FILTH Of Neighbors -- Confirmed!

Hoarding is a disorder that the person can not control without some kind of help and intervention. If kids are living in the house of a hoarder, someone should be called to investigate the conditions.

One of my tenants is a hoarder. She has an 11 yr old son. A neighbor called the health dept. They removed her son to his uncles home. I was willing to work with the tenant as Social Services said they would help her clean up and get mental help. She has since kidnapped her son and abandoned her mess here for me to clean up. Be careful what you do, as it will change lives. Desperate people do desperate things.

Definitely call - for the sake and welfare of the children. Did you see the Hoarders show where children have been involved? They are terribly depressed about their conditions and it negatively affects their emotional health.

Isn't it funny how so many people proudly proclaim that it takes a village to raise a child and when a fellow villager tries to do just that, everyone says "mind your own business?" We can't have it both ways!

If you have first hand proof, then I say you should call. CPS is mandated to protect their sources.

Good luck.

The negative posts made me feel bad for you. No one should live that way and sometimes people don't or don't know how to ask for help. ASPCA doesn't even allow dogs to live in filth. You are doing the right thing. Please call. I can't even stand to be in a smelly restroom and sometimes wonder if I should be breathing that stuff, let alone that of an animal for who knows how long. Please pick up your phone and call.

Honestly DON'T call the health dept. Call the police and ask for a "Child welfare check". It can be done anonymously.

Do it when the kids are at home (otw.. if the house is ruled unsafe, they'll be collected from school, which is far more traumatic), as early in the day as possible for them to be home (aka not at night unless they're being beaten/etc).

This is what will actually get someone out to the home THAT DAY (and not 6 months from now). The police will bring in social services, the health dept., and all of the other departments on a priority basis as needed.

If the living situation is dangerous, the children will be removed, but the parents will have opportunity to rectify the situation (aka make the home life sanitary), and may be required to take classes. More often, however, a living situation is deemed questionable, in which case the children stay put, and the parents have "x" amount of time to bring the situation up to code/ satisfactory conditions.

I agree that if you're convinced that the living conditions are unhealthy for the children, you're doing the right thing by calling. You don't need our agreement on whether or not you should report this situation. You're the one who has seen it firsthand.

I would call. But then again, I fall in the category of people who are legally obligated to call, as I am a teacher.

I will tell you from experience that CPS will not rat you out. I have calle many times and never even had to give my name.
However, I do wonder if someone at the school where the children attend (if they are school aged) hasn't deduced that something is going on.
If those kids are school aged (and especially if they go to the same school with your kids), I would probably start with the guidance counselor.

ok, i will be the 1st to admit my house is a trainwreck about 85% of the time between work, school, and 2 rowdy 3yr olds but i think its just a normal average trainwreck, NOT a filthy, unsanitary trainwreck. if you've seen with your own 2 eyes the shape the house is in and its as bad as you say, i think you should call. no child should have to live in those kinds of conditions.

call. I had hoped you did when you posted before. Children should not have to live like that.

If you have no doubt in your mind that you should call then why haven't you done so?Yes I would call..

Yes, definitely call for the sake of the children. My hubby's an ex-cop and he said that most likely the parents will have a chance to clean up the house and bring it to livable standards and the children will be returned. So call!!

Call. The health of the children is what is important.

