Five Week Old Sleeps Well at Night but Has a Hard Time During the Day

Have you tried swaddling him? My son was like that but once I started swaddling (around that same age) he was much more content to be put down and doze without mamma.

Are you familiar with the Happiest Baby on the Block method?
http://www.babyslumber.com/happiestbaby.html

I can give you a bunch of advice, but I got all I know from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It helped me learn how to teach my baby to go to sleep, to know sleepy signs, and to follow the brains activity and put baby to sleep when sleepy. Most importantly, not letting baby get overtired. Good luck. A.

Hi L.! Don't worry, you guys are doing a good job but your little snickerdoodle is having a tough time adjusting to the outside world. The recommendations here are great--mylicon (simethicone) drops, swaddling, the Karp book, etc.

I know how completely draining and crazy-making this period is, and when people say things like "oh in a few months it'll be so much better" you can't even imagine making it that far...seems like years away. Do not take lightly, or brush off, the recommendations to take care of yourself, get away, etc. If you won't do it for your own benefit, do it for your husband and child--you're a better wife and mom if you get some down time.

It really was the hardest thing I've ever done, as you've said. Our daughter was extremely "colicky" and did not have reflux, but it turned out she was sensitive to dairy & soy proteins. I had to stop eating both, let it get out of my system, and voila! Way way better. So do check with your pediatrician to rule out digestive stuff like reflux and food sensitivity.

My husband and I agreed that day care was not the way we wanted to go. We chose to cut our income in half for the first 8 months--only one of us worked. Now I work days and he works evenings/weekends. We would rather have less income, and see less of each other, than have our little girl in day care. Just wanted to let you know it can be done, and we haven't regretted it one bit! We are both getting to watch her develop, and she is a very secure and happy baby. It's hard sometimes but fabulous for our peace of mind.

L.,

I think the swing option and the pacifier will be a good option for your little guy. My son loved the swing, my daughter could have cared less. Babies have this intrinsic NEED to suck. They aren't always hungry, they just need something to suck on. With both of my children we took the binky away the night before they turned one year old. If you're not keen on the idea of a plug in his mouth try introducing him to his fingers and see if he takes to those.

Give it time, you both are still trying to figure out the world.

Hope this helps,
supportively and encouragingly,
Melissa

Count your self blessed that he sleeps at night! I know how hard it is but in a few weeks you will be sending him to daycare and you won't have the ability to hold him close to you all day...believe it or not you are really going to miss that closeness. They grow up so fast. Take advantage of the fact that he wants to be close to you now because it won't last forever. He likes to be in the sling and close to you because it reminds him of being in the womb. Have you tried a swing? I had a swing that reclined enough that my babies could sleep in it. There was a time when my oldest was a baby that the only place she would sleep was in the swing. One more thing, you are not a bad mom if you let your son cry in his carseat when you drive. The carseat is the safest and most responsible place for him in the car. Alowing your son to cry now and then will not hurt him, especially in the car. Just be patient with your son right now as he learns that he is no longer inside of you and just hug, hug, snuggle and hug, because before you know it, he will think he is too busy to cuddle. Best of luck

Hi,
I'm so glad you get a good nights sleep (I thankfully did too!). It seems like there are a couple things the sling provides that he maybe isn't getting if put down- light, warmth, swaddling. Do you have a dark place to let him sleep during the day? Can you put a hot water bottle near him to warm the place where you set him down? Swaddling will help him feel confined and safe. The fact that he sleeps at night makes me think that it's the light that is your biggest issue. Keep experimenting...just when you think you have figured it out, his needs will change :)Everyone says it, but it really does go fast! Cherish every moment!

I know someone who dealt with a similar situation and she swaddled her baby constantly. For the first few months he was almost always in a swaddle and it worked very well.
Maybe your baby just needs to feel that warm security. It's worth a try!

SOunds like my daughter was! I feel for you- it;s hard, but when she was that young, the more I read and talked to people, the more I realized that it is really normal for babies to be like that. They just want to be close to mom, so of course the sling is the ultimate napping spot! My daughter wasn't ready to nap on her own until about 5 months or so. I know the daycare thing doesn't allow you to wait that long, but I just wanted you to know that it sounds like you just have a cuddly baby who has higher comfort needs than you probably expected. have you read any of the Dr Sears books? They are very reassuring that you are doing everything right by just listening to your baby and meeting his comfort needs. I highly recommend looking at his books or website. i wish I had better advice to offer, but he is still SO young, so if it were me, I would just continue to do what you're doing- nursing on "demand" and letting him just snuggle and sleep in the sling cause that seems to be where he wants to be. And just remember, things change so quickly when they're that young, so just when you finally figure one thing out, they're doing somehting different! Good luck!

