For Other Non BC Moms...

We do not believe in it....conservative Catholics.

We just say we are "blessed" and at least I get another vacation from work :)

We have 2 and 1 on the way -- 3.5, 2.25, and due date of May (so first 2 are 17 mos apart and 2nd 2 are 2.5 years).

Ok, I'll be the bad guy here...
If you (specifically) are not using birth control in some form, and I don't mean Natural Family Planning or pulling-out, I think you are being incredibly irresponsible and thoughtless. In the last month, you have posted on here about battling post-pardum depression, fighting with CPS to keep your children, being on government assistance, your family of 5 living in one room in your in-laws house, being unable to work and asking suicidal sounding questions. You cannot afford, either financially or emotionally to have another child from what you have said on here. Do your family a favor and focus on the children you have, get yourself healthy, get your family's living situation straightened out and try to get back on your feet before you have another child. Please, use protection of SOME kind!

I have 3 children and would love one more. However, I have never struggled with PPD, my husband and I have always supported ourselves financially, and I am not under major stress and I have never had to answer to CPS. You on the other hand do struggle with PPD, major stress, you do not live on your own, you have had CPS called on you, you are crammed in one room with 3 children already. If I ran into you and you were pregnant again I would for sure have the response of "again?" Because really the last thing you need right now is another baby.

Please go to your local church or find out where they have a Natural Family Planning class and TAKE IT! NFP is very successful if you do it correctly and it only takes a thermometer and a chart. Anybody can do that!

It is irresponsible and selfish to bring another child into the world if you are not capable of supporting it yourself (without government assistance) or are not physically capable of properly caring for another child, personally or environmentally. These are the major reasons that people use some type of birth control.

Hi KBS/New beginnings,
I am a big fan of women's reproductive rights and strongly believe it is a woman's right to make decisions about her body. Big family, small family, no kids, no family; it's not my business to determine what's right for others.

However, your post alarms me. It is worrisome, because of your current emotional/physical instability. You have three children (under the age of three) and have been pregnant and given birth to an additional child who you adopted out to your friends. You have experienced extreme PPD. In an earlier question that has now been deleted, you stated that your PPD became so incapacitating that your husband quit his job and that CPS intervened on your children's behalf. Meanwhile, you are also working through PTSD and have suicidal thoughts. That, in and of itself, is *a lot* to deal with. It's NOT your fault that you had/have PPD/PTSD/depression/?, but IS your responsibility to address and treat. I know it's hard and painful to deal with - but your children and family depend on you. As importantly, you deserve to feel stable and balanced.

Meanwhile, your marriage sounds tumultuous. Again, this isn't about fault, but becomes both of your responsibility to work on. I'm sure it's difficult, especially as you, him and your three babies/toddlers are sharing one room in his parents home. A home that, without some renovation, CPS has deemed unlivable. Marriage is tricky and takes dedication and work even when circumstances are much easier.

I have also gathered that you are having a difficult time making ends meet, even with government subsidized living and assistance. While I believe it is *entirely* possible to raise happy, balanced, well adjusted kids and be (gasp) poor, I also know that it is stressful and tiring to not have financial stability. It is harder - not worse - to be low income.

I am NOT bringing any of this up as a judgement, but out of concern for you, your children and your family. It is very, very physically and emotionally taxing to be pregnant, give birth and raise children. YES it's also a blessing and the most wonderful experience, but it is not always easy.

I would feel very worried for you if you became pregnant again. Adding another baby to your family would be so hard on your body, mind and spirit, not to mention your housing situation, your financial situation and your relationship. You have SO much going on right now. So much.

Right now, I think it may be very, very, very, difficult for you and your family if you are not able to give your body/mind/spirit/wallet a break and become stable before you add to your family. From your religious standpoint, do you think God wants you to be able to properly care for and be *present* for the children who you have already been blessed with? Do you think that God would understand if you took a break so that you could get on your feet again? Do you think that your children deserve to have a Mom who is able to focus on their needs before adding more to the equation?

*I* think so...but understand that it's really between you and your God.

I know you're searching for stability, and it doesn't seem to be getting easier. Perhaps it's time to take a look at your path - it might be dysfunctional (as in not functioning). You deserve to be healthy and happy. So do the children who were already brought into this world.

I wish you strength and courage.

Dear, Sweet Woman,
I know you are looking for this group of moms to support the decisions you want to make, and I truly believe that there is not one right way to live your life. But I have to say that I agree with Missy, Rachel, and others. My concern for you is that you are continuing to subject yourself to criticism from every angle, and what you need right now is support. I don't mean that you need someone to hold your hand and tell you whatever you choose is fine. I mean that you need a psychologist or psychiatrist to help guide you through your current life challenges. You are at a crossroads, and making the wrong decisions based upon what outsiders say will have longterm consequences. Giving us snippets of your life and expecting us to give meaningful advice isn't fair to any of us. Your post suggests that your only issue is judgemental individuals and doesn't give any of the background that some of us have absorbed from other posts. I know the first step can be hard, but please find a professional to help you. Even if you think you can handle all this, do it for your children. They deserve to have a happy, healthy mom who has the capacity to make good decisions for their sake. You should qualify for low-cost counseling at the very least. I just went online and found the agency in your town that should be able to help:
http://www.mccfl.org/about.htm
I'm also posting the "Services Matrix" which says some services are free and others are on a sliding scale based on income:
http://www.mccfl.org/pdf/ServicesMatrixUpdatedNov2009.pdf
I hope you find this helpful and not over-intrusive. I truly wish for you happiness and love in your life.
Best,
J.

