My husband and I are going to vegas in a week without our boys and now I'm terrified. We both went back and forth about our vacation and how we wanted to spend it. At first, we were going to Florida and we were going to take the boys (4 and 5 years old) and then we agreed that we wanted to spend the time alone and we wanted to have one vacation without the kids.
Now, we are leaving next weekend and for vegas and I have this big knot in my stomach because I don't want to leave my kids and I'm afraid and thinking of all sorts of crazy stuff. Even though we are leaving them with SIL who does have a nanny service, I do trust her very much but I'm still worried. Last night I could not take it anymore and told husband lets just take them with us. He went online and the airline tickets are now $450.00 each. So, now taking them is out of the question.
Any Advice on how I can enjoy this trip and not worry myself? I thought I could do this but, I did not know it was going to be so hard.
Thanks for your responses. I'm worried because I know how active they are. they are also wrestling each other and fighting. I'm always there to break up the fights and keep them out of trouble. My SIL has alot of breakables in her place as she does not have any kids.
I guess I'm more concerned with them hurting themselves with the climbing and jumping off things.
I guess if they were babies I probably would not be so worried because I know they can't around too do too much.
You need this vacation WITHOUT the kids. You are just anxious because it is the first time. I get anxious every time before we go away without them but that goes away about halfway through the first day of you trip. Go enjoy they will be fine!
I'm the exact same way...I worry about everything and think about every possible bad thing that can happen...and its not because I don't trust the person that i would leave them with...its just because I think of all the "what ifs" ..
My oldest is 6 and we still haven't had a vacation alone, we also have a 20 month old and one due in October....So it will probably be a while before we can get out alone.. However, when we finally do .. Vegas will probably be the destination!!
Sorry I know I wasn't much help. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone! lol
I do know that its a good thing for parents to be able to do trips alone and trust that everything will be ok. I see my friends do it all the time and everything has been fine. I just wish I could do that same without being such a dang worry wart
You will be fine. It is normal to have some worry, however don't let it consume you.
Look at this as an adventure for your children to spend time with relatives and an adventure for you and hubby to do some fun things as a couple and reconnect.
It is great that you are going without kids...you and hubby need it. your children witll be fine. Just call and check on them. If you portray negative and worry, they will pick up on that andin turn they will begin to feel scared.
GO and enjoy some alone time with your hubby.
Would SIL be ok with check in calls? That is what I do with whomever is watching my daugher when we take an over night or 3 day vacation (which is only once or twice a year).
The first two times I called twice a day in the morning after breakfast and evening before bedtime, I asked it that would be ok (or said they could call me too at any point). I knew my daughter would not get homesick or want me after I called (if you think your kids will want you are get homesick after you call it is best to no talk to them and have SIL not say who it is) I did it very much for my well being so I could enjoy my time away.
Now I only call if it is more then one night away from her and I only call right before bedtime (or have the person watch her call me) to talk a little about the day, say good night, love ya and sweet dreams. If I am away I HAVE to be doing something to keep my mind from always thinking about my daughter (sightseeing, shows, reading, eating, swimming).
I also wrote I a little note and had the person watching my daughter give her a note a day from mommy, my daughter loved it and I knew it was a way to let her know I was thinking about her.
It's is natural to worry. I am going away for two nights this weekend with the husband, and I have the same "pit". I just remind myself of a few things....
1. the kids will be fine - they will even have fun!
2. it is healthy for everyone. Each marriage is different, but ours needs some time for US to be together as a couple to recharge our batteries and remind us that we are also in need of some alone time where we can focus on US and each other - make the best of it....
3. when you get back you will be refreshed and renewed and be in a place where you can be an even better MOM.
GO - enjoy - you deserve it. You will worry, but it just means you are a good mom. Don't take the kids.... do this for yourself and your hubby!!!
Oh and play black 8 on roulette - always lucky for me!
Dear B.,
It's impossible not to worry, but your boys are a little older....not babies, and they may have fun staying with their aunt. I know my kids loved staying with theirs.
Little worries will creep in, but the time will go by quickly. Just try to relax and enjoy your time with your husband. All couples need that time together.
My husband and I travelled alot on business and I had a far harder time with it than my kids did. They were fine.
And, it wasn't every day I got to dress up for black tie cocktail functions so I allowed myself to enjoy doing that and being around other women from all over the country.
I always got a little worked up too right before leaving, but once I got on the plane, I was fine and I called to check in with the kids.
Go to Vegas....have a great time!
I think you'll be glad you did.
Best wishes!