Hi L.,

Let me say GOOD JOB on the nursing and babywearing! It's so wonderful that you understand his needs to be close to you at this time, and it's amazing that he sleeps so well at night! Enjoy that while it lasts. :)
My daughter was very similar at that age. The only way she would sleep at all (day or night) is if we were holding her, she was laying on us, or she was in a sling. We just went with it, and she eventually moved herself away from us during sleep. So it went from being on us to next to us, to in her own space on the bed. We never had to endure crying because she felt like we were trying to move her away from us. She still loves the sling, but likes being independent even more now that she can walk. She is now 14 months old, and a very happy and secure baby. She still nurses at night, and she still sleep with us, and she has never cried for more than 5-7 minutes in her whole little life.
Human babies have the longest development time outside of the womb than any other creature. It takes them a good nine months to reach the stage that most other species reach in a matter of weeks. So there is the theory of Nine In Nine Out (NINO). Nine months inside the womb, then wearing the baby for at least 9 months outside of the womb. If the fleece pouch is hurting your back after a few hours, then I would suggest trying a wrap or possibly a soft structured carrier or a Mei Tei. You can look up your local NINO or Babywearing Group. Many have libraries of different carriers that you can check out and try before deciding to purchase one. There is also a lot of advice, information and support on TheBabyWearer.com, as well as moms selling new and used carriers.
So I have to say that what your baby wants and what your baby needs are pretty much the same thing for the first year of life. If your baby is telling you he needs to be close to you right now, then that's what he needs. He will eventually sleep on his own.
You might also want to look at the possibility of slight reflux at his age. Does he spit up a lot? Does he seem in pain after nursing sometimes? Especially if you put him flat on his back? If so, I would recommend Gripe Water. It's just ginger and fennel, and helped us a lot at that age. We still use it when her stomach is upset, and she loves it!
I hope that he has made progress with naptime by the time you have to put him in daycare. If he still feels like he needs to be worn a lot, you can take a carrier to the daycare and see if the people would consider wearing him when he gets fussy. It's easier sometimes for them as well, because they can then have both hands free to work with other kids.

It is pretty normal for babies this age to not sleep well unless being held or "cuddled" in a sling or lap. Do you swaddle at night? I know that swaddling was the only thing that helped my baby take naps during the day as well as sleep at night. For the first 2 months I also had to swaddle her in her car seat for her to not be screaming. If my daughter fell asleep in her sling I would sometimes be able to put her down if I took the sling off and simply put her down on top of it. This seemed to help her not notice the transition as much, but it only worked occasionally. Most of the time she woke up and I'd have to swaddle her and rock her to sleep that way. If you have not read Happiest Baby On The Block I would highly suggest it. It is a great book and helped me and my husband so much with helping calm and soothe our daughter.

Congrads on being a new mama! I carried my baby in a front back (it was in the 90's) due to her small size and my desire to be close to her. While they are tiny, I don't think there is anything wrong with keeping them close. It is good for them to learn to sooth themselves though. Don't know how you feel about a binky but I used one and it was great! By eating all the time to feel good, he might get to big to soon, but your Dr. can help you out with that. It does not hurt a baby to cry for a bit, just don't ignore his crys for more than five minutes. As he gets older, you can stretch the pick up time but don't let him get really upset, especially when he is so tiny. They are learning to trust and bond, attachment is so important and you and your husband are the ones in charge of developing it. You'll do great!

D.

You're right that it may be adjustment. phases can come and go quickly in the first few months.
When he is in the sling is he more upright/sitting? Does he spit up after eating? Colick sometimes is more accurately reflux and a more upright position is more comfortable. Try letting him sleep in a car seat or bouncy seat.
He may just want reassurance that mom is there. In that case give what you can for a good basis but when you do leave (for the bathroom or to get food) reassure him and don't stay away too long if he's crying. The whole dependent on you while teaching some independence is tricky.\

hi... you are more that lucky he is sleeping at ninght, and let him be is he is happy is sling ... he might need some confort from you and dont forget that he is 5 weeks old he still a baby ...enojoy him as much as you can they grow so fast you just need to be patient and I know you are tired but thats part of been a mom and there is more to came so enjoy it

Have you checked with the peditrician if it is acid relfux?

j

maybe a nice snug swaddling before he falls asleep and then you can put him down??

