Family drama...what to Do?

Sooooo....
* you know what happened
* you know now about the standing weekly dinner thing
* you have family willing to care for your child for FIVE days straight
* your son is comfortable with all of them
* it's free
* your brother is trying to avoid a huge confrontation

I don't see what is the question. Why push this? You know what happened. You can't control every minute of someone's life that they have your child.

My advice? Be grateful & drop it!

Updated

Sooooo....
* you know what happened
* you know now about the standing weekly dinner thing
* you have family willing to care for your child for FIVE days straight
* your son is comfortable with all of them
* it's free
* your brother is trying to avoid a huge confrontation

I don't see what is the question. Why push this? You know what happened. You can't control every minute of someone's life that they have your child.

My advice? Be grateful & drop it!

I haven't read the other responses. So this is what I think just from reading what you wrote.

You needed him to help you out. He did. Your grandmother sometimes watches your child so he felt like he could get her help during Wednesday night dinner. He is not interested in or comfortable with talking about his standing dinner with the friends you dislike. He could have said "I can't help you on Wednesday night" and then have to deal with the possible question of "Why not?" So he chose to sidestep the issue and tell you something else. Your mom ratted him out.

You would not get what you want if you put the 4 in a room together. What you would get is a brother who would never watch your child again, a grandmother who thinks you don't trust her, and a mom who wonders why you can't keep your mouth shut when she quietly tells you the truth.

I don't know your brother, but from the little bit you have said here, I think it's unfair of you to question that he was excited to be with your child. The blanket "anytime" is perfectly fine for him to say. He shouldn't have to say "anytime except Wednesday nights when I have dinner with the people you can't stand." Quite frankly, that's a long time to be on-call - Tuesday through Saturday. You already knew that grandma would be at the ready since he has a bad shoulder. That your child was with your grandmother for a reason other than his shoulder should have no bearing. Why on earth you feel like a fool is beyond me. And why you are angry at him is beyond me too.

So yeah, totally let go of it and realize that you don't really get to control every aspect of your family in regards to you. There is NO good that can come in your raising a stink about this. Be glad you had help and didn't have to cart your child to the office with you.

Your brother sounds like a nice guy and a great uncle, but doesn't want to be pressured about who he has dinner with. I hope that you all have a great Halloween together.

Dawn

I think your brother and family were all doing you a HUGE favor, and I would let it go. Apparently, the whole family knows that he avoids uncomfortable truths. Accept that about him and just go on with your life and don't let it affect your relationship, beyond just knowing that he avoids the truth. Confronting him and the family would only cause a huge scene and wouldn't accomplish anything other than the brother saying "last time I help her out".

His "guy brain" said - Cool, I love that kid, I'll watch him. I'm covered. Grandma can take him on wednesday. Life is great :)

and it stopped there! LOL He didn't lie - he didn't THINK.

Breathe - thank him, and remind him to tell you BEFORE the kiddo changes locations, for your peace of mind.

Please don't let a family gathering that's supposed to be fun time for the kids turn into an adult shouting match. If you must talk to your brother, talk to him seperately, at another time. But don't take that time away from the kids for that kind of drama.

Since everyone was going out of their way too help you, I'd let it go. SInce your brother didnt have your son around whoever it is you don't want it around I wouldnt make it a big deal.
Maybe at the time you aked this "standing dinner date" didnt even cross his mind. It happens. Maybe he "lied" because he realized he forgot and didnt want you to get upset.
Did he handle it right? Not really. Did he still help you out of a jam AND keep you son away from someone you don't care for? Yes.
Is it really worth putting you mom and grandma in the middle of this? If he had had your son around people you specifically said he couldnt be that is one thing. But he didnt. Let it go.

Sounds like your brother is trying to avoid the family drama...and you are pushing the issue, which is causing family drama.

I would just let it go. He kept your son away from this person you don't want your son around. Your son went to the S. person on the list. The only thing I'd be frustrated with is that I wasn't called to be told where he was...but again, he was with someone from the list so even that isn't a big deal.

I am a huge believer in speaking my mind to people that do this kind of thing but this time I really have to advise not to. I really don't see you getting the result you desire and what you will get is tension or worse with your bro. Going forward, you now know that he is not exactly trustworthy and will easily and boldy lie to cover up for himself. Not exactly somebody who you want watching your child.

I'm in the let it go camp on this one.

My ex lies like that, such stupid stuff it drives me nuts! Thing I have learned it confronting him has no effect on his behavior but that stupid look like I have no idea what you are talking about drives me even more crazy.

So I make jokes about him behind his back, that makes me feel better.

You aren't going to change him so just figure out how to make him tolerable.

It isn't that big of a deal. Your son was with family. It's not like he sent your son somewhere with someone you don't know. And kudos to him for considering how you feel about his friend and making arrangements for your son.

If he has a standing "date" with this person, that's his business not yours. From your post, it sounds like this was not the norm and this arrangement for him to watch your son after school was just for the week, and not ongoing.

In the future, just know that your brother watching your son will not work on Wednesdays and work around it.

I don't see any drama here unless you create some.

Let it go. Find a babysitter to come to your home and you will not have any issues with your family. Its what I did long ago.

I'd first say to your brother "next time, could you let me know when DS goes to gran's/mom's so I know who to call to tell him good night? Thanks so much for taking care of him for me."

Then just let it all go.

Well....

Be thankful that everyone is so willing to pitch in and help you and your family!

Yes, your brother should have said "I'll be more than willing to help watch your son.. but we already have plans for Wednesday night. Do you mind if grandma watches him that night? I'll help out on the other nights."

Being a guy, he probably didn't think it really mattered WHO was watching your son which nights..... moms are MUCH more into that detail than guys are!

Be thankful that he had the foresight to have your son with someone else, since he already knew that you didn't like that particular friend, and didn't allow your son to be around them. You can't pick your brother's friends.

Or...... did your brother say he would watch them, and then not really help at all (except Tuesday night), and dump your son on your grandma and M. the rest of the week? If so, that is a different problem altogether....... saying he would help, but then not doing it.

Life is too short for this. Let it go.

This was a one-off situation, correct? It only happened because you needed your brother and didn't have anyone else for that day? I would let it go. Now that you know your brother has this "standing dinner date" I would avoid allowing him to babysit on Wednesdays if you choose to allow your brother to babysit at all in the future.

If he does babysit again, ask more questions ahead of time. Establish guidelines that you're comfortable with and anything you're NOT comfortable with, like transportation prior to getting your knowledge/approval first and changing the plans prior to getting your approval first, and if he doesn't agree then make other arrangements.

I get it. I HATE to be lied to. Your brother seems to think its ok to lie.
I have a relative that went 'round the bend and became a pathological liar.
After high blood pressure med and more drama than I care to think about, I have come to the realization that it's really their problem as long as I recognize the fact and deal accordingly. That's what you mom wants you to know. It's not worth bringing up, it won't change him. family doesn't mean to him what it does to you. Sorry.

Drop it. We all do something' we regret later. Family too important and life too short.

You let it go. If you need his help again or he wants to have your son over, then, you talk to him. Not about lying, just that you need to know specifically where your child is and with whom. If plans change you need to be informed immediately. Make sure he agrees that is reasonable.

If he had taken your son to the dinner, then I'd say confront. He's just trying to avoid drama. Just make it clear you need to know where your son is at all times and leave it at that. Just my opinion.

Find another babysitter that is not a family member. Sometimes this simple solution really works.