You are SOO normal for worrying ~I worry all the time! but you are leaving them with your Sister in law- not only is she family but she is experienced so rest assured that everything will be fine!! and you can call ###-###-#### times and Im sure she will understand! Your children are not babies so they are easier to care for and a bit more self sufficient!! It is always hard leaving your kids to go somewhere else- I had to do it when my grandfather passed in December but luckily all my crazy worries were just that!! You're a mom- its natural to worry and think crazy things!!!! Just call them when you're feeling worried and talk to them- you will see that you will be able to enjoy yourself!!
Have fun !!!
UPDATED: I just happen to have some time and thought I'd check out mamapedia and noticed your update..
That puts a pretty different spin on things, B.! I totally get your concerns. How 'bout this: can you call you SIL and ask her if you can come over to help her pack up a few breakables? Or at least give her a heads up that your boys are active?
Also, I'd start putting the bug in your boys ear about spending time with their aunt. Let them know that fighting isn't allowed at her house and that you expect them to be on their best behavior. Tell them if you get a good report from their aunt, you will bring them a goodie from your trip.
Tell your SIL to establish her rules with the boys up front so that there are no surprises.
Finally, I'd check out the nanny service. Make sure she had references and that you are comfortable. Hopefully, the nanny will be there when you drop the boys off so you can meet him/her.
Everything else still applies. Call when you need to, and have a fabulous time with your husband!
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So completely normal. I still remember crying my eyes out the first time we left our daughter with my mom. I was convinced that I was a horrible mom and thought there was no way I would enjoy myself on this trip.
Wow, was I wrong! By the time we got there (and a few drinks later), I was having a great time and my husband was too. We really got to know each other all over again. We talked about our daughter almost constantly, too!
Yes, I missed her terribly. But like you, I trusted her caregiver and I knew she would be safe.
I really agree with Katie B. Call and check in from time to time and don't hesitate to do it. Talk to your boys and let them know you are having fun, but you also miss them. Then go get them a really cool souvenier.
The hardest part will be saying goodbye. Put on a brave face and then after you drop them off, have a good cry in the car on the way to the airport. Once you are on the plane, touch up your make-up, get ready to have a great time in Vegas! You'll be okay, honest!!
I've taken many trips without DS (2), and I get that feeling before each trip. Especially as he gets older and more fun to be around.
Rest assured, you will worry, you will call every day...but you will also HAVE FUN. I find that when we're gone, just talking to DS for a minute or two helps me immensely. And once you hear that they're doing just fine without you, you'll loosen up, I promise.
You WILL enjoy yourself. The first trip is the hardest and then it gets easier. They're in good hands and they have each other. Call as often as you need to and talk to them. It will make you feel better.
But indulge, and use this time with your hubby to reconnect!
Aww. It's only natural for you to feel this way. The first time I left my daughter with my MIL, I must've called her about 10 times a day.
But the important thing to remember is you trust your sister in law. She has a nanny service so she has help, and you trust her. You wouldn't have agreed in the first place if you didn't think your kids will be fine and have a good time.
It'll be healthy for your relationship with your hubbie, and imagine just those few days where you're on vacation and you can wake up when you please, go where you please and do whatever you want? Enjoy the time you have with your hubbie, call them and check up on them, but don't obsessed. They're probably just excited about having no mom and dad around for a few days. :)
And then when you return, you'll feel so much more energized and revived and ready to be that supermom again.
How long are you going for? How do your children seem to feel about it? If they are okay about it, I have no doubt it will bother you more than them. Having said that, I would NOT be okay with some nanny service. We would never leave our children with someone who wasn't family (unless it was my best friend of 30+ years who might as well be family). That would mean that person would be taking care of them the whole time though. We don't live near my best friend though and we don't have blood family we'd feel comfortable leaving our children with so at ages 2 1/2, almost 7, and 9 1/2, our children have NEVER so much as spent one night away from us.
We hear it from people all the time about how we "need" to take time away from them. It's just never been something we've been comfortable with and we enjoy going to dinner with our children, vacationing with them, etc. Our children are good children so we aren't the type who are wishing for summer vacation to end either.
They are only little for so long. I have to laugh at the people who tell us our marriage will suffer too because of all our friends, I think we have one of the best, most passionate relationships even after 15 years of being together. We still make time for each other, spend a ton of time together doing things we enjoy and not talking about the children; it's just the children are upstairs sleeping when we do that usually. Or just yesterday I was planting new flowers and my husband decided on his own to come out and do it with me. It was very sweet to me that he did that, it made the task even more fun, and it turned out beautifully. :)
My husband and I have no complaints doing things the way we do them.
Kids usually behave better for others than they do for their parents so I'd say to make sure you tell your SIL not to be afraid to be stern with them and let them know the rules of being at her house. Its hard to leave them. I went on a cruise for 7 days when my son was 6 and I had anxiety attacks daily leading up to the trip. I almost didn't go, but when I went, I guess I was so relaxed that I didn't even end up calling every day. If you are going to Vegas, you will probably be able to call often and check up on them. They will be fine, leaving is the hardest part, go have fun with your husband, you deserve a break!
