to remind us of the goal. We brought a cute little hat that my husband made. When contractions were uncomfortable, I could think about the healthy little baby that would be wearing that hat.

2. Positive thinking can get you long way. As you're going to the hospital, just keep saying "I'm going to go get my baby! I'm going to do this!" and remember that the hospital staff knows what they are doing -- they've seen situations just like yours -- and they will help you.

Remember, the more relaxed you are, the more likely you will be to dilate faster -- that's good motivation right there!

We did try to stay at home for a while once my contractions started. My husband made me a great smoothie and we had fun timing the contractions (which in my case weren't bad -- they were equivalent to mild-medium menstrual cramps). Once the contractions were regular and close together, we went to the hospital and I was already dilated to 8!

I really believe that actively thinking about all the good things to come will help redirect your focus away some from the anxiety you're feeling.

I know you have gotten a lot of responses but I just have to. you sound so much like me with my first. I was 9 days late having him and off work for those days so I watched ALL the baby births I could on TV and freaked myself out.

I was induced for the first and my second came a week early. Both times the cramps started out about as bad as a period and they progress from there. I had back labor with both which to be honest was EXCRUTIATING but had the epidural and was fine then.

I am not going to kid you... this is probably the worst pain you will ever endure BUT THE MOST WORTHWHILE. My epidural wore off before my son came out and I felt everything but the minute he was put in my arms I quit feeling anything and had this overwhelming sense of love for this child. Nothing else mattered.

the pain is just taht pain but it goes away. Your hospital staff will not let you just suffer through anything but will encuorage you and make you comfortable.

Stop worrying I guarantee you the minute you see your baby everything else fades in the background. If it didn't none of us would have another child!! If you are that concerneda bout pain talk pain options with your doctor. You can't get an epidural until a certain point b/c it could stop your labor but you shuoldn't be in too bad of pain until then. Manageable pain lasting about 30 seconds every couple of minutes. You will do great. Stop worrying and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

D.,
I don't know if it will help, but I had a painless labor. None of my contractions were painful or excruciating. I didn't have pain meds. I did, however, have a lot of faith in the birth process and read many many many positive birth stories. Ina May Gaskin has some great books with birth stories from Moms. They are completely different than the popular media's version of birth which is mostly drama and screaming and, in my experience, completely unrealistic. There are also great birth stories online. You can check out gentlebirth.com or mothering.com/discussions to read some.
Know too, that the more fear you have, the more things may hurt as when you produce adrenaline when you're scared, it blocks your natural endorphins that keep pain under control. I prepared for my whole pregnancy for my birth and most of it was beautiful. I'm 31 weeks with my second now, and very much looking forward to this birth.
Also, it's not too late to look into getting a doula. Doula's come to your house the first moment you think you're in labor, know a lot about comfort measures to make you comfortable, help you know when to go to the hospital, help your partner not freak out/be involved and then stay with you, supporting you till the baby is born. I wouldn't give birth in a hospital without one as I think that would be scarier than being at home with my midwives. Good luck to you. I think it can be really hard to overcome our culture of birth fear, especially starting so late in pregnancy, but women have been doing this for thousands of years and many women have more than one child. The whole race can't be THAT crazy. You are stronger than you think and no matter what your birth is like, you will survive it and learn something.
S.

First of all, even though you didn't ask for advice, I want to tell you that you should be ready to take an antidepressant immediately after giving birth. I too have dealt with depression and anxiety and with my first pregnancy I decided to stop all medication and I had post-partum depression that bordered on psychosis and I suffered a lot longer than I should have. After seeking help I was told that woman that have a history of depression should NOT be off medication after delivery because of the high-risk in developing severe post-partum depression. My doctor told me I should have never went off of it while pregnant. With my second I decided to stay on my medication and my husband made sure I took it as soon as I could after delivery and I was so much happier. It was like night and day between the experiences!!!! So I don't want to add more stress to you, but I feel I need to pass this along because no one should have to go through what I did.

