Facebook and Cell Texting

Updated on September 26, 2011
B.W. asks from Tarboro, NC
15 answers

I would like to hear from moms of teens on how they approach controlling Facebook and cell phone text with their teens. I have two daughters, 16 and 13. The 13 year old has just recently turned into a text and Facebook junkie. She does this for HOURS on end much to my dislike. My 16 year old did this too but then it tapered off and was replaced by her just wanting to go places with her friends. Do you limit texting and Facebook for your teens? Anyone having success doing this without meltdowns or horrendous rebellion? Both of my teens are straight-A students, thank god! I just wish they'd lay off the stupid Facebook & texting 24/7!!! I think what bugs me about this the most is that at times, I ask for things to be done and they acknowledge me but don't move to do what I asked or they conveniently "forget" because they are texting or on FB. I like FB and texting too but it doesn't interfere with me getting things done or getting sidetracked off my family's needs.

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So What Happened?

I want to say thank you to all the Moms out there who chatted with me on this Facebook and texting subject. I appreciate the input. I'm not 100% against the electronic communication but I would like to keep balance in my house. The girls do have their priorities in the right places for the most part and they do play two different sports which hogs their time and keeps them off the computer and the texting because they are busy. We are in a downtime now with the sports though. Volleyball and soccer are played in the fall and winter here in Florida because if not, these klids would die of heat exhaustion. I will continue to accept that this is just how it is and that it replaces what I used to do...talk on the phone for hours on end to the point of my parents telling me that the phone was growing out of my ear! I think my 13 year old is so engrossed because this is all new to her whereas the older teen has the "been-there, done-that" kind of approach to it all right now. Blance....it's all about balance with me.

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S.R.

answers from San Francisco on

I'm not there yet with my kids, it'll be a long time, thank goodness. My friend went through this a couple of years ago with her 2 teenagers. She had to change plans to unlimited texting because of a HUGE bill. When they approached her about FB or My Space she sat down with them and explained the importance of how to use it properly and to be careful with personal info, don't put it out there and only allow those you want to see it to have access. Do not let it be public. With that, she also told them the only way they could have an account is if she had access to it, log in or as a friend, so she didn't have to worry about it. They agreed and have used these sites appropriately.

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S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

We limit Face book time. The guys can check in briefly when they get home before they get going on homework. They can take a short study break later on and if all homework and household responsibilities are done, they can Facebook some before bed.

Forgetting to do household things because they want to Facebook is a sign of disrespect. We don't allow that. When that occurs, I go to the wireless router and unplug it. BAM! Down goes the internet!
(Just make sure hubby or other kids aren't doing work online when you do that.)

My kids get all A's and are very active in activities too, and I frequently tell them how proud I am of all they do. And that Facebook or texting is a little break from their responsibilities, just like TV was for me, when I was in high school. I tell them Facebook and texting will not be a way of life for us everyday, without limits. They complain sometimes, telling me their friends stay on Face book until midnight or 1 am, and to which I say, "So sorry."

3 moms found this helpful
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T.G.

answers from St. Louis on

Stop it before it gets out of control!!! First, phone and computer shouldn't happen until homework and chores are done. My 13 year old is an honor student too, but she still ahs to earn computer time by doing 1 extra chore a day. She can choose - laundry, mowing, whatever. Then the computer time needs to be limited. Pick an amount that works for your family. 1 hour, 2 hours, what ever. If you ask for something to be done and it does not get done, what ever they were doing, they loose. If they ignored you and kept on texting, take their phone away for a specific amount of time. It they ignored you while on fb, then computer time is over for the day. STICK TO IT!!!!

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E.T.

answers from Los Angeles on

I know how you feel! My line to my kids is, "If you can't turn it off, you can't turn it on." If I have to ask them too many times, then it's off and they can't turn it back on for some time. E.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.L.

answers from Santa Barbara on

Read the book Queen Bees and Wannabes - some helpful ways of dealing with connectivity with teen girls.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.T.

answers from Orlando on

Everything in moderation.
Doesn't sound like there is moderation with your 13 year old.
Set a certain amount of time she can have a screen in her face daily and stick to it--- then take away time if she neglects chores.
I obviously didn't have texting and FB as a teen, so we all talked on the phone. I was not allowed to use the phone 24/7 or neglect chores because I was too busy chatting on the phone. And phone privilages was the first to go as a punishment. Same applied with "today's" teens with texting and computer time.

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D.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

Phone and internet use had a curfew in our house. Phone was to be handed over to me by 8:00 and internet off. She was 13 at the time, that was 3 years ago. Now texting is really the biggest thing. I also have a good student, but I know that it is a hinderance to her, especially when she needs help with things around the house. We just had to set a limit and that's when she had to be done. I hope that this helps.

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W.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

It's called "Social Networking". Like talking on the phone, hanging with your friends after school at the local park