I agree some posters on here can be defensive, mean, and insenstitive. However you have to take what you need and go with it. I don't think I would personally contact anyone just yet. Give them a chance. Perhaps you could approach them and just kindly suggest your help-if you don't want to help then I wouldn't worry about it honestly.
Are the kids being fed? Are the kids being cleaned? Are the kids needs being met? Remember not everyone has the same set of standards. I am very different from my sister but never once have I felt she wasn't a good mother to my neice. I think her house is indeed nasty and I personally couldn't live that way for many reasons but I have never felt as though my neice wasn't being taken care of-her needs have always been met-perhaps not always shown a great example but you can't control that even with your own kids sometimes.
You don't know other people's situations or what's going on in their lives. IF you truly feel the need to contact someone then there is no one else on here to convince you otherwise. If you can answer NO to anyone of those questions I have stated here then make that call and that is YOUR decision no one elses!
Look there was a neighbor whose yard got out of control. It was a home owners association thing so one of the neighbors decided to approach. When the mother came to the door and they approached her about the condition of her yard she broke down into tears and said "Yes, I know but I was diagnosed with cancer and have been going through Chemo/Radiation and just can't seem to keep up with things" Well of course the neighbor felt just awful and that same weekend ALL of the neighbors got together and worked on her yard for her to help her out. You don't know the exact situation and that is why I say be kind enough to give them a chance to correct it-even if it means the community pulling together to help out.
IF they don't take the hint then I would do what you have to do at that point because you made an offer for them to step up to the plate and they refused to do so therefore they will have no choice if they want to keep the kids. I'm not trying to convince you one way or the other and I am not trying to be harsh either I just want to turn your engines in your brain and realize there might be a bigger issue that they do not have any control over~ like health issues.
How would you feel IF you were dealing with a health issue and no one to help you out around and then one day child services showed up on your door step to take away your kids or at least the threat of. Once you involve child services they never go away either-you need to really think about what you are doing before you do it. Obviously by you coming here you are trying to make the right choice. We are not there so we don't know specifics so its easy for us to say nay or yay to your question. Just be careful because this would impact not only their children but them as well. Would you want a knock on your door twenty something years down the road when those kids grew up and said "you ruined our lives"......granted if the situation is bad enough then yeah someone should call but like I said we are not there we cannot see what you are seeing in detail just be very careful because this is a very fragile thing and not to be taken lightly-I'm sure you already know this without me saying so. Good luck and I hope the best for those kids regardless of what happens.......

Please do call!!

I remember your post, and even then it brought up a lot of memories I had of a family in my neighborhood when I was growing up. The children were outside all the time, always with their dogs, and the one time that I went inside of their house I vomitted from the stench. There was dog and cat feces all over the place, urine stains on the mattresses which had no bedding, moldy food ground into the floor. Turns out that the parents had severe drug addiction problems and the children were taken out of the house by the authorities.

I only wish that someone would have intervened for these children sooner. There is no harm in calling, as there must be very substantial proof of neglect/endangerment for the parents to lose custody of their children.

I ran into a former neighbor a few months ago. She told me that a person that moved into the building we had lived in had her kids taken away. It was because of a similar situation. They had to go to court and the kids were sent to live with a relative while the parents were required to take classes and clean up their lives-literally. I think she said it took 5 months but the kids were allowed to come back home and they get surprise visits from DCFS. The court will decide when they will no longer be supervised.

So you still have not called? Call Child Protective services.
You should have called the authorities in the first place.

Call the authorities. Those poor kids are probably wishing someone would. I do believe it is your business. Sometimes I think doing nothing is worse. So Good for you for looking into the welfare of those kids. Parents of that house hold are not.

Um, no real advice except that my house is filthy, and I'm sure there are people whose homes are so clean that they would think mine was a health hazard. There are days I think my house is a health hazard. However, I know it is really just a house that is lived in by 2 small children, 2 adults who work full-time, and a cat. The cat does not leave his toys out. There are days where we haven't had a moment to take the trash out and it is sitting bagged on the kitchen floor. There are days where I have mopped five times and you still can't see through the peanut butter and crumbled bananas on the linoleum.

I am slightly curious about how you "saw" the interior. If you call CPS they will (if they do their jobs correctly) determine if there is indeed any danger to the children or if there are any hazards, etc. There are plenty of cases of someone calling and concerns being determined as unfounded, so theoretically you could call in good conscience and they will not be removed if there really is nothing wrong. I personally would keep out of it unless I felt children were in any danger (if they seem to be in good health and tidy enough outside of the house, they are probably fine), but it sounds like you are ill at ease about this.

I think you should call...if what you are seeing is real, then no child should have to live that way. If you don't, then who will? The kids could be wishing something would change but feel powerless to say anything, or be worried that they will be taken away if someone says something or finds out. The parents need to be given a chance to get help if they want to keep their kids.
There is a fine line between minding one's business and speaking up for those who are in a bad situation that they can't change.

