My husband and our 11-year old daughter have decided that farting at the dinner table (and elsewhere) is SO FUNNY. It's now something that they do on purpose at every meal.
At first I would ignore it, hoping that it was just a phase that they were going through. Didn't work. Then I started saying "please, stop passing gas at the dinner table" or "if you need to pass gas, please go to the restroom." This led to my daughter standing up, announcing that she had to fart, and then running toward the restroom. My husband thinks this is hilarous, and they both collapse into hilarity.
I don't mind them having their little joke, but my patience is wearing thin on it. When they pass gas, it smells, which to them makes it all the more funny. Sometimes I've left the dinner table, to which my husband says "look, we made mommy leave!" and then they laugh.
I've tried talking to my husband alone about it, but he just shrugs and says "farts are funny!" He doesn't see the issue, and tells me to "lighten up." HE is part of the problem because he will pass gas first! He also does it when we're in the car.
What made me really decide I need to act is what is now happening in public. My daughter must not have the ability to hold her gas anymore, so she let one go when we were in a restaurant. We were sitting on a wooden booth so it was loud, and I'm sure everyone heard it. I was very embarrassed (sadly my daughter was not). Another time in a restaurant she said she had to pass gas, and stood up (apparently to go to the restroom) but then she couldn't hold it, she let it go and again it was loud and it smelled. It's just like home, except now in public!
My husband just tells her that she can't act like that in public, but doesn't see that habits are formed at home!
I've gone through many plans in my head. Eating in another room, refusing to go out in public, etc. I've also thought about telling my daughter that if this continues that she will have to go to the doctor because something is wrong with her stomach. However, I dislike using that because I never want her to hide any real problems from me because she fears the doctor.
My other idea was to just start serving very bland food since something is obviously wrong with my husband and daughter's stomachs.
Talking to my husband about it isn't working. I need another avenue of approach!
I have noticed that the only place this behavior does NOT happen is at my husband's mom's house. She is definitely a person who won't put up with it! I won't put up with it either, but sadly a wife is not the same as a mother! This demonstrates to me that there is NOT really anything wrong with their stomachs, and they can control it should they choose to.
Advice appreciated!
Thanks everyone for your diverse answers! Believe it or not, the problem DID fix itself! My daughter was at gymnastics class. She got up to demonstrate a skill in front of everyone and she farted really loud in the middle. Now, that's actually quite common in gymnastics, but she did it in front of everyone. I actually felt bad for her because she was SO embarrassed! She ran out of the gym and was crying. A lot of the kids started laughing. I just told her that it was a natural thing, and that it was okay. Later when she came back to the gym no one said anything.
I was a good mama and I didn't say "I told you so," I just comforted her as best as I could.
That night my husband farted at the table AGAIN. I ignored it (just like y'all suggested) with a straight face. My daughter looked up, scowled at him, and then said "that's not funny, dad."
I don't think it will be happening again! I'm sad she had to learn the lesson the hard way, but that's how life goes sometimes.
Have you thought that maybe they do it to get a rise out of you?
Dinner table is unacceptable...
However, with that said we are a farting family...growing up we had fart wars and mom was the SBD type (silent but deadly)....she was hard to beat.
I thought this was a joke / troll posting! I'm sorry ..... I know you're upset, but try to let it go. I'm with Emerald and Melanie S on this one. :-) Love to you.
They have laughing gas. Really, what's making it even funnier to them is that fact that you don't find it funny. I'm sorry for your frustration, but your husband is right, "farts are funny". Why should your daughter be punished when her dad, an adult, is the instigator?
My only suggestion is that you wait out their gas and it'll pass. Lol.
OK, I am not a fan of farting at the dinner table, but with that said, I think you are making way too big of a deal of all this. She is 11. He is a guy. They just think its funny, and apparently are bonding over their fart humor. She will soon outgrow this. He will not, but wont have a partner in crime anymore, so it wont be as funny. Its not hurting anyone. I would not die on this hill.
All you have to do is tell your daughter
"Eventually you will be dating, and wanting to be impressing some boy.
And right now you are giving me SO MUCH to talk with him about.
Keep it up, Dear! I'm sure we'll be having a good laugh over it for years to come!".
First, I would suggest that it's important to learn not to be embarrassed by what our children do. Their behavior is a reflection on them, not you.
