Father Is near Death- Need Practical Advice

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

One thing the Hospice workers told us to do when my grandmother was dying was to say goodbye. They told us that each time we left for the night (or whatever) to tell her we love her, etc. and something like "if I don't see you again just know that we will all be OK" or "if I don't see you in this world again I will see you in heaven". It was very hard to do this the first time, but it got easier. The Hospice people seemed to think it helped the patient relax and realize that their loved ones would be OK.

Take care.

M.

You are doing all you can to prepare, and no matter what you do, you will never feel prepared when he actually dies.
I was an active participant in a good friend's last days, even helping him write his own memorial service. And when I got the call that he was gone, I was still devastated.

I am so sorry. My father has died and you have some great advice from the others below. One thing that I was able to do and am very grateful that I did, was to just sit with him, hold his hand, speak your heart and be in the moment. My Dad and I were very close and I loved his big, strong, fat :) hands. I (luckily) had time to hold them, say what I wanted to and just be in his presence. When he passed, I was SO glad I'd taken that time. Wishing you blessings and strength...

I am very sorry. I lost my dad too and had to do all this after he died. I missed him by 5 hours and my mom and I stayed up all night writing the obituary because she had not done that.

If you don't know where the will is and if you don't know about his life insurance policies, ask him in a lucid moment. You need to find those policies, and the will is incredibly important. Any other important papers, lock boxes or brokerage accounts, too. You need his social security card, retirement documentation, drivers license, etc.

If your mom and dad have a joint bank account, she should go take money out of it now, before he dies.

You'll need the funeral director to order death certificates from the county right after he passes. After you get them, you can get Letters of Testimentary from the court so that you can start executing the will. If his car is only in his name, you have to bring evidence of value (Blue book value) to determine if the car will go into probate or if it can just be put in your mom's name. Make sure you have the will, the title of the car, etc with you when you go to the court. Make sure to take him off the car insurance policy.

Make sure that you send COPIES (not originals - they'll just send them back) to all three credit reporting agencies and a letter to each one detailing that he is deceased and they need to flag his social security number and his accounts so that no one can try to take his identity to get credit. You wouldn't believe how much that happens.

Don't put your dad's full birth date in his obituary. If you put too much personal info in the obit, it helps fraudsters to pretend that they are him.

Right after the funeral date is set, get on the phone and call people for your mother. She probably has an address book with phone numbers. The faster you can call people, the more chance that they can drop what they're doing and come to the funeral to help support you and your family. This will really help your mom. It will be hard for her to make these calls.

Try to find someone to stay IN the house during the viewing and the funeral. Sometimes people look at the obits to see what time a funeral is and they break into the house during the viewing or funeral. That's really terrible.

The hospital has social workers who you could talk to about helping you emotionally prepare in these last few days. I sang to my dad over the phone to help us both. I couldn't do any of the business stuff until I arrived. Thankfully we had a lot of ducks in a row for a long time before that since my folks are elderly.

I found that staying busy with all the paperwork helped me. I stayed on the phone with my mother for an hour talking to the credit card people to get my dad off the account and my mom on the card herself. That can't be done until after the funeral. I took her to the bank to open up the new bank account (you MUST do that because it's illegal to use a bank account if someone is deceased.) You need the Letters of Testimentary to do that, which means the funeral home has to get the death certificates to you. (Double check that death certificate before you use it. The first ones we got had Dad's social security number wrong and we had to order new ones.)

Ask the funeral director if they help file for the life insurance benefits. Our's spent 4 hours going through my daddy's policies, calling on the companies on the phone, helping me and my mom navigate the entire process. They made all the copies and mailed them certified to the insurance companies for us. It was a big job and we were so glad to have a CLEAR set of eyes overseeing it so that it wasn't just us. I'm sure that your funeral director's people will do it too. Just don't sign over the life insurance policies directly to them. An unscupulous outfit will keep the difference in what is owed and what the policy is for. I'm not saying yours will, but still, better safe than sorry.

Make sure that you double check the spelling of EVERYTHING that goes on the grave. Since you're Jewish, you may not have a headstone for a year, but make sure that the spelling is right. Sometimes when you're grieving, you look at what is written and don't see mistakes. There's a plaque at my dad's cemetary that the name is spelled wrong and the mistake was made because the family didn't re-check.

I know that none of this sounds comforting. I'm sorry. I just want you to know the things that were important for us, both before and right after. I only had a week with my mom after my dad died. I had to make the most of it.