N.! Hopefully you are not my neighbor and I wasn't able to clean my house this week due to all of us being sick! LOL
Seriously now, a few questions for you to think about. Do you know this family on any level? If you are truly concerned, why not talk to the parents about the situation and your concern for the health of the children. No, the family will NOT be given a chance to clean this up before their children are taken away from them! IF you really feel for the children you would not want them to be taken away from their parents. I am assuming the children are not in danger from any physical mistreatment? Are the parents both working, or is there laziness and depression here? Could they need some assistance to just clean out- perhaps when they are not home! Could you call Americas messiest homes and apply for an intervention? My advise is to help them personally first. IF this doesn't work, explain your concern over the health of the children and that you would feel the need to call attention to their living conditions.
This is difficult for me, because I'm sure by the standards of the neighbors of my parents we were 'filthy' as well. We lived on a farm, everyone else had manicured lawns- we had mud. We were a family of 8, everyone else was a manicured family of 4. Our house was messy-lived in, but not 'dirty'. There is a big difference to me- but not to everyone. Even today, I live in the middle of the woods and have a 2 yr old that runs in and out all day. Most of fall, I have leaves on my living room floor. I cant get all bent out of shape about it and I don't have time to care for the 2yr old, the 5 month old, and pick up leaves off the floor every 5 mins. Some would freak out, but I figure 'its just a leaf'.
I hope you can put yourself in their shoes, and hopefully be able to help them on a more personal level which you seem to want to do! Only if that doesn't work would I resort to calling in officials that are going to rip this family apart- also not good for the children.

Call, on hoarders, there were a few families with children that had to clean up in order to keep the kids. Children will be returned once the home is deemed healthy and safe. It's likely the parents needs some mental help as well, and calling is the only way the family can receive the help they need. If they investigate and it turns out things are fine, then no harm done.

-------------side note------------------------------------------------
Oh and ps... CPS will rat you out :) I know, from personal experience, I called and they refused to file the complaint or intervene until I gave them my full name and phone number when I tried to call anonymously. Then, when they investigated, they told the people who had called and I got threatened. (I was right though, the child was being physically abused and even had his teeth punched out).

I know another person CPS did this too as well and was also physically threatened by the father of the children at her place of work. Maybe our CPS here is just very very backwards.

Hi N.,
I recently had to call DHS on my own mother and sister. My sister has an almost 1 year old baby and I dropped by to visit one day. OH MY GOODNESS...I couldn't believe the disgusting dirty conditions they were living in. It was unsafe and downright dangerous for my nephew. I called my mom and warned her that I was thinking of calling DHS. A few days later I did and they came out and told my sister to clean up the house and that they'd be back in 48 hours to check on it's condition. If it wasn't up to par, they were going to remove my nephew. Well to make a long story short, they cleaned up quick and were able to keep him. I also live in PA, so I feel that even though we are in different counties, the guidelines should be similar across the state.
Do what you think is right. Sometimes there is more going on behind the scenes that you don't even know about and getting DHS involved can improve the situation. In the case of my younger sister, she ended up giving up her rights to her baby because she couldn't handle the job of mothering/housekeeping/caring for a baby. My oldest sister is actually coming up from FL today to take my nephew home with her. Calling DHS about the condition of the house was just a surface issue in my mom/sisters home.
God Bless!
Edit:
I just read Momma L's response regarding CPS ratting you out, they will not. Not in PA anyway. My sister and mother weren't sure who called although I willingly admitted that I did. When you call to place the report ask them not to give your information. THEY WILL NOT!

I remember when you posted this the first time and I said to call CPS then. I definitely still think you should, especially since you have proof now about the situation. It is unsanitary and considered environmental neglect towards children. In most instances, CPS should work with the family before removing the kids, as they are not in immediate harm (i.e. they are eating, not being beaten to death, etc.). However, a large part of CPS and what they do is dependent on the worker. Unless your a mandated reporter (which you are not) they have no right to ask who you are in filing the complaint. You should be able to do it anonymously. I have to make NUMEROUS calls as part of my job and they always ask, do you want to leave your information or file a report confindentially. If they rat you out, then a complaint should be filed as that is something that happened with the worker. Even if you give your name, unless your a mandated reporter, then they are not allowed to legally disclose it to the person who the complaint was made on. If you do leave your information, they call you and update you on their findings. That is a BAD WORKER if they tell them you made the complaint, not CPS policy. The same goes with whether or not they will stay in the home. Some workers jump to removal faster then others, as "immenient danger" is kind of a vague term in determining child safety. No matter what though, they will work with the family to get the stuff cleaned up and possibly get them into therapy and stuff to deal with the hoarding and prevent it from being worse. They should hold off on child removal though.

You should call cps. I was taken away from my mother because she had major problems. She was a horder and I lived in filth. I was so ashamed and ate with ants and roaches and rats and eating on top of garbage.

The person clearly needs mental help..... Theres nothing wrong! Help her beause she obviously can't help her self. Sounds like its time for people to step in. There are little children at stake here!

I would def. call and complain. Those kids most def. do not need to live in that. Yes the court will usually give them so many days to clean up or the kids will be removed. Which anything will probably be better then living in that house. I would most def call. Let us know if you do.

