Here's the deal. Husbands family had an implosion. His mom has always been sort of the black sheep. Mainly because his grandma was 16 when she had her, and was used as a weapon against her dad. Husbands uncle could do no wrong in his parents eyes and they always took his side over my MIL. So, lots of resentment there.
Grandmother has since passed but not much else has changed. MIL gets a new motorcycle and is super excited about it, her brother keeps making snarky remarks about it. FIL (with anger issues) sees it upsetting his wife and flips a lid in a spectacular way. Grandpa again takes his sons side, so FIL flips out on him too.
Now grandpa has told MIL that FIL is no longer allowed in the house. Sigh...I think there is faults on both sides. The uncle picked the fight and wouldn't shut up when he KNEW he was upsetting MIL, FIL overreacted, and grandpa overreacted to the overreaction. I'm staying out of it. Husband doesn't want to go to grandpas house for christmas now. Thats his call.
This is where I feel guilty though, I'm kinda of glad. His family (with the exception of FIL and MIL has always treated me like a second class citizen. Though we have tried to keep in touch with husbands cousins and get together to let our kids play, it's pretty obvious they have no interest in us. The trouble making uncle and aunt are the same way. He's got one more aunt that we can't stand each other, but at least she takes interest in my daughter. So we swallow our feelings for each other for my daughter. I don't know if this will blow over by Christmas but if it does it's bound to be awkward. Is it wrong to hope they stay mad through the new year so we don't have to deal with it?
Don't worry, I haven't said anything to him other than, "It's your family, so it's your choice." and left it at that. That's why I come here, so I can vent in peace. LOL
Sooo...they did NOT have a family Christmas! We did go and visit the snotty side but only for a short while. :)
LOL enjoy the reprieve! Life is too short for this kind of BS, isn't it?
You are human. Feel what you desire--but don't let on to him. He loves them, dysfunctional or otherwise.
Not to me. I mean its moraly wrong your suppose to want peace and fellowship between everyone.
Almost six years of marriage I now treat the family gatherings like live theater. Its very dramatic and I know I hardly say a word to most of them just sit back and watch the action. Because its always something. I found out after we were married that a few of them take meds. I do treat it like I would anyone with a disablity. It helps me be nicer when they are so outta line and rude or taking advantage. I only feel guilty when I am the cause of there pain. Like Sil went storming out in a crying fit (bi polar??) when I told her "wel...l lets not get weird over it" (trying to give her hand made quilts back). And she was super excited until she realized we couldnt store them and didnt have room to "hold" them until she wanted to get them. Then it turned into well I dont want them either, should I sell them. Its hot and cold and back to hot in seconds. I dont miss it at all!
I dont feel guilty because the drama stresses my husband out and really the rest of the family because they dont get along. My fil and sil both take medication but my fil is functioning my sil is like a mental insane person. so no I dont miss them much and never feel bad when they "cant make it"
Nope, not wrong at all! We have a similar situation on my husband's side, only it involves his 30 yr old niece. The drama she causes is exhausting. I am hoping that she keeps her holiday visits short or stays away completely like she did last year.
Got my fingers crossed for you!
Well, here's hoping they'll stay mad! :^) But you might not say that out loud. They are your husband's family and you need to be kind to *him*. Let him know how much you love him. He's worth ten times all his relatives put together, right?
There are, indeed, folks who just feed on drama. You can't change these people. You can't solve the problems. So... can you see the humorous side of it? These are the families books are written about, movies are made about! I hope you can learn to laugh at what they do - um, maybe not to their faces. The laughter may help keep your spirits up. It takes a little detachment to see the funny side, and that detachment is what you want to cultivate.
As far as the holidays are concerned, I hope you and your family get really, really busy! Make your own plans; have your own fun. Take charge of your Christmas. Visit the bickerers if you must/want, but for as little time as you choose (set your watches), and looking for the funny things about them to remember afterwards. If the kinfolk don't like that, well, it's just another drop in the drama bucket.
At best, you can teach your daughter that it takes all kinds of people to make a world, and you yourself can model more reasonable, more civil, more gracious behavior than she'll see displayed by them.
You can think and feel whatever you like, but keep your "Oh thank goodness" comments and thoughts to yourself. As Rhonda mentioned, this is his family, so how this is to be addressed is entirely up to him.
My SIL stopped speaking to my brother and his twin for 6 months after her father died (1/2 sister). They didn't attend his funeral because he was abusive to their mother and completely absent from their sister's life. I didn't agree with their choice, but it's not "my family". She essentially cut them out of her life for six months... it was terrible and stressful for everyone, but at some point she realized that they had a right to feel the way they did in the same way that she had the right to be angry and let it go. Today, you would never know any of this happened.
Take his lead here and it probably will blow over in the next couple of months.
IMHO, it's not wrong to hope. You didn't start the mess and you're doing the right thing staying out, but it's not wrong to secretly hope for a quiet, drama-free hoiday season!
