I have been blessed to be able to work from home for almost three years now. I manage the online presence for a friends business in CA and it has been great for me. Well she has recently told me that she needs me to start attending the quarterly meetings.
This means every three months I leave my wife and two children for thee to four days to fly to the offices in San Francisco. I don't want to do this. I am seriously considering quitting this job and going back to what I did before (Freelance work) While my wife and I don't technically require the extra income we save most all of what I make so that in a year or two we can buy a house in (or closer too) DC. As it is too truly afford the kind of house we want it will be another year or two before we can afford it but if I quit that number will be doubled or even tripled. She insists that she can handle having the girls alone for those few days but My wife has to be at work before 8am and is suppose to get off at 4 but sometimes she works as late as 7pm and what would we do with our daughters during that time? She insists that she could get a niece of nephew or her mother to stay with us and help her out but I just worry that with me having to go so frequently it will be a burden?
Once I read a lot of these responses I have realized that I am just anxious and it is no where near as big a deal as my mind was inflating it to be! Thank you!
I have found life is actually easier when my husband is out of town. Love him dearly but it is easier.
My moms friends daughter lives in Chicago, and fly's to New year weekly for work. M-Th,
What are you are being asked to do is NOTHING. .There are people dying to have jobs with good pay. I would not walk away from that.
This is no big deal. I work full time. My husband travels for work for a 4-5 day trip monthly. We can keep it all together just fine.
Yeah, maybe we don't have as many homemade meals when he's travelling, but its really fine. And sometimes a little occasional distance does make the heart grow fonder :)
Oh good grief.... you are talking about every quarter... Every 3 months for a short period of time each. Every 3 months is not "frequent". Try 2-4 nights a week for a while and you will appreciate quarterly.
Don't you think your wife is capable of pulling it off to have your children taken care of during those times? Give her a break...
It would probably do you a lot of good to get away once in a while to recharge, be in a work environment with your peers for a change.
4 times a year is not going to scar your children for life. We raised our daughter with hubby being out of town 2-4 nights a week and she is a happy, healthy, smart, independent young woman.
There is a LOT you can do... hire a sitter, friend, relative to watch them. Your children also need to be away from you once in a while as well. Look at it as a positive for all of you.
ETA: We have been married almost 26 years and I love it when my hubby is on a business trip because we both have personal space and use the time to recharge and enjoy ourselves.
As the wife who stays home....3-4 days every 3 months is extremely doable. The hardest part is coordinating her work schedule, which since you'll have plenty of notice should be pretty easy to do. Of course it will be a minor burden, but so is leaving your underwear on the floor or not putting away the cheese after dinner - in other words NBD in the long haul of marriage.
Since you currently do the bulk of the house/child care here are my tips I've learned from when I travel and hubby stays home (rare, and usually the other way around in my house).
1. Have meals ready and in the freezer or budget for eating out those days.
2. If the kids are school aged make sure they have money in their lunch accounts so she doesn't have to make lunches.
3. Since drop off may be an issue look into local 'Mom Vans' who charge to take/pick up kids from school
4. Write down the kids schedule - wake time, what time you leave, pick up time, any after school activities. I put these on my husband's calendar directly so he can't tell me he didn't see them :)
5. Don't expect her to do laundry or other chores beyond general picking up (she probably will, and you can be very grateful when you come home, just don't expect it because her schedule is off and sometimes mundane things don't get accomplished)
DH travels 2+ weeks a month. Like you I work from home so it's easy to manage. When I travel (couple times a year) as long as I make sure the above things are covered he says everything goes pretty smoothly.
Not trying to belittle you but get a grip. Look at it like this, out of 365, you will be home 349 days. This is NOT frequent travel I just want to clear that up.
I am the wife of a salesman. He was gone all the time. We have two kids. Its a miracle we had child #2 due to my husband's schedule! I worked and had NO family nearby. It was me, myself and I who took care of the kids, who stayed up all night with the kids, who took the kids to school and who then went to work. Every day. You do what you have to do to make it work. What you are proposing should not be an issue. Sounds like you have the problem not your wife. If she says she can do it she can.
This is not a good enough reason to quit your job. Really.