I believe that you should call. The caller is kept confidential and if the house is deemed suitable, then the case will be closed. No harm, no foul. If the house is filthy and the living conditions are as deplorable as you suspect, then something has to be done for the safety of the children and you are in no position of authority to do it. If it is a case of hoarding, hopefully the state will provide mental health services to the parents in order to get the situation under control. While this is America, there are ordinances in place that prohibit living in filth and unsafe conditions.

Although this is a concern, I would definitely try to confront the neighbor first (even if you do so anonymously). That could give them the heads up that all is not right in their house. THey probably are aware of this, but it might make it sink in. Then, if needed still, call the authorities. Even if the authorities show up and make a recommendation that no further action is needed, they are now in the system. Sometimes, it is hard to escape that and could cause more difficulties in order to escape the stigma even if the parents are doing everything they can.

There are times when I was definitely embarrassed by the messiness of our house. With two toddlers, there were times that the toyroom was covered from wall to wall with their stuff. Unfortunately, that was the first room people would see when they walked in our house. I knew things needed to be cleaned up, I just needed a few more hours in the day.

I guess I'm just saying, if there are any ways to give them a chance to change their way and clean up, pleae give them that chance.

I am glad that you waited until you saw with your own eyes that the house is a disaster. Hopefully the parents will get the help they need and clean up their act and house for the sake of their children.

I hope you called already. I worked in NJ, not PA when I worked for the state child protective agency. If it is a bad situation then the agency usually tries to work with the family if they are cooperative. They will try and provide services if they are needed. Perhaps the parents have some physical or mental health issues that get in the way of their cleaning or other daily activities. If the children need to be removed there is the option of staying with a relative in many cases rather than foster care.

I have no advice on whether to call or not.
Just wanted to say that ALL adults
are not required to call in such circumstances.
CERTAIN adults are required to follow up . . .
social workers, health workers, police officers, etc.
Ordinary neighbors are not mandated to report by law.
I want to thank the moms here
who admitted that they have messy homes.
So do I.
And my kids are grown and gone.

So sorry to hear the negativity, I too have recieved them regarding formula and not breastfeeding. There is a way to get your point across without demeaning or being mean about it, but some people don't see that.

As someone who grew up in a home with many issues, I urge you to call for the children, they need someone to speak up for them. Please let us know how it goes. It is the right thing to do.

I agree that you should call child services if the living conditions are unsafe. They will come out an do an investigation and unless the children are in immediate danger they will not just remove them from the home. In PA you can make an anonymous report so they will not be informed as to who made the call. Most child services are working on the goal of keeping families together and that is the aim of child services. I would say you would be helping this family as maybe a visit from a social worker would get them the help they need.

I worked at a library in Philadelphia where we had to make the uncomfortable decision to call child services on a parent who we feared was abusing her daughter. While upper management wasn't happy that we did this you sometimes have to do what you feel is right and not worry about what other people think. While we did not see this mom & her daughter for a couple of weeks, when they did return to the library it was a much different scene and so we felt like we were able to get this mother the help she needed to be able to deal with her daughter.

Call. Your lack of response is just as bad as what the parents are doing to those children...the children who cannot speak for themselves.

I've had to call on neighbors, and have never regretted it. The only regrets I have are about some children I knew in the 1980's--now they are completely messed up as adults, and I know I'm partially to blame.

I had answered you before and said to call. Obviously you have seen it and no one else has. I am sure you know the difference between messy and filth. I can't imagine that CPS would take the kids away if it was just a messy house and not dangerous. Whoever you call and those that come see, they will be the ones making the decision on removing the kids, you are just making them aware that there could be a problem. If it were me, I'd probably talk to a teacher, (one of those people that are obligated to call) and see what they say. But if the teacher didn't call, i would.

Hi N.,
I did not respond to the first post, but here I am now. I live in New Jersey and am not sure if the laws are different. I have a neighbor that has the same thing going on in their house. A few years ago (before we moved in), child services was called. They were given 1 week to clean the house or the child would be removed. If the children are at risk, then something needs to be done. Hoarding is a disease just like drug addicts and alcohalizm. Would you leave a child with one of them? It would upset me to do it, but the kids safety comes first.
L.

Call the authorities asap. You had it right from the beginning. I applaude you !!!

Dear N.,
I don't really know what you should do, but I have just finished reading the most interesting book: Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things by Dr. Randy Frost and Dr. Gail Steketee.

