Frustration with SIL and Her Pets.

Did she ask for advice? I don't think there's anything you can do or say. These are her decisions.

Yes, she is being irresponsible, but you can't do anything about it. Since she is your SIL, I would just bite my tongue. Sounds like she doesn't need the added stress of an argument with you and it doesn't sound like she is open to the advice. I feel sorry for her kids. I hope you can be there for them since she is so unstable.

I'm curious as to why you are allowing this to frustrate you? If your brother is fine with things the way they are then you need to step back and not judge the situation. The reason I say that is because we also have several pets(3 dogs,4 cats, 4 baby rats,and 2 mice). I have been told many times we have too many pets and too much on our plate but those people aren't in my shoes and don't honestly know what they are talking about.
Granted I am pro spay/neuter. Though we currently have two dogs that aren't spayed/neutered. Before I get attacked they will be but we are waiting for them to each reach the age of two yrs. We take every precaution to prevent an accidental breeding.
I really think this should be a case of minding your own business. I know I sound harsh and I don't mean it that way.
You might want to also consider the cats and even the possible kittens could be good for your SIL. The reason I say that is pets are great for stress relieve and even depression. This could bring her out of her depression if she is indeed depressed. Something to think about.

Leave it alone. It is not your home, or your business what kind of pets or how many she wants. Some might say I do not need the added stress or financial burden of my cat, dog, rabbit, and other pets around my home, but I would tell them to stay out of it, it is my family and we like the way we live. (My hubby is also an enlisted man and our sole bread winner)

I just want to say, you are SO RIGHT. How unfortunate that she takes in strays, and then adds to the stray problem by letting them breed. Totally stupid and irresponsible. I don't know what you can do about it though. People like her -- and their moronic friends -- don't understand the issues and won't listen to reason. That's been my experience.

she is keeping all the kittens?!!? lol, you are right she is crazy. but unfortunately you can't take away her crazy. i do volunteer at the spca where i live and you are right - sooooo many cats & kittens are in shelters. i totally disagree with bringing kittens into this world on purpose. so irresponsible.

I agree that it's not really your business. If your brother has a problem with it, then he can say something to his own wife. They're adults and you're not their mother. Just leave it alone.

Sounds to me like you probably have some underlying issues with your SIL and are taking it out on her kids (your nieces and/or nephews) and her cats.

1) Why would you come onto a public forum and speak of children with ADHD and weight issues as being a crux to your family (i.e, your SIL and BIL)? These issues do not make children unlovable, they just require extra attention and love.

2) You should really try having as much if not more compassion for your SIL's situation as you have for stray cats. Maybe she is having issues with depression because her child has been diagnosed with a behavioral problem, she is a nursing mother (which can make you "crazy" at times trust me I know), her husband is military AND she has a SIL that is judging and criticizing her every move.

As for her life "not making sense" to you...it doesn't have to. Its her life, not yours.

I agree that you need to step back. Yes she should've been responsible and gotten the cats fixed. Maybe she didn't have the money.... don't know. Its not your fault and its not your issue to resolve. The most that you could do at this point would be to get her to turn the cat over to the spca, or at the very least the kittens when born.

M.

Every so often you read about a house that gets condemned because some mentally unstable person kept 104 cats (starved, some dead, house covered in cat urine and feces) and the SPCA has to come in and capture and often put down animals that are too far gone to save. The person, if they are not outright committed to a mental facility, is charged with cruelty to animals and is legally banned from keeping any animals for a period of 5 or more years. If they are caught keeping animals in spite of the law, the fines and penalties increase. There's nothing you can do until the cruelty takes place, and then a call to the SPCA will have them look into it.

B., I understand the frustration that this situation is causing, because I have family members with similar issues that seem to make decisions with a complete lack of foresight. While breeding the cat may not be a great idea when you consider the vastness of the existing homeless pet population, it is her decision to make. You have the right to express your opinion to your SIL in a respectful way and, if asked, to refuse to care for the cats as they are not your responsibility. I think that is about where your involvement in this situation ends. I think that is a good thing! It means you won't have any stress related to this situation.