My best to you through this oh so hard time.

So sorry for your tsuris (troubles). You have much practical advice below so I will just address a few of the Jewish things. Do you have a family rabbi? If not, any Jewish funeral home can provide you with rabbis who specifically deal with Jewish families during hospice and bereavement, who do chaplain work and pastoral care. A rabbi can come to the bedside to recite the vidui (whether your father is lucid or not). The rabbi can also do the funeral, with or without a cantorial soloist (some rabbis sing themselves and can do the El Malei Rachamim and even the 23rd psalm "Adonai Roi" or "Esa Einai") Having a rabbi or even the funeral director do the kriah ribbon cutting (in place of tearing an actual garment) can be very comforting.

The funeral home can also provide copies of the mourner's kaddish to be said at gravesite, and books and yarmulkes (and lace for the women if you want) if you are holding a shiva service in the home. In our community, sometimes a rabbi leads it, but there are also many skilled lay people who can lead the home shiva service. They can also be assigned to making sure there is a minyan, if that's important to you (many liberal Jews will hold the shiva whether there is a quorum of 10 or not).

If your father served in the military during wartime (such as Vietnam), then a local chapter of the Jewish War Veterans may be willing to assist at the funeral. Those rituals can be comforting. Work out with the cemetery that mourners will want to, and expect to, participate in the burial by shoveling a portion of the soil into the grave. Make sure there are sufficient shovels on hand and that the cemetery workers will not interfere with this. Again, it's very comforting to have others participate in this.

Delegate wherever you can. If you want to do all the food for shiva on your own, you can - but it depends on your community. Usually the mourners don't have to do anything and the friends take care of everything; sometimes synagogues have committees that do this for members. Others contact a local deli and arrange for shiva trays, just saying "I'll call you when the time comes" - make sure it's a deli or supermarket familiar with dietary restrictions so they don't decide to put ham and cheese on a platter. Even if you eat those things, you want the other mourners to feel comfortable and you want the rabbi to be able to eat as well. If it's easier to do this in a restaurant with a private room, you can set that up ahead of time. Give the info to the funeral director so that info can be handed out as the mourners leave the gravesite.

Definitely have someone in the home during the funeral - use a neighborhood college student or your dog sitter, anyone to put a car in the driveway and leave the front door open to show that there's someone home.

If people are coming back to the house, you can have that house sitter put out a pitcher or two of water, some paper towels, and a wastebasket on the porch. You can use a small card table or a TV dinner tray table.It does not have to be fancy. Many people will expect to rinse their hands after the gravesite, even as a ritual whether or not they actually participated and got dirty. One less thing for you to do.

You can keep the obituary on the shorter side (to save on the expense) and have the longer obit ready as a stack of papers at the house or mounted on a board with some photos. The info can also be shared as part of the eulogy, and sometimes there is a break in the shiva service at the home where people share their memories.

Try to spend a little less time dealing with the details right now and be sure you have time to spend with your father. It's hard to know what he can hear and take in, so assume that he can hear you. Sometimes old melodies (such as the Shema or Ose Shalom) can reach people who are semi-comatose or otherwise unresponsive. I do a lot of singing at nursing homes and you'd be amazed that people who seem to be asleep or completely unaware start to mouth the words to a familiar melody. I always use the older tunes from that person's generation than the newer ones, even if I love the new ones myself.

Finally, remember that you may go into auto-pilot again when he does pass away, and the grief may hit you in waves later on. You may feel you are doing okay and even be upset with yourself that you are not more upset. That's okay. Go with it. Let yourself hurt and cry, whenever it happens. Sometimes it's at the strangest times, like watching an old movie your dad loved or prepping for Thanksgiving and realizing he's not there to eat a particular recipe. Ask the rabbi for some good books or pamphlets on death/dying to have at the ready. Sometimes a chapter or two can be just the right amount at the right time.

May his memory be a blessing, and may you all go from strength to strength, from generation to generation.

I am so sorry. It is hard, but you seem to be doing all of the right things, if there is a right and wrong.

I am assuming dad has signed over a power of attorney (POA) to your mother, so she can sign for assets and such on his behalf.

It looks like DD covered a lot, but he will need an outfit for his viewing. You should pick that out now, either from his closet or purchase something.