It sounds like the family/house you are describing matches the descriptions of some of the houses Frost and Steketee observed. If one or both of the parents are hoarders, then simply telling them to clean up won't work. Most of the time, intervention won't work either unless the person recognizes they have a problem and they decide to work on it. Frost found that aggressive cleanup campaigns usually failed. He also found that there were many reasons why people became hoarders. Sometimes counseling helped.

If you feel like you have enough time (before you feel you need to make the call or whatever) I would recommend you read the book. I don't know if it would be possible to befriend the kids and be kind of like second parents to them (keep clean clothes for them at your house, help them with their homework, invite them over to play - what ever you can think of to help the kids.)

Frost mentioned online self help groups for hoarders (newish concept, unknown as to just how helpful they are) and online support groups for grown kids of hoarders. Looking at the grown kids website might help you understand what the kids might be going through right now.

Part of why I found the book so interesting is that I realized that I say to myself a lot of the same things about saving stuff that the hoarders say to themselves. It was eerie to see how much I identified with their thoughts. I just have my "collecting" more"in control". My public areas are usually clean and fairly uncluttered. Most of my closets are fine. But there are areas that become disasters and go for long periods of time without getting cleared out. (The garage, the guest room, the linen closet...)

After reading this book, I've determined that I'm going to change - I am going to start getting rid of more stuff and saving less. I'm lucky - I can focus on a job and get it done. A lot of hoarders can't see the mess and/orthey can't focus on one thing long enough to get'er done or they can't recognize the difference in value between trash and treasure orr they may feel emotional pain when they try to let something go.

Hope this helps.

.

those kids will be taken away from their parents after the call is placed.
i agree, the conditions are not acceptable for anyone, let alone kids.
if you want to help (not just blow the horn) tell the family what you're about to do. you're still going to do it, but give them a chance to get their acts together. i would do this for the sake of children, not parents.
now, i responded to your earlier post about the same issue. i was cautious in my response. this, today's response, is telling me, you have been on the lookout to 'get' them. why one earth would you go inside?
but you did, and now you can't ignore it. so give them a chance.
and as for the reasons you have been so hell-bent on finding out, that is between your and the guy upstairs. may you have a clean conscious
L.

Hi N.,

I am soooo sorry that some people feel the need to attack other mom's on this site. THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS SITE IS FOR AND SHAME ON THOSE OF YOU WHO FEEL THE NEED TO SEND NASTY PRIVATE MESSAGES! That does NOT help ANYONE! The point of this site is to support each other, get honest opinions and helpful info, not tear people down! (Getting off my soap box now).

As so many other people have said, it's time to call...I'd call EVERY agency I could, including police, health authorities, and CPS. Many of these agencies are back logged with work and it can take a while for them to respond, so calling more than one may get the ball rolling. My best friend has been a social worker in VA for many years, and I can tell you he would be the first to tell you to call every agency you can.

You would think that people on here would know the difference between a "normal" train wreck of a house (there may be dust, floor may need vacuuming/mopping, clutter may abound), but I doubt any of the ladies responding here have so much garbage on the floor of their house that there is no room to walk.

N., I'm glad you're getting more support this time around. If you need a private message from me reminding you that you're doing the right thing for the sake of the kids, please send me a private message and I will support you the whole way through this process. It's a shame that people feel the need to attack and criticize on here. I guess it's easy to do that when you're not in the poster's shoes.

You go girl! Do the right thing. I see you've got people criticizing you for not doing something yet and people criticizing you for doing anything at all. You can't win with some folks. Ignore all the negativity and do what is best for those kids. I back you up 100%! Good for you for having the courage to get involved in the first place.

~C.

You did not say if the kids were dirty or looked unhealthy. Are the kids happy? Do they wear clean clothes to work. Dis you smell roten food in the house. Do the children get abused? How did you see the inside of the house? I would not call unless the above problems excist. Foster homes can be hard on kids. I have know seversal foster kids that were abused by the foster parents. Try talking to your neighbor first. MAybe they are doing construction in the home or they both work. Maybe one of them is having a health problem. Ask if they need help.

I would call the health department, someone needs to think of the best interest of the children and the animals if the parents aren't capable of providing a healthy enviroment. Go with your gut feeling. You can make a call to the health dept and request to keep you name out of it. They can send their investigators out.