An 11 year-old will think this is funny until she's at school, and it doesn't make her any friends, and causes her embarrassment.
In fact, that might be an angle you try on your husband. Letting this behavior become a habit could be setting her up for some bad experiences at school or with friends. I'm sorry, but no one want the middle-school reputation as "the girl who farts".
I totally remember going thru the fart stage, my sis and I would do it and laugh because it got my mom so riled up.
When you quit reacting it will become less fun for them. Of course, they will probably share it together for awhile for the laugh, but I pretty much guarantee your daughter wont be doing it in public for too long.
You might talk to your husband, alone, about his daughter having a bit more class and that you don't want her getting embarrassed in some other venue, but it probably wont help.
It is just a fart, and she sounds like a girl that isn't gonna let some guy let her get bloated by holding one in when it needs released. She sounds like a free spirit, and dads bring that out in their daughters.
Ok, so this made me totally crack up! (See my post on toots from a few months ago: http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/1462332396602064897)
Anyway, I also draw the line at the dinner table. Anyone caught tooting at the dinner table pays a fine. To me. Oh, and I collect it right then and there. There is a time/place to be silly and in the privacy of my own home, I let it fly (er, they let it fly, no pun intended). But not at the dinner table. And not in public -- egads!
I also got a good giggle out of the fact that they know that grandma's house is off limits for passing wind. Same thing goes at MY MIL's house. We joke that my MIL has probably never tooted in her life. If she did, it would probably be like your dog where they're so surprised that they look at their back end like "WTH was THAT?!"
Good luck with this stinky situation. Try the fines. Worked for us!
Tell your daughter that if she doesn't learn to control it now, she will be very embarrased if she does it with her boyfriend and he doesn't think its funny.
Secondly, if they continue to do this, they will have a very messy bed if they fall asleep if they ever have Diarrhea. Why, because it will become a natural reflex to pass the gas and Diarrhea feels a lot like gas. And can she imagine this happening at a friends house during a sleep over?
Good luck to you and yours.
I agree with you. I would say see if you can convince your husband that if they WANT to have that little "game" that's fine, but it is ABSOLUTELY NOT acceptable at the dinner table. Hanging out, goofing off, etc, fine, but NOT at the dinner table. I can't imagine being able to eat in that environment. I hope you can get him to see your perspective!
She'll wise up really fast when she does it at school and gets humiliated in front of a group of middle schoolers.
The sad part is that she won't be able to control it so much due to this "fun" with dad, therefore, she will make herself a laughing target at school.
I would have to see that happen to any student. I do see it happen as a long time subsitute teacher in elementary school (k-5) and it is sad to see how humiliated the gas passer gets when it is not funny to the class.
She'll stop in due time.
My Dad was a pull-,my-finger sense of humor Dad, but farting was NEVER tolerated at the dinner table. If my sister or I dared let one rip at dinner, he would have swatted us and gotten very mad. We got the message loud and clear there is a time and a place for gross humor, but the dinner table is NOT one of them.
So are you making dinner? I'd say the first person to let one rip, obviously on purpose, at the table gets to make dinner the next night.
Maybe have a little sit down chat with DD about her behavior not being very appropriate for a young lady, and that people will not be laughing WITH her, but be laughing AT her and behind her back. Crude behavior is unattractive. The problem with making it OK at home is that it makes it all too easy for it to seem normal (its not) and to forget to adhere to a different standard in public. Ask her to stop it out of respect to you. Talk to her sometime not during dinner about this. Make sure she knows you are offended, frustrated, and concerned for her, because you care.
If all still fails, I'd keep leaving the table. Not in a huff, just leaving. Hopefully at some point, your DH will realize he is losing your respect.
For daughter: Each fart at the dinner table = 1 chore drawn from a chore jar
For hubby: Eat beans for lunch & then maybe "dutch oven" HIM some night!
OK, so here's my thing...we are a farting house. EVERYONE farts in my house. People come over to my house and let them rip too. It's pretty gross, but none of us really care. It's fine. HOWEVER, I draw the line at farting at the dinner table. I don't eat in the bathroom, I don't want you farting while I'm eating my spaghetti.
I remember another mama said this in a post in the past about farting at the dinner table. I don't remember the exact story, but it was something that you could definitely use.
