I injured my ankle three weeks ago and a CT scan that I had on the 8th revealed a fracture. I haven't been able to get a hold of an orthopedic surgeon, but was told that under no circumstances was I to put any weight on my injured foot. My husband isn't helping me at all; when I asked him to get the kids seconds for dinner, he grumbled, when I gave my daughter a bath (completely throwing out the instructions of my doctor) I sent her to the bedroom where my husband was playing a computer game to be dried off and clothed, he got angry because I didn't ask if he could dry her off. I retorted that I didn't know I had to ask his permission for him to do something with his children. I don't know what else to do; he isn't helping me, my mom can't come help me, my grandmother isn't any help when she tries to help me and none of my friends can come and help me. I'm beginning to feel like a single mother and like he doesn't care. I don't know what to do anymore. Help!
When you are not angry you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that you are very frustrated that you can not do the things that you are used to doing and that you really need his help and support. I know that it will be hard but don't bring up the way that he has not been helpful that will only make him difencive and balk at helping you.
Blessings, K.
H.,
I have been married for 17 years and we have 5 children together. What I would do is to sit him down as soon as possible and tell him exactly what you have told us NO WEIGHT IS ALLOWED ON YOUR FOOT UNTIL AFTER SURGERY. You are going to have to be blunt and serious. You are then going to TELL him you need his help until then (personally I would insist on his help from now on, but thats a different issue) You can explain the details and the whys and let him know for how long. Does he care that your could be causing yourself permanent damage by overdoing? Once you get him to agree HOLD HIM TO IT!
When you need something from him, phrase it in the form of a directive, not a question. Such as "I need you to give the baby a bath now", not "can you give the baby a bath for me?" My husband helps but I don't know why it is but if I phrase a request in the form of a question he generally doesn't do it, but if I phrase it in the form of a statement he does it right away (go figure).
Don't forget to thank him for his help and cooperation. But you really need to project an attitude that you EXPECT his help and you mean business.
Good Morning H.,
I am so sorry that you husband is being an arse. But I am truly amazed by all the women that responded, telling you to look for help elsewhere.
I know that this blunt, but they are his kids to and his house to, tell his lazy arse to get up and help. Period.
Yes, sometimes men need to have things explained to them like they are 3, but after you have done that, if the problem still exists than you have bigger problems.
I wish you the best of luck and hope that your husband steps up to the plate.
I just went through this! I had 2 factures and two sprains in my right ankle. I feel your pain. What was more painful I feel was my husband acting like he was the one that got hurt. At first he was like your hubby. I talked to him and explained exactly what I was told by the doctors and how much pain I was in and how if I didn't care for it I could have long term problems. I told him I expected his help. I then typically instructed him by saying "I need you to or Your son needs you to." I made myself available for instruction if he didn't know how to do something or where something was. I did do some of the things around the house, against doctors orders, but that's how stuff gets done how we like it. I did learn to adjust to how others do it though. After our talk, my going to an orthopedic in Traverse City and physical therapy, he understood the importance of my taking it easy. I highly recommend seeing a specialist and following what they tell you to do.
With that said, you shouldn't have to ask if your husband can help with the children. Some guys are that way and I don't understand it. Just like guys "baby-sitting" their own kids... it's taking care of your kids not baby-sitting.
Sounds like you're truly stuck without help. I would suggest asking around and seeing if anyone has a babysitter that might be willing to help you for a small fee or get with a church that might have some people willing to help you out. When you go to the specialist you might be able to get some assistance with a medical home care service of some sort. It's worth a shot.
I can relate to the non-bearing of weight. It has happened to me twice; once when my children were 2 mos. and 3 yo and then when they were grown. Fortunately, I had help from my husband, family and friends. Can you trade off for help in the future with a fellow classmate or friend who has a family or wants something done in exchange for helping you now? You must listen to the doctor to some extent. You do not want the ankle to heal badly. Good Luck.
Did he help you when you were pregnant and needed assistance? If not, you might just have a yahoo on your hands. But, if he is helpful at other times, it could be that he's just clueless. Sometimes guys are that way. If you don't spell it out for them ahead of time, they just don't get it. And, sometimes we women have a habit of hinting instead of telling. (Don't know if you are guilty of that, but I sure have been!)
You might try having a conversation with him explaining EXACTLY what you need. Make a list TOGETHER of all the things you need help with. Hopefully he's just a little dense and once you spell it out for him, he'll get a clue.
If he tends not to want to help at other times as well, you should probably decide ahead of time which activities you can make do on. For example, you could sit on the floor to dry off your daughter, but you can't exactly sit while making dinner.
Do you have crutches? Get a pair to be a visual reminder to him!
So sorry you aren't getting the help you need.
I would go back to the Emergency room and notify them. The Orthopedic surgeon on call could summoned and get things moving for you.
Is there a teen in your neighborhood who you could hire to help? If not, ask around. Maybe someone will know someone. Sorry, if I lived closer I would volunteer! :)
Hi H..
Yes, I was once married to a clueless man. It only took seven years to figure out it(he) was useless. Then I got rid of him.
I am not saying that is what you need, however, women generally have good instincts when it comes to knowing what to do when... men ALWAYS have to be told.They usually require reasons why they have to interrupt their "busy" schedule to assist us in the care of their children.
You might need a couple little adjustments of your routine to help ease the struggle. Such as, Put dinner on the table then nobody has to get up to get seconds. Ask for his helping putting the hot pans on the table. Warn him as you take the children to the tub that when they are done you are going to send them to him to get dried off and jammas on. Most men just need a little forewarning when we as mothers suddenly expect them to start permorming their part as the dad. When you do get a minute for yourself, don't forget to take ibuprofen and elevate that foot to keep swelling down. If you can't find the time to contact the surgeon, have your doctor's office make the calls for you and set an appointment. They have your information and know all the right questions to ask.
Hope things get better... E.
hello H.
it sounds like your husband need a good wakeup call did not make them wonderful baby on your own and less you know how to do something the rest of us mom don't know how to do tonite after you put the kids to bed i would speak my mind and let him know he need to step up and help so your foot can get better sooner and not cost you more time off good luck .....i have heard that what they made cast iron pan for one up side the head hehe
