Feeling like a failure...again

I rarely get on teachers because they have a job where have to deal with 27 students and 54 parents. However, if the objectives were clearly sent home you would have known all what the day entailed.

I know the feeling. You keep running it over and over in your mind and wishing you could do the day over again. Totally normal, and as you've read, it happens to all of us. I will tell you two things:

Please don't spend too much time apologizing to your daughter for missing, or that is what she'll remember because that is what you talked most about. Ask questions about the day- did everyone like the cookies? what questions did the kids/teacher ask you about your poster? what was your favorite part to talk about? etc. She will remember how special she felt, and you WERE a part of that!

I also want to share that my daughter is now 13. I keep wanting to give you my example of something that I had to miss of hers. But you know what, I can't remember what it is!! Seriously, I know that when she was in first or second grade, I had a situation like yours and had to miss something, but I can't for the life of me remember it. I asked my daughter if she remembered and she said no! My point is that I know it stinks now, but I promise you, this will fade. Promise!

I hope it fades quickly for you, because I know it's hard to pull yourself out of this kind of mommy guilt. You did just fine, mom.

You'll make the next one-take care-it's okay!

You'll live. And so will she.

I went to get a manicure when they were handing out awards at school. I had no idea that my child would be one of the few to get a trophy! I cried the whole ride home. I felt terrible that I missed it. But I got over it. You have to have balance in your life. Be sure to let your kids know when work will get in the way and somehow manage to balance it all out. Your kids will understand and they will appreciate what a hard working mom you are.

Hang in there.

If that is the worse thing you ever do, you are really doing great. Cut yourself some slack. You can make it up to her by doing a little something special, I.e., ice cream. Might not have even bothered her at all.

Do you know what stood out for me in your post? That you and your daughter went out and bought craft supplies and made a great poster together and then you made cookies together! What a lovely memory for her!

You are not a jerk. You are a mama with a lot on her plate who CARES about her kids. If you didn't care, you wouldn't be beating yourself up.

I hope you heal quickly! Hugs!

Here is what I see:
-You spent quality time with your daughter making a special poster that showcased what makes her special. Just making this poster together was probably a boost to her self esteem as you most likely talked about things that make her unique
-You made homemade cookies together. Again, quality time, and you chose her FAVORITE treat. Pretty nice of you, not to mention time consuming.

All in all, you probably spent a few hours of quality tome together on this project. You did not drop the ball.

I work from home as well and while it is pretty great in a lot of ways, I have found that I am a lot harder on myself with things like this than I need to be...it's like, since you are at home, you almost feel like a hybrid of "working mom" and "stay at home mom" and I have often felt like I was dropping the ball if I did not do the same things a stay at home might, like volunteering in the classroom regularly etc. Cut yourself some slack. You did great.

Oh it happens. Don't let it bring you down, today is a new day!!

I had surgery last October and was dependent on my kids and husband for a good two weeks for everything. I missed trick or treating with them for the first time in 9 years because I could barely move. It sucked. But it only lasted a short time and then I was back to me. The boot and crutches won't be forever, give yourself a break.

Yelling at kids is okay sometimes. They need to know people aren't always happy with them. If you do it regularly, I'd look at finding another way to cope with stressful times, but sometimes, they (and you) will survive.

As far as the school thing, I'm sorry about that too. When my daughter was in 3rd grade (two years ago) it was a HORRIBLE year for her. She had a horendous teacher and she had to change classes around Valentine's Day. She was straight A's all year and I never heard about the last award ceremony. My husband works two hours away so he doesn't normally go through the kids bags or attend school things. My friends were texting me pictures of my daughter with her teacher and her award - but I felt like a complete failure. My daughter (then 8) told me she was sad I wasn't there, but she understood. She knew I didn't know before the ceremony and asked to call me, she was told no - another issue I have with that school. But, she forgave me, we had a fun night to celebrate her huge accomplishment, and we have moved on.

There are lots of times, I fear, where we will all feel like failures, get frustrated and say/do things we regret, and struggle with the outcomes. But honestly, we are people and things happen. If we mess up, just apologize, and move forward. Sometimes that comes with a treat for the kiddo's :).

You're exhausted. You're on crutches. You're stressed. You're probably in pain, if not from the foot then from the arms & shoulders. You're trying to do too much.

You can't be there for everything your children do. The teacher was letting you know about a moment in your child's life - she does that for lots of parents who miss things. Your child will continue to do things in school without you - that's okay, it builds independence and confidence. And she gets the pleasure of telling you about it afterwards.

You are not a failure. You are beating up on yourself because of one thing. Look what you DID do - you got the ingredients purchased and the cookies baked (despite being in one foot, and made sure they were her favorite), you made sure the poster got done, you got a 2 year old to survive a meltdown. Meantime, you can use your injury to teach your children that families take care of each other! When they're sick or down for the count, you're there for them. When you're not up to speed, your children are learning that you are a human being with needs. That's a pretty good lesson for a parent to pass on to children!

You are not a bad mom. I am right there with you on the ankle injury.. I've been in a boot and night brace for the most part of a year and just graduated last week to the day and night brace only. I feel your pain on that one... injuries suck and can really put a damper on the mood.

