Friends of Diff Ages

What is the age difference? If an 8th grade middle school student is hanging out with a 9th grade high school student I don't see a problem. Now if a 12th grade HS students wants to hang out with a 6th grade middle schooler...well then that is strange.

Do they have shared interests?
My daughter is a sophomore and has some friends she hangs with that are in 8th grade. They are in youth group together and play some sports together. When there's common interests, it makes sense.

Are all of your friends the same age?

If their relationship seems healthy, then it's fine. Heck, the difference could only be 1-2 years.

Healthy relationships are good. Unhealthy ones are bad, regardless of age.

Doesn't bother me...my oldest son has friends from the neighborhood who are 2 years older than him and a year or two younger than him. These are kids I know and like, and I consider their parents my friends. When he was in 7th & 8th grades, some of these kids were freshmen or sophomores in high school. Now that he's in high school, the youngest of his friends is still in 8th grade. They still hang out.

I guess it depends on the context of their friendship...are these girls that were friends before, when they were younger? Is it a neighborhood thing, or do they know each other from something like a shared activity, sports, summer camp, church, etc? Assuming that there's some basis for the friendship, then I wouldn't think twice about it. My concern would be if I think that the younger girl is being exposed to partying or something via the older girl but in the case of my son, that hasn't been an issue. His friends are his friends, it doesn't matter that they're older and younger.

When I was in a teen I belonged to a service organization where I had many friends that were two, three and four years older than myself. They were my mentors, and I felt very lucky to have them. When I was in grade nine I had friends who could drive and take me camping and to the beach etc. It was wonderful.

when people tell me that kids *should* be in school because they 'need to live in the real world' this is the sort of thing that always comes to mind.
only in schools are people artificially segregated by age.
kids naturally self-sort into vague age categories based on maturity levels and interests, but thank all the gods they don't feel locked into those roles UNLESS school (and parents) have convinced them they 'should.'
my homeschooled kids had friends across the age spectrum. still do.
unless there is some sort of predation going on (an older child trying to manipulate a vulnerable younger one into unseemly behaviors) there is absolutely no need to be concerned about this.
khairete
S.

What seems so weird about this?
Don't you have friends that aren't the same age as you? My husband and I have close friends that are 8 and 10 years older than us, and some that are 5 and 6 years younger than us.
Age doesn't seem to matter when it comes to interests. Horseback riding and video games don't have age ranges, why should our perceptions?

With that said, if we are talking about a 17 year old boy who has taken an interest in an 11 year old girl, well that might raise a few eyebrows and objections.

Otherwise don't worry about it.

My daughter is a freshman that just turned 15 and she is friends with a girl that lives across the street that is 13 and in 7th grade. They have sleep overs. My daughter has plenty of friends her age too so I dont think its a big deal.

My kids are good friends with neighborhood kids. All different ages. Boys and girls.

Depends entirely on the two girls involved. Hard to answer without any details.

My daughter is 13 and in seventh grade and is friends with a girl who is 18 and a senior, but they both have schedules far too busy (especially with one of them getting ready for college) to see each other much. But if they could get together more I'd be fine with it since the older girl is (a) one I've known for years through church; (b) a great role model for being academically strong. My daughter is interested in talking about things like books and school and college plans, and the older girl says that my kid is more interested in talking about those things than many of her HS peers are.

In your case, is your own child the HS girl or the MS girl? How long have the girls known each other? If it's a new or sudden friendship, that could be more of an issue - maybe one of them feels she doesn't fit in with her own age group (younger girl is more mature, or older one is less mature, etc.). Maybe they have an activity or interest in common? Did they meet through some outside group or class they're both doing? Common interests are great and definitely can trump age when it comes to forming friendships.

How do they act around each other? What do they talk about? What do they do together? If it's all positive, I would think it's OK. (Yes, mom, it's fine to eavesdrop some to get a sense of what they talk about and how they relate to each other.) If their talk is negative, or either girl seems to be influencing the other negatively, or (worst of all to me) they spend their time together on social media and you don't know what they're doing on there or with whom they're talking --that would be an issue, to me, and I might redirect my child toward other activities with other friends. (But don't forbid anything unless there's immediate danger-- if you say "You can't see Sally anymore because she's just too old/too young for you," you will turn Sally into sweeter "forbidden fruit" and your child will feel you have injured her friend.

It wouldn't bother me a bit, unless the high school girls were introducing the middle school girls to inappropriate, too mature content. Then we'd have a talk. If they're just playing and hanging out, it's no big deal.

8th grader and a 9th grader? Or maybe 7th and 9th grader, or 8th and 10th grader? Not so odd. Especially of they are in the same neighborhood and were friends long before.

But, like JC said, it would seem odd if it were a larger age gap, since then you're more likely to have major differences in the girls in their maturity and interests... and then there is the "cool" factor also. a 7th grader and a senior--would be rather odd, I would think.

I was very good friends with a girl my senior when I was in 10th. She was in my brother's class (2 years older), but we were excellent friends. But we were both on the HS campus and shared a class (band) and a teacher (gifted program). I had other senior friends as well, but not "close" ones.

I don't think I'd be thrilled if my middle-schooler was hanging out with a high schooler. It would have to depend on how big of an age difference, and the type of kid. If she was only a year older, and on the same maturity level as my daughter, I might consider it.

Depends entirely on what kind of role model the older girl has. It could be a very positive influence, in fact many groups (girl scouts, church youth groups) are set up to have the older girls mentor the younger girls in a friendly informal way.

But I can see other situations where it would be not so positive, if the HS girls were up to no good.

I think it would depend on the personalities of both kids, what they liked to do, etc. It depends on the individuals in the situation.

My son is almost seven and I've gotta tell you, he plays really, really well with younger children. Just in our neighborhood, he has a friend who is an 8.5 year old girl (they grew up like sibs, we parents traded care); our other neighbor has a three year old he loves playing with when he sees her (they fill up holes in the yard with cedar needles and pine cones); many of his friends have younger siblings and the moms love that he is willing to play with *everyone* in their families, not just the boys his age.

If you think about it, within a given family kids can be two or three or more years apart. Wouldn't it be odd if there were no sense of connection or companionship between siblings because of their age? What you describe would have been like my sister and myself. We fought, but we also hung out with each other.

Think I would need more information before I decided that the situation you proposed was 'weird' or not. The HS girl may not be ready, socially, for what high school requires of her, and hanging out with younger peers might be more her speed in regard to how she wants to spend her time. Who knows? I have friends from folks in their 30s to those in their 60s; I'm in my forties. Lots of interesting people out there.

Is the highschool girl a young freshman? 14ish and the middle school girl a 7th or 8th grader? or are we talking a senior and a 6th grader? You need to give a little more info for a good answer to this question. I think kids within a couple year span can hang out and have fun. But it would be weird if it was a big age difference and they are not related.

8th grader hanging out with a 9th or 10th grader isn't a big deal - but a senior hanging out with a 6th grader is different. Some HS girls are young for their age - my daughter is a senior but is not as worldly as many HS girls her age. Many of her friends are 9th & 10th grade girls.

It really depends on the kids. If the high school kid is pretty grown up in terms of make up and hanging out with guys, etc - then I'd want to intervene. But if the HS kids is a brainy, kind of awkward kid it could be the he/she just isn't comfortable with kids his own age.

You have a gut feeling about it? Go with your gut.