Feeling a Little down in the Dumps..

You don't have to tell him about what you said to us about his Mom...But I think... you should at least tell him... that you are still grieving... and that sometimes you just do not know how to cope...and still feel very sad.... Which is.... the process of grieving.

I think, as your Husband, he needs to know....
it has not been long... since your Mom passed.

My Dad, passed away 10 years ago... but I still miss him. Especially when there is hardship in my life.
My Mom... too. But she went to a 'grief support group' which helped her tremendously.

You are still grieving....

Don't hide this... from your Husband or close ones. They are supposed to be our 'support' and lend a shoulder when we need it...
Or find a grief support group...in your area.
My Mom met MANY great people there... who became good friends.

all the best,
Susan

You are still in the middle of your grief.
You should know it might take a long time to get over it, if you ever completely are.
I lost two dads. My step father and my bio father, within a year and a half.
All I can tell myself is how lucky I was to have two men who loved and adored me as much as they did.
It's hard when your heart feels empty, but you can talk to someone and work your way past feeling the profound loss you feel.
I think you are brave for saying you feel jealous that your husband still has his mother. That is a very raw and true statement.
If you can't say it to him, find someone safe you CAN say it to.
You know in your heart that you don't want anything to happen to her and that your husband losing his mom won't bring your mom back.
Talk to someone about the stages of grief.

Even though you haven't been a fan of your mother in law, maybe you can find a way to love her that you never were able to see before.
I know your mom would want you to find beauty in the things you have and she'd want you to go on.
This was the thing I had to come to understand with those I've lost.
Every day that I can find happiness in any little thing is a testament to the love they gave me while they were here with me.

Please talk to someone so you can feel safe grieving.
Remember to see the beauty in every day even though it's hard when you are hurting so much.

I will keep you in my thoughts.

I totally understand what you are feeling. My mom passed away 14 years ago and my dad 2-1/2 years ago. My husband's parents are both still alive. They are nothing like my parents were and I too feel very jealous that he gets to have both of his parents and mine are gone. (Especially since mine were a heck of a lot nicer.)
Your husband will not understand what you are going through until he loses his parent. It is very hard to go back to normal when you feel part of you has been lost forever. As a christian I know that I will see them again some day but it is still hard. I try at holiday times to keep my spirits up and I have been going to a counselor but it still is upsetting. You definitely want to find someone that you can talk to about this. There is a good book that I read called "Grief for a Season" It really was helpful in validating my feelings. I think you can get it on Amazon.com.
In the mean time, get lots of hugs! G.

Hi, Limyk:
I would have to say that saying goodbye is the hardest thing for us all. Death is the highest stress marker of all the stresses in life.
It is hard to acknowledge to the ones closest to us that we are jealous of what they have.
Confide in your husband all of your feelings. They need to be expressed to open your emotional brain so you can get healing.
The wheel of life turns from happiness, to loss, to suffering, to hope, and back to happiness.
You are suffering right now from the loss of the most important person in your life. See if they have a grief support group in your local area and attend.
You will never forget your mother, and healing will come with time. You are doing what you need to do and be patient with yourself.
All the Best.
D.

Don't be so hard on yourself (or under-estimate your husband, for that matter). Your feelings are very natural. The Hospice program reached out to us for a full year after my mother-in-law passed away, and they let us know that the feelings of grief will continue for longer than that. Often these feelings are most difficult during holidays and special occasions, but my husband also has a difficult time when we're with my family. Even though he enjoys my family (more so than the typical in-law situation, we'd both agree), he is still envious of the closeness that we have. His dad passed away 13 years ago and his mom's been gone for almost three. I tell you these things not to scare you that you'll feel so down for a long time, but to reassure you that you will feel better and then you will have a "wave" that hits, as he puts it. He and I talk about many of them, but sometimes I know that he just needs some time to feel sorry for himself (and for our kids, who will know their wonderful grandparents only through what we tell them). I suggest that you try to let your husband in so that he can share this journey with you.

The other thing that Hospice suggests is to find personal ways to remember your loved one. Depending on what was important to your relationship with your mom, you and your children can bake her favorite cake on her birthday or release a butterfly at her grave every summer or set a place for her at your table when you're celebrating birthdays or holidays. I encourage my husband to remember his parents on the days that were special not on the anniversary of their death, just to try to be more positive. I know that all of this is easier said than done ;)

I think that the important thing is that your mother was such a beautiful person for you to miss her so much. She made you the woman that you are today, so you have a right to grieve but an obligation to carry her presence on with you. You and your family are in my prayers...

