Ditto on the fruit!!
And boy...am I co-opting that cutsie-patoosie sandwich thing. That's a great idea. Our friends are pretty much an even mix of vegitarian, kosher, and more carnivore then omnivore...so that'll be easy to have three different plates with little signs above each! Huzzah. Love new ideas.
The big hits when we have kids over have been :
- Quesadillas (with or without chicken, & w or w/out bbq sauce),
- mini grilled cheese...the adults steal these like crazy...so we've learned to make extra with pepperjack and stick them up in grownup land (we have a panini grill, so it's super easy to make a ton),
- Pizza . For older kids you can even have them make their own pizza.
- Baked tater-tots are a great sidedish that nearly everyone under 10 (and over 20) goes for. Can't speak for the middle range yet.
Having a special Adult Snack Plate in grownup land, is a wonderful thing. No parent wants to be stealing food from the kids...but at the same time, most of us get peckish.
Word to the wise: Take'n'toss lidded straw cups. With each child's name written on them in sharpie, and a few extras for the inevitable losing/breaking/xtra siblings.
I also second, third, & fourth having a traditional bday cake or cupcakes. Cupcakes can be fun, because you can put a candle in each one...so everyone gets to blow them out! You could also do yogurt parfaits (think starbucks, how they do them), but somehow it doesn't seem quite as fun.
My favorite parties that we've gone to have come with an itinerary & menu + the invitation to bring whatever your child likes to eat or give a call so that they can have "matching but edible-for-them" food. That way, I know ahead of time if my child will be fed real food, approximately when, & what. The BYOF in addition to what we'll already have out or CALL means you won't be stressing about making sure "everyone" likes and can eat "x".
I don't know where you're having your party, and if it's in your house this is PROBABLY NOT something you would want to do....but something we did last year that seemed to work pretty well was to have the party in reverse. Summer b-day, and our first with a yard. The party started at 1:00. We had the cake first, let the kids run it off for the next hour+, swooped in with pizza as soon as eyes started to glaze, did the pinata & sent them home with full bellies @ about 3:00. In the pinata we had a gazillion bouncy balls, glow in the dark necklaces/bracelets (like you get at Halloween or carnivals), & plastic pirate gold dubloons. No candy in sight...but a lot of happy kids.