Friends? - Harrisburg,PA

I disagree. I hate it when women put other women down. I love my girlfriends.
I think you attract negativity if that is what you think. Perhaps if you make a conscious decision to look for a good friend, you will find one. I hope so. Otherwise, you are missing out on some good relationships.

There are some catty women out there, but there are some truly fabulous women out there, too.

I don't have a huge circle of friends, but the close friends I have, I cherish. My husband is my closest friend, but many times it's nice to have girl-time.

I know that as you get older you really begin to cherish your female friends more than ever.
It's not good for a spouse to bear all of the pressure of being someones "everything".

J.:

keeping people at an "arms length" gives off a vibe and people react to that...so the problem lies with you not other women.

MEN can be just as catty as women. If you keep people at arm's length and don't let them "in"???? you are telling them - without SAYING it - "i'm better than you" or something else for them to interpret...negatively....

No. I don't feel this way. I have a cherished group of friends...they don't talk behind my back...and if they do? SO WHAT?!??!?! They are usually saying something funny or good...and it gets back to me....I always tell people - you want gossip on me? Come to me!! I can give it you first hand!!!

Try letting your guard down...letting one person in...you might be surprised...

That makes me sad for you :(

I'm with Divine.... If you portray a negative vibe, then that is the type of person you will attract. Negative people drive people down and away.

Be positive, all women are not bad. Are there some women who are not nice, of course but it is not fair to generalize that all women are catty and mean.

This site has a lot of very nice women, some I have also maintained a friendship outside MP with.

Follow the old saying..."Treat people the way you want to be treated"

Yes, women can be catty, but, so what? Finding friends is just like dating, you have to get to know them & weed them out until you find the right ones.

You will never make friends if you don't open yourself up & put yourself out there. You yourself, said that you "keep them at arm's length". Kind of obvious, at least, IMO, why you don't have any friends. You call others "catty", but as closed off as you are, you are probably coming off negatively, as well. If you go into friendship (or anything, for that matter), with a defeatist attitude, you will always get what you put into it.

I have gone through a lot of bad apples to get to the point where I have quality friends that will be there for me. You can either choose to feel sorry for yourself, or you can take a leap of faith & open yourself up to the possibility of a really great friendship that you wouldn't have made if you had stayed closed off.

You are right-- there are some women who are catty and mean. And some Queen Bee moms you kinda have to watch out for.

But there are also a lot of really great women out there. If you aren't extending yourself out to lots of different kinds of people, you are likely to mostly notice the most painful, obnoxious interactions.

I have a handful of true girlfriends-- the ones I could call to help me through the storm if need be. One very close, best girlfriend, and my husband, who is my best friend and who also really doesn't want to be the only person I rely on for an ear. I think that's expecting too much of him to be my only outlet for conversation.

And yes, I used to feel similarly when I was younger. Time has brought some very neat women into my life. Once I was older, more confident in myself, and wasn't comparing/competing with other women, the situation really improved.

To each his own J.. I got along with guys better than with girls. I have a strong personality and girls were always at odds with me for one reason or another. With that said, I realized this at a young age, but didn't keep anyone at arm's length from that point forward because of it. I always tried to make friends and until they proved themselves to be something they weren't, then I would weed them out. True, the only one I can count on is me, myself and I, but now and again you need a girlfriend to bounce stuff off of. And who knows, you might get lucky and find the right one. You know what they say....you are quite lucky if you can count your friends on 1 hand. Give people a chance and then decide if you are better off by yourself. Don't label all of us based on a few catty, mean experiences you may have had. Good luck.

My girlfriends keep me sane, without them I don't know what I would do! They are there when I need to laugh, cry and vent about my husband and kids. They are there to listen and talk about all the things men just don't get and/or care about. We share books, stories, gossip, see chick flicks and cheer each other on when one of us is feeling down. We love and look after each others' kids when needed. We help each other out when there's a sickness or other difficulty. We love our men but there's no WAY any of our guys could give us the kind of empathy and support (and sometimes swift kick in the pants) that we give each other.
I'm not close to my mom, it's always been my aunt, sister and a few very close girlfriends. I also have a wide circle of "mom" friends that I am somewhat close to, but not too close. Still, we exercise together, socialize with the husbands/family, sometimes have coffee or lunch and trade books.
I really hope you are able to connect with some women in your life. Kids grow up and move on, and husbands, well, they are great, but they can't be EVERYTHING. The older I get the more thankful I am for the "girls" in my life :)

Here's my experience: women who are uneducated, inexperienced or basically have nothing much going on for them in terms of hobbies or interests, those are the gossipy types. They have nothing going and nothing to give.

If you reach out to groups that you have something in common with, choose your ______(fill in the blank) club, you'll find other women you click with.

I find that I get along best with artists, musicians, athletes and gals who like to cook, sew, reader and travelers. And I love being around truly spiritual women, not just people who worship, but people who practice.

You don't necessarily need many friends, you need a few very close friends. And I promise it will fill up your heart and mind in ways that you never imagined.

Also, I have worked in male dominant fields my whole life so I get it. Men are certainly easier to get along with. They mean what they say, they joke, they have a sense of humor, they work hard, they don't complain as much, etc. But I have always been able to find one true girlfriend I could feel safe with and trust.

GL!

There are people of both genders that I enjoy spending time with and consider friends. There are people of both genders that I find annoying, gossipy, lacking values or other traits where I do not wish to befriend them.

