Family Caregiver for My Son Is Confusing Me.

I don't have any clear answer for you, but I too would be very offended. And I don't like how she is influencing your son with what she believes is better. It's a tough place to be . . . Having someone take care of your child and seems to do a good job most of the time, and also passive aggressivly insulting you at the same time. I would be curious to know what she does say and do with your son when you are not around. Lights are going off for me, how about you? The only thing I would say is express your concerns and feels (which are never wrong) and see how she reacts. Her response will probably give you the answer you need. Good luck, trust your mothers instinct and let us know what happens.

My MIL does the same thing although not as aggressively as your Aunt-in-Law. My MIL likes the kids to look extra-cute when she takes them out because if she gets compliments on them she gets to feel like peole notice how awesome they are too. I dress them for comfort and she likes them more formally dressed. Don't take it personally. It's much easier for you for your child to have 2 sets of clothes. That way you won't have to worry about making sure she has extra clothes. Pick your battles and let this one go.

I don't think your response should be attributed to your pregnancy. I'd be insulted as well! The way in which she goes about doing this is totally rude. Obvioulsy she doesn't approve of how you dress him but I would not be insulted by that. She likes to see him dressed in a certain way and you are fine with dressing him another way. SOme people put too much emphasis on the outer appearance and not on the inner person. At this point with your son, it's not a problem. SOon however, her values will be contagious and may rub off on him. If yo don't feel you need to say anything, then don't. Personally, I would just remind her that he is your son and you dress him the way you like to see him or whatever is convenient for you. Let her know it gets under your skin the way she insinuates he is only cute when SHE dresses him. I'm sure he's an adorable boy! I tell my students all the time, cute will get you in the door but you've got to be able to converse intelligently in order to stay in! Good luck with your dilemma.

It seems that she has your son's best interest at heart and not you too much. Isn't that maybe a good thing? I would pick my battles and be happy that she cares so much about him! Try thanking her, maybe she is craving some positive feedback!

My Mom does the same thing! It used to really bother me but i finally just let it go- everybody has different expectations and desires- maybe she feels like a better caretaker when the child she is watching is dressed to her expectations- and for your child it may act as a form of 'dress up'- ...and it teaches your child that dressing for different occasions is ok- (work, school, lazy sundays etc...) as for you- you have a person that loves your child caring for your child- you already are a step ahaed of a lot of people! let it roll off- not worth the mental angst!
and ps.- it's not your pregnancy hormones- that is annoying, i know from experience- but haven't we all learned to pick and choose our battles?? :)

Hi S.,
ok I, like your aunt, am guilty of buying clothes for my grand daughter I keep at my home. although I do not take them off when she goes home I would like them returned. The difference is I like to buy her comfortable stretchy clothes she can get dirty or climb in or take a nap in. The clothes are stretchy and comfortable without zippers or buttons. I usually try to keep about 3-4 outfits at my house. It has nothing to do with how my daughter dresses her she has beautiful taste, I just want her in comfy clothes that stretch and don't bind when she is staying at my house. Please don't take it personal children's clothes are so fun to shop for and if she took them all home it would lose some of the point or maybe fun. Besides they make more money than me and don't need me to keep her in clothes or I would without hesitation. I also buy her toys to keep at my house and of course some to take home. I'm currenty looking for yellow raincoat and boots to play in the rain. Can't wait ;)-Grandma

Dear S.:

Maybe hormones..maybe a little guilt about working and not being home...and maybe an insensitive Auntie. Hard to say.

Don't suffer about the things that you cannot change. You cannot change the Auntie...and you cannot really change the working part.

I think what you can do...and this is hard... is just ignore it. Expense doesn't matter. I am sure you have appropriate things for him to wear and he is well cared for by you. YOU ARE HIS MOTHER. You have a far better blessing than she will ever have. Different people do things differently...true. Do you feel she is competing with you and judging you? Does she sense this?

Use your wisdom and feed what you want to grow. You will have more influence over a friend than an enemy...and you don't want someone you are angry with watching your child. Instead of getting offended, try this. I don't know if you can do it...but try and see what happens.

Make an appointment and ask to take her to lunch. Someplace nice.
Give her a small gift...wrapped. Maybe a photo of the baby in a frame.
Tell her, "I want to tell you something....I don't get a chance to tell you when I am dropping off the baby, but I see all of the nice things you do for him every day, and I know you love him. I am busy in the mornings and I know my son has a safe and loving place to be all day. As his mother this is so important to me and I wanted to take a moment and thank you for your help."

Try it! It will be worth the time and care your son receives. As this new baby approaches, you will need her faith in you and support more than ever.

Remember: What you feed will grow!

People are strange. I don't disagree that she's rude. But, if she's caring for your child and doing a good job of it, maybe it's worth overlooking her oddness. If I were you I would dress your baby in PJ's every day & just say..."you're just so much better at putting outfits together, so I'll leave it to the expert" hahahaha