My son was collicky, and I didn't sleep for 3 months.... The best thing, is to make sure that the father steps in (even though you are breast feeding) and gives you a break during the hard times. I remember rocking with my son while he cried and cried and had tears running down my face because it just seemed to never end... Wow,this is really not helping is it? I just felt that if your son is crying really hard but is calm in the sling, he could still be collicky. Collicky babies like to be swaddled and held. As bad as it sounds, you need to take care of your own mental health and get as much help as possible from family. It is a blessing that he sleeps well at night. To this day, when I hear a screaming baby, I handle it so much better than someone who never had that, so in a way it taught me enormous amounts of patience. I also had a nurse through the relief nursery that explained a little about collick... she said that collicky babies are very expressive and usually turn into very smart and communicative children and adults. That made me feel good. My son is very smart. Okay... God Bless!

L.-
Sounds like you and your husband are very loving parents to your new baby. You are getting a wonderful night sleep, that is great, but sounds like your days have limited activity outside of nursing and holding your baby in the sling. It is not fun to hear your baby fuss and cry and schrieking. When I was a new parent (my girls are 7 and 5 y/o)many people would give me advice. Some I listen to and others I just said "thank you", but did not do. So my advice may not be what you want. I suggest you pump some breastmilk and save it for a day when your husband is off. Let him watch the baby and you go have a day to enjoy your friends or pamper yourself. Of course you will worry the whole time and your husband may not have a great day. Your husband may not have any success at bottle feeding your little one either, but if you did this maybe once a week your little one will take a bottle which will not only help him when he goes to daycare but also give you ease of mind and a break. About the fussiness: just because he calms in the sling doesn't mean he isn't colicky or have reflux. You can try gas drops bought over the counter for babies. Also it sounds like he has you trained to pick him up if he cries loud enough. You can try laying him down to nap after nursing and letting him cry for a while. This IS one of the hardest things as a parent. If you just can't stand it anymore. Set a timer for yourself. Let him cry 5 minutes one time and then 6 minutes the next time and add a minute each time. He will learn that it is sleep time, mom will come back and rescue him, and he will learn to sooth himself. Being a parent has many great rewards but sometimes it is hard and we have tears ourselves. Good Luck.

You may want to check you diet, too. My 5 week old had to be taken off dairy. Now she only fusses alot in the evenings and I can swadle her with music and a paci and get her to sleep during the day. I still use a sling most of the afternoon but I have a couple different kinds so my back dosen't hurt.

It's very normal for him to sleep best being held by you--I've heard so many moms say the same thing over and over and over again. My advice would be to do this as much as you can while he lets you. They quickly grow out of this phase and then you'll miss it. If you decide you want to put him down for a nap at least once or twice a day to help "train" him to sleep on his own, try swaddling him tightly (the Miracle Blanket works wonders) so he feels like he is close to you and safe. In fact, swaddling, along with the other techniques that are mentioned in "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp work very well for newborns who are occasionally fussy and hard to soothe. Another note: his nighttime sleep may change. It's very normal for new babies to sleep a lot and once they learn that nighttime is for sleeping, they can sometimes sleep through the night early on. However, for many babies, this changes and they will start waking up at night again. Once he hits 3 months, then it's wise to start sleep training, but he's so little still!

This might be something thats like "DUH" advice. Maybe you have already thought about this. But is he getting enough nursing time as well as enough milk actually in his tummy. I have been told & found out with my son who is now 9 yrs old that a baby will sometimes nurse as long as 30 to 45 mins. Curious how long you nurse for? What is the length of time do you let him cry it out? And as for holding him, I was told with my son who will be 12 weeks on 4/8/08. That the first 2 months you can never hold them too much. Hope this message if anything gave you food for thought

Have you tried to put him to sleep in a dark room during the day?

S.

I used swaddling to keep my little one happy during the day. Basically, if you haven't done this before, you lay baby crosswise on a blanket then wrap one side very tightly across baby's body, holding the arms close to the body. Then I would wrap the tail hanging down by the feet up snuggly to the body, and finish by wrapping the other side of the blanket up over the body and tuck it tightly under baby's body. This mimics the close feelings of the womb and keeps babies arms from flailing. The book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" describes this method in detail and offers some other helpful hints.

Once baby is swaddled, snuggle and rock, or sway to get him to sleep then with the snug wrap of the swaddle, when you go to put him down, he will still feel cozy! Give it a shot for a few days and see what happens.

Other ideas include using a swing, papasan chair, or bouncer. Something that vibrates worked wonders for my little one!

Hope this helps!!

Have you tried swaddling him up tight? For about 4 or 5 months this was key to my little guy getting good sleep. It seemed to comfort and organize him. The Happiest Baby on the Block has some suggestions you might try. (Swaddle Designs makes a really great swaddling blanket too-extra big and comfy!) Good luck. I know every little one is so different, and it can be so hard to find the keys that work best for them.

