Friends Offering to Throw Me a Baby Shower

I like hosting showers for ALL babies. Just the grandness of it changes on the known/unknown and if its not the first.

Since you feel weird about it, what about asking them if you could just wait until the baby is born and they could host a 'meet the baby' party??

Or maybe they could set up a 'dinner dropoff' so that you're family will have homecooked meals for the first week or so without the stress.

I used to think it was rude to have more than one shower. Then I heard someone say, "But each baby is a gift and should be celebrated, right?" I do agree with this. I threw my sister-in-law a shower for her third child a few months ago. On the invitation, I called it a "sprinkle" instead of a "shower" because she really only needed the basics (new diaper bag, onesies, wash cloths, diapers, etc. you know the stuff that doesn't last from child to child). She didn't want to register anywhere, so I just included a small note that listed some of the basics that she needed). Just a thought...

Well, I agree with you about the shower thing. Would they consider changing it to a meet the baby party after the little is born? If they still throw it, just keep it small, don't register, and be thankful for such thoughtful friends =)

Since you say your friends are instant about the shower, maybe you can talk them into a small luncheon for just you and your couple of friends, instead of a shower with tons of people. This is what my friend's mom did for her and it was really nice just 8 of us at lunch. It didn't seem like a baby shower at all.

I was in a similar situation with my second child. Everything we had for our first was gender neutral so it worked regardless of what the sex was of our second child. I did not see the point with a baby shower for any child after the first. My co-workers ended up throwing me a surprise baby shower, one I was not too happy about as I had expressed my feelings to everyone. One woman explained they all cared and just wanted to do something nice for me. When I looked at it from their perspective I changed my attitude a little. Most bought me diapers, wipes, diapre genie refills, a little snugglie for him. Most of what we got was neccessities not luxuries. You can explain that you don't need anything but like one woman below stated a diaper shower. Or you can have a traditional shower and you can always exchange the items after the baby shower; everyone usually includes gift receipts.

Just say you are flattered. Instead of a shower, maybe suggest you all go out for lunch instead.

I think its weird if you asked to have a second or third baby shower but if your friends offer to host one for you I would feel very blessed to have such nice friends. I think its more about having fun then expecting great gifts. You probably mentioned to them that you don't really need anything anymore so I don't think anybody would feel like they have to get you something big. I would tell them not to invite to many people and just have a small group of girls and enjoy yourself. Doesn't matter how many babys you have Its always nice to feel special. :)

I feel weird about it, too, and declined a shower for my second one. I've heard plenty of people complain about the tackiness of second showers, and they always blame the honoree, NOT the hostess. They never consider that the party was thrown by someone else. I like the idea of the "meet the baby" party, although I've always called it a "coming out" party (pun intended). If you make it more of an open house type event, where people will come and go as they please, then no one will feel obligated to buy a gift.

I always felt the same way about not having one after a first, but then I heard a comment that has made me re-consider. If a group of women will all be giving gifts to a friend with a new baby anyway, why not get together to have a "girl's night" and celebrate? Personally I can always use an excuse to get together with a bunch of my girlfriends! And I'd give a gift to a friend having a baby whether it's at an organized shower or not, so why not have a party anyway?

Just my thought, but since hearing that idea I have changed my mind about showers and love throwing/having them for EVERY new baby!

Congratulations on your 3rd! Hope all goes well for the pregnancy, delivery and adjustment for everyone after the birth!!!

I like some of the ideas about celebrating you and your baby.

If you don't need a lot of things, I like the idea of suggesting "no gifts" or something - you can always do something like bring a copy of a favorite nursery rhyme or lullabye for a scrapbook instead.

I didn't have a shower with my second baby, but I actually had TWO showers with my third. I was pregnant 8 years after the second baby and had no baby gear left - wasn't really expecting to have another. So it was nice in that sense that people wanted to shower me again!

Also though I wasn't expecting to get every little thing I needed, I just enjoyed being with friends and family. If they wanted to do it, I was happy to attend!

I'm pregnant with my 4th child. This pregnancy was unexpected, unplanned. I'm starting out brand new again as I had gotten rid of most, if not all of my baby items. Luckily for hand-me-downs, but still there are things I will need brand new. My sister offered to host a baby shower; I told her it wasn't necessary. However, a bunch of lovely ladies from my church want to host a shower for me and the pastor's wife asked me to provide a list of things I need/want. How could I resist? Yes, I had a baby shower for my first baby and I hung onto the things knowing I was intending to have 2 more children afterward. Then I got rid of it all and surprise, surprise, here I am pregnant...again.

Why are you so against having a little get together? Have you never been to a shower (of any kind) that you did not enjoy? Women LOVE these things. They do! Maybe you don't need much and that is okay but I'm sure there are some things you would like to have, right? There are some things you will need (think diapers, wipes, a new outfit that wasn't shared with your baby's siblings) and this is a chance for a group of ladies to do something for YOU. How bad is that? And, if you decide to have the shower and you get things you didn't need or want, you take them back to the store for a store credit for when you will need to get something else in its place. Most stores are very accommodating for these types of situations.