Make a list of things people can help with for the repass. They will likely ask and it will be easier if you have a check list. You will need a case or two of water, soft drinks, pastries, juice, chips, sandwiches, paper plates, cups, and utensils, & garbage bags. Keep it simple. If someone asks what they can help with, let them help.

You may want to create a video of old photos and his favorite music. Find a place to rent extra chairs for guests. We found them for $1/chair.

Do you contact your Rabbi for a last rites prayer?

Decide if you want to accept flowers or request a donation in his name.

Hold his hand, talk to him even if he can't answer. Bring up the good times and laugh as if he is laughing with you. Wipe his tears if he cries.

I spent every day I could at the hospital and held my nieces hand until her last breath. I have no regrets.

For me, I explained procedures to my niece so she was aware of what was going on. I told her the nurses names every time they changed shifts. I told her when they were giving her breathing meds in her ventilator.

Remind yourself, death is a part of life. We were never meant to be here forever.

It's late and I know I have rambled, but I just wanted to share some thoughts.

I am sorry again.

I forgot to mention a couple of things. Yourself! Make your hair appointment now. I had trouble getting an appointment in such short notice, but once I told him what was going on, he stayed late for me. Well that cost me a nice tip. You may want a couple of nice dresses for viewing and the service.

Also, when it got a little closer to time, I talked to my niece a bit about her death. I explained that the priest was there to pray with her for her forgiveness of sins before she goes. I asked her to pray with us in her mind. I told her not to be scared and that we would see each other again. And also asked her to say hi to a couple of people for me.

You already have some *very* good advice. In fact, I'm impressed with it.

You or your mother need to call her lawyer and ask if there's anything else to do legally. The hospice people can help you do what you need to emotionally. (When my DIL's grandmother was dying, we talked to her even when she wasn't responding. We told her how much we loved her, and it seemed to make a difference in her breathing, even though she wasn't lucid.)

You are right to prepare the obituary early. It isn't ghoulish. My mother basically wrote her own obit - she dictated it to me. It was good - and also very long. The only problem was that she thought the newspaper printed obits for free (and maybe they did when she was young!). When I realized she was mistaken, I cut it as much as I could without taking anything out that she thought was important. When she passed away, I went to the newspaper office and sat with the woman at the desk; we went over it with a fine-tooth comb to cut it more, but the sticker shock at the end was still pretty great. However, she said, "You've done well! The people who wait until their loved ones have died, and then pour their hearts out in print, end up paying as much as a thousand dollars for doing it." Yikes. And that was fifteen years ago. By doing the obituary and eulogy jobs now, you can think about them, and choose your words, and make them good.

Who else will need to know about your father's passing? Family and friends, of course, but what about distant (geographically) friends, schools, old employers, old neighborhoods? Did your father belong to any clubs or groups? In fact, sit down with your mother and make a written list of the people who will need to be notified.

Think about what your mother will do after the service is over. Does she live near you? You are going to be grieving; she will be grieving even more. When your friends and her friends offer help, take them up on it. You'll need them in a few weeks (and months) even more than you will right after your father has passed away. See if there is a grief support group near you, in case it's something you'd like to take advantage of later; many synagogues and churches offer them.

I am so sad for you. You are wise to think of these things now.

Along with the excellent suggestions so far, you might set up a CaringBridge account online for him. It's a way of keeping people apprised of his condition without having to call them.

Another idea is to set up a phone tree. Choose a couple of people to begin making calls. It frees up your time for other things.

Again, I compliment you for planning ahead. Your dad would be proud to know what you are doing.

I nursed my father until he died in my arms. The most important thing is to just be with him. Be with him as much as possible. Everything else can wait. This you will never regret, and always be thankful for. Spend every minute you can with him, and just love him.

Practical things are good.
You sound on top of that. I will add, decide how many death certificates you are going to need. You will order those from the funeral home.

Many companies need an original certified copy to be able to close accounts and send balances to your mother, or to Credit his accounts. Example. When my business partner died the car loan company needed a copy. The Visa company, erased her balance once a copy was sent to them (it had to be under $100.) Her life insurance needed a copy.. I think her husband ordered 10. But you all may need less or more.

Make list of all people that will need or want to be contacted. IF your mother will allow it, contact friends and family that may want to stop by and say their farewells or to pray with your father during this time.

I agree to gather what he will be buried in. Great grandfather had lost so much weight and had not worn day clothes in so long, years, we had to scramble in the end to find underwear, under shirts (had to use some of the great grandsons things.. Pretty funny actually) and have his jacket cleaned!