The next time your daughter farts at the table, pull out a toy pig and place it on the table. Don't say anything until your daughter asks what it is for. Then explain to her that it is a pig, which matches her behavior. Since she decided to act like a pig, she gets to clear the table and do the dishes/take out the trash/clean the bathroom/scrub out the garbage cans/whatever you think would make her really think about not farting at the table anymore.
Your husband is a whole other story. On the surface, is this all THAT big of a deal? probably not. But the fact that you have repeatedly asked him to NOT fart at the table and he basically says "screw you, I'll do what I want" is ridiculous. He should at least respect your wishes for 20 minutes while you eat, and not undermine you when you are trying to tell your daughter to stop behavior you find rude.
I don't know if I have any advice other than to say I'm really surprised that at age 11 your daughter is not TOTALLY mortified by passing gas in public! I guess she hasn't hit that prepubescent stage of "every single body sound I am making is being noticed by every single person in the world and I am completely embarrassed" phase.
Again, no advice here, but I imagine your daughter won't be finding it funny much longer and it will soon come to an end :)
Farts may be funny, but not at the dinner table. If this was a one time thing, I would laugh it off. But if it is happening every single night or every meal, that is too much. Its rude and disrespectful. My 9 yo son and 12 yo tomboy daughter don't do this. I would start with your husband and tell him although you know they think this is a funny game between the 2 of them, you don't appreciate it and would like it to stop. If they don't stop doing it, I would start eating in another room. If your husband won't make a change to make you more comfortable in your own home, then there is a bigger problem here than farting at the dinner table. Just my opinion. Good luck!
I would address both of them at home. I would say the joke is old. That even if you are home, YOU are a part of the household, too. Gas is natural, but it is not something to be proud of and there are certain expected social graces, like saying, "Excuse me" or leaving the table. You can say that you notice that it doesn't happen around Grandma so you know they can restrain themselves. It is about basic respect and manners. At this point, it is offensive and their attitude toward you about it is disrespectful.
My stepson used to eat like...well, he had no manners. When he would say, "But I'm home!" I would say, "Yes, and I don't want to see it, either. It's gross. Have some respect for others, and yourself." When we went out somewhere nice, he was expected to wear a button up shirt and not gnaw the bones.
It's not that they think farts are funny. It's that they insist on playing out this "joke" when it's not appropriate. I don't care if SS reenacts the pimple scene from Animal House when he's out with his friends, but that is not something to be done at MY dinner table.
I also agree that I think if Dad changed, his daughter would, too. So the issue is why does DH think that this should be encouraged, when he knows it bothers you? Is he being passive aggressive here? I don't know about you, but disrespect and bad gas are major turn offs for me.
Gross! I'm with you, I'd have a BIG BIG problem with that.
My 8-year-old is at that age where she thinks anything butt-related is just HILARIOUS. And it drives me bonkers. Luckily, my husband and I are on the same page. There is a time & place for that, and dinner time is NOT the time.
Try discussing it with him when your daughter's not around. He may be taking issue with you sort of undermining him, when this is something he bonds with his daughter over. he may take you more seriously if you approach him when she's not looking.
My husband and 12 year old daughter also think farts are funny. I never have. My husband and I are both very big on manners and I have to say that I can count on one hand the times my husband has let something slip out in front of me - that's in 25 years. He knows I don't appreciate the fart humor and, therefore, keeps it to himself. If my daughter and husband happen to be spending time together at home without me, they may go back and forth a little. No harm there, I guess. When we are in public or at the dinner table, it is a completely different story and my husband will be the first to reprimand my daughter if she lets something slip.
They keep things to themselves out of respect for me. My husband is on the same page as I am and understands that habits begin at home. He has thanked me many times for my teaching my daughter good manners because he sees a great lack of them from other children in public.
Having said all that, the problem is really your husband. Perhaps next time you're at his Mother's house, you can casually mention the problem you're having at home in front of her. Maybe he'll be guilted into better behavior at home?
I would not punish myself with not going out but my son would have to get a babysitter (one that I like but he doesnt have "fun" with). And then I would explain to BF that if he doesnt want to pay for a babysitter maybe he should stop the act. As for at home, I would give one warning then time out.
Call it harsh but Bf and Ds know better in my home... If it slips fine, say excuse me and move on. On purpose, that does not fly!
Take her to ettiquite classes.
