Frustration, Living with Parents

Aren't mother in laws just wonderful?! I had a similar situation-the best thing you can do is get out and fast. My relationship with my mother in law was much better after I moved out. I didn't have to see her everyday. Good luck!

Did you not know this before you moved in?

With the housing market you may want to try and find a inexpensive two bedroom, or possible three bedroom, home
to rent with the option to buy.

This should be a very workable solution, you would pay say an extra $100/50 dollars a month which would go toward a down payment.

Or if the rent is $500 make a deal with the landlord that $100 would go toward the down payment if you decide to buy the house. Both you then have something to worked toward, and the landlord would have some one in the house.

If you are serious, and do a little improvement, than that would give you more incentive to buy it.

Don't take the negative and say we can't afford to do this.
I am sure there are several steps you can take, the last would be anything with regards to the children.

If you have a big car note sell it and but a used car.
Cars are not a luxury, but a need for transportation.
If you but a new car and have do it on credit the interest is more than a used care in good condition.

If you smoke, quit you have a good reason a HOUSE. Put the money in a jar. Does not look like much but funds add up. For each dollar spent you save $365 dollars a year
or $725 for 2 dollars $ 3 $ 1095 x 10 = #10950 / 2 = $5475

Drinks, if you drink beer cut down at least one container.
Saving $1 dollar a day equals to the same as above.
WOW $10,000 in five years.

Television - Before moving in with Dad did you have pay stations, Direct TV etc. If so cancel it for all the extras you can rent a movie once or maybe twice a week.

Internet, are you using the cheapest connection available.
Yes it is aggravating, but think of your obtaining your own home.

Talk to a realtor they can help you tell them all ex charges would have to be for the seller. Keep in mind there are a lot of homes that are being lost. If you know what you can afford then you should be in a position
to make this come true.

Sit down and write the things that you buy on a regular basis I am sure it can be done.

Good Luck and God Bless

Hi T.. I too, have lived with in-laws while saving for a house. Yes, you do reach a point when you know you need to leave. If jobs are not an issue for you, I would move into an apartment or look for a rental home. We had planned to build a home and then when it reached that point, we just went out and started looking and found one with the faming and drywall up but nothing else. We loved it and have been here now going on 10 years. So I guess my advice is, be flexible that maybe somewhere out there, there could be a plan B, either a rental home, apartment, or a different home altogether than the one you are working to move into.
In the meantime, talk to your husband honestly, openly, and patiently and tell him why is important for you to find a place for your family to live. He may not even be aware there's a problem.

Even if you have to move into a place that isn't exactly what you wnat, it's better than living with someone you can't get along with.
Find a place that you can all tolerate to rent until you find exactly what you want.

Hey T.,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know personally how hard it is living with someone (especially another woman). But I also know that it is just as hard for her as it is for you. No matter how you slice it up, there is no way two women can run the same house. I don't know what you like to do in your spare time; but if things are anything like I think, you probably try to spend as little time at home as possible, which by the way will never work.

We get out of a relationship what we put into it. My suggestion is to try real hard not to focus on the flaws of your stepmom, not to respond to the things that she may say or do to hurt you. Be the bigger person, walk away. It doesn't mean that you are letting her walk over you. It takes two to tango. Every cat fight that you engage into, you empower your adversary. Take control of the situation. We speak those things that are not, as though they were. Don't SAY you will never get along! Ask God to show you how to treat her! I know it sounds crazy and a bit out there, but if you really want peace... true... peace... He is the one who can give it to you.

The hardest lesson I ever learned was that to change a situation or outcome, I had to change. Unfortunately for me, MY husband wasn't a nice wonderful husband. He was mean and hurtful, mentally abusive. I was and am a Christian. I went to church and befriended some older women. They told me one day, 'maybe it's not him, maybe it's you'. I became so angry. How could they be so cruel after all I had shared? They told me to pray and ask God HOW to make me a better wife, to show ME how to love my husband and be the wife he wanted me to be. I thought they were crazy and left angry. But the next time he started up, I dismissed myself from his presence without responding and cried out to the Lord through tears and did the very thing they'd suggested. I felt so relieved.

Everyone needs a secret place, a safe haven, a private spot-for me it was the bathroom. Soon every encounter, instead of fighting fire with fire, I found myself asking the Lord to help me be a better person, to show me how to love people the way they needed. I began to feel kinda sorry for him after a while and found myself trying to make it better for him. Today, he IS a wonderful husband, provider, and man. I am in love with him and show him everyday. He became a Christian and while speaking one night shared his version of our story which was totally different from mine. But what stuck with me was him saying,'My wife and I used to argue all the time and I would purposely say things to hurt her, then one day she just stopped and she seemed to be so peaceful and happy. I got mad because I couldn't make her mad anymore and I started watching her. She wasn't going to be the only one happy. I started trying to be happy too!'

I began to cry and praise the Lord because you see, I couldn't see HIM moving on my behalf; but HE did. God does work in mysterious ways! My husband began praying for himself as a result of me praying for myself and we both got the desires of our heart. It's been 16 years and going strong. I wish you the best and I will be praying for you.

____@____.com

When you know what you're dealing with; handle yourself accordingly!

have you tried working fro home for extra money? let me know If you are interested I may be able to help.
about me: work from home mom of three wonderful kids

My husband and I are in a very similar situation. We ended up at my mother's after my husband had a severe flashback from Iraq and ended up in the hospital for a week, His PTSD had gone untreated and unacknowledged by our government for nearly a year, while they were "reviewing his case". The financial problems that had been accumulating since his first tour finally caught up to us.

We have been at my mother's since February of '08. My in-laws have been "dooms daying" our situation since day one. They have never allowed us to even try to make the best of the situation.

To make things worse my mother suffers with mental illness, severe depression and hording. Her poor hygiene, lack of respect for her self, her property, our property, ourselves, personal space and communal areas of the house is driving my husband out of his skin. It has been a nightmare.

We sat down and made a financial plan to get us out of her house and into our own and put our financial plan into action a little over a year ago.It has been delayed several times with 3 surgeries and then a failing economy. It is not going fast enough for anyone. We will though be in our own house within the next four months.

We also got into counseling, individual and couples, this has given us a lot of tools and perspective on how to deal with our situation. It has really helped a lot.

Attitude is also important. "Never have, never will" won't get you any where. Stay positive - focus on the future and the concrete plan you have to take you there. Find the silver lining in every cloud. I promise it is there. A frequent example in my house is when my mother brings a grocery bag of dirty dishes out of her room and leaves them in the kitchen for a day or two. We tell ourselves "well at least they are not in the bedroom attracting bugs and we will have a cabinet full of dishes again soon." The doctors tell us we can't clean them for her because it will only make her do it more.

Clearly not an ideal situation, but no one has died and it has forced my husband & I to communicate better with each other.

My husband and I were married in May of '07, I look at our wedding photos and engagement photos and remember when we were happier and I choose to have that again. We deserve it.

I hope you can take some solace in the fact that you are not alone and if you would like to talk more feel free to e-mail me back.

You will make it through this. Hang in there.
L. Seben
____@____.com

After reading a few of the responses I wanted to add this:
Do not run away from this problem. Leaving the step-mom not will resolve the boundary and respect issues you are having with her. They have in the past and are sure to do so again in the future - it sounds like a lot has gone unsaid for a long time and that has amounted to a wounded relationship. This is an opportunity to heal that relationship for a better future and a happier family.