Family Won't Eat

My younger son finally has started eating a lot of veggies this year, after years of putting them on his plate and then throwing them away (a small serving, but still.) I really believe that it's true that you have to offer new things lots of times before kids will try them. A lot of parents seem to give up after one or two attempts.

I think, if you want to cook, cook. Don't let them make their own meal out of something else. Don't have milk or snacks before dinner (or if you have a snack, make it fresh fruit or carrot sticks, that type of thing.) They won't starve to death if they miss their bowl of cereal or whatever.

You can also pick one night of the week for "kids choice" night. They can either pick something they like - pancakes are a favorite - or they can help themselves to cereal or whatever they like.

I feel your pain. I have a 4 year old, 5 year old and 6 month old. My husband is picky too. I would recommend the book, "How to get your kid to eat, but not too much". It might not get them to eat any better but it might help you deal with it and understand your husband better.

When I've gotten to the end of my rope with cooking meals that no one eats I talked with my husband. I try to get him to understand what goes into planning, buying ingredients, preparing and serving three healthy, good tasting meals a day. They have no idea what it takes. If he's a good sport you could even have him do all the meals and snacks for one weekend (or whenever he's home all day). But you'd have to have rules like the meals have to include all the food groups etc. Men who aren't the primary caregivers just aren't as conscious of nutrition and the impact it has on kids so if he thinks he could feed them nuggets and cereal at every meal you might need to raise his awareness of the importance of nutrition before he makes any meals.

When I explained to my husband the amount of time my brain is devoted to thinking up meal ideas, making a list, going grocery shopping, preparing a meal (while taking care of three kids)to have it ready by a certain time, he started to understand. But you also need to straight up tell him that it is discouraging and (in my opinion) disrespectful for him to not eat the food that you work so hard to prepare out of love and concern for the family. Also, has he considered the impact that his behavior has on the kids? Maybe they're following his example. If you've never asked him, you might tell him you've observed that "he's not that into food" and ask why. Does he eat well at restaraunts? Or is he a reluctant eater in general? Maybe he's not aware of the impact his not eating your food is having. However, be very careful not to judge or seem like you're pressuring him to eat. I've made this mistake and if you read the book I've suggested you'll learn as I did that tactics like that never work.

Just work on trying to understand him and getting him to understand you and maybe you can work together to come up with meal concepts that work better for both of you. Just know that you are not alone!

I didn't read all the posts, but in my house the kids eat what I have them, otherwise they don't eat. My daughter has gone to bed hungry quite a few time b/c she refused to eat what I prepared. Just the other day she wouldn't eat the scrambled eggs I made her for breakfast, so I saved them and she ate them for lunch.

Your husband has to get on board here too. The parents are the examples and your kids will never eat healthy balanced meals if your husband is eating junk infront of them. If you haven't already, I'd have a heart to heart with him about this. It sounds like your family is at risk for obesity and malnourishment. Plus, you probably do the shopping for the house, so only buy what you want the family to eat. If there are no Dino nuggets in the house they can't be eaten. If there are only healthy cereals in the house then cereal for dinner isn't so bad (but be careful Total is the best). Good luck.

Mommy G.

I feel for you. I hope your husband will come around, all research points to family dinner being the most important thing you can do for your kids to be well-rounded & grounded to your values when they're older! And nutrition is so important. Not that you didn't know all that, sorry, didn't mean a pile on when you're feeling so frustrated. Have you tried the Jessica Seinfeld book, Deceptively Delicious? With that you sneak healthy food into "normal" kid types of food. I used it a little but my kids will eat at least a little bit of whatever I put on the table. It may be worth checking it out at the library & seeing if it's for you.

One thing I do that is a sort of sneaky thing is when I make tacos or just think the meal isn't as veg/fruit based as I'd like, I toss a banana or two in the blender with juice & frozen cherries then serve it in wine glasses, which makes it fancy & thereby important & desirable. The smoothies taste great & put out any fire from spicy food, you can hide other things in there, I've tossed baby pureed sweet potato & other times squash in & no one noticed. I felt very pleased that they were eating squash & asking for seconds.