Seriously? You feel like you can't leave your wife alone for 3 or 4 days once every three months?
Your wife is not an invalid. And there are these things called babysitters for your daughters.
I guess I should be impressed that you are so thoughtful of your family. And it is truly nice to hear of a guy who thinks so much of his family, come to think of it. But your wife and kids can handle it. Your wife already told you so.
Obviously you don't give up a bunch of money because of a few days' absence every three months. Don't quit the job, that's just silly, IMO. And I gotta agree with Julie that a little absence from husband has its upsides.
Quarterly is not all that frequently. I'm sure your wife will survive. I think you should keep the job and go.
I wouldn't consider that frequent or a burden at all. It's very doable you just need good planning.
I have a doctor friend with 4 kids and her husband travels to Kasikstahn for six months out of the year, every other month gone, ALL month (!) and they make it work.
Trust your wife to be the capable, equal partner that she is. Give it a try and see how it goes. If it really is a burden (and it won't be!), then you can always revisit this with your employer later. But at least give it a chance!
You can hire sitters or have a relative come and stay to help out while you're gone. I get that it's stressing you out, but I've got 4 kids and handle occasional work travel. My husband normally leaves the house at 7 AM and gets home at 6PM and I'm the one with flexibility. When I'm not there, we bring in extra help to cover gaps in our routine and they all do jsut fine.
Wow, I wouldn't quit because of that. I travel frequently for work leaving the children behind and my husband deals with them, and when necessary my mother and my mother-in-law help too.
No way would I quit in your circumstances.
You either take your wife's word for what she says or you don't.
Why would she not be honest with you?
Now If YOU are the one not enjoying this job, be honest.
Otherwise I cannot imagine every 3 months being gone for a few days is a big deal. Heck with cell phones, email and face time.. it is like they are always at your finger tips. When I was a buyer I would be at market sometimes for 2 weeks straight every few months.. That was way before cell phones!
Our daughter moved up north to go to college, I thought my husband was going to have a stroke. Heck he was looking for a job up there so we could live close by!
I reminded him in college our daughter would probably be speaking with us more than she did in High school, since in High school, they were not allowed to use their cell phones all day!
That's not frequent travel. It's more travel than you've been doing but it's really doable. I'd say that you need to trust that your wife is able to balance the needs of her work and family for a few days every 3 months. And it sounds like she could ask for help if she needs it. Relax, go to the meetings, and save up that money. Housing in the DC area is CRAZY. My sister in law and brother in law lived in Falls Church. My nephews still live in the area. Wicked expensive.
Why don't you try it for a couple of times and then make the decision? see how things come together before quitting, unless that's the perfect excuse to quit without burning a bridge with your friend. Just a suggestion.
Good luck to you!
While it's nice of you to be concerned, it's not frequent travel and nothing to quit a job over. My husband is often travelling from M-F and I have 4 kids. I even worked back when we had two kids. It's not that difficult to figure it out once a quarter.
For over 6 years my husband would travel every 3 weeks for 3 days at a time. Not a big deal....it all will work out. Don't quit your job over this.
Many many peoe do it. That what daycare is for. I would not quit a job for reason you stated.
It's nice of you to be so concerned. Most husbands aren't. But realistically, this is very doable and you do have to think long term. You live in a very expensive area and kids don't seem to get cheaper as they get older. So many activities and maybe tutors etc nevermind college. Sure you can freelance but that's not as stable nor does it look as good on a resume. So at least try it. I'm the one who works FT and is home for the kids while my husband focuses on work. So when I have to leave briefly and infrequently for work I panic a bit. But it works out fine. What other job is goign to let you watch netflix every morning with your youngest for a couple of hours?...
Are you worried about your wife's schedule, or are you feeling bad leaving your recently adopted daughters?? (totally different problem!)
Just make sure you schedule out your meetings around kids first school play, awards ceremony, etc. My husband worked from home for 6 years and went back to work with travel. As long as you can voice your opinion on the scheduling that works best for your family, otherwise you should be able to video conference into your meetings.