As for the delivery and being scared I think you should try to think about how you currently handle pain and go from there. I am someone who is quiet, doesn't want anyone to touch me or talk to me when I am in pain and that is how I was during both births. And I made it very clear to my husband and nurses. You need to do what helps you the most and not worry about what the "classes" say. I had my eyes closed almost the whole time and just focused on breathing and the "professionals" don't think you should do that, but that is how I cope with pain the best. The only thing I had my husband do was to rub my feet during the early stages because it helps me relax. So think about what helps you get through pain and then do that.

You may also be quite surprised by how you do. I have a friend who is "tough" and has peircings and tattoos and she could not handle labor and requested every drug available, and she was proud of it. :) She didn't care what people thought, she just wanted to be pain-free.

Your labor pain could be so many different things. With my first the nurses kept asking how they were feeling and kept focusing on my belly area and I didn't feel anything there. I only felt pressure/pain in my back/butt area. It turned out that I was having back labor and my baby was facing up instead of down. With my second I felt the contraction in my abdomen and it was a completely different pain. Both were painful but in completely different ways.

As for medication, make it know VERY clearly that you want pain medication and don't let anyone talk you out of it. You may do fine without it since you have never given birth, but because you are so worried I think it is best that you go this route to calm you down. With my first I had nubaine(sp) which allows you to sleep/relax in-between contractions, but you still feel your contractions. And that is all I got because epidurals do not work on me. I also did not feel any increased pain while she was crowning and while pushing out the head. With my second they were able to get an epidural to work for about 10 minutes and I tried to push and I hated it because I couldn't feel anything!!!! I asked them to take it out so I could feel the contractions and push better and they did.

The beginning contraction to me felt like the worst diarrhea like cramps I have had. I'm sure everyone feels it different, but that is what I thought and I thought it was managable. Your contractions will get stronger (more painful), last longer, and come more quickly as labor progresses. For me the hardest part wasn't that they were stronger but that they came more frequently and I didn't have the time to recover and refocus between them. It would be like getting stung by a bee once.....it hurts and it sucks, but you get over it. If you got stung every 15 minutes it would still hurt but you have time to relax, but if you are getting stung every 30 seconds it is extremely hard to deal with. This happened with my second because I ended up having an emergency c-section and they kept trying to give me another epidural and the contractions at that point were constant and I finally lost it. I yelled and cried and started throwing up and told them to put me out now!!!! (that was after I apologized to everyone for throwing up and losing my cool) My first wasn't like that at all.

I know everyone keeps telling you that it is different for everyone and you don't want to hear it, but it is. And I'm sure you are going to get a ton of replies that are like mine and will tell you that each birth is different. I personally think that you should keep watching births on TLC or wherever until you are so sick of watching you would rather stick a fork in your eye. And keep reading about different experiences. I read non-stop and watched 100's of births on tv so I could see as many different experiences as I could. It might be scary, but eventually it shouldn't be as bad.

Make sure you know what you want and you tell your partner, husband, Mom, doctor nurses and whoever else is going to be around. And if you change your mind in the middle of it all, then do it. I kicked some people out at certain times and didn't feel bad at all.

I also know you are very near the end, but you might benefit from a doula or some sort of birthing coach besides your husband.

And don't feel bad about the birthing class making you feel worse. I didn't finish my first set of classes because they were not doing anything for me and the person (who was a nurse) wasn't able to answer the questions I needed answered. She would brush of concerns because she said the liklikhood of them happening was slim. I ended up having severe complications with both births and could have benefited from her knowledge and instead I learned on my own by reading and was prepared only because I prepared myself. There are probably some fantastic classes out there, but listening to and questioning (sympathetic) Mom's is sometimes better.

I'm sorry if this is so long, but I really want you to be able to have a great birth!!! Yes, it does hurt and you will think during it that you will never want to do it again, but it is so wonderful and so worth it!!! And afterwards you will forget the pain.

