Found 4 Year Old Son Playing with Almost 4 Year Old Boy in a Bad Way....

Well congratulations your son has turned four! :)

From my experience this is when sexual urge gets expressed and beacuse they are four they are not secret about it yet. usually thay are very matter of fact and honest about it.
Now it is up to you to make him know it is COMPLETELY a natural part of having a human hormone body.

Stay clear of any medical or mental inspection you will really give him a complex!

This is not something he has learned necessarily , it is a natural urge to " feel good" show "affinity" and love towards a friend. it is also normal to try to figure out why this feels so good physically by doing it alot. it slows down a bit later, and will become a more private affair for him.

By the way at that age they do not differentiate between the sexes..that also comes later, so do not worry about any christian morals just yet :)

Nah toss the underwear . more where those came from.

Hi there, It would not hurt to have him evaluated by a good therpist, just to confirm that nothing has happened. Assuming all is fine, you're going to have to remember that kids are sexual beings, and help him learn the appropriate way to express it. I remember my son at that age, and he had a hard time not putting his hands down his pants, and they do it because it feels good. I think I said "we touch our private parts in private places like our bathroom and bedroom, and NO ONE else except mom and dad are allowed to touch them" about a thousand times. I also used to ask his permission - "I need to see if you washed properly may I touch your private parts" etc.

There is no reason for shame, embarassment or anger. Nothing positive will come out of these emotions. This behavior is not about you, your beliefs, or behaviors. This is about teaching a child the approprite way to express himself. I would not bother returning the underwear, it just prolongs the drama. Good luck.

Hi, I agree with a lot of what has already been said, so will just add a couple of things.

The main thing is this: HOW we react to something sends a clearer message than what we actually say. In other words, if we get hyper about something, the children will pick up on the anxiety and not necessarily pay attention to what we are really trying to teach them.

While I think it's prudent and necessary to protect our children from life's harms, so to speak, sometimes being over-protective causes children to want to do something even more, especially as they get older. (Just think back to your teenage years and how you wanted to do things your parents said you couldn't.)

I think you are on the right track by reinforcing his private parts and who can and cannot touch them. And you probably will need to do this many times without drama or judgment.

To compensate, there may be other areas of your son's life where you could make room for some experimenting: allowing him to go places or do things that you are protecting him from now. What about a kid's gym? Or an art class? Or any other venues where you leave him in the trusted care of other adults for, say, a 30-minute class. (There are zillions of ways to harbor experimentation and creativity w/o putting your child in harm's way. And they create great talking points and/or lessons from mommy and daddy.)

As kids grow and learn and experiment, they are going to go astray. As parents, we step in and remind them of where the boundaries are. I'm thinking that we want to be firm, without making a bid deal out of it. The bigger deal I make out of something w/ my 2-year-old usually provokes an equally arduous response on his part.

Please don't be ashamed. All kids experiment. I actually would be more worried if he wasn't curious. The fact that he was so nonchalent about it may indicate it's not that big a deal to him.

Also, I know a highly regarded child development specialist who would say that some of this behavior is because their testosterone levels are rising, and sometimes it just builds up and they look for an outlet. They aren't doing things in the same way as adults, i.e., we can't think of it as a boy kisssing another boy all over in the same way we would think of it as a man kissing another man all over. Our POV is as adults; theirs is a child's. A lot more harmless and innocent. They don't even know what they're doing, really! SO it's good to guide them without over-dramatizing.

And just be sure that the kids your son plays with are from families who share your parenting style and principles so that the boys get the same message from "both sides." One of the hardest things for kids to do is try to navigate conflicting messages from adults. They don't choose their
parents' POV just because it's their mom and dad. Sometimes the opposite.

And lastly, I am sure that you could find some great articles or resources online about how to deal with this. You might also ask your minister, or another youth minister, if you feel comfortable doing that,

I wish you all the best.

It's just kids experimenting. As far as I can tell, this is perfectly normal. be careful not to make him feel bad about his body. Maybe you can encourage him to play with himself in bed if he's curious. This is an awkward subject with other parents, but it's very common. As far as the undies go, just give them back the next time their family comes over. It's really not a big deal.

HI, I agree with Roma for the most part, but isn't it possible that it could have been the other boys idea? I have a three year old boy and he has a friend who is four who likes to play "doctor" with my son. One time his mother and I found them playing and my son had his pants down and her son was "examining "him. It is definitely normal to be curious and to want to see other children's parts, but you need to check on them repeatedly to make sure the play doesn't go there. The kissing all over part is what disturbs me. That sounds like something that was learned, not something they would come up with on their own. I would check with your pediatrician and possibly a therapist, but realize that it could be the other boy, not your son who initiated it. Their playdates in the future should be heavily supervised.

Normal. I had two brothers and I nannied for a family with three boys, so I have seen it all. There was a rule in the house that you were only allowed to play with your own body parts, but it wasn't always heeded. Four is a wonderful age. The highest honor they can pay you is to say they are going to "marry" you -- doesn't matter if you are male, female, young, old. It's the equivalent of making you their best friend. Probably these boys adore each other and decided that they should get married and kiss all over. Boys love their boy parts, I imagine they thought it was a wonderful idea to share this wonderful aspect of themselves.

Thankfully, you are an enlightened Christian mother. In the old days, the boys would have been beaten. You are sheparding your son through life beautifully. God bless you and your family.