HI there! Congratulations on your new little one. :) I've had all sorts of sleep issues with my three. I finally read The Baby Whisperer and it helped a ton, because she walks through different baby "personalities" and how to help them tune out the world and put themselves to sleep.

I would suggest that your son has learned to only sleep in his sling. That's how he tunes out the world and knows that it's safe to sleep. He needs to actually be taught how to do the same thing in a crib in order to sleep there. She says it takes about 20 minutes to put a baby down, and I've found that to be true. They nurse, get that glassy eyed stare, then start to close their eyes. That's when you want them to be swaddled so you can lie them down gently. Then you stay there with them till they drift off. It's worked well with my son and I could never get my two girls to sleep in cribs.

Hope that helps!

Hi L.,
It sounds as if your son doesn't know how to put himself to sleep yet. At 5 weeks the way I'd do this if it were my son, would be to put him on a eat, "play", sleep schedule that would be between 2 1/2- 4 hours depending on how much he needs to eat. Not only would he not be falling asleep after nursing, but he'd begin to form an expectation of what happens next. My mother and myself, and several girlfriends, have all put our babies on this flexible schedule, and when the baby knows what to expect, then they are a lot more comfortable. I'll bet that if he got used to going to sleep without nursing, then he would be able to learn how to put himself to sleep without the sling. Your daycare provider will thank you if he can do this by June! Good luck!

Are you surprised? 5 weeks ago he was living inside you. He belongs in your arms 24/7 for another 2 months. The night sleep is just a lucky break!
Good luck, Thank God for those slings!

I agree the pacifier and a swing may be your best action-offset for his moods. My first was like that. The swing worked and the pacifier became our best friend.

Another thing: I know it's hard sometimes, but it really is ok to let them cry and learn to sooth themselves a bit. I remember this working for me to help cause him to become drowsy and therefore he slept sooner after a session. Music is another alternative. Perhaps he just needs stimulation more consistantly.

But remember.... to take care of YOU too.
;)

Have you watched the Happiest Baby on the Block dvd? It is interesting that he will sleep well at night but not as well during the day. Do you swaddle him during his sleep both day and night? Have you tried a swaddle and a swing? White noise? Where does he sleep at night.

J. McArthur
birth and postpartum doula and happiest baby educator

Hi,
Usually colic rears its head in the evening. But it's good that you are aware of that possibility. Both my kids were bottle fed and I had to switch to soy formula (carnation)
If his tummy feels tight and he draws his legs up toward his tummy, it's a good indicator that it might be colic.
The lifesaver for me was Mylacon drops. You can get them at walgreens or rite-aid. My pediatrician said it's harmless as far as "drugs" go and you can give them as much as it takes to dispell the gas bubbles. I always gave them a drpper full right after each feeding.
It was a sanity saver for me and worth every penny.
Hope this helps.

"Secrets of the Baby Whisper" by Tracy Hogg has some really great concepts that might help you out.

You might try reversing the order of his activities. When he wakes up feed him. Then he would have some awake time. When he starts showing signs of being tired ( this may be as little as 45 minutes after he last woke up, including nursing), lay him down for a nap AWAKE. Give him a few minutes to see if he will settle in and put himself to sleep. If it drives you nuts to hear him fuss, set a timer for a certain amount of time somewhere between 5-15 minutes. If he's not settled by the time timer goes off, then go and get him.

Don't stress...... you'll get it figured out. Enjoy this time with your new little guy : )

Congratulations! on your new baby ! I know someone who is going through this same thing with her 9 month old baby. She did go back to work, but the daycare complains that the baby can not be put down. I think the baby is using you as a pacifier to soothe himself with the natural instinct for sucking. Try giving him a pacifier. (you can later take it away before he becomes too attached) You do need a break now and then, but do enjoy the special closeness you get with a nursing baby.
Good luck !
C.

Hi L.:

I feel for you!!! I am Mom to three babies, the most recent is nearly 6 months old.

L., take heart. It is only for such a short time and trust me when you go back to work, you will experience this strange phenomenon where you will feel liberated and then cannot wait to rush home to your baby.

My practical advice is to try a couple of things:

1. Lay your baby on his tummy if he is not already. All three of my babies HAD to sleep on their tummies otherwise they would jerk themselves awake.
2. Try one of the white noise machines. There are many. Your baby obviously feels content to feel mama's warmth and your heartbeat. He's only two months old. They don't know any different. There are some that play music or use ocean waves and some with a heartbeat.
3. Place a heater on low close by. He may be missing the natural warmth that comes from body heat vs. blanket heat.
4. Change carriers.
5. Tiger balm has a patch that works wonders for achy backs.