Please email if you want to chat or ask more questions, although I am sure that you are going to get so many responses you won't have many questions left :)

I felt the exact same way with my first child! I was absolutely terrified and anxious about the labor and delivery. I had plans to get an epidural as soon as I possibly could because I have very low pain tolerance. Things did not work out that way and I unexpectedly progressed too quickly and missed my window of opportunity to get an epidural (after barely progressing all day I suddenly went from a 4 to a 9 in an hour!). When they told me I didn't get an epidural i want to just pack up and go home, and call the whole thing off! I was not prepared to do it without pain medicine. But once I calmed down and accepted it, I did fine. My son was healthy and beautiful and it was all worth it. When I was pregnant with my second son I knew I could face whatever happened and I wasn't worried about it one bit. I actually chose to have an unmedicated water birth (a wonderful option they offer at the hospital near me). It was the most wonderful experience I have ever had. So empowering! I felt so proud of myself. It was still painful but totally manageable (and nothing compared to my experience with my first son). I stayed calm and it went very quickly. At one point I decided maybe I did want an epidural after all, but they checked me and I was already 10cm and ready to push. So I no longer felt the need for an epidural and 10 minutes later my son was born! I still have such wonderful memories of it and I look forward to doing it again!! I hated the pregnancy was miserable (and don't look forward to doing that again) but I do look forward to the delivery. Weird, I know! Anyway, the only advice I can give you is to be prepared in case things don't go the way you imagine, and have faith in yourself! You can do it!!! Oh, and I wanted to add that recovery after my second son was a breeze. I was up and walking around 5 minutes after having him, and I walked back to my room by myself. I was feeling anxious to go home after only a couple hours! I was shopping and making cookies with my older son only a couple days later too.

I had a lot of fear too. I've had 2 kids now, and it's not that bad. My advice is to endure the contractions as long as you can, and then get an epidural. The doctors want you to wait as long as you can, because it can slow down the process. But there is no rule that says you can't have one as soon as you think you need it. Make sure the anesthesiologist is close-by (one time I had to wait for about 2 hours for him to get to me), and then get it when you're ready. You'll be fine.

Dear D., I want to hug you and tell you everything will be alright! You will be amazed when your baby arrives in your arms, and will love that baby. Do you know boy or girl yet? Have you named baby? Those will be wonderful things to focus on, if you know, or the excitement of finding out. That being said, it hurts, and the pain meds are wonderful! I have the intrathecal for our births, and would not change it. I have given birth 8 times, in varying ways. C-section, vaginal, with and without pain meds, and decided two deliveries ago that I just didn't need to go through all the pain again! So, the midwife knows that I want it, and ASAP! And she works with me to get me to the point where I can have it and makes sure we are ready by doing things like giving me the extra saline early so we are ready when I get to four cm to do the pain meds right away. Talk to your provider and share your thoughts and fears, and ask their opinion on how to best handle it... Best wishes, S.

Maybe you should consult the therapist who treated you in the past for your depression and anxiety. It sounds like some therapy sessions in the next few weeks might be helpful and you can consult him/her about medications you might need after delivery. Best wishes and enjoy the new baby.

Oh my goodness sweetheart, first I PROMISE everything is going to be okay. It's totally terrifying the first time not knowing what's going to happen but it's really not as bad as everyone says. Plus you leave with a sweet little baby, and forget any bad.

You need to talk to your doctor, and ask him/her at what point you can get the epidural. Every doctor and hospital is different.

The birthing classes are misleading, as these days people are really strongly leaning towards the natural birthing movement. I did a refresher course too in March and it pretty much was all about how to do everything without drugs.

Personally, I was dilated to 3+ centimeters when I was admitted to the hospital to deliver my son. At that point they told me I could have the epidural whenever I wanted. I had one contraction and asked for it because I too am a "big, fat, wuss" :) The contraction wasn't that bad, I was just worried about pain control.

It was painful when I pushed my son out, but I assure you it's manageable. I too was FREAKED out about all the horror stories tell you. The thing you have to remember is that everyone's experience is COMPLETELY different. I know you said that it doesn't work for you but everyone responds to pain, medication, and stress differently. SO you can't watch TV, talk to people, and get the exact way things will go for you. As you go through the next four weeks, your body is preparing for labor oftentimes by dilating through the braxton hicks.

I completely understand your anxiety, and I too have suffered with depression. It's a lot to bring your first child into the world, but it's nothing you can't handle. You will be at the hospital, and they won't let you suffer for hours on end I promise.

