For Divided Families, What Is Best at Holidays for Visitation

usually, the schedule is as you said. It is totally unfair for one parent to have every holiday in the whole year, and then switch for the next year. The child needs to be able to celebrate with both parents.

When we were living in driving distance (we now live several states away), we would take the kids on Thanksgiving/night/weekend and Xmas day at 10 am. We had done this since they were 3/5. Now they are 12/10. Xmas is still handled the same way. Their decision had a lot to do with family traditions.

I can't see going two whole holiday's without spending time with your child. I think you have to share them, like you've proposed. The only thing I see that I would change about your plan, is have the mother have the child first thing on Christmas morning. I know that's one of my biggest excitements, is waking up to open presents... by trading your son at noon, it takes a bit of the excitement away!
just my opinion!

From personal experiance, it is way to hard on the parent who misses both holidays in one year. In fact, I have never seen this arrangement work. I come from a divided home growing up and my parents always split holidays similar to the way you propose. I have other family whom share holidays with their exes also. Its only fair. I dont understand what would be difficult about following your plan? Seems pretty simple to me and give the child time with both parents during the holidays which is VERY important for the child as well. Sounds like a much nicer arrangement to me. There has got be be some give and take, but to be without mom or dad for both big holidays each year seems like the worst idea. Best of luck to you and God Bless.

hey there, we have split custody of my step son with his mother. ours is a littel differnt as we have 50/50 custody she has him sunday to sunday then we switch so each family has him for 7 days in a row. that was great wehn he was younger but now that he is 13 it is more difficult. but as for holidays we follow that same christmas routine as you suggested and that has been great. essentially he gets 2 christmas's every year. he loves it. and the only draw back for your thanksgiving suggestion is if either party wants to travel. our thanksgiving is every other year. from thursday to sunday. it works for us. and no it will not be hard for the child to follow any plan as long as the parents don't involve her in the desicion process. don't ask her what she wants because they will give differnt answers to each parent. your child is too young to be ivolved. make your decision as adults and just explain it to her as best you can. good luck.

Hi Paul,
Coming from a divorced family (since the age of 5), we would go to one parent's house for Thanksgiving and the other parent's house on Christmas and that would alternate every year (so this is different from what both of you have proposed). Often times, the other parent was allowed to drop by for a quick visit during the holiday, provided that holiday wasn't being spent elsewhere (i.e. a relative's house). This worked really well. As the mother of a toddler who likes routine, I can see where a split schedule might get difficult, especially with that "noon" cutoff you're proposing (i.e. with naps, meal schedules). It also might be hard for a toddler to walk away from a new toy (yes they can bring it along I suppose) or a grandparent that's visiting from out of town. That said, it also seems a bit unfair for a given parent to have the child for both holidays during a given year. Children are continuously going through different/fun stages through the years and each parent should be able to enjoy that (not to mention it may be really lonely for the parent "out" to go through the season alone). Just a suggestion - good luck.
(p.s. didn't read the other posts)

Coming from a stepmom's perspective, and also having my own child, I would think that what you're proposing sounds completely fair.
It might cause a little confusion however for the child- especially if your child is a toddler.
Perhaps do what our family does- father and mother each get half of the holiday break, switching every year.
Good luck, and remember when dealing w/ custody and visitation, you both need to come together to do what is best and easiest for the baby.
:)

When I was growing up, my parents followed your plan exactly, and it worked very well for my brother and I. We weren't bothered by it at all. As a child, I would be very upset if I didn't get to see one of my parents on a holiday. As a parent, I would be devastated if I didn't get to spend at least part of the holiday with my child. You have a good plan.

I am a daycare provider of 17 years and I think you are making a great decision. I have many split families and this is the way they do it and it works wonderfully.
Remind the grandparents that you are the parent and how would your toddler feel not seeing the other parent on a Holiday, they would not understand.

You are doing a great job making sure it is all about the toddler and not the adults.