I know it is frustrating when, right or wrong, people don't behave as we think they should. It is an ongoing process for me, but I have come a long way in realizing that I don't have to like every choice that the people in my life make. Based upon the background you chose to give, I am wondering if this is just one situation of many that has caused you frustration with regards to your SIL. You can't change her, and, even if you could, you don't have the right to assume you should. If her life works for her, then you have to leave it alone. You can try to educate her on the reasons it is responsible to spay/neuter, but I don't feel it will be helpful to her, or to you and your family, for you to judge the choices that she makes. (I am saying this as someone who has been there.) I am guessing you are a fixer, like me, and you do everything with the best of intentions and it all seems very logical to you. That is where I am coming from, anyway. You will feel worlds better when you let go of the responsibility of "fixing", and add a little more "se la vie" to your life. Take care.

i too wish that folks would not breed indiscriminately, but there are always individual circumstances which must be considered. i'm not sure i'm happy with the suggestion that cats are unsuitable for folks with depression or ADHD (or weight issues, i have no clue why that is mentioned), as animal companionship has been demonstrated to be beneficial in these cases. many people can't *afford* pets by others' standards and yet still manage to not only feed but provide excellent loving homes for their animals. what you see as added stress and drama may actually be a desperately needed and appreciated focus for someone who is struggling.
i hope all works out well for the babies, and that your SIL gets the adult cats fixed ASAP.
khairete
S.

Some devil's advocacy here:

If she's living on base, she won't lack for homes for the kittens... very little eases pain and loneliness common to military spouses and navy/army/airforce/marinecorp "brats" like the love and comfort of a warm furbody that wants nothing from you but you, and who snuggles against you at night. (MOST military families I've known have many pets, and as cats are the least work of "huggable" pets/best friends, and travel easily, and adjust to homes of all sizes... cats abound). But first litters are usually quite small... 1-3 kittens is pretty normal. She may well be hoping for one for each child old enough. Any "extras" will very easily find homes. The base vet usually has a waiting list of dozens to hundreds of families "waiting" for kittens.

There is also quite frequently death of at least one kitten in many litters. So when a litter is planned, the whole circle of life is something expected. The educational experience of cats having kittens, or a dog whelping is an enormous one... and one I personally think far to few children these days are a party to. Heck... I know kids who think meat comes from the STORE. Life and death is something we (as a society) keep our kids from. Birth is messy and painful, and death is an unavoidable thing. When over 100,000 service members die every year in peacetime (training accidents, we actually lose more people in peace than in war)... the likelihood of losing your spouse or parent is higher than most people. I know many many military families who intentionally birth a litter or buy a "fragile" pet (aka one that has a life expectancy of 1-2 years)... purely so that their children can experience "practice" grief. To go through it and know that they can come out the other side.

Yes pets are work, but FAR less work than a child. For a far shorter time period. A few weeks or months as opposed to several years. And are also far far less expensive. For a parent aching for another child, but unable or unwilling, a pet can truely fill a void in a heart that has more love to give, but is choosing not to have another child.

Of all huggable pets, cats are truly the LEAST amount of work. They're largely self sufficient. They're also incrediably useful as mousers and vermin exterminators. My city went on a stray cat round up about 2 years ago. Hundreds and hundreds of cats. Low and behold... we now have a HUGE rat problem. Our city is designed badly (no neighborhoods... "quiet" streets have speedlimits of 30, and many others of 35-45). So most people with cats keep them indoors. So the cats don't help the neighbors out any more, but having a few cats in the house will keep it rat/mouse/spider/and largely insect free. Munch munch munch.

I say all of this as someone who is very pro spay&neuter, but also as someone who has bred horses, played midwife to mousers starting at age 5 (they really don't need that much help), grew up a navy brat, and served in the USMC. Allow your SIL her choices in life. They may not be yours, but they may very well make perfect sense in her life. And since we tend to be friends with people in life situations similar to our own... to her friends.

B.-
You've gotten great advice here... leave it alone. You've got too much interest in what SHE is doing.. Its her life, her marriage, her kids, her cats/kittens.

I'm very sorry - and I can relate. I often have too much attention/stress going on and spend that energy inspecting things out of my control. Please, do what you have to to refocus on YOUR life, and leave her life alone. You do NOT need that added stress in your life.. it will show up in how you relate to your kids and your husband.

Refocus.. refocus. Stop talking about the cats. Stop talking about the SIL, except to have pleasant conversation.. In issues regarding things she talks about (cats), just try your best to let it slide off your back. You'll reap the benefits almost immediately, I promise you. Your life will be so much more rich if you focus on your family and your happiness/issues. If you're like any normal person, you've got waaaay more things to worry about to start worrying about somebody elses!

Good Luck

I have to agree, there is nothing you can do you need to back off. If she does have these problems then if it wasn't the cats it would be something else. The cats are not the problem. The problem is she obviously needs help.

Cats can get abortions. We often spay cats while they are pregnant.