Congrats on the new baby on the way. I am a mom of three and was terrified the first time. Once it comes to going into labor your fears melt away and you are focus on the excitement of having the baby come soon. Yes it does hurt, but it is so worth it. I couldn't have an epideral until I was dialated to 3. Once I got the epidural it was a walk in the park. The doctor told me okay it's time to push and all I felt was pressure. I brought some of my favorite relaxation music with to the hospital and a deck of cards cause once I got the epidural my husband and I played cards until it was time to push. Just think about how exciting it will be to hold him or her. Good luck,.

Hi D.....when I expressed fear over delivery to some of my girlfriends one of them said, "if it truly was TERRIBLE there would be a lot more single child families" Hmmm...I didn't think of it that way and wouldn't you know it, I now have 3 kiddos. In some weird way, you do "forget" the pain/pushing....that probably doesn't help too much now, but something for you to keep in the back of your mind. I would check with your doctor/doctor group about their philosophy on epidurals. I delivered or first son with a group of doctors (meaning, you got who ever was on call when you went into labor)I was told their views varied widley. I was told some only allowed you have an epidural in a certain time frame (after 4 cm, but before 8 cm) and others were very leinent with it. So I prayed and I prayed and I prayed that I would get a leinent doctor. AND I did! The first thing she said to me was, "are you wanting an epidural?" Since it was my first child I said, "probably, but when can I get it" She answered "when ever you want....you are the boss here!" My second son was induced so that was much more controled, and my third one arrived 2 hours after my water broke so there wasn't time for much pain releif, but is was quick!!! Are you seeing anyone for your anxiety or depression? My sister in law was offer her medication for her bipolar disorder during pregnancy and she was seriously needing to get back on it by the end of her pregnancy....her psychologist spoke with her OB and she was scheduled to be induced a little early so she could get back on her meds. I will pray for you and that little baby....keep your eye on the prize :) Good luck to you!

PS Turn off the TV....remember if it was a peaceful/uneventful delivery, it probably wouldn't be on the show!!! Who would watch that??? :)

Hi D.,

We're all here for you and completely understand! I went through a very similar stage as I got closer to giving birth. I was so terrified of the pain. I've never broken a bone or had a surgery in my life and didn't know how I would handle the pain.

But seriously, it's not as bad as you think. As other mother's have said, no one would have more than one child if it was that bad. And the stuff on t.v. makes me crazy! They show the worst parts of labor, such as the very end pushing, not the hours of boring labor with minor pain. They want the drama for their ratings. Its actually a pet peeve of mine that you can't see a normal delivery on t.v.

In my labor, I went mostly natural. I did request a mild narcotic to dull the pain when I was having back labor, but other than that, it truly was all bearable, and very empowering. But if you want an epidural, do it. You need to feel comfortable if thats important to you.

Try watching the documentary, "The Business of Being Born". It is a Pro-Natural birth documentary, but it still might make you feel better about giving birth as it shows some women giving birth without all the drama. The good and bad, a normal delivery.

Once again, good luck and we all understand! It will be okay!

S.

Firs of all, Hang in there! Anxiety about labor and delivery is completely normal! I also suffer from anxiety and depression and the extra horemones that your body produces during the last few weeks makes it almost unbearable at times. You can see a homeopathic practitioner-mine helped enormously! Also, rememer this is only a short period and it will end! You can get an epidural pretty much any time you want- you really won't need one before you're asking for it!
Stay away from tv births scary books what ever. Americans have a totally worped sense of child birth. It can be such a positive, overpowering experience. Try reading ina mays natural guide to childbirth by ina may gaskin. It is a natural process that many women have been doing for years-many with little or no pain! Our society trains us into thinking that giving birth is a horable, scary, painful thing. If we think this is the way it wil be, then that will be how it will be! Mind over matter!
(The epidural option is always reassuring, too!)

D.,

I felt a lot like you did -- I always thought I was a complete wuss too. I absolutely hated watching the videos of births, and I actually looked away so I wouldn't feel nauseated. Everyone has their own gag factor, and that's definitely mine! Those videos don't help in the slightest. Try to block those out -- that's what I did anyway. The "easy" labor (for me) really was easy. The contractions start off feeling like you're starting your period. They got a little stronger, hour by hour, but still not bad AT ALL. The "pain" comes on gradually, and you won't have to bear anything you can't handle. Honestly, the worst part of the whole experience was getting the needle stuck in my back. I'm not a fan of shots or needles either, but that was really the worst part of it for me. I hope this gives you some hope. Good luck!