Hi. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I think that it is still pretty fresh for you and will take some time to adjust. You're never going to get over it, think of her less, wish she were here, etc, but you learn ways to deal with those feelings. Whenever I start to feel negative about things I try and always think of a positive. For example, your kids still have your mother-in-law there to support them along with you and your husband as well. No matter how big a fan you are or are not, she is still part of your family and over time I'm sure you will come to see that her still being with you is a blessing. And it sounds as though your mom was able to meet her grandchildren, that is a huge blessing! I'm not saying it's not going to hurt, but you have to eventually try and focus on the positive of everything, for yourself, your husband, your children, and your mom,
I don't have the same situation, everyone's is always different along with relationships, but I lost my mom just over 4 yrs ago. She went into the hospital on a Wed and passed away Fri morning. There wasn't much time to really fully grasp what was going on. At that time I had been married for a little over a year to my husband and literally days before she went into the hospital, I went off the pill. I was able to tell her that we were going to try and have children but her not being here when both of my girls were born was and still is remarkably hard. My mom passed away in Oct and we found out we were pregnant in Jan the following yr, so I don't think I fully went through my grieving process. I had something to be so excited about. Then after my first daughter was born, the hardships of being a first time mom without my mom there was overwhelming. Now the questions from my over 3 yr old are coming in about why are you sad about Grandma, why did she die, where is she, why doesn't she still live at Grandpa's, did she do something wrong? These questions are heartbreaking and has me re-living everything but I want my daughter to know that I'm there to talk to her about anything, even though she is only 3. It's just hard to keep the answers easy, because we are at the why, what, who stage. :)
Good luck to you with going through your personal grieving process, it is not easy but you sound like you have people around you that love you and care about you. If you feel bad talking to your husband regarding this, try and talk to a friend or attend a grieving seminar. It does feel better to get things off your chest! Take care.

Hi. My heart goes out to you and I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My mom passed away of cancer 2 years ago and I still miss her. Days will get better for you, but it takes time to heal and grieve and each person does it their own way. There are still times when I get sad esp when it's near her birthday, mother's day or the date of her death. I find those times to be hard but try to line up extra supports. I agree that you should seek out support from a grief counselor, support group or clergy. One thing that I had done was I had a friend make a memory quilt out of some of my mom's clothes that I assoicated with her. It gives me comfort to look at it, touch it esp when I am missing her. You may also want to talk to your 6 year olds school counselor if he he/she may want someone to talk to. Seeking out support is good for all. Take care of yourself.

I understand K. of were your coming from. I lost my grandpa beginning of last year. And if there is one word of advice I could give you it would be "sing" I do it when I'm sad and it really lifts my spirits. As my mom tells me "keep on keepin on"

I think you are very insightful for being able to recognize what you are feeling. I think this is completely understandable to have these emotions. I am so sorry that you lost your mom. I dread the day I lose either of my parents.

I agree with the other advice about a grief support group. At the very least, definitely do talk to your husband about your feelings of loss. I wish I had more advice to give, but I really do think your feelings are completely normal. I do love my inlaws, but they are so unhealthy (their choices.) I am sure if they pass before my parents (who do everything to be healthy despite genetic illnesses) I will probably feel, "why are they still here and my parents gone?" It is just a normal way to feel.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have the type of relationship you had with your mom. Be grateful for the good times you had. It's normal to be sad, don't beat yourself up over it.

{{{Hug}}} I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray that you can find peace and feel better again. It might feel better to be able to talk to someone. I would see a counselor. Someone to explain to you that what your feeling is normal so thats not causing you guilt and making you feel worse. Take care. :)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you hugs. It is so understandable how you are feeling. If you feel bad talking to your husband about this, I would definitely make sure I have a friend, pastor, or councilor I could speak too. Keeping those feelings to yourself could cause them to turn into depression.

Take care of yourself-- your mom would want you to!

I feel your pain and sadness. My mom was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 very aggressive Cancer. My mom is the one that is very involved with my child, vacations with us, etc... My MIL is a "hands-off" grandma. So, I also understand the jealousy thing, as well.
I just called a counselor and will be starting 5 counseling sessions to help me through all of this. I don't know if you are able to go that route, but maybe that will help.
Again, I totally understand. My heart breaks for you.
R.

Sorry to hear about the death of your mom. Everyone experiences grief differently and time is different for everyone. I just wanted to let you know that your not alone when feeling jealousy about your MIL. My husband lost his dad four years ago and he was and still is at times very jealous of my parents still being alive and well. He, too, feels horrible about feeling this way, but like I tell him those are his feelings and it's ok to feel them. The thing that seems to help my husband the most is just talking about it. Do I totally understand, no, because I have never gone through it, but I still try to be empathetic. If your husband can't do that for you then I, too, think you need to seek out a support person you can go to.
Blessings,

Dear Llymk,

I know exactly how you feel!

This is the 5th year after my mom's death and I miss her and think of her almost EVERY day! She was a woman who would have been my friend if she hadn't been my mother. And she adored my children. I also understand your jealousy of your husband's mother. I had that as well, until my husband lost his mum a year later to cancer. I loved his mum too. She was a wonderful exciting adventurous woman who adored our children as well and made them feel like the sun, the moon, and the stars. A mighty blow to us all still.

I was sad, but more angry. I was angry at everything and everyone, even my beautiful children. This anger led me to a grief councelor. And it was the best decision I ever made. I went for about 2 months but that was enough for m to have a safe place to say all the mean hurtful jealous angry words I needed to say and to also find the tools I needed to move forward and begin to find happiness and calm again.

I strongly suggest you find some grief counceling. It helped me immensley and for me it was better than a friend or husband or sibling because I didn't have the feeling of burdening another because I knew it was their job to listen to me for 45 minutes without me feeling guilty taking up their time. It also gave me the confidence to say to my husband that I was sad and did not know how long I would be sad after my mom's death. I still have sad days and tell him so when he doesn't seem to be aware.

For me, talking to a therapist was very freeing and empowering. I hope it can be the same for you. Give yourself time. The closer we were in life, the stronger the grief after death.

Take care,
ann m.