L., one thing I remember as a first time mom was that back breaking breast feeding. I wouldn't change it for the world! BUT, one really piece of important advice:

1. YOU get comfortable FIRST. Your baby's cry breaks your heart but you will both be fine once you are nursing him again. I used a nursting stool that props up your feet at the right angle. That will help a LOT with your back.

2. Stretch a lot. And go walk. It does wonders. Really.
3. If you nurse in bed, again BE comfortable first. If you get up make sure you have a neck pillow for comfort.

I think I hear you talk about how the baby doesn't like it when you aren't holding him. I'll never forget when my mom was over with my first. I wouldn't let her cry and fall asleep. My mom made me wait and viola! She fell asleep! It was at about 2 months old.

Right now for you each day feels the same and you are tired. I understand. Your back aches and maybe your arms, your breasts etc. It is for a short period of time. Your baby is begging to bond with you. It is so natural to need your free arm time. Now that I have 3, my routine is to make everyone get out of bed, including my husband and let me have 15 to 20 minutes ALONE in bed. I stretch out every limb. Sometimes like an X just to let my body know that I can! It's hard.

When you go back to work it will feel like a wonderful break for about a week. You will find yourself rushing home to nurse and cuddle.

I would't worry about whether or not a childcare worker will be able to soothe your baby. They eventually will. The bigger issue is to ask yourself if you can at all make it without working. I had to. I didn't work with my first. I did with my second and I will NEVER do that again. I barely remember his infancy and he had problems adjusting even though I took him to my sister-in-law who was VERY loving to him. That is whole other topic.

Over all, hang on. Let the baby cry knowing that when Mommmy is content then baby will be content much better.

Best to you and I will remember to pray for you!

P.S. There is an excellent book called "Being There" that gives great advice to parents looking for quality day care and how to juggle it.

Hi L.,

Our son did the same thing at about the same age and we found out that he was cold! He wanted to be kept very warm and as soon as we put more clothes on him, he started to cry less during the day and I could get things done around the house. He did have colic and we ended up having to put him on medication, but then mentioned it to our chiropractor and immediately after he looked him over and adjusted our son's spine, his crying stopped, he had a bowel movement and his colic was fixed! It was amazing, just like a miracle. My first piece of advice, though, would be to dress your little one warmly- it might be why he will only sleep close to you and I bet you are dressing him more warmly at night. Good luck!

I was so there and to be honest it took a while for him to nap well. He hated the car and I would be in tears by the time we made a 15 min drive. One thingthat helped a little was to wrap him real tight and then put another blanket over him so he felt secure. I really did not get to do a lot during his first 6 mo. He did live in my sling and I took tylenol! That is safe while you are nursing! Plus they have these back patches you can put on and those helped as well. make sure you have a good sling. I used the nojo and it was wonderful. Plus the ergo front/backpack! It will get easier I promise but right now is just an ajustment. He spent 9 mo in you and it is normal he wants to be with you. Do not let anyone tell you that you are holding him to much. he will nap in time. Oh also my sone loved sleeping in the reclining chair! When it is put all the way ups so he can not fall out. He fit snug in there. Also put a shirt or something that smells like you near him when he is sleeping. I would lay my son on my rob!
Be glad he sleeps at night. My 2 year old still wakes up at night!
Lisa

I had the some of the same issues with my son and I went back to swaddling him. I try to put him in his bed when he is still awake and sleepy so that he learns to sleep on his own, but if he does fall asleep in my arms, because he is swaddled, he does not startle or wake when I place him in his bed. Nordstrom carries a great extra large flannel swaddling blanket that is absolutely wonderful. It is well worth it and the large size makes it so much easier to swaddle baby and they keep in the swaddle. Now at 10 weeks, my baby sleeps wonderfully through the night and great naps during the day.

Have you tried using a pacifier or a swing when he's not nursing? I know that a lot of people prefer not to use a paci, but he could just need the comfort of sucking. Also, a swing (one that swings side to side versus front to back) can give him the motion and snuggling he craves but will also give you a break.

He's still so young -- according to the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block", it takes a baby as long as three months to accommodate to the world outside of mama's belly. You could check out the book and try some of the recommendations. The theory is that babies need 5 S's: sucking, swinging, shushing, swaddling and one other that I can't recall. He might be happiest tightly swaddled, sucking on a paci, swinging like mad in a swing while listening to the vaccuum cleaner. It's quite an ordeal, but may be worth a try for you.

Good luck and enjoy your little one!