You sound like you are under so much stress! I would very much encourage you to seek out a counselor who can help you manage your fear. My impression is that there may be some underlying fear of something else (loss of control? fear of the unknown?) that is surfacing now as fear of pain, and poisoning these special last moments with your baby inside of you. (Remember, all the emotions you feel, baby feels--it's a blood chemistry thing)

I gave birth at home, no epidural or anything, and what I did was firstly to *trust my body and its process* since it is designed to have a baby, I practiced a *lot* of relaxation exercises (with every contraction, concentrating on relaxing my eyes, jaw, shoulders, and hands--distracting myself from the contraction), and deep breathing. I can definitely see where during labor that moms would get an epidural, though! You might want to try practicing relaxation exercises several times a day to help you release your stress.

But please, don't suffer in silence, whatever you do. Do try to find someone who can help you. Journal about how you are feeling. Because getting an epidural *right* away when you walk in the hospital might not be possible (It can actually stop labor if you do it too soon, and then you're in a real pickle!). You can do it!

I hope that you have as wonderful a birth experience as I had (at the hospital I mean!).

Hi, It really isn't that bad, I have had 3 children and Had to be induced with the frist two 18 and half hours for #1 and a shot of some pain med that didnt' seem to help much and # 2 was 3 hours of all natural not becuase that is what I wanted it was because MY DR WAS AT WALMART SHOPING AND DIDN'T ANSWER HER PAGE RIGHT AWAY AND BY THE TIME SHE DID IT WAS TOO LATE!!!# 3 was my dr went to check me at an appt and accadently broke my water lol. 7 and a half hours of labor , I had the epidural with him and easy as pie with that!! and you never Know you might be one of those women I hate lol....the ones who what 2 contrations and get to the hopital and oh time to push!!done in less than an hour....my sister was one of those. not fair!

D.--
I had a really positive experience with my first labor and delivery. I had to be induced, and the moment I began to feel uncomfortable, I was given a epidural. I felt as if I had a great deal of control over my experience. Although I was in the hospital for three days being induced, my actual labor was only about 30 minutes, and I would describe the sensation more as immense pressure than pain. Have you had a chance to fill out a birth plan at the hospital where you are going to deliver? I would recommend doing that, and make sure your anxiety and desire for immediate pain management is known up front. Also, make sure you labor and deliver in the Labor and Delivery wing of the hospital, not the "birthing suites" that are often found in the recovery wing. The best nurses, in my opinion, are found in the Labor and Delivery wing. The birthing suites often have tubs for water births and alternate birthing aids, and since you want to have an experience with more interventions, i.e. anesthetic, I think you'll be in better hands. You should also remember that you are incredibly emotional right now, and your fears are probably amplified by the hormones. Don't make your decision on whether or not to have more children until after you have your first one! You may have a really good experience! Good luck!

P.S. Oh....and stop watching those shows! You are only freaking yourself out more! Spend you last few weeks being pregnant taking care of yourself, sleeping, whatever.

Hi Dara,
I can understand some of your anxiety. I have personally birthed 5 big babies (3 were 10 pounds, my smallest was 8,5)

And I know how scary it is to be at the door of labor and realize what lies ahead.

My advice is to take the contractions as they come. At first they are like menstrual cramps-they will get stronger- but not really more painful. The joy about contractions is they are small amount of time with lost of blessed relief in between. And you can handle a contraction for 30 seconds. That is all you have to do... see the immediate. Eventually contractions may last up to 1-2 minutes, but there is still minutes in between- and you can get through those 1-2 minutes.

During those 30 seconds breathe deep. The deep breathing helps get oxygen to your working uterus. If need a focus focus on your baby. I often did this with a quiet chant of "baby, baby, baby, baby."

Once you have that little bundle in your arms, you are so astounded at what you have done and so overjoyed and full of love that you don't remember all that you went through to bring him/her into this world.

I would also advise that you look into a doula who has skills to help you see the next 2 minutes, and also has skills to make you more comfortable for the 30 seconds of contraction.

Another suggestions- that will greatly lesson your pain:
GET OF YOUR BACK. labor is painful when you are lying on your back. Stand up, sit, walk, take a bath- anything but be on your back.