I saw your "What Happened" response and have another suggestion you might want to try.
Talk with your SIL about your concerns and ask her opinion of how she would handle your boys' energy levels and discipline when something is broken.
Try a dry run. Ask if your SIL can watch your boys for an evening sometime this week and then sit down with your SIL to talk about any problems she may have had with them and how you and your husband discipline your boys.
Maybe offer your SIL to stay at your house for the week so the boys will be in a kid-proofed home with fewer breakables. Then if something gets broken you won't feel guilty and your SIL won't feel put out.
These are just a few ideas, I'm sure once you get out of panic mode you will be able to think of a few more.
Have faith your SIL can handle your boys and everything will be ok.
Good luck and enjoy yourselves in Vegas! =)
C..
They are going to do great and you are going to have a great time.. Your feelings are completely normal. It is for the health of your marriage that you do things , for just the two of you.
They are lucky they have each other. I always feel bad cause we have an only child, so no one to turn to.. This will be a learning experience and will give your children some confidence..
This is an important step for you to take, learning to trust your children with someone else and relax without them with you. Pack things to keep you busy on the plane and during the down time of your trip. DON'T call them all the time, limit to once a day and keep it positive and upbeat. Keep your time busy.
Best wishes!
I wouldn't like the nanny situation.
That being said, are the kids good buddies with their cousins? If so, that should help! It's a great way for them to really bond. And don't forget they have each other too (as siblings). Are your children fairly flexible and adventurous? If so they will probably be fine.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a strong and stable marriage with their father. If you believe that this trip will strengthen your relationship then have faith that everything will work out the way it is supposed to. Children are resilient.
Good luck and if you do go don't worry! Anxiety seldom helps any situation!
I am not a good one to comment on this because we have never gone with out our kids...BUT! It is MUCH needed! I`m sure you and your husband will enjoy Las Vagas! I don`t think I would ever take the kids there! Just enjoy it and enjoy on "getting to know eachother" all over again! Next time take a family vacation! We have done the Lake Cumberland, KY houseboat trip for a week! That is a perfect family vacation!
You will probably find that they behave much differently for others. Speaking from experience the sick feeling goes away as soon as you hit the road. :) Enjoy your trip!!
My husband and I went to Chicago for a weekend when my girls were 5 & 2. I was a wreck at first, but once we were on our way, I had a lot of things to keep me preoccupied and I was fine. It is when we have time to worry that we do.
I have an anxiety disorder and see a psychiatrist for it. I am always picturing what may go wrong, particularly when it comes to the kids. I know it often can't be rationalized away. However, you know Vegas is a fun place...you DON'T know that something bad is going to happen at home. Go with what you know & have fun.
What are you so worried about? They will miss you...or you miss them? Hurt somehow? It sounds like they will be in good hands with SIL AND a nanny. They will probably think of it as an adventure and won't miss you a bit! Relax and enjoy some alone time with hubby...that doesn't happen alot when you have little ones. No worries...HAVE FUN!!
Remember, kids are ALWAYS better behaved for others than they are for their own parents. Further, I'm a firm believer that it's important for kids to have time away from their parents as they grow up. It helps them learn to be more independent. I know that might sound silly to say about a 4 and 5 year old but I believe it's important (especially when it's in a controlled environment, with a relative who loves them). And even more, it's important for mom and dad to have time to themselves too! If you are not a strong couple, it's harder to be good parents to your kids. Remind yourself that Vegas is not a great place for a 4 or 5 year old - they had tried to be family friendly for a while in the 90's but it's gone back in the other direction. And definitely remind yourself that it's OK to take some time away from the kids for your own sanity! They'll probably have a blast at their aunt's house - something different is always interesting. And my rule of thumb has always been that if the kids are with someone that you trust, you need to let go and relax... These opportunities so rarely present themselves so take advantage :) I know that's all a lot easier said then done however you don't want to ruin your vacation with worry over the kids. Set up a time to talk to them each day, have them tell you what they've been up to, tell them what you've been up to, tell them you love them and miss them, and then get back to relaxing!
I remember when my husband and I planned a trip to Bristol to watch the races and it seemed like such a great idea at the time, then as the day approached that we were to leave I wanted to back out. I even wanted to offer my tickets to my SIL! (5 days away from my kids was too much, I thought) My husband talked me into going anyway and even though I missed my boys dearly, I have never regreted that time away. My husband and I would love to get away again, but now we have added another child to our family and I don't have family that offer to take them all at one time. (we can't afford to pay a sitter and afford a get away) My advice to you is go, and while you are away you will enjoy yourself. You won't regret it!!!!