As for the poster.. I also teach a lot as a substitute in K-1. When our students share their poster, snack and show and tell... the parents are not there during this part of the class. It is a showcase for the student to shine with his/her peers. So please don't feel bad about that part.

We never tell parents they cannot be there but most of them are not there during this process at our school. I know your frustration because I work from home as well and it is easy to run to the school if needed.

I hope your day gets brighter!

Take a breath. You sound like a tired mom that truly wants to be in two places at the same time. Cut yourself a break. Your daughter will not recall this..let it go. Right now it might seem huge. Really it is not. Your kids know they are loved are cared for. You sound like an attentive mom.
I want you to do a mediation exercise. Stand ( or sit because of your leg) look at yourself in the mirror. Now say I am loved. I am cherished. I am a good mom. Now smile and be at peace.

I know how hard those things are. Last year when my daughter was in 1st grade I had to miss the school spelling bee where she ended up coming in 2nd place. Luckily, my hubby and in laws were able to go but I know she wanted me there. I have also had to miss special reports and my older daughter getting an award at school. Don't beat yourself up about it. she will forget about it soon.

For my son's star of the week, I went in a sat with him for lunch one day. It was easy and nice. The previous year I went in and read his favorite story to the class. Maybe you can ask the teacher to see if you can do one of those to make it a special week for you too. I know how it feels to miss a special moment. You can't be at every event though (especially with an injury), so give yourself a break and heal quickly!

Just apologize to both of your children. One for losing your temper and the other for not understanding how the special snack worked. You'll feel better and they'll feel better and you just demonstrated that while no one is perfect you do need to make amends.

Please. Take a deep breath and breathe....

Please stop beating yourself up over this. Stuff happens. I promise it's NOT the end of the world. Please apologize to your children - for being short and for not knowing what was going on with special snack.

Congratulate your daughter again on her Star of the Week.

To help prepare for the next day - have your kids set out their clothes the night before....even yours!! Promise - it helps cut down on tension and chaos in the morning! If you make lunches - make 'em the night before as well.

Now, BREATHE...this too shall pass. Please don't beat yourself up over it. You are doing fine!!

Sounds like you were a great mom making a great poster and baking hime made cookies, and you are way too hard on yourself.

Oy! I know well that shoulda, coulda, woulda tone! I have put in too much effort and ended up not reaping all the joy I could have back from it.
It's very frustrating but it happens to us all. That feeling happens most with the oldest because, by the time you get further into this crazy life with kids, the more you let them own their own joys and some of the sorrows, too.
It's her life. Be there when possible, but she will have her moment, with or without you. You can let these little things eat at you, and consequently start snapping at everyone or you can let it go. Let it go.

You are a great mommy. You gave your little girl a vehicle to artistic self expression to her classmates. She was a STAR for that moment. How many kids go to school and their parents don't give a rip?
Spread some of that wonderful mommy love around!
You are doing the hardest job, I know. I've lived a long time and seen many hard jobs but raising good kids..by far the hardest.

I want to say this gently to you because I know you have had a hard day. Please stop beating yourself up and feeling sorry for yourself. It does absolutely no good and you are just setting yourself for more of the same. You say that you try to be too much and end up being nothing. Why would you talk like that? You're going to have this child in school for the next 12 and 3/4 years. Do you think that you have lost all opportunity to see her do presentations because you missed this one? Can you not see how really over the top and and a little silly it is to say something like this?

You sound like you need some counseling. You really should get it too because if you continue to feel like a "jerk" everytime you put yourself first, you're going to end up with depression.

You've gotten some great answers. We all do things that we look back and cringe on, but we are not perfect. You sound like you are doing a great job and the best you can do with your circumstances.

I had my "I'm a bad Mom" moment a few weeks ago. My daughter had a parade and a softball game on the same day. I foolishly agreed to do both, thinking that we could squeeze both in, running from the parade to the game. She HAD to go to the game...she'd committed to that first, the parade was just for fun. My husband had to "reality check" me the day of. There was NO possible way that we could have made it to both. My daughter was really disappointed. I felt REALLY bad, cause I should have never told her that we could do both. My fault, bad Mommy!!!

It's OK to vent here. It's usually better than venting at your family.

You're not failing; you're just not feeling well. I did an ankle thing some years ago, and I still remember how tired I became (and how quickly)! And it made sense, because healing takes a lot of physical energy! It can wear you out. Keep that in mind as time goes on.

It's silly to be mad at yourself because you can't "be at full speed" when you simply can't be at full speed. Don't waste your time stewing about what can't be changed.

And every mother misses special times once in a while. If you had decided that spending time at your daughter's school was not worthwhile to you, maybe there would be reason to question your decision. But things happen. I hope you encouraged your daughter later today, and I hope she shared the experience with you. There will be many, many other chances to see her do something special at school, and you'll be there - on TWO feet. And give your two-year-old some extra hugs and "I love yous." She isn't going to remember today as long as you will.

So I don't see anything to call you a jerk about. It was one of those days. There will be more of them, but there will be some wonderful ones, too. Keep a-goin'!

Can you ask if you can go on a different day this week and maybe read your little girl's favorite book to the class and you could donate a copy to her room? I'll bet she would love that!