What I will say is that you need friends. It is an unreasonable and unwise to make anyone your "everything." Your SO can be your best friend and rock, but you need broader network than that. So does your SO.

i used to say the same thing. i was a man's woman, not a woman's woman.
so silly.
yes, women CAN be catty and mean. and men can be manipulative users. doesn't mean they all are. and no SO should be anybody's everything. that's way too much of a burden to weigh down a loved one.
making good friends means being a good friend. i've come to realize that i do best with maintaining close ties with a very very few kindred spirits, and fun casual friendships with a wider circle.
for the most part i prefer my own company and that of my dh. but i am so grateful for and cherish my dear friends outside of that. you can't stay grounded if you're not in contact with people outside of your marriage.
khairete
S.

I could have written your question! I always got along with males more than females, even when younger. You're right. Boys/men generally are true to word. They don't conspire, talk behind others' backs, and are not nearly as "catty" as girls/women can be. This is a generality, of course. Right now, I have one very close friend (lives two doors down) and we only chit-chat/get together every couple weeks. I have one other friend/neighbor and we basically share kids! haha (play dates every day). Other than that, I really have no other "friends". Maybe close acquaintances, but not a lot of close friends.

And you know what? I'm happy with this situation. I don't like being obligated to go to movies, parties, etc... if I don't want to.

So, yes, there are other women like yourself! :)

I have three I can always count on, ME, MYSELF and I. And lately they have been the only ones there for me. I always seem to find myself being the outsider looking in when it comes to friends, by the time I meet someone I think may end up being a good friend, they usually already have their set of friends and I feel like an outsider when we are all together, if I am included at all. I try to make new friends, but never seems to work, I even introduced myself to a new neighbor and we got to talking,talkedabout walking and such and well guess what, I see her walking by my house every morning with another neighbor I had introduced myself to. Whatever. Even worse my kids just started a new school and their is a group of parents from the old school that we used to get invited to do things with, there is a big get together next weekend,and no invite this year, guess they werent real friends like we thought, (sorry for the rant). So anyways back to my point the best friends I have found are ME MYSELF AND I . We have great conversation and lots of laughs. :) And hanging out with each other, no one can stab us in the back.

I had three main friends usually. That seems to be my number. I see them at different times and they don't know each other.
Many women are as you describe. I kept reaching out and finally found two who never talk bad about me, even when I deserve it. I call them keepers.

I'm the kind of girl whose girlfriends are MOSTLY girls who don't get on with other girls, because neither do I.

I get on well with men. Always have. Men are (in general) easy, direct, up for some seriously silly competition, prefer to be "doing" (as in playing pool / hiking/ etc.) when you're hanging out, more physical, waaaaaaay more sensitive/emotional (so they take greater care in not ACTUALLY hurting each other emotionally), up front, if they have a problem you know about it right off, etc.

There are exceptions to every generality. Which is where most of my girlfriends come from.

Oh my gosh, I totally get what you're saying!!! I've only had one or two really good girl-friends at any one time because of the same reasons. As I've gotten older I've lost contact with all but two whom I see periodically, but mostly for the past 10 or 20 years, it's been my sister that is my best friend. I don't know what I'd do without her!! Hope I never have to find out!

Good question!

Kindred spirits are few and far between.
I've always had more guy friends than girl friends.
Not everyone needs to run with a pack.
As long as YOU are happy, don't worry about it.

i would give you an honest answer but all too ofter people dont want an honest answer, or at least they dont want my honest answer, so anyway..( wish i could reach my coffee cup..grrr)my email address is ____@____.com, drop me a line, more later
K. h.

I totally understand what you are saying.

I was part of a group of 'friends' and I became the one that was excluded from the group. Like you said - cattiness and very junior high/high school. I tried to make an effort to reach out and still nothing. I finally decided to just pull away completely from the entire group. There was one event that we all were signed up to do each year and I finally emailed the group and sort of opted out and was very happy to finally just cut ties.
I truly wish it would've worked out but it was really causing me more stress than it was worth. Wondering what all I was being left out of and wondering what I could do to 'fix' things.
I emailed the one who coordinates the event and she only said she'll let the others know. Just as I suspected -not much there. And she's probably happy to have me out.
I did let one of the other friends know b/c she specifically asked if we were available for the date the event was set. She wrote back and told me she wanted me to stay included. So she was sweet about it, which I suspected she would be.
To finally just cut it all off was just so much of a relief.
Was I a little sad - yes. But stepping back and seeing that I've only known them for 5 yrs and had this group thing going just a couple years. Was I happy and content and fullfilled in my life before meeting them - yes, definitely! So I looked at it as just going back to the way things were before meeting them. And best of all - less stressful because I'm not being eliminated and being part of the silly games.

I also evaluated if I am the type of person that needs girls night out, etc. And I'm really not, never have been. I think it would be fun, but I don't have to have that type of thing. I stay extremely busy and honestly have very little time left over to pursue friendships. I do wish my one true best friend lived closer and could be a bigger part of my life. :(

I agree with others that your SO can't be your only person in your life. But what you could do is join online groups that you 'click' with. I do that a lot. And it makes more sense since the common interest is already there. Or you could even find local groups that share your same interest. So instead of trying to find a group of friends - look for groups of people that share your interests and go from there.

the only friends ive really kept in touch with from highschool were my best guy friends.. the girls ill see if i go out on the weekends or wil occasioinally talk to on facebook.. my only and best friend who is a girl is my cousin and its always been that way .. throughout highschool i was almost always theo nly girl in my group of friends