One of my best girlfriends confided in another best friend (who shared the secret with me) that she is not happy in her marriage and is considering a divorce. I am really sad about this as they have a one year old little boy - but above and beyond all that - I just want her to know I am a shoulder if she needs one. So here's the problem - I don't want her to know that the other friend shared her secret with me. How do I let her know that I am here with out ratting out the other friend? OR do I just wait until (when/if) she wants to come to me with the info on her own?
Thank you everyone! It seems Unanimous that I should wait until she comes to me - I just hate to know she is hurting and not be able to let her know I'm here - but I agree - it's best at this point to wait!
I wouldn't say anything. You can call her, just to say hi, and she will confide when ready.
BTW...you know now not to share info with that best friend unless you are ok with it being shared....it wasn't her secret to share.
I would keep quiet. If she wants to talk to you about it she will. And I would be cautious about telling the other friend any secrets you may have since she apparently cannot keep confidences.
You have to wait until the friend going through the hardship comes to you about it. If you don't, you not only betray the 3rd party friend, who had absolutely no right to say anything to you about it in the first place, but the one who is already dealing with huge life-altering decisions will most likely feel betrayed that her 2 "best friends" are talking about her behind her back even if your intentions are good.
I wouldn't say anything but I would give her a call just to say "hello" and to chat for a bit. I'm sure that she will eventually share this information with you when she is ready to do so.
J.:
Wait until she comes to you....you don't have to let the cat of out the bag...or you could have lunch and invite her...then...you can do this:
you know - my marriage was on the rocks a few years back....we were having trouble and we decided instead of divorce - we were gonna rededicate ourselves to our marriage instead of just going day to day ....we started kissing each other EVERY day...not just a peck - but KISSING each other.....we instituted a date night - now it wasn't easy. but it's been WONDERFUL!!!!
No one EVER said marriage is EASY. No one EVER promised the fairy tale and soooo many people EXPECT that fairy tale here and now....marriage is like a garden - it MUST be tended to daily...lest weeds grow....
If they can't communicate now - they are GOING to have to learn how to after a divorce because a CHILD is involved. I would NEVER advocate staying together for children - but I would totally advocate working on the marriage....
Until your friend tells you herself it is just gossip. What does that say about your friend that told you? Regardless of her reasoning, she betrayed her friends trust by telling you anything.
If and when your friend is ready to tell you she will. The best way you can support her now is just by being her friend; ready to listen, ready to support, ready to do all the things you already do as her friend.
YOU WAIT UNTIL SHE COMES TO YOU!!! This other "friend" of hers is NOT a true friend, to tell you this secret. Why are so many women so eager to spill other people's secret?? If someone tells me a secret, I keep my mouth shut! I get NO pleasure whatsoever from announcing other people's business to other people. A good friend keeps secrets. How awful. You are not supposed to know this, so keep your mouth shut and for the love of God, do NOT trust this woman who told you! Please don't ever tell her any secrets!
However, there is something you can do. Whenever your friend lets you in on this, you can respond by saying, "I already know." When she asks you how you knew, you can tell her that this other woman betrayed her and told you her secret. Personally, I would want to know who betrayed me (because we all have a right to know who are real friends are), so I think you should tell her!!!
Try and strengthen you friendship in other ways, and she will come to you when she is ready/
Best of luck.
wait until she tells or confides in you, you MIGHT be able to get away with saying "you know i'm here for you for anything right?" and be done with it
Just call her up and invite her to come visit you. Be an ear if she wants to talk and if not it's a visit which she must need if she is so unhappy. It'll just be a relief to know she is loved and wanted by someone.
Arrange a baby sitter for your children and hers. Take a walk on Table Mountain. A hike can give a person another sense of what is in the world for them and what they can do about whatever is bothering her.
You can be the break she needs from dwelling on her troubles.
Have you thought about doing couple things with them? Maybe they are just bored and need to spice up their marriage. I don't understand people who get divorced when they have such small children. Obviously they were happy not that long ago when they made the baby!
