I have a group of moms I hang with and I really dont understand why when women get together we get catty and mean but then we tote the idea that we want our kids not to bully when they see their mothers act out like they do.
Ok so here is my situation.
I had a mom I was really close to.. we hung out all the time and called each other when we had crisis or any other time.
Well lately shes been very stand offish... shes found a new BFF and has attached herself to her.
So today we went to a playdate at a park in the area and there were about 25 moms from the group there (all friends of mine) and she was there and since I havent talked to her in awhile because she wont answer my calls or my texts I thought ide go over and say hi and she basically shoots me a death stare and walks away.
I truly have no idea what happened.. i went to school for 3 months and couldnt hang out as much and we just sort of lost communication even though I tried to call her whenever I wasnt busy.
Well my 5 yr old is or was friends with her daughter and today my daughter runs up to her daughter and her daughter basically pushes my kid to the ground.
I told my 'old' friend about the situation and she just kind of blew it off and didnt say anything.
It pisses me off that she has done this before with some other moms in group and the fact that now her child is bullying my child is unacceptable.. its the summer so we r going to be seeing more of each other and if this continues I do need to speak up about it.
What would you say or how would you handle this as I know other moms have had issues like this with her where she is friendly one minute and complete b&^*% the next but they havent spoken up but im not putting up with it so how should i handle it?
Ask her what's going on. If she says nothing then explain why you asked and leave her alone. Best wishes. Keep us updated.
Why don't you just point blank ask her? "Hey, I miss getting together with you! Is anything up? It seemed like you blew me off the other day and if there is anything that's going on I'd like to talk about it because I value our friendship." Something like that. I find it's best to just be direct instead of beating around the bush. You may find, however, that she doesn't know how to respond to a direct question about what's going on. Sometimes it's hard for women to just be straight up when confronted. Good luck!
Since she refuses to answer your calls or talk to you I would just let it go. I know it's painful when someone does this but if this is how she ends a friendship then you are clearly better off without her. Besides if you're friends with 25 other moms (wow!) it's not like you're hurting for company.
As far as her child pushing yours, yes that was mean (though what do you mean by "basically" could it have been an accident?) and you should have said something. I never have a problem correcting other people's children when I see them hurting someone and the parent fails to act. But this is NOT bullying, please don't use that term so lightly. Bullying is a very real and serious problem that involves a child or group of children consistently and repeatedly attacking (physically or verbally) a specific child or children.
Like I said, let it go. It's just drama that you don't need :(
Hi J. - I'm so sorry you are going through this because these kinds of things can be very hurtful. But it sounds like you have done nothing wrong and have tried and she is not willing to deal with the issue so I would avoid her and tell your daughter to find other little friends to play with. Best of luck to you.
I am the kind of person to make a scene, it usually clears the air. I can burn bridges but all in all, it's better to be sure of what is going on than to just be wondering all the time.
If you are sure you have any support in this group so they won't turn on you then the next time the little girl does something like this then you need to let the mom know where everyone can hear you. If you are sitting across the playground from her you might want to be closer but I'd probably talk really really loud. I sing so when I talk loud it can be hear in the back of the building if I am on stage, loudly. I can be hear when I talk clear to the end of my street. This is not yelling but speaking clearly in a very loud voice.
I would say something along the lines of this: (in a none threatening tone)
"Hey, XXXX (mom), xxx (little girls name) just shoved bbb (your girls name) down. Could you please talk to her about this". Then go back to doing what ever you were doing before. She may decide to ignore you but the moms are watching her to see what she does next.
If she does nothing and the little girl does it again, do the same thing over again, the more you inadvertently point out that she is allowing her daughter to bully the other kids the more they will watch her, waiting to see how she handles this.
If it continues you may want to point out to the mom when it happens again. The more it is pointed out that her child is acting out the more the others will notice this lack of parenting on her part and start letting her know when it happens to their child too.
This is going to do a couple of things. It will start to make her feel uncomfortable and she may stop coming all together. It may make her decide she wants to be part of the group too and she'll conform to what is the norm for everyone, that the kids don't shove and they treat each other nicely.
IT will resolve the issues one way or the other. If it turns out the group thinks you are out of line then you'll know that too.
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I can honestly say if her little girl did this too many times I would be raising my voice if my little one actually started crying. I would not care who was looking on and who thought I was going off like a crazy woman, I can only stand by for so long and allow someone to not manage their child.
My bff and I went on many road trips when the kids were younger. It won't be happening again though, the kids are older and it's not so much fun anymore.
She allowed her son to be a bully to the girls and she got on to the girls for bugging him. He was the one reaching over the back of his chair and picking on them.
I got in his face yelling at him that if he made my granddaughters face bleed again by punching her that I was going to punch him in the face myself and then call his dad because he would make him stop hurting the girls. I had told her over and over that he was the instigator of the arguing in the back of the van. The girls were sitting in the back seat playing dolls and he was behind the driver in a captains seat. He was laying the back of his seat nearly completely down on top of my granddaughter. She had asked him to sit up, he was squashing her. That made me mad, but I told her to move to the middle of the bench seat. He continued to pick on her and his sister. I had enough after half a day of this.
I would not have punched him, but I would have called his dad. We went home that day and have not traveled together since. I won't go if he goes, I can't watch while he takes advantage and is mean. The girls are not perfect by any means. They can also start stuff and be the issue. But if they get in trouble they stop.
Ignore your "friend". She isn't really a friend. If her child bullies yours, definitely confront the mother in a self-confident manner. Women can be very cruel to each other and are highly competetive, especially at your age. I find that I am very selective about friendships in my older adult years for that very reason. Enough is enough.
I'm sorry you are having issues with your friend. Sounds like she felt abandoned and made some new friends. I do have to make a comment about the "bullying" comment. Her daughter isn't bullying your daughter. She wasn't nice but that isn't bullying. Its mean. It she does it again, then I would have a very serious conversation with your friend and then I would keep the girls apart.
You might want to call and say " At the park, I felt that you were upset with me. What is going on? " She may say "nothing" or she may answer you. Be prepared for a negative response. Friendship should not be this hard!!!!
I agree with Lee Lee. Best to just be direct and ask her what is going on. If you approach her in a non-confrontational way like Lee Lee suggests hopefully she will be open with you. If she isn't, write her off, you dont need people like that in your life.
Seems like you blew her off FIRST and she found new friends.
As for the children, unless what occured continues and the children are unable to resolve their OWN differences, I would just chalk it up to a life experience and move ON.
I think that you should leave her alone. From what you said, her kid is not bullying your kid. She just responded in a mean way when your kid approached her. You can't control how they respond to you. If she is not what you want in a friend, then keep her out of your life. She seems to be making it easy by not talking to you and not being nice at all.