Tell your father you all will never forget him. Tell him to go when he is ready and that all of you will be fine and will take care of each other.

I am sorry for your loss. It is wonderful you have had the honor of being with him and your mother during this time. If you forget anything, no big deal. Just do what you can.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It's so hard to watch a person go through this part of their life and when it's your dad.....well, it's just heart wrenching.

I truly think having Hospice there is a blessing. They have specific training that covers all this. They know how you are feeling and how to help because often they've been through similar things.

I don't have any words for you about what you need to be doing but I do know if you talk to the Hospice people they will be there to listen and have suggestions for you.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and I think you've gotten some very good, practical advice below. I'll add in some thoughts from watching my husband's family, who is Jewish, manage things after his grandparents passed. For his grandfather, they had a luncheon after the funeral in his grandparents' home (his grandmother was still alive). One of my husband's uncles had flown in from out of state and on his flight, he put together a slide show of photos of his dad that played on a loop at the house during that luncheon and at the first night of shiva, later that evening. When his grandmother died, we did a luncheon at a restaurant in a private room. She was an avid reader, so we set up a table with some books from her collection that were labelled inside with "with love from the library of _____" for people to take. We put out framed photos on that table and we had a video all about her, with interviews with her included, that my FIL had created for her 90th birthday (she was 94 when she passed), that we played after eating. It was really sweet and comforting to be able to see and hear her. So start to think about how to personalize the mourning period after with photos or personal effects that may be meaningful to mourners and visitors to reminisce with. Seeing the deceased when they were well and enjoying life can bring a lot of peace and happy memories to a sad time.

Assuming you'll do shiva, figure out where you'll do that and gather any supplies you need now such as cloths to cover mirrors, prayer books, etc. - the rabbi will know what you need to prepare the house. Also you'll need to have food and drinks. Traditionally someone other than the spouse and children of the deceased are supposed to take care of feeding mourners and visitors but at every one in the family, one of the children has at least coordinated this (picked a deli and placed an order, decides whose house will be used) so you can think about that in advance and figure out of there is an in-law, cousin or some other helpful relative who can actually pick up food and paper goods and coordinate getting everything set up, served and cleaned up. For my husband's grandparents, the grandchidren's spouses (myself included) did the legwork of running the shiva but we needed to take direction from one of adult children.

So sorry that you're going through this.

Don't put the street address in the obit and try to have someone stay at the house while the family is at the service.

Being emotionally ready? You won't be. Although you know what's going to happen you will not be emotionally ready for the end. You'll be on auto pilot getting stuff taken care of for the entire time and be grieving for year to come. Having the time to spend with him now is great because you won't look back and think you didn't spend enough time.

The best advice I can give you is to remember to be kind to yourself. You are entitled to feel however you feel. Mad, sad, hysterical, etc it's all ok. There's no right way to grieve the loss of someone and no time table to getting over your feelings.

I'm so proud of us here. As much as we fight, you know what ladies? We pull for each other when the chips are down!

God bless your dad and God bless us, too.

oh, my dear, i'm so sorry. i had to do this a year and a half ago, and it was wonderful and terrible beyond all expectations.
it sounds as if you're handling it very well. getting the funeral arrangements set up beforehand is huge- those details are very difficult to focus on in the aftermath. you're taking care of your dad, supporting your mom, and you got to give him words of love when he could hear and understand you. that pretty much covers the bedrock must-dos.
you are correct in thinking that you're in crisis mode right now and will go through your own grieving and break-down later. good for you for stepping up to the plate now.
you really can't prepare emotionally. i wish you could. you'll just have to take the tsunami of grief when it hits and deal with it as best you can, just as you're dealing with practicalities now. there's just no way to mute it.
sending you prayers and support.
khairete
S.

I haven't had a chance to read through the other answers, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating anyone's advice. If your father has any accounts that are under his name only (vs a joint account with your mother), have him add your mom as an account holder. This way there's no legal hassle with transferring the assets; they'll already be hers. If the house is in his name (or any other large assets), he can put them into a living trust. In other words, while he is alive, they're his, and upon his death, they become your mother's. Again, no transfer of ownership, so that makes it easier legally. It's a good idea to locate any and all paperwork now (life insurance, bank account statements, retirement/ pension information, will) so you're not left trying to deal with finding it later. If his assets are significant, you may want to involve your family attorney for further advice.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish you peace during this difficult time. I'm sure your help is of great comfort to your mom right now.