It's great that you want to be home with the kids and that you will miss them. However, thousands of people travel when they have kids, and a few days every 3 months is very minor and easy to work around. Freelance is an iffy business, as you know, and to turn down financial security (which benefits your children) just to stay home with them for what amounts to an average of 1 day a month does not make sense. You are working for their long-term financial security, so don't throw that away.
One of the reasons your wife works until 7 PM is that she can - you are home. So with so much notice, it's very manageable for her to let her employer know that those 3 days every quarter she has to either a) leave at 4, b) take a few days of personal or vacation time, or c) work from home.
Then she does exactly what she suggested - she gets a relative or 2 to help out, or you both start now to look for a baby-sitter who can help out. There are plenty of services around, and if there are colleges nearby you may be able to find students with a flexible class schedule. In fact, you should have some sitters lined up anyway - it's important for spouses to have some adult time for fun but also to have a back-up when something comes up that you both have to attend to. Kids benefit by being cared for by other people and by having an expanded circle of caring adults, so you help them by broadening their horizons.
Finally, I agree that you can trust your wife to tell you what she can manage. Maybe not every little chore gets done, but so what? This is what parenting is. As you and your wife get more used to having these 2 little kids in your life, you will learn to find the help you need.
Let me give you some perspective here. Tyler, my husband, did several tours to the Middle East while he was active duty in the Air Force. The longest he was gone was 18 months. ##THAT## was hard. Traveling once every 3 months for 3 to 4 days? Piece of cake.
You are truly blowing this out of proportion. Throttle back some. Give your wife some credit. I'm sure she's very capable of taking care of kids while you are gone for a few days. This is not the end of the world. Do not quit your job over this.
T.,
If you REALLY live in Potomac, MD - well - we know you're pretty set financially. It's one of the most expensive zip codes in the DELMARVA area.
I tell them to people all the time...BREATHE!!! Let it out slowly and BREATHE again...
FOUR times is a year is NOT frequent. Once a month is frequent. Every two weeks is frequent.
Do you NOT trust your wife to take care of the kids?
Do you NOT trust in her ability to get them ready for school and life??? If not - then why did you have (I know you adopted) kids with her if you don't trust her to do the "every day" stuff???
Tell you what - if you want to quit your job? Let's meet (I'm in Reston) you can introduce me to your boss and I'll take over your job! I won't mind flying to SFO 4 times a year.
This is nothing my daughter's husband works on an oil rig in Nigeria. He is gone 28 days and home 28 days. She has to handle everything from planning the wedding, to moving from Wisconsin to Texas. She drove her pick-up truck with 4 kids, a puppy and a cat with a golf cart in the back all the way to Galveston. She had 3 boys, 5, 6 and 7 yrs old in the back seat she got about 2 hours out and a little voice from the back seat asked "are we there yet??????"
Then the moving truck broke down and she had to wait 3 weeks to get her stuff. So she got air mattresses and figured it out.
We women are resilent and we can do anything.
Have you met a military family? I'm guessing yes since you live in the DC region and we are surrounded by bases. 3-4 days 4 times a year is NOTHING. It may be hard if you aren't used to it, it would be for me, but that's such a short trip, you'll be home before you know it.
Nerves are normal, but honestly, do the travel.
No big deal! Focus on your income, career success and retirement savings.
Trust me, your wife and kids will be just fine. Three to four days every three months is not a big deal at all. Do it for a while - if it's TRULY too difficult, quit then. But chances are, you'll all adjust to the new schedule and it'll become part of the routine. If your wife says she can handle it, she can handle it.
Here's my question. Do THEY pay for your travel or do you? That makes a difference. If they pay and this is steady income then I'd say you need to make the trips.
See how it goes. I think you should work as much as possible until you get that house but I also think you need to build a nest egg. I assume your wife works a steady job in DC and that's why you live where you are. It's hard there, my in-laws lived there for several years.
This income sounds important. I'd keep it as long as possible. Many people are still losing jobs left and right. Income isn't always there when you need it.
T.,
It is between your wife and you.
If she has an idea of getting a niece or nephew involved, then you
need to have a family group conference with the extended family to work out the details for sure.
Good luck.
D.
Just a quick suggestion - I would try to find a fill-in nanny through an agency or family connection/friend. Just in case you end up stuck one time b/c family can't help out (they have something they have to do).
