Flying with a 4 Yo Who Is Afraid of Heights

I have a fear of heights and love to fly. The funny thing is when you are that far up and look down it doesn't seem real so the fear goes away.
Now, I have gotten dizzy looking out a 2nd story window. But flying I love.

We told the flight attendant it was my son’s first flight and they took him to the cockpit and the pilots talked to him. It was such a great way to start the flight. You might see if they can do that for your son.

I would also encourage you to tell him you know he won’t be afraid to fly because it’s going to be an adventure. The kindle is good but I would also think about talking up the place you’re headed to.

Since he’s not flown before, I would let him know about the TSA agents so he’ll know what’s expected. Let him know they are like airport police and they have an important job.

I would also politely tell your stepmom to refrain from discussing the trip unless she has something positive to say.

Make it an adventure with stickers, colors, snacks, a new book. My kids always loved the I Spy books at that age.
You can pack snacks and things to do in quart baggies. Only give one at a time. I used to give one and then show them on a watch when 45 mins is up (or 30 or whatever works for your kids) they would have another treat bag. String cheese, ritz bits, goldfish, raisins (I always bought the individual bags so TSA wouldn’t worry about it) are good snacks.

Happy traveling!!

Has your child even ridden on a city bus? Is there any way you could take him for a short bus ride, perhaps to something fun like a playground, or for a treat like ice cream? Let him really experience the bus (going up the steps, sitting down on the seat, talking about the seats and the bus driver etc). Tell him the plane ride will be very similar (going up steps or down a walkway, sitting on a seat, seeing the pilots).

Perhaps you could also buy a small airplane toy set, age-appropriate, where your little guy could "fly" the plane, put passengers in, etc.

And check with the airline beforehand to order children's meals if they're available as a lunch or breakfast option.

When he says he'll probably be afraid, show him a video that's designed for kids about the amazing airplane cockpit, what a pilot does, etc. Just google youtube videos for kids about airplanes, and there are lots of choices. Preview the video first.

And silence your stepmother! Just think, this woman has predicted, in front of a small child, that the child's fears will be so realized that she's encouraging you to drug the kid. What a terrible way to think. She reminds the kid about his fears, tells him that his fears will be unbearable during a future event, and thinks sedation is the answer. That's outrageous.

Instead, prepare your child for an exciting adventure. Show that you're looking forward to the flight and whatever trip you'e going on. Don't overdo it, just act like you're planning on a great time together. Go to the airport with plenty of time to make bathroom stops, get a snack or bottle of water, look at all the cool things in the airport (many airports have interesting displays to see), and board early. Have everything done in advance that can be (printing boarding passes, etc). Because if you're rushed, that can make anyone anxious. Go early and people-watch, look out the windows at planes, trucks, people working on the runways and ramps, etc.

A fear of flying and fear of heights are two different things. For example I fly all the time but I won't go on a ferris wheel. A plane is a much more secure feeling than standing next to a high drop off, like a cliff or tall ride. If he's assigned a window seat and you're worried just change seats with him so he can't see out. I'm sure it's not going to be a problem. Treat it like the adventure that it is, and don't address his fear unless he starts freaking out and provide plenty of distractions (like special snacks and toys/games) and I'm sure it will be fine.

gah to your stepmother! i agree he would probably have been fine if the fear bug hadn't been planted. so long as he's in an aisle seat and has plenty of distractions anyway. flying doesn't feel like being on a tall ride.

some benadryl (if your child has taken it before and it doesn't make him restless and irritable as can sometimes happen) might help.

and it can't hurt to talk to the pediatrician about a mild anti-anxiety med.

but yeah, it would have been better to sidestep the whole thing by just doing it.

khairete
S.

I would talk this up and be excited. Get an aisle seat. That way he won't look out the window. Make this an adventure and tell him planes and slides are different. Also, tell your step mother to shut up.

I have a fear of heights. I don't like to fly. I fly every other week for work. I sit on the aisle seat, have headphones and play music and read. I do not take medication.

Deidre
Welcome to mamapedia.

Your step mother needs to understand the difference between a fear of flying and fear of heights. I hope to God she doesn't talk to him about that and plant MORE fears in his head.

I would tell him how excited you are about this trip and that it will be fun. I would NOT ask him if he's going to be afraid since you'll be high up in a plane. That's just encouraging his fear of heights.

I would NOT give him a window seat. I would tell the flight attendants that this is his first flight - they are usually pretty cool with that.

Good luck!

Flying is different from tall slides, etc.

Make it an adventure, keep him busy with special snacks.

Shame on his grandma for making him anxious. I have a little one who is afraid of heights, but he loves to fly in airplanes. Ditto for both my husband and me actually. It's completely different, because you don't feel like you can fall. I think that as long as you keep telling him that it's different from heights and keep him away from his grandma so she can't reinforce the fears, he'll be fine. I would take any handheld electronic games that he has, books to read, and download some of his favorite shows onto the Kindle Fire and I think he'll be distracted enough that he won't even think about the plane ride once you get started. Snacks are a good distraction too, and you can buy a drink to carry on after you go through security (I take an empty water bottle for each kid and put the kids' drinks into it before we board so it's spill-proof. That way they can have it during take-off and landing). Lollipops during takeoff and landing also make kids happy AND they help them keep their ears popped. Have fun!

It's a plane, not a flying carpet, lol! He can't "fall off" and he really can't even "look down".

As others have said, just bring plenty of snacks and distractions. The whole experience will probably "fly by".

I am terrified of heights, truly phobic. I can't drive across bridges that are more that 50ft. high, and I have panic attacks watching some videos that portray things like workers climbing cell towers with cameras on their helmets, for example. But flying? Not a problem for me. I bet he'll be fine, ignore the stepmother and be positive about the experience, that will go a long way to alleviate his fears.

I would like to mention the possibility that your child might have spacial issues due to sensory integration problems. Please talk to your ped about getting an evaluation done by an occupational therapist who specializes in this area. It makes a huge difference in someone's life to get help with this. And early intervention is crucial.

Updated

I would like to mention the possibility that your child might have spacial issues due to sensory integration problems. Please talk to your ped about getting an evaluation done by an occupational therapist who specializes in this area. It makes a huge difference in someone's life to get help with this. And early intervention is crucial.

As the others have said, flying in a plane is a totally different experience than being on a tall slide or anything like that. You are surrounded by seats, walls, and floors. Frankly, I think that even if he sat next to a window and looked out, it wouldn't trigger a fear reaction because the ground or clouds just look like a picture. It's only if the adult brain gets going and focuses on the fact of being a mile off the ground that fear sets in. So I really think you can just encourage him to make a list of the fun things you'll do when you get to the east coast. Also, most planes now have individualized video displays with dozens of movies, games, and tv shows, so he will have plenty to entertain him.

Start talking up all the fun you're going to have at your destination.
Don't have him sit in the window seat. Have him on the aisle.
Bring the Kindle Fire & headphones for sure!
In a backpack, bring some of his favorite toys & some new ones he hasn't seen yet.
If you think he'll color, bring a coloring book & some markers.
Bring his favorite stuffy & his favorite blanket (airplanes get cold).
Tell your stepmother to quit saying anything!!