I would tell your friends you feel weird having a shower since this is your third but tell them you would love for them to throw a welcoming dinner once the baby arrives. Friends and family can meet the baby and bring gifts if they want.

thbbtt....I had a baby shower for my third! It was great. Lots of friends that I did not have when I had my first were thrilled to come and celebrate my third. (it had been 8 years!)
If you don't want the shower, you certainly don't have to have it! But, maybe your friends really want to celebrate the impending birth. Let them pamper you and your almost new LO!

I felt the same way about baby showers when I had my second. My friends were pretty insistent. One friend finally pulled me aside and said that there were people who really wanted to celebrate with me. So we compromised. My close friends met for lunch at a local restaurant. The hostess told everyone that their company was the only gift requested. I didn't register anywhere. Friends did bring gifts of new clothes for the new baby. Instead of a shower, we had a girls lunch. Everyone paid for their own meal (well, the hostess did pick up my tab). There were about a dozen of us. It turned out to be a really fun afternoon without the stress of a "baby shower".

If your friends have offered to throw you a baby shower, then I think it is okay to accept with good grace. You are very fortunate that you have friends who care about you and want to celebrate your 3rd pregnancy with you. If you do not feel comfortable receiving gifts from your friend or you just don't feel as if you need them, then you can always ask that the shower be for charity. Each of the guest can bring something practical (diapers, formula, clothes) which will end up being donated to some kind of organization that helps new mothers and babies in need. I actually think this would be a lovely way to welcome your next child into the world - with the spirit of giving.

Like some other mom's suggested, ask them to make it a diaper party. I have a 4 mo old (second baby), and I just finished up my gift diapers given to me at a shower. They were the best gift I could have asked for, and have saved me quite a bit of time and money! And for heaven's sake- if someone wants to do something nice for you and your baby, accept their generosity! It doesn't matter whether it's your first or fifth child- every baby is special and there is always stuff you need with each one.

I love the idea of the "meet the baby party" I wanted to do this with my first instead of a shower, but my mother didn't care and I ended up with a shower any ways. I think "meet the baby parties" are more fun too since the little one is there.

My family did this for me as well, although it was my 4th baby. My 3rd baby was so far from the first two kids that I really needed a shower. #4 came quickly behind #3 so I still had a lot of stuff, and I was having another girl so I had plenty of clothes. They insisted, so I asked them if they really wanted to do it would they mind putting their money together and buying me big items that I would need like another car seat, and a double stroller, and such, or dipaers and consumables that I would need.....they gladly did and it worked out great. I think if they want to do it you should let them. I Love to do stuff like that for my friends.

Just tell them you really don't want a full shower, but it would be nice to go to brunch or something if they really want to do something. My friends wanted to do the same for my 2nd, and it was 2 years after my first and another boy, so I didn't want an all-out shower with a number of people invited, because it's not proper etiquette to have multiple baby showers for subsequent babies. Just my immediate, closest friends got together for a brunch at one of their homes. It was fun and they did bring me gifts, but it was nice because no one felt the rush was on to get stuff I "needed." I got some really sweet books and cute clothes and blankets and things.

I would be with you - I wouldn't want it either. You can mention to them that you do not really want one. If they keep insisting, maybe just have your small group of friends at the shower and do something small - free stuff!

Say for instance, if you have two girls and are now having a boy, I would let them, but suggest that they keep the gifts simple, (boy's outfits, diapers, wipes,...)

I think that celebrating each birth is important and special. I say go for it. Just have them focus more on celebrating than showering. :)

I would decline the offer also. They can give a gift for the baby if they like they don't have to throw a party.

I wonder, if you don't need anything furniture-wise, etc., if you could say yes to them and ask them specifically for a diaper shower? You'll DEFINITELY need those, and if they REALLY want to throw them a party, it'll make them happy :)

Instead of a shower (which implies gifts), how about asking them to host a no-gifts baby celebration? They can still invite everyone, but be clear on the invitation that this is a gift-free event. If a few people bring gifts anyway, don't open them in front of the group. This would just make everyone else feel awkward.

How wonderful you have such caring friends!

I will say though, I think you can decline the offer. For example, my mom offered to throw a friend a baby shower, and the friend told her that her family was planning one big party that everyone and their sister was invited to (which was true, it was like 200 people at this shower)... but my mom totally understood. I like the other moms ideas about "sprinkling parties", meet the baby, or friend luncheons and keeping it small. It's a personal preference.

Best wishes!!

Let them throw the shower! It's not for you, it's for them. ;-) better yet, have the shower after the baby us born so they can all meet the new baby. If you are concerned about gifts (as in, you don't need/want them), explain that to your friends, and brainstorm. I'm sure y'all can come up with an alternate idea. Like only gifting books. )

Congrats on the new baby!!