Good Luck- have faith, nature knows what she's doing.
R.- mother to 5

Hi D. -

I am a 'pain wuss' too. I saw the same stuff you did when I was pregnant - women screaming through natural childbirth. That made me decide to get an epidural, and for me anyway, labor was definitely manageable. I was in labor for 8 hours before the epidural (very slow labor), and while it wasn't a fun time, it was absolutely do-able. It felt like bad cramps. I never felt tempted to scream at all. I did use some of the breathing exercises from class, but truly, it wasn't awful. After I got the epidural, I took a 3-hour nap. The end was definitely intense, but not exactly in a pain kind of way. It's hard to describe. There's so much going on - with you, with all the people in the room. But that was just a few minutes, and then I was holding my miraculous daughter.

I know that everyone's experience is different, but for me, anyway - it was definitely manageable. I wonder if there's a video out there of a woman going through labor with an epidural; that should show that in the class right after the video of the women going through without pain management!

One other thing - I'd be sure to let the staff know that you want the epidural as soon as you can get it without having issues. I know of two women who waited until they were at their limit before asking for the epidural, and then they both had to wait 30-45 minutes before they could get the epidural. I spoke up WAY early. :)

Hang in there, and congratulations.

K.

I'm sure I'm repeating someone, but what about hiring a birth doula, they can be a great help before, during, and right after birth. I did a home birth that was really intense, and I had a doula who also taught Bradley Method birth classes, and she was amazing. I suffer from depression and anxiety also, so I understand how you are feeling. Giving birth the way nature intended can be a very empowering thing, it is the most amazing thing that only women can do. I had a really intense birth that ended in an emergancy c-section. The after math of the c-section, and the pain from that are what I remember the most from my daughter's birth, not the pain of labor. Once you get into the flow of labor you kind of get into a zone. You'll go great, just keep your eye on the prize, your baby. :)

Dear D.,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. It must be hellish, and I wish I could just take it away from you. I think that all you are going through now is probably worse than childbirth itself. I want to share my heart with you a little and just hope that it helps.

First of all--and I know this sounds insane to you right now--I love childbirth. I don't say that unqualified. Of course there are parts that I hate very much. But as an overall experience I love it more than anything I have ever done. And I have done it 10 times. The weird thing is that my first baby was a somewhat long labor with a 2 1/2 hour pushing stage that ended up in a C-section and it was after that one that I decided that I loved this and would just have people's babies for them if I could just figure out how. Obviously, it wasn't the long labor or the complications or the surgery making me feel that way. Something about the whole thing had been awesome enough to make me love it in spite of those things. Okay, enough about how weird I am. I am just trying to help you see that all of those things you saw (and maybe shouldn't have) could not have possibly showed you what it is like to be on the other side. There is no comparison between watching it and doing it. The watchers never get the rushes or the spiritual experience or any of the other stuff that makes it all come out great in the end. Only the lady on the other end who can't see, but can feel the miracle can have that experience.

If you can, get the book "Natural Childbirth--the Bradley Way" and read as much as you can. Especially read chapters 10-19 about the birthing experience itself. Chapter 14 probably helped me as much as anything I have ever read or heard in childbirth class. I know this book is about natural childbirth, but it is just a good perspective on childbirth and will help even if you plan to use drugs. I will say that I don't think that the drugs are all that they advertise. They will inhibit or ruin your own body's production of natural painkillers and "uppers", so you will miss some of the high and the overall awe of the experience. They also may not help any more than your body would have naturally done. But some people think they are great and you will have the choice, so you need to be happy with what you choose. Don't let anyone beat you up over the choice you make.

Then, if you are not having good thoughts about it or learning something to help you understand it, try to stop thinking about it. Fear of the unknown cannot be helped by thinking about the unknown. It always just makes it worse. The God who made you and made that child inside of you has never made a mistake. So you can leave the thinking to Him and let Him just bring that baby to your arms. To the degree that you can do that and keep yourself and your hospital staff from trying to control the experience, it will be an awesome one.