As for working on your kids willingness to eat, keep introducing small amounts of fruit to your kids, there's so much good stuff in fruit, and it's sweet, they're bound to give in eventually. But make them taste it, no taste, no dessert. In fact, we had to cut an after-school snack here, save for an apple or pear, since my daughter wasn't eating dinner. You may have to make some tough calls on snacks, if they're hungry they'll eat! I don't mean starving them, obviously, just if there aren't a ton of options, they will have to eat what you make. We have set plates on the counter for later, allowing kids to get up with the understanding they may eat nothing else that evening, if they get hungry their dinner is waiting for them in the kitchen. Sometimes they just go without, other times, usually at bedtime, they're back begging for a snack & we reheat their dinner.

You're the mommy, you make the rules. It really, really isn't easy but it's important & worth following through.
Be firm, we all know people who are so-called grown ups who live on trash food, we don't want our kids to have the health problems that come from that type of diet (diabetes, high blood pressure, etc)! We want the best so we set & enforce rules for them & ourselves!

Good luck & know you're not alone.
D.

ps, you might check out www.savingdinner.com for the "dinner diva's" essays on this matter. She's pretty helpful on nutrition & family dinners. I have two of her cookbooks & like them.

Mommy G, Making this a rule is really important. It sets a precedent for later. All meals/food at the table is the rule we have. the only exception is on friday nights when we have pizza in the living room. If you don't make it a rule now you will be finding fuzzy moldy things all over your house. and as for getting them to eat. they will eat if they are hungry. the trick here is to not offer anything between meals until they eat regular meals. the way around that is to offer only healthy snacks. carrots and dip, apples, bananas and things like that. i would stay totally away from anything that even remotely seems like a "treat" (teddy grahams, rice crispy treats et..) do only things that would be part of the meal. if your not giving junk they don't have an option. and while it may make you the bad guy someone has to be occasionally. Put your foot down with your husband. he may "like" to eat everywhere else but it is important to have family time. and at the end of the day is the perfect time.

I would try to get them to "cook" with you. I know they are little but they can plop cherry tomatoes in a salad or rinse off potatoes. I have read that if a child helps cook they are more likely to eat the dinner. My son has cooked with me since he was their age and yes it is messy but he is now a great cook (better than me) and a HUGE eater. Your husband might be willing to eat it too if they kids are telling him "look what we made."
Good luck

I know where you are coming from with the kids. My husband is also picky but will eat what I cook. He just tends to go looking for something else and the kids follow. I will tell you what a friend did long ago. She wrote down the cost of the food that was wasted, the cost of the foods he preferred to eat and showed the savings. Her husband tended to want to order or eat out all of the time. But she also showed how he was not getting the right nutrition. I think one week showed he got a total of 8 fruits and 5 veggies--in a week! Once he saw wverything drawn out, he was surprised. Also her kids were a little older. She would sit down with everyone on Friday night or so and they would plan the next week's meals. She put the plan on the fridge and it was set, no changes unless it could not be avoided. He got more into the game and the kids followed suit. Your kids will continue to eat like they see him doing unless something changes.

Hi Mommy G,
It's great your family is still young. If your husband is not open to eating other things. That's not going to help the cause you might try having dinner at a regular time before he gets home with some left over that he may eat. #1 thing I suggest is cut out Juices...and alot of snacks if unhealthy as they will fill up on these things. Try watering juice down a bit. Then get yougurt, hummas is yummy creamy my kids like it, guacamoli (sams has a great one)then put in muffin tins or serve at meals, carrot sticks, apples, whole grain crackers...trade joes is my favorite...you could set this out for them to dip and graze it's actually more healthy.. Just stick to your guns your the parent with their best intrest at heart! Also what I found and won't go a day with out, Juice Plus has your pediatricain told you about it? It's whold food 17 fruits and vegetables in a gummie form I love it because I know they are getting that foundation of nutrician. If you want more info contact me and I can send you some info. This is simply juiced fruits and vegetables put into capsules for adults or gummie chewables for kids...like a fruit treat. My kids actually beg me for them. The best part is JP is proven to work it is documented in medical journals that it supports a healthy immune system and so much more. I was skeptical at first and then tried it and noticed amzaing...results that my kids where no longer getting sick. My 8 year old hasn't missed a day of school in over 2 years. However if they do get sick it's a day or two not the typical 10+ days! Wishing you the best of health!!
D. T