When I was growing up, we had a very similar plan to keep both sets of grandparents happy - a few days at each house for holidays/summer vacation. It worked out perfectly, and as kids, we never got bored because a change was only a few days away (plus two sets of gifts was always great!) Now that we are adults, we have the same plan in place to keep parents/in-laws happy. Christmas Eve at one house, Christmas Day at the other. Children are very adaptable, and if he grows up this way, there will be no confusion whatsoever for him. It becomes more of a family tradition.

This is for you & your ex to work out, possibly during mediation. His Mom shouldn't have any say so!

In short, I think you're right about your son's needing to see you both. It makes no sense to have him all the time at one parent's house one year and the other's the next. I hope you two can make it work!

You could try anything to see what works best, but remember the holidays can be tiring and overwelming. Kids get tired and with family coming and going and then on top of it having to go back and forth from parents houses might be alot for a toddler. When I was a kid I usually spent thanksgiving with one parent and then christmas with one parent and then switched for the next year

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I think you are right Paul & you should fight for your plan that will be what is best for your child. I think if you have to go to court over it a mediator or a judge will see it your way.

Your solution sounds great to me. A child should be able to spend time with both parents during the holidays.

I think a middle approach is best. I have custody issues with my ex, but distanct is a very great factor for us since he lives on the West Coast and I live on the East Coast.

At any rate, what I've always heard about and what seems normal is for the child to spend Thanksgiving weekend (the whole thing) with one parent and Christmas week with the other, then switch the next year. As for presents, the child will probably be thrilled to get two separate days of presents, no matter how it happens, so don't split the holiday so excruciatingly (it'll only be confusing for him, maybe when he gets older you can ask him if he'd like to try out your plan but as a toddler, just keep it very simple). He can open his presents with the other parent when he sees them again after the holiday.

My boyfriend and his ex have joint custody. One year the mom would get Thanksiving weekend the Wednesday before for the rest of the weekend. And then for Xmas she'd get Christmas Eve. And then the Dad would get "Christmas vacation" from 12/25 to 12/31. And vice versa the next year. Basically all the holidays are shared and switched the next year. I would do something like one has Thanksgiving and Christmas eve and the other has 12/25 through a couple days after Christmas and maybe New Years Eve, and then you could switch next year. The best thing is to try to work out something that both parents get to see the child on or near the holiday and the kid gets to go where he wants when he wants. But Thanksgiving and Christmas are big holidays so I think each parent should get at least one of those holidays each year. For Christmas our parenting plan has it so whoever gets XMas Eve and gets to wake up with the child on Xmas, the other parent gets the whole day on Xmas and the days following.

I see no issue with your plan, but ask, why noon for the exchange? Usually presents are in the morning so I would have him wake up at mom's on the 24th and at Dad's on the 25th, doing the exchange around bed time, so Santa knows where to go :)

Many families do a split schedule for the holidays, and I think it works best for the child, other wise you have a toddler that is sad every holiday because "Mommy is all alone", and then "Daddy is all alone". This way no one is all alone the whole time.

Hey Paul,

I agree with you that it is best for the child to see both parents on the major holidays. Here is an example of what my ex and I have done for our visitation schedule...

We rotate the holiday (ODD years I have the children Thanksgiving and Christmas, for the purposes of the parenting plan anyways, and EVEN years I have the kids for Christmas eve); however, we are doing what we can to split the day. For example this year (2010), I would have the kids for the day of Christmas Eve (even tho I work) until about 7-8pm; take them to their dads, he would have them until 2pm Christmas Day, then I would have them the rest of the time (especially since Christmas falls in the middle of my weekend).

Your ex has to be really able to communicate in order to be receptive to this though.

Children are very resiliant to just about anything. I can promise that your child will get used to the idea of being in 2 places. I have a 5 year old and a 17 month old... they love having "two homes".

Good luck, if you need anything, let me know!!