I didn't want a shower, and when approached, I simply said that I didn't want to have a shower! No hurt feelings...You could say that it is your third, you have most of the stuff you anticipate needing, and people can do as the want on an individual basis/I would love a prepared meal, etc. The people who hosted for me decided on a simple brunch - a girls get together - no gifts...it was lovely!

I agree...be grateful for such great, caring friends:-). I believe it is wonderful to celebrate EACH baby coming into this world!! I just went to a shower for a woman who was having her 4th & it was more of a get together luncheon feel...no shower games, no opening presents...just visiting with friends:-)! We each brought a bag of diapers (what baby doesn't need diapers?!) & a frozen dish (who doesn't feel overwhelmed after the fresh meal deliveries are over & wouldn't mind being able to grab a homemade dinner from the freezer:-)?! ) Best wishes!

Honestly, I felt the exact same way when I was pregnant for the second time. However, I was pregnant with twins, so it was a good idea. But instead of people buying me things or registering, I asked if anyone had any used items they could part with as I had one of everything. I had a boy the first time and was having twin boys, too, so had some boy clothes, but not enough for two (plus they were born at different times of the year) so I also asked for any spare clothes since some of my friends with boys were pregnant with girls at the time. You can do that if you are having a different sex baby than your first two or need extra baby stuff, but I'm guessing you already have a lot of stuff. What you might do, then, is suggest that you get together in honour of the new baby, but everyone spend a little money on themselves, like hiring someone to come in and give you all manicures/pedicures or hair colouring or massages or whatever. There are lots of places that do group spa things or you could just go out for lunch and ask for no gifts or whatever. I think it's sweet that your friends want to throw you a party, but I totally get where you're coming from, too...

All children should be celebrated as should mothers. Maybe you can tell them your feelings and ask for a non-gift shower or a small dinner out or a diaper party or something different than the typical shower.

I am pregnant with my second, don't know if it is a boy or a girl. My friends are going to have a shower for me and we are going to suggest a diaper fund. You could do that.

I like the "meet the baby" idea...or maybe just suggest it as a diaper party? I agree with you, I don't like second and third showers, so maybe you can take the word "shower" out of it and suggest to her that if people insist on getting you something, diapers and wipes would be most appropriate?

I would just say that you really don't need anything if you don't and ask if the shower can just be lunch. They are being good friends and you should be one back. Maybe go to a spa for some kind of treatment or go get manicures and pedicures. Something that will make you feel special as they think you are!!!!

I would let them give you a shower. Every baby deserves their own! Plus, who couldn't use a few diapers, new bottles or new outfits? :-)

Hi S.! You have sweet friends :-) ... you could accept the offer and ask that instead of gifts, guests bring a donation (monetary or supplies) to the shower that can go to your chosen organization that benefits children or moms/families in need.

Similarly, my daughter has been to birthday parties where the "gifts" were instead donations to the local animal shelter. The kids loved delivering a trunkful of cat & dog food that they'd collected. Best wishes with your dilemma and your growing family!

Can you find a way to change it to a celebration of the new baby without presents rather than a traditional baby shower? And then have the party... regardless, be gracious and let them congratulate you this way. Try to pin point if it is the additional presents that bother you or just the party.

Hi S.,
How about having a henna artist come to the party and henna your beautiful belly and then do small hennas for the other guests? I did this about 2 weeks before my due date with a few friends (for my second child) and it was so wonderful! I am also in the Seattle area and we hired Mehndi Madness http://www.mehndimadness.com/ to send an artist out. It's totally affordable when the cost is split. We drank homemade chai, had some appetizers. My friend brought some twine and beads and they each made a blessing bracelet that they wore, with a promise to send me good thoughts for an easy birth each time they looked at it. I also got one to wear. It was a wonderful way to celebrate the pregnancy and the baby without all the hoopla.

Another idea is to have them host a 'sprinkle' instead of a shower and have everyone bring either diapers or a meal that can be frozen. (No gifts) Congrats!

I had a friend offer to throw me a shower with my second (also a daughter) and I refused. I agree, after the first the showers should be done, ESPECIALLY when both babies are the same sex. I don't think it was rude at all, I think my friend was kind of relieved. It's a ton of work throwing showers! I say if you feel uncomfortable, insist on skipping the shower. Tell them they can take you to lunch and buy baby a gift instead.

I did not read all the responses, so forgive me if this is a repeat of an idea. But, why not have the shower to celebrate and enjoy time with your wonderful friends, and either donate the gifts to a childrens' charity, or ask them that in lieu of gifts they make a donation to Childrens Hospital, or something of the like? Congratulations on your third baby!!! ;-)

-A.

I would suggest getting together for dinner or a small brunch at a restaurant instead. That way they can honor you and give you small gifts, but not have it be the big shower. I also feel a shower after the first child isn't necessary. What great friends you have!