It looks like you have some great responses and I agree wholeheartedly that you need to get your husband on board to help set a healthy eating example. My family is very picky too, but at least my husband sits and eats whatever I cook and we ask our children to eat what I am serving or worse case they eat a bowl of cereal (non-sugar type!). I try to fix at least one side dish that I know they like (mashed potatoes, butter noodles, etc.) so that not everything on their plates is "new". Also, I love the idea of getting the kids involved in looking at cookbooks and picking out new meals to try--not always a success, but fun in the kitchen! I am lucky that my husband does enjoy cooking from time to time, mostly he takes on cooking our big family holiday meals and I make the majority of day-to-day meal decisions. Try to have fun, make fruit kabobs ahead and put in fridge so kids can grab easy, we love dips and veggies and as an alternative to making carmel apples, we cut up wedges and put them on sticks and dipped in carmel this past week! Good luck--and in regards to wasting, I try to make smaller portions so if it does get tossed, I don't feel so guilty.

Meal time is always a tough area so you are definitely not alone in this. I think the number one thing you should do is have a discussion with your hubby. Let him know that the kids are "following in his footsteps" in regard to dinner and that they are not eating the healthy things they need for their growing bodies. Don't blame him, but point out that they like to copy daddy and this is one area that is important to their health so any help from him would be appreciated. Maybe he could wait to eat his dinner until later, but still participate in dinner with everyone by sitting and talking or helping. Also make sure that you are setting a good example by eating good things as well. Our kids know when we say one thing and do another. :) Good luck!

Sounds like a case of bad habits and too many choices and snacking. Your husband needs to set a good example for the kids. 2&3 year olds have very small appetites , so it's important that what they do eat is nutritious. Offer only healthy snacks like veggies that are not filling and only if necessary. Regular family mealtimes help too and make sure they haven't spoiled their appetites from unhealthy snacking. You are right to be concerned about this, it is very important for many reasons that your family has good eating habits!!

if your family knows that they can refuse the home made dinner and get a nice sugar/salt/fat filled microwave dinner than thats what they will do. Make home made food and if they dont eat they dont eat...leftovers for the next day! Eating out of a microwave is terrible! It is your job (and your husbands) to teach these kids how to eat properly! they imitate their parents so please start eating healthy and they will follow. I know you know this and thik it is great that you are asking for advice. My daughter only ate brussel sprouts for dinner last night, she does this because she has never had a processed meal in her life (the most processed food hse has ever had is ice cream or frozen waffles)Now she isnt just a freak of nature, it took a lot of work for her to be like this. She went through a phase around a year where all she wanted to eat where rice cakes (a lot of kids only want goldfish) well I stopped buying them, they were not in the house and after a day or so of just nibbling in hopes of getting the rice cake, she gave it up and now eats what I eat for dinner and if she doesnt eat it well theyn she doesnt eat it!) Of course I make sure to make at least something I know for sure she likes. Also your nursling can taste what you are eating in your milk, so eat your broccoli! Good luck and hopefully you can get yout hubby on board which is probably going to be the toughest challenge!!!!

Our house rule is if you don't eat what is put in front of you, you don't eat until breakfast. We use to get mad, bribe, threaten etc & it doesn't work & only made us stressed more. So if my kids choose not to eat, fine but they will get nothing until the next morning, they know this and is no longer an issue. If they are hungry they will eat what is put out and they will not starve over one meal.

