Finding Myself a Single Parent

Wow... you sound so strong and wise...my heart goes out to you and your dear son.

Perhaps, ask your counselor about that?

I know my friend, a single Parent, used the "Big Brothers/Big Sisters" organization for her kids, so they could have a "male" role model in their lives. She really loved the program. Here is their website:
http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.diJKKYPLJvH/b.1539751/k.BDB6/H...

Or, do you have any CLOSE family/relatives/in-laws in your town? Any of them who you would trust completely and be a good "male" influence in your son's life? Does he have a godfather or legal guardian who would love to be a presence in your son's life?

One thing though...and I don't mean to sound trite or "cold." But being that your son is so young, and recently lost his Dad... please DO watch your son carefully (which I know you obviously do), and make sure he is NOT taken advantage of in any way, by any 'Adult' pretending to 'care." A child is so vulnerable at a time like this. ie: you don't want some adult figure victimizing him or something. You know how things are nowadays. But that is also something I would watch out for... especially since you are now just you and your son. Keep an eagle eye about you...

Bravo to you for having had grief counseling... for you and your son. That is a triumph and so important. My family too, endured that when my Dad passed away several years ago. It is a great thing to do.

Lots of hugs to you.... and all my best, may you & your son always be blessed,
Susan

L., I have not had anything even close to what you're going through...I will just say my heart goes out to you and your son. I have been thinking about you ever since i read your post.....God bless you...M.

I am so sorry for your loss, and wish you all the blessings in the world...

You sound like you're doing so much and doing a great job! I am a single Mom, and have been since I was three months pregnant. I depend a lot on my own Dad (Grandpa) and my brother-in-law for the male influence. Every other Saturday my son and I visit my sister and he gets 'uncle' time, where they play ball and chase each other. My Dad actually watches my son for a few hours every few days, when Grandma needs a break and they have SO much fun.

I would suggest utlizing any male relatives that have extra time and their hands and might be willing to help out if you have them. Recently, I joined a Single Parents Group in my neighborhood and that has given my son a chance to see kids, Dads and have fun. It's also a great distraction from the fact that it's just us and 'daddy' isn't around.

My son still sees his Dad on occasion, but he is not the kind of male role model I'm totally thrilled about being around my son.

I think, Susan made a great suggestion, ask your counselor for advice on what your son might be ready for in the grieving process. While he might be sad and miss his Daddy, he might not be ready to take on another 'male' as a key role in his life...

Keep up your strength and loving that little boy!! You're a testament to how amazing Mom's really can be.

Hi L.:
My heartfelt condolences to you,and your darlin son.I realize,this is a very difficult time for you both,and can empathize,with your concerns.Your not alone,by any means.While,I didn't lose a husband tragicly as you did,I was left to raise two young sons.Most single mothers,have the same concern. They worry about playing both roles.Providing the loving, nurturing care of a mother,but raising them to be strong,independant men.What I discovered,is (I fretted far to much about it) I Put to much emphasis on making sure I kept things on an even keel.I had heard stories,about single mothers who coddled to much. Who babied,their sons,and were overprotective.Then,I was concerned,that i'd over compensate,be to tough,cheating them and myself,of a gentler loving side,that only a mother can give.I tell ya L.,you can sorta drive yourself a bit nutty,trying to determine,when you put on the work boots,or throw on the apron! I felt it vidal to their emotional upbringing,to continue to share the close relationships they had shared with family,prior to their father leaving.It meant everything to them,and in my opinion,made all the difference in the world, providing some normalcy in their lives.The most important thing I learned in my years struggling to be the ideal(single parent)was that You aren't expected to be both.You simply strive to be the BEST YOU. You give them the love,compassion,and understanding they desire from you,and they will grow to be loving, respectable,wonderful individuals, They will have fond memories, you helped create and a profound gratefulness,for the sacrifices,devotion and love you alone provided them.I wish only the best for you and your darlin son. J.

L.,
My heart goes out to the two of you. I raised my oldest daughter on my own until I met my husband who I wasn't looking for. In time...when the time is right, you will get through this and then find that someone. For right now, the two of you will be fine together. Your sons mind is big enough to ask the question, so you will have to answer it for him. Together, the two of you will do just fine without a papa.

Best Regards,
C.

I am so sorry. How devastating!! One of my friends went through this. Her child was 4 when daddy suddenly passed away. I will ask her to respond to you.

You are in my prayers.

I am divorced with a daughter who is now 9. My ex and I split when she was 4. She misses her dad as she hardly gets to see him. So I have the same situation where I have to be mom and dad. It's difficult for me but I find the strength from within and get it all done

You just give them lots of love. Right now he is a little to young to fully understand but it will come. I have met many guys that were raised solely by their mom and they all seem to be fine.

I am very sorry for your loss.