It sounds like you know what you need/want to do. I'm not sure why you are even here STILL asking for advice, especially as you have said you recieved nasty responses before. There is no middle ground here. You either do it or you butt out. This is real life, NOT an episode of Hoarders. There are no true second chances or clean up your acts for these people. DFAS will take, then make them clean. Not clean, then maybe, depending on how well it's clean, take. I know, because my sister in law is the epitomy of filth and she's NOT a hoarder. She is just down right dirty and lazy.

These people need help. Be prepared for the backlash.

Please, make the call. Thank you for taking an interest in the children that are in need. They obviously need someone to make a difference.

Call them. I don't know if you should call the police or the health district. But if you have seen with your own two eyes just how bad it is then someone needs to do something for these kids. I responded to your first (or second) posting as a cautionary. I know that you know what you are doing is going to distrupt these kids, but it may help them as well.
Good Luck, L.

I would go to the authorities as well, but I would do it anonymously to keep my name out of it. People seem to get very angry about anyone that trys to help these days. I also, would be thinking of the children and the animals, because it sounds like this person running the household is not. These type of people do not understand how unsanitary and dangerous it is to live like this. I really feel for those kids. Good luck!

I think you should call someone. Maybe social services or local school could direct you as to who to call. If you feel it's that bad, let them decide. Let them decide whether the circumstances are healthy for the children. If you're right, the children are in an unhealthy environment, physically and emotionally. If you're overreacting, they authorities will decide that and you will feel you've satisfied your responsibility. YOu're not calling to say anything that isn't obvious to the eye. What I mean is you're not accusing someone of doing something based on something that was said. This is a probem that can be inspected and verified by someone else. Good luck.

MAKE THE CALL!!!

You are doing the right thing no matter what other people may think. Children and animals do not deserve to live in filth.

Good for you!

If is is trully that bad. Then can you talk to the people that live there first?

Hi, N.:

We are responsible for those around us. You are being loving
to discipline your neighbors.

You love your children when you discipline them. Do we get disciplined when we get off theright track?
Yes.
You are doing it out of love. So they can get help.

Just because you call, doesn't mean anything is going to get done.
They will investigate.
Or you can write them a letter.

Use this format:
1. Tell them what happened. Like what you are saying in this post.
2. Tell them what you thought when you realized what is happening.
3. Tell them what impact that this incident has had on you and others. You can say what this post has said to you.
4. Tell them what has been the hardest thing for you?
5. Tell them what you think needs to happen to make things right.

First of all in the lette tell them what good you see them do and then
answer these questions.
Good luck. We need more people to share how they are being
affected by other people's behavior. You have a need to feel safe, and you evidently don't feel safe. You are a mandated reporter if you think people are a danger to themselves or others.

We need to learn a lessson from you.
D.

Your post was not clear on the exact state of the home. Were there insects or other pests? Food rotting? Animal waste or the smell of urine (not just a little cat oopsie, either)? A house can be filled to the rafters with rubbish and not be a health hazard. Hoarding is a symptom of a mental health issue, neglect is something entirely different.
While living buried like a hoarder is not the best situation, I don't believe it requires a call to the state. However if there is a health hazard then intervention may be in order. If the house is close enough and they have pests they can spread to neighboring homes, so you do have a say in that situation. Do they have family that could help them, or that you could talk to? Could you talk to the school about your concerns first?
You are bringing a lot of trouble into their lives if you call the state, even if they are found to be perfectly competent. I know several wonderful foster parents, but there are people out there just taking advantage of the system and once a child is abused you can't take it back. Even a short stay in foster care can be bad for the children.
It does sound like they know they have a problem and are possibly hostile to outside help. But I would hope that there would be something you could do short of calling the state on them.
I'm sorry if you've had nasty posts, we should all try to treat others as we would like to be treated, no matter how strongly we feel. That goes for forum posts as well as neighbors.

Make the call. Can you make the call anymously. You have courage for making yourself accountable and being part of the solution. C.

Hi N.,

I'm interested to know the circumstances under which you were able to enter the home? I'm guessing it wasn't to borrow a cup of sugar.

The reason I bring this up is the parents are certain to know who called CPS, Health Department and Animal Control. If the children and/or animals in this home are in danger, it’s the right thing to do. I just want to caution you to be careful because people living under the conditions you describe are likely to be unbalanced and may do something to retaliate against you and your family. Even the grubbiest of animals will try to protect their young.

Blessings.......

They probably are hoarders. It's a mental illness, so don't feel too harsh.

