So I moved from Chicago to Akron, OH about a year ago. Needless to say, it is a BIG change.
Don't get me wrong, I think it is beautiful out here, but I can't seem to keep or find friends.
My problem seems to be that I find people that I think are really cool,fun, interesting etc. But then I spend time with them and their kids and notice several things I Don't agree with or want to be around.
Most people I've noticed out here seem to have the "tv babysitter" thing going on. Their kid's have bad attitudes, and the parents seem more focused on everything BUT spending time teaching & loving their kids.
I'm curious...
Did you notice a HUGE change in being able to connect with people and find friends once you became a mom?
Yup. Absolutely.
In fact a really funny book highlights this: that before children you make friends because they're interesting/ charming/ funny/ intelligent/ etc. AFTER kids, you make friends based on whether or not you can stand their parenting style and how much your kid likes their kid.
what do you and the kids like to do... go to the park.. then go to the park.. go to the mini golf.. then go there.. bike ride.. then ride... these are places you will find people like yourself... good luck maybe join a swim club or the ymca... go to the movies.. see if you see other parents there..
There is a phenominal camp in akron/bath ohio. I will actually be driving from oswego Illinois to this camp this weekend. Not sure how old your kids are but it might be worth looking into they have a great kids camp a family camp a special needs camp etc... my son goes for 2 weeks each year. we drive for 6 hours to get him there its that good lol. you don't say but if your not in one yet join a park district group or a church group. look up the moms day out stuff. if your kids are in school join the pta or home and school group. lol I forgot to mention the name of the camp. Its Camp Christopher
You can find any kind of parent in any location. I wouldn't associate being in Ohio with people who seem to have the "tv babysitter" and kids with bad attitudes. I have lived in Akron and now a little south of there. I have seen both ends of the spectrum...some parents do sit their children in front of the TV all the time. Some parents don't allow tv at all in their home. You have to search out the type of people you want to associate with. Try focusing on kids activities and meeting friends through that, then you'll be more likely to find people with similar parenting styles and values. Please don't judge everyone here by the people you've been in contact with. It sounds like you've just been in a circle of friends/ people who don't share the same ideas and values as yours. Try things like, joining the zoo, taking them to the library for activities, play groups, Kindermusik classes, church groups, VBS, etc. It takes a little longer to meet people through things like this, because you might only see them once a week or so. But if you search them out, you WILL find people in Ohio who have great parenting styles, who do want to teach and love their children, whose kids behave, etc. Don't give up and think it's just the "area". You just haven't found the right group for you yet.
Have you checked out www.meetup.com in Akron? You might find some mom/parent groups there where you'll find friends that are more of a match. I do know what you mean. I am looking for a daycare - adopting a newborn soon - and one of the things I hope is to meet some like minded parents that live locally (I'm single and most of my family is an hour or more away and my close friends got married and moved out of state). When I visited a local daycare, one of my concerns was what kind of parents drop their kids here - are they educated, kid-oriented, etc. or are they slacker parents. Hard to tell before you are going to the daycare regularly. But it is harder when you're a single mother by choice to find friends because a) your single and some married moms don't want you around or b) because you don't want to feel like the third wheel or c) you don't have that much in common since she's got a husband/ backup and you're doing it all on your own and d) a lot of other single moms are divorced, so they still are co-parenting. But I'm going to keep trying to meet people.
It was a huge change for me when I moved cities in Texas. The parenting styles in my new city were so different. I had a hard time making or keeping friends. I was super lonely for a while. Then, I put my daughter in preschool and made some wonderful friends. Some of their styles are a little different but we all have the preschool thing in common.
Good luck....I know what you are going through!
I totally agree. I am from the same approximate area as you, and I have had a tough time stomaching some parenting styles as well. I have seen it all...from one mother who belted her poor son in the mouth every time he raised his voice to another mom I hung out with who let her son run rampant and did absolutely nothing about it. I have stopped hanging out with all of them because of this. But the truth is you are probably not going to find a friend who has the exact same pareting style as you, so either be a little more tolerant or get used to being lonely lol. Good luck to you.