You're right, your fear is totally the fear of the unknown and we all experience it! Yes, the labor & deliver is painful no doubt about it, but I also know the anxiety you're experiencing. I would consider myself a person that doesn't handle pain well. I went in with an open mind and my doctor left the decision of pain medication up to me - it was available if I decided. With my 1st I ended up having something through an IV which did take the edge off. Most of my friends had the epidural, but the thought of the shot scared me more than the pain - especially since I didn't know the intensity I would experience. Everyone experiences labor differently and if you've got techniques to calm you during the early stages, use them: favorite music, breathing, walking, friends....I remember with my 1st people told me to walk through the contractions - I couldn't stand the pain during that. Another told me she rocked in a rocking chair - so uncomfortable to me. I found laying on my side the most comfortable.

I don't know much about the epidural as far as when you can get it, just make sure you know when you "can't" get it because you're too far into labor!

You will do an awesome job! Try not to focus on the pain too much and enjoy the last few weeks of this wonderful time. Holding your baby for the first time will be reward enough for a "little" pain.

Good luck & best wishes to a quick delivery!

Hi D.
I totally understand what you are going through. The unknown is scary. However, people would not have multipe children if it was that bad. I had both mine without epidurals/drugs and one of them was induced. It was fine.
If you want an epidural just make sure your dr knows that and once you are dialated enough they can give it to you.
I didnt have hard contractions until I was dialated to an 7 and 8. "Easy" contractions feel like when your stomach hurts so bad because you have to poop--sorry if a little detailed. It comes and goes so fast too. It is not like you have contractions for 5 minutes at a time.
Just make sure your dr knows what you want. Good Luck to you! Enjoy this exciting time.

Wow D., you have had an amazing number of responses and I didn't have time to read them all but I did want to say that you are a strong woman who can do this just like the rest of us. Us women were made to have children and I would always try to think of "what did women do 100's of years ago?" Before doctors, before pain medication? I went into childbirth with the attitude that I wasn't going to have an epidural (how bad could the pain really be?) Ten minutes at the hospital I was screaming for the drugs! Luckily I had a team of midwives there to coach me, rub my back, my feet...you name it. I ended up not having an epidural and but even if you do, I would recommend delivering with none other than a midwife, they are AMAZING. I think watching tv shows is ok, you are just taking in as much information as you can so you will be best educated on the subject. This is reality, and it is painful but it's supposed to be. We have to work hard to have the best things in life, we work the hardest for our children and it's the most rewarding thing you will EVER do.

I only have a couple of minutes before I get my daughter off to school...so I haven't read other responses yet and I'm sorry if I repeat. I think what you are feeling is completely normal. I remember calming myself down by telling myself if billions of other women had endured and survived childbirth, then I certainly could too. When the time comes things are so instinctual you almost become "animalistic" You do usually get rest between contractions, and as I recall they did my epi when I was 3 minutes apart...can't really remember (it was 6 years ago) but I remember wanting to wait longer before I got the epidural because I thought I could endure a little longer even though I'd been having contractions for 24 hours. The nurse made me get one so I could rest before I started pushing. The point I'm trying to make was that when I was in the middle of everything I could stand it. And pushing for me with the epidural was hard, but I don't remember it being painful. I know more people will give you specific advice on steps you can take; I just wanted to assure you that you are designed to give birth, and you will have lots of support around you and you can do it!

D., I just want to give you a big hug! You've had lots of responses, and I haven't been able to read them, so forgive me if this has all been said.

Talking to your therapist or psychiatrist is a good idea; at the very least, talk about a postpartum plan now. I have been continuously treated for depression since before my first child was born, and this last time (#3), we did something we hadn't before; before the baby was born, I had already scheduled a postpartum check-up with my dr to see how things were going. It really helped, and I knew that if things went downhill, I was going to get help quickly.

I completely understand your fears. Childbirth is unlike any other experience you've had or will have, and the images of it can make it terrifying to contemplate. It also doesn't help that the experience truly is different for every person and every pregnancy. The particulars of the birth, as well as your own personality and pain tolerance, can make the experience unlike anyone else's.