Oh dear. I'm so sorry! Sounds like you have your thoughts in the right process! My dad passed a year ago. He had his burial plot and funeral package pre arranged. Which was a god send because once he did pass I would have never been able to do it. My dad passed very suddenly. And I mean laughing and joking and an hour after I left went into cardiac arrest. It was hard. Emotionally I couldn't give you advice to prepare. I'm still having trouble a year later. But just know, you don't have the be the strong person. You will be grieving too. I always thought I had to be the strong person, and then one day I just broke. So just remember if you need to take your time to be weak and morn you go ahead and do that. My best wishes go out to you and your family in this most difficult time!!

You've gotten some good advice here...

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I lost my Dad last April after he had been bedridden for 7 years. The first and foremost thing I will say is sit with him. Talk to him. Read to him and let him know you're there. My Dad was living with us but ended up in a hospice facility the last few days. I know my Dad was waiting on me to get off of work to say goodbye to me. No one though he knew who anyone was, but he did. I told people many times the heart knows....

I'll add that if there is any military back pay that is hanging, it will not be paid after his death. They close the books. If they have not paid for any hospital bills that they are responsible for it will be a nightmare after his death.

The obit can wait. I found it comforting to write after he was gone. We spent more money and wrote everything we wanted to say. It gave me a little more closure.

I know this is a hard time. The only thing else I will say is take whatever you can off your Mom.

God bless!
M.

If your parents have all their money in a joint account have your mom take some money out now and open an accont in her name only. This way if the accounts are frozen at the time of his death she will have money to live on.
Contact the VFW (Veterns of Forign Wars) and the VA (Veterns Affairs) and ask questions about funeral arrangements. The VFW will do a ceremony to honor his service at the funeral. They can also advise you about cemetery plots. I believe he is entitled to a free plot and one for a spouse next to him. This also includes a headstone.
If you are planning to have a lunchen after the funeral start calling around
to banquet halls and catering services to get prices. Often places of worship will have a room your can use.
When my Mom passed I had called around to banquet halls. One place told me if I reserved a room for 100 people and only 50 showed up I would still pay for a 100. Another place had a lunch buffet and I could just pay for the number of people who went through the buffet. We also have a lot of food allergies and the owner of the second place said he would make sure there was something on the buffet that day so everyone could eat the buffet. All this pre-planning helped.
Also talk to Mom about what you plan to dress him in for the showing. Make sure the clothes are clean and ready.
There really is no way to prepare emotionally for this. Just feel what your feel and let it out as it happens.

Following up on Diane B's very thorough note (and not having read all the other posts), let me first say that I sympathize with the difficulty of this time for you all. We were there in 2011, and you are so wise to get things in order now. I think it might be helpful for you, your mother, and your father to consider which rituals would be important for them and for you. My parents are completely non-observant and never affiliated with a synagogue. I remembered from my father's mother's burial in 1990 that my mother said afterwards she thought my grandma would have liked having kaddish said (despite her non-religiousness). So, 21 years later, I asked that we include that at my father burial in 2011, though there was no rabbi or ritual, just immediate family and my local cousins. My mother actually didn't think it was important to her or for him to say kaddish, however I figured it would be good to include it, especially since I do attend a synagogue. Regarding shiva or receiving folks at home afterwards, that depends on their degree of observance. It IS nice to have people bring food and company, however I know quite a few people who do not do anything along those lines. My mother certainly didn't.

The military folks should be able to provide a Jewish chaplain, especially in your large city, if that is important to you.

Have your kids written letters to their grandfather about what they love and value in him? Or can they tell him on the phone? That communication might be really valuable for him and them right now. Even if he can't speak and seems unconscious, I bet he can still hear and will love knowing it. They also will value knowing in the future that they got to tell him.

I assume he has a will set, with an executor, right? That is really crucial to making things easier for you all afterwards.

One thing which was really helpful for my mother afterwards was having help going through my father's clothes, boxing them up, and organizing for Goodwill/Salvation Army to pick them up. She had mentioned how hard it had been to go through her mother's things after her death, and that seemed like one thing I could spare her. So I worked with the young man who helped my parents with driving, and we cleaned out pretty much everything in a morning. I took some scarves and special shirts--should have checked if my brother wanted anything, but he has never expressed concern, so it was okay. My mother has commented since that it was a great relief to her. Now, your mother might WANT to go through the clothes at a slow pace, so you'll need to check with her on that point.