It's a dilemma -- do the kids seem otherwise happy and taken care of? Sometimes being taken away from your home and family and put in foster care is worse than living in filth. It's a sad reality that many, many children are raised in substandard conditions.

The fire issue is a big one.

I think you should judge by the demeanor of the children.

N. ~

by all means you are probably going to be the voice of those children (and dogs) to live in a proper environment so you as a mother has an obligation to speak up and report them, which you can do anonymously. Also, if you call the local police, they will work with you and if they believe the home is as bad as you say, they will intervene themselves and no pressure would be on you.

I can't believe any mother would criticize you so harshly for trying to protect children and if that is the case, they must have something to hide themselves that they wouldn't want somebody to put their nose into. What's the worst that could happen, you were wrong? If that is the case, then at least you can have peace of mind knowing the children are healthy & safe. In the meantime, I think most mothers would support you 100% in being that active voice for those children that may not have a real chance otherwise. Best of luck to you and keep your head held high!

Don't hesitate...make the call! You are doing the right thing for those children

I remember your post from before. I do think that we should not be attacking each other on this site. I agreeded with the welfare of the children and said something to the effect of hoarding being a disease and I thought it sounded like the wife was a hoarder. I do not think it is safe for any one to live in those conditions. I believe there is a quantum leap from being a bad housekeeper to being a hoarder. I do not think the neighbor is doing it on purpose but the welfare of the children is most important. This mother really needs help. I am sorry you got nasty personal messages. I think you are concerned for the kids and I commend you for that.

I just had to say that plenty of mothers on this site also attack for being to adamant about breastfeeding and eating healthy, and some CIO mothers are insatiably rude about their methods..........just had to add that

about your neighbors, i hope that this family will get a chance to change and are offered therapy, hoarding is a condition of mental illness and it has to be remedied, I hope you pick the right people to contact.

I agree something must be done, but something needs to be done the right way

I strongly suggest you call the authorities even if you call you anonymously. The health of the children is at risk. Not only that, there is help for people with hoarding disorders that could save their lives. There is nothing wrong with calling. If it were you or me we would want any help we could get. In my work I have dealt with persons with hoarding disorders and many times they want help but are unable to ask for it until someone steps in to make a call on their behalf. Thank you for wanting to do the right thing about this situation.

I would truly be afraid of living next door to that. As far as the kids are concern, just getting them out of there will help there health. Yes the state would have them clean it up if they dont condimn it first. I would not take a second thought. I would do anything to get them kids out of there. And the pets if they are still alive. Call the police and call the DCFS....dont wait another minute.....PLEASE!!!!!!

I guess I am kind of confused as to why this is so much of an issue for you. I can understand if the house is creating a public health hazard -- an undrained swimming pool, piled-up garbage attracting rodents, that sort of thing. If it's not directly affecting you or your neighborhood, I'd suggest that you really think this one through before you make a report. There may not even be anything the authorities can do about it, for starters. If child welfare does see the parents as unfit (a longer process than the ten o'clock news lets on), expect a lot of your personal time and energy to be called upon for the case.

Now, I totally get what you are saying about the living conditions. I know the difference between a home that can be cleaned with a mop and a trashcan, and one that requires a HAZMAT suit and a Dumpster to be liveable again. If you pay close attention to the "Hoarders" homes, however, the narrator almost always traces the filth to some form of mental illness or seriously unresolved issue with the people who live there. Perhaps if you could look at the situation as a symptom of an illness, rather than a weakness of character, it might put you in a position to be the most helpful to this family. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I would think the children will be removed and the parents given time to get the home in order so the children can be returned. The parents may just have mental illness or they may just have bad housekeeping skills.

Child services usually draws up a treatment plan that gives several steps, a lot only have 6-8, the parents have to complete before the children will be returned. In Oklahoma the plan is in effect for up to 22 months, with the condition that if nothing happens for several months that the parental rights can be terminated through a court order.

The state workers cover their asses very well so if the parents are even attempting to follow the plan they should not have their parental rights terminated. The workers can get sued for so many things when other peoples children are concerned. If they don't take them and they get hurt, if they take them and they get hurt in foster care, if they do take them and they don't return them and the parents were working hard to get their kids back. They are overworked and in a very stressful job. I personally thanked the ones who took my grandkids very frequently for their good decision to get them out of the circumstances they were in.