When I went into labor with my first child, I knew they were contractions pretty much as soon as they started; they felt sort of like strong menstrual cramps that came and went. When they started, they were quite mild, and we were told we would know it was time to come in when I could no longer talk during a contraction. This wasn't excruciating pain, just enough that it kind of took my breath away for the minute or so that it lasted. I had planned to have an all-natural childbirth and therefore waited a long time before requesting any pain medication (a decision that I now realize wasn't wise). So yes, in my case I would say there was some excruciating pain. But I have also known people who delivered entirely without medication and said it really wasn't as bad as they thought it would be. So pay attention to your body, and be very vocal with the staff. If the pain is getting to be more than you can take, make that clear. Keep communicating with them, letting them know how you're feeling and what you need from them.

It's slightly different from your fears, but when my third child was born, we knew she would be a C-section. I had had two before, and it had gone fine with only one exception. When I was given the anesthesia, my blood pressure dropped fast, making everything go black and making me dizzy and queasy. It only lasted a moment, but it was really scary. So from the moment we showed up at the hospital for my last C-section, I was talking to everyone about this. Every person I talked to knew that this had happened, that it had frightened me, and that I wanted to prevent it and have immediate assistance in case it happened again. As it turned out, there were things they could do to prevent it, and when it did happen a little, they were right there, asking about it and treating it immediately. The point being that I was really vocal about my fears and needs, and I think it made a huge difference in my experience. So especially when it comes to pain, never be afraid to be vocal; they will know what to do to help you, and they won't hesitate if you make it clear that this is what you need.

One final thought: if possible, you may want to consider hiring a doula or even having another person, other than your husband and yourself, there with you, so that if you feel like you're not communicating well or not being taken seriously or just need more help with the situation, there is another person to help you and speak for you.

I can't promise it will be fast, easy, or pleasant. But especially if you are vocal about your needs and can try to relax about your fears, I think it will not be nearly as bad as you think.

Let me know if there's anything else I can tell you, and I want to hear how it all goes!

Hi D. -

I am a mom of 4 (one set of twins), so I have been through labor 3 times. I think the best thing to say would be that you really need to have a heart to heart with your doctor. I dont think there could be any better piece of advice then to KNOW you have a great doctor that you trust. I know you don't want to hear this, but every single birth is different. I have several friends that didn't even FEEL labor, plenty of others that did. I can pretty much guarantee you that YOU will have FAR more strength then you think. You CAN do this! You need a little confidence, stop worrying about it, relax, enjoy these last few weeks of your pregnancy. Thousands of women have babies everyday, you can do it! You will do GREAT! Just hang in there, try not to stress about it. Have an epidural - whatever.....having a baby with an epidural doesn't make you a wuss! Your going to do great!!! :) I promise! Don't compare yourself with anyone and STOP asking everyone about their births...... its like fishing stories...they grow as the time goes by. :) Your going to do just fine - you are going to have a healthy baby and one thing I can promise, as SOON as you hold that sweet tiny baby in your arms, you will pretty much forget about the labor! :) there is nothing like holding your brand new baby!! Enjoy it!! They grow up fast!! :)

Hi D.,
I can't read all 91 responses, but I will say that I had a lot of anxiety before the birth of my 2nd son because I had a long labor with my first son. I used hypnobirthing and that worked wonders! It calmed me to the point that people couldn't even tell I was in labor. I had my 9 pound 11 ounce boy in 7 hours w/out any meds, as compared to my first boy who was smaller and I used pain meds. So, in conclusion, the most important thing is mind over matter and relaxation. That's whether you take meds or not to handle the pain.

First of all congratulations! The wonderful thing to remember is that there is a beautiful baby at the end of this...you don't 'stay' in labor.
I agree with the advice to stop watching the TV shows - I was advised against it (very glad I didn't watch them) and start reading good birth stories. Positive encouragement, positive visualization....Get the book 'Active Birth'...you need to verbalize and even draw out your fears - get them on paper and then create positive affirmations and visualizations to focus on before and during birth.

You CAN do this! That's what we were made to do! Birth is so beautiful and empowering! The worst thing you can do is not voice a fear...by doing so, you can actually cause your labor to stall, and be more painful. The more relaxed you are, the more you move around, the less pain you will have. I had a water birth for my second, and I was laughing and joking around all the way up to transition...at that point, your maternal instinct will kick in and empower you to push the baby out.
My 1st birth was 5 hrs and 2nd was 2 hours start to finish...

You can do this!
:)
C.