Great advice coming in. My response can be found here on this page -- in a 4 minute video. I will be curious to hear how you react to my suggestions. (and others too!)

http://www.greencravers.com/webinar

I have a very difficult time getting my family to sit at the table together for a meal because I never had my husband on board when the kids were young that this was an important thing to do. When we do sit down together, everyone is eating something different. There are nights I feel like a short order cook. My oldest two (12 and 10) are pretty much on their own for dinner because whatever is made for the family, they won't eat. I wish we would have pushed the family meal when they were younger. I had it as a child and miss it terribly. Keep pushing for it and convince your husband it's important for your family life.

Wow. Ok, I am not trying to be mean, but it sounds like your entire family has some very serious food issues.

Eating is a fundamental part of how we relate to one another and how we feel about our bodies and what we put into them. Your husband is a GROWN MAN- I can't believe that his mother didn't feed him regular dinners growing up! How and when did he just decide that it was ok to eat nothing but cereal and microwave dinners???

What does he eat if you are with another couple? At a family event? Out in a restaurant?? He CAN eat whatever you cook- it just sounds like he is a big baby and WON'T eat your food and I'm sorry, but that is just disrespectful to you as well as being very unhealthy on many different levels.

Your children are going to take their behavior cues about food from what they learn at home. It sounds like they already are. Do you OR your husband really think that is a healthy way for them to be? They will pattern how they eat on what you and he do- does he want them to grow up and only eat cereal and frozen dinners? Childhood obesity and all kinds of other health issues are directly connected to how your kids eat. If your husband won't change his weird eating ways out of respect for you and the meals you try to make- then will he do it for his kids' health at least?

I have never made my son a separate meal in his life. Sure, we sometimes eat mac and cheese or things like that- but no food marketed as 'kid' food. He eats what we eat and always has since he started to eat solid food. This is how most European babies eat and their kids are much healthier than ours!! Just keep encouraging them to eat whatever you offer- it takes SEVERAL tries for young taste buds to accommodate to new flavors- don't be discouraged- just KEEP OFFERING REAL FOODS!

As for your husband, I think you should speak to your family doctor about this, because it is really unhealthy. Ask your doctor to talk to you and your husband together and to refer you to a nutritionist! A good nutritionist will not only be able to give your husband all the medical reasons why his habits are so unhealthy, she can help YOU come up with family meal plans that will be healthy and satisfying for everyone and get you out of your rut!

This is a big deal- mealtimes when families gather around the table and share food that they've prepared together help keep families happy and connected to each other. I work FULL TIME and don't get home until 6 PM most nights, so I just have to plan ahead on the weekend a little more to make good dinners. It is NOT that hard!

Two practical things: get a Crock-Pot or slow cooker. You can find lots of great recipes for it, it is super easy and if you are pressed for time, you just toss everything into it in the morning, turn it on simmer- and a few hours later you have a pot roast with veggies, hot soup or a casserole waiting for you. Easy!

Also, try subscribing to Cooking Light magazine. If your husband is eating Healthy Choice, maybe he is concerned about weight or something like that. But fresh homemade meals are better than that stuff and less expensive too. Cooking Light always has a lot of fast, easy recipes and maybe you and your husband could look through it together and pick a few each month to try. Just to sort of get you both into the 'groove' of cooking instead of defrosting!

As your kids get older you will find it harder and harder to make that happen- so start it now! My son is almost 10 and LOVES to help me cook dinner and even to cook for us (with a little mom help) on 'his' cooking night.

Go to a nutritionist together!!

Your kids will mimic what they see. If you husband refuses to eat healthy, so will your kids. If you are iffy on what to make, I suggest you start with ordering from Schwans.com. They deliver the food for you once every 2 weeks and all your really have to do is take it out of the package nad either microwave it or pop it in the oven. It tastes close to homemade food and is much better quality of food if you bought close to the same thing at the store. I work full time and go to school full time, so for me, I don't have time to cook meals from scratch every day. So, Schwans is a life saver. But, you seriously have to have a talk with your husband. I personally don't like sausage, I have never expressed it in front of the kids, but my son now doesn't like it and when I ask him why, he tells me because he never sees me eat it so it must be bad.