I have had child services called on me by someone in my church. I was hemorrhaging every time I stood up and was supposed to be on bed rest. I had gone to church and started feeling very bad and had my husband take me to the ER. I asked my good friend "J" if she could get a ride and take the kids to my home and babysit them. The person who gave them a ride "S" came in, looked in my fridge, went through my cabinets looking for food, looked at the trash can being full and slightly overflowing, and felt the kids were living in filth and called child services. They came out and did a check and I got an unfounded report back, that means they think it was a bogus call. It was a situational mess at best.

I am not a great homemaker and the kids are never in a spotless home by any means. Right now the kids bedrooms are impassible with toys and dress up clothes but I am not worried. If child welfare came in I feel they would see a home that is kid friendly and deep down clean. Messy? Yes, but not filthy like your neighbors home. There is a big difference that you can obviously see. It is up to a professional to make the decision as to what extent of neglect these children are living in.

++++++++
BTW, I have a pantry that is 6' tall, 4' wide, and about 2' deep. It has shelf after shelf of food in it. I had milk, eggs,and cheese plus other stuff like pancake mix, biscuit mix, condiments, etc...in the fridge when the person who called looked in my fridge. The freezer is small and it was Sunday, I shop on Monday or Tuesdays for freezer items. All she "S" had to do was ask my friend "J", who is at my home multiple days of the week. I almost always have at least a 3 month supply of food on hand, it's in #10 cans in closets with wood between the cans to make shelves, it's under my bed in tubs and Mylar pouches, I have dehydrated food, canned meats, all kinds of food everywhere.

As for the trash??? It's my husbands one chore and he is very lax about it. It did need to be taken out but we don't have a garage so the trash sits outside until the trash-men come. It gets dug in by animals, turned over and distributed all over the neighborhood, it is very frustrating at best for him.

Sorry this is so long but I wanted you to know there are people out there who know what it is to struggle with the decision you are contemplating. It is not an easy one. I encourage you to go with your heart, if their home meets the states standards then no harm is done. If it doesn't then the children can only have improved conditions.

hello
I think it's a tough decision to make but yes... the authorities need to be called.. kids shouldn't have to live in such conditions... nor should animals...
it's one thing if the adults want to live that way.. hoarding as you know is a sickness... We have a cousin whose house we haven't been to in about 14 years. (her choice) and we suspect that she may a hoarder of some type...
However, since we are NEVER invited to her home, we can only wonder.. she doesn't have any kids or pets.. so we haven't taken it too far...
best of luck
keep us posted! :)

Good for you. Doing the right thing isn't always easy, and kudos to you for caring. It was great that you took the extra step in verifying conditions. I think you are acting in the best interests of the family, not just the children.

Make the call, I would. This is a serious issue. Filth and nasty is a whole different story than just a little dust and messiness! You are doing the right thing!

My church rescued a family (my husband wouldn't even let me in the home) that was in the SAME situation. We cleaned (actually power painted the walls and floors), removed the animals, scrubbed every surface and the children were not taken from the parents. The mom actually told me once that she didn't brush her teeth because she didn't like toothpaste....They were very appreciative of our help but the home was right back to the SAME condition before the church stepped in, within a week. The parents needed help but no one knew what to do. Some in the church thought it would have been better for the state to take the kids, others did not. Our pastor talked with them but they didn't go to our church so they felt no need to follow his advice. I have seen good foster homes and I have seen some pretty bad ones. I personally don't know what I would do. That's about as honest as I can get. If I knew someone in their life like a grandparent or a pastor or even a neighbor who was a friend, I would seek them out and ask for counsel on what to do.

As far as guessing what the state would do, it's impossible. Yes, they would take the kids without giving the parents any head's up. I do know that happens all the time. My sister is a retired social worker and she hated the system she worked in. They took kids from good parents AND they returned kids to crack mothers. There was no rhyme nor reason.

Whatever you do, realize that you are now a responsible party. I guess you realize you are already involved. I'll pray for your decision.

God bless!

M.

This is a tough call, I understand why you would want to call bec of concern for those kids, I say this is a tough call because either way, it can be bad for the kids, if they get removed from their parents there is no guarantee they will end up in a "better" place. So many children gets abused in foster homes I am not saying this will happen to those children but to assume that the children are better off not being with their parents bec of the living conditions is not correct either. The best thing in this scenario is for the parents to realize this and get some help in maintaining a liveable household. I would really look into this, are they depressed, physically sick and can't clean? It's a tough call either way, good luck.

I absolutely think you must call CPS....those poor kids. Are these same MYOB moms thinking clearly. It's EVERYONES business when children are endangered. You go with your gut!