You probably wouldn't get those rude remarks if you, hubby and 3 kids weren't living in 1 room. If you could afford them I'd say go for it like the Duggars but you need to get on your feet first.

Edited: sorry but after your latest post you need to use some type of bc you don't even have your kids now. Do you really think having another baby is going to be a good thing?

So have you just gone and deleted all of your previous questions because of what Missy F said?

Makes me wonder...

God is not in control when you do not use birth control. YOU are. He does not make those choices for you, he has given you the agency to make your own decisions, and obviously there are consequences that follow from your choices.

If you do not use any form of birth control, then you are TRYING to get pregnant.

According to your posts, it sounds like you need some help and to be on birth control immediately, so you can eventually learn to take care of yourself and the children you already have. Make your home one of safety and love first, then worry about the possibility of having more kids once everything is stable and healthy.

I didn't get any rude comments...reactions for both of my pregnancies were exactly opposite. My husband and I are in a situation where we could afford to have them.
I think the rude comments are made when the parents are not in a stable financial situation. Usually these comments are made by people who have felt that it may not have been the best decision to bring another child into the world when you couldn't adequately provide for your current children.

It is obvious you need some serious help. You've changed your handle on here, deleted previous posts, and have actually made yourself out to be a not so smart woman IMO based upon all this changing around. You NEED to be on BC because you cannot actually afford or properly care for the 3 children you already have. I believe you post what you do for attention more than for information. You state in your new handle new beginnings and for the sake of your children I certainly hope so.

Hi,

I am interested in reading all of your answers....just wanted to say that I think its wonderful that some can do NFP. I am looking into it and hopefully will be switching. I hate being on BC pills! I have two children and they are almost 3 year apart which is a really good age range. I did get the comments of oh why are you having them so close together or whats the rush? I answered them with---we wanted to have them close in age so they could really grow up together and experience much of the same things at similar times....

M

Well first i must say i am a blunt opinionated person so thats how i respond :) I didnt use BC when i was married cuz i refuse to put those hormones in my body and i also believe that God has a better plan than me... as for how to respond... i tell them "yeah, I'm a breeder" or specifically to the you know what causes that " yeah i do and im not willing to give that up. Are you???" the former makes them laugh and the later shuts them up fast...

My husband and I used to use BC. I was on the pill. Then, a friend told me that they are abortifacient. I did not believe her. But, I was intrigued enough to at least research it myself. I was shocked by what I found. I was horrified by what I had done. I brought the information to my husband, and we wept together. He told me that I was not to take another single pill. We thought we should try NFP. The joke was on us because it turned out I only had about 3 safe days that first month, and my husband happened to be away on a business trip during those days. Um. Not going to work for us! Meanwhile, we decided to do a study in the Bible about what God says about children, trusting Him, blessings, birth control (and any other type of control we think we need to have over God's will in our lives). We came away convinced that we needed to just give this over to God as well. We have sung the song, "I surrender all" at church. We thought, "...well, except this area..." The thing is, when you trust God for things, He doesn't turn around with a cackle and zap you. Instead, He turned our hearts into desiring more children to raise. Oh, how we long for more children! It is totally not from us! But, in the nearly 9 years of trusting God with our fertility, He has allowed me to birth 2 children, 3 years apart. No type of BC used at all. In fact, we are very aware of when I am fertile, and try to conceive. But, nope. Well, we did conceive one other time, just a few months ago, but we lost that baby to a miscarriage. I know some people who lived their entire married lives without using any form of BC and have only 3 children. Some have less, some have way more. The ones I know who trust God with their fertility long for the way more side of things.
Anyway, that's my story.

Hi! I am a mother of three, however I am the eldest child of 12. My parents decided not to use BC and decided to let God plan there family size. My mom and dad love kids and even though I have choosen to do something differnt I think that they are awesome for being brave and crazy all at the same time. My mom always got the same questions that you are getting. She has a great sense of humor and refused to let them bother her. When people would ask her if she "knew how that happened!?" She would look at them with a very straight face and say "No, can you tell me?" LOL needless to say that normally let the other person stammering for something to say. We seemed to have a baby brother or sister about every two years, even though there are some much closer together and a few a little farther apart. Oh and she was always asked if we were "practicing Catholics?" To which she would reply "No, just practicing." How about the question as to whether we were "Good Mormons" to which she would say "No, bad Baptists." I guess what I am trying to tell you is, do not let them bother you. Big families have so much to offer and you will never regret any of the little people you bring into the world. Exercise your sense of humor and know that they are the ones who are missing out on so many many wonderful things you will have with a big family.
God Bless
J.

Some mothers love children and have more than others. Be really rude back especially to people who don't have any kids. Unless they are helping to support you by sending money every month they have no right to complain.
While to Bible is suppose to say somewhere go forth and multiply our ancestors lost many children to illness, famine and natural disasters. We do not.
Where the Bible gives that directive I don't know but you mostly read that people often had trouble conceiving. Hannah, Sarah, Rebecca for instance were barren until they had one pregnancy or two.
Jacob had 12 children but there were four mothers involved in the production.