It's important that you eat not only healthier foods, but eat at the table together.

Good luck.

Your husband is anadult and can make his own choices, unfortunately it may be a health condition that will bring him around.
Your children on the other hand need you to help them make good choices. Some kids are just snackers. Instead of worrying about a meal just make sure they are having healty snacks. Have cut up fruits and veggies, chunks of meat and cheeses, yogurts, nuts ect. Not huges portions. If you are serving them healthy snacks....it's all good. If you want the sit down feel to it. Bring it to the kids level. Put a blanket down on the diningroomfloor and have a sit down picnic. It's fun and stress free. As they get older you can move it to the table. Hope that helps.

WOW! That so descibes our family! I like all sorts of different foods not my husband though. He also does not feel it is important to sit down and eat together without interuptions. I'm working so hard on this! The only thing I can think of is we were raised completely different. Not that one way is better than the other. BUt just different and what we are used to or comfortable with. My 6 and 5 year old prefer daddys way but it doesnt stop me from trying! I try to remember not to get mad about it, because that makes me the bad guy. My husband also works odd hours that change all the time. So when he is not home, it is much easier with my boys. I don't want to make food an issue but I want them to try real dinner foods, and if they don't like it fine but to try it at least! Good lucK!

yeah.. Eatting together at a family table is a lost art. Too many families fall under the " work scheduals don't mesh" catigory, others can't or don't know how to cook, still others don't know how to eat and hold a friendly conversation,over an "at home" dinner. Ok .. start small. Try a restaurant night.. Everyone sitting at 1 table ..at a restaurant..together. NOTHING EXPENSIVE !! Just somewhere you can feel free to relax and let the kids be kids. See what they order.. dicuss the food.. is it good? would you like it at home? Next take 'em shopping once.. Let them choose a couple items...to - help - you - prepare for a dinner. Make it a once a week event to look forward too.

Odd that in a society that tells us to VALUE family..
That SAME society tears us apart by keeping us soooo busy we no longer have time to be together. Make the time.. once a week at the start. Sunday is a traditional choice.. but these days.. maybe a wednesday or thursday would work better.. they tend to be less busy in most scheduals..

I began letting my kids in the kitchen at young ages. They tore the salad for mom and choose the dressing.. thus.. they ATE what THEY made..and learned to cook for themselves by adulthood. They began useing ( dull) knives at 5..to make P B & J sandwiches, for lunches.

Oh.. and the dreaded veggies.. I began with the Bird's Eye sauced up things at first..gradually replaceing sauces with herbs..and by combining different veggies..I also began a garden for the kids to grow some of they're own. ( I was lucky here..I had a house I was liveing in ) But I've helped other kids in apts, ASK landlords for small well kept plots to grow tomatoes or carrots or beans. I have also given up sections of my own to nieghbors kids for a year or 2 so they could try to grow something by themselves. What they grew.. they took home to they're Moms. They learned veggies aren't the enemy. ( P.S. They were lucky to get 1 or 2 servings ..but still they did it themselves with some minor guidence) and the new upside down planters may help some of you out there, space wise)
Start with the kids.. Dad will follow or get left behind..
and they generally don't like being left out.
( My husband was the last one to learn how to go fishing )
My kids are grown..Lessons learned? From a family of 5.

4 can cook (Husband can't)
3 grow gardens
3 still fish
all five eat meals together ( when possible) AND eat they're veggies.
and all get along well togeather. ( most of the time )
Good luck to you.. hope this helps..or at least..encourages..)

I'm in that same boat with you. So I really have no advice. My hubby says I should be lucky.

Sounds like hubby needs to grow up