Another big thing is the whole process of informing every credit card, financial institution, pension corporation, 401K holders, IRA holders, relevant government agency (VA, Social Security, Medicare, local library, etc), and so on about his death. Any place where he had an account will need separate notification--that includes joint accounts. Almost every one of them will need a copy of the death certificate--the funeral home will help you out with getting them, and you will want to get a bunch. I spent at least a couple days talking to the various 'transitions' departments on the phone, and more kept showing up in the 6 months to a year after. Once again, it was very helpful to my mother that I got some of those processes started, even though she ultimately had to talk with them because they had to talk to the person to whom the funds were being transferred (her).

Overall, I benefited from having something concrete to DO in the week after his death. It took the edge off. You have dealt with stuff already, so you might not need it as much. Sending good thoughts for the process; it sounds like you are all in a good place.

I am so sorry you're going thru this. I went thru it about four years ago; I know it's rough. My Daddy also had a military funeral; that made it very special. Take a breath - everything will work out. You'll have to make a lot of phone calls afterward, but everyone I had to deal with was very nice and understanding and helped me get thru it all. The funeral director should be able to help you with a lot of stuff - making the phone call for a military funeral; filing the death certificate; be sure they get a few copies for you that you'll need later on.

I can't think of anything else right now you need to do but I DO know of a few things you can do later. Not sure what the rules/laws are for Illinois, BUT this is what my Daddy and I did in preparation for him leaving this earth. If your parents own a house, after several months, you'll probably be required to get the house transferred to your Mother's name but at the same time, have your lawyer put in the "Transfer on Death" (TOD) clause to you (and/or any siblings). If it's just one person, it will make it a lot easier down the road; I've been learning the hard way on that one!! That way, the house will just transfer to you (& siblings) and you won't have to pay any taxes until you actually sell it.

Additionally, if your Mother has bank accounts, get your name on them as an account holder; that way, you can help her down the road if she has trouble understanding things, becomes ill, etc., and also, they will not be frozen when she goes to be with your Dad. They'll be looked at as your accounts and won't be touched. Of course, if you pay her bills using her accounts, be sure and keep receipts and any records. That way, you won't be accused of stealing the money for your own uses.

Hopefully, your parents have Wills made out. That will also make it a lot easier right now for your Mother; assuming everything will just transfer to her. Make sure your Mother changes her will later on.

Also, be prepared to be bombarded with final medical bills. They'll keep coming in for months after your Dad is gone. You'll be constantly reminded of your painful loss :( And don't be afraid to call and fight any bills that don't look right or that you flat-out don't agree with. When I lost my Mom, they tried to bill my Daddy for a helicopter ride between hospitals. I could count on one hand the times she'd been in the air and I can guarantee none of them were in a helicopter!! I called and gave them heck for that one!!

Good luck with everything and God Bless!!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please know that many people are thinking about you and wishing you strength and peace as you journey through this part of your life.

I think you're doing all the right things. Many, many people find comfort in staying busy, and you're right that there is plenty to do.

I would talk to the hospice workers and ask them as well. My MIL used to work with hospice, and they know much more than the medical side of things.

My BIL die of AIDS, and while he was dying, my MIL thought she could grieve ahead of time. She thought she was preparing herself for his loss. When he died, she was devastated!!! There is no way to prepare yourself for the loss of a loved one, other than to remind yourself of your own beliefs of the afterlife. We are Catholic, so my husband and I reminded her that we believed he was in Heaven, with God and happier than he ever was here on earth, especially towards the end of his life. Still, when loved on dies, our feelings of loss are very genuine, and we just have to let ourselves feel that loss.

As much as you can, spend time with your dad. You will not regret any of these moments with him now. As much as you can, enjoy the time that he has left.

My parents are in their 70's. They are currently in very good health (and I am very grateful for this), but it's hard to shake that nagging feeling of knowing our time together will not last forever. Recently my son told me that he will be very sad when Grandpa dies. I told him that I will be sad as well (that's an understatement), but have to try not to think about that too much. We need to enjoy Grandpa as much as we can now. He's still with us, and we don't want to spend that time being sad. That's not exactly where you are now, but please do try to enjoy him as much as you can.

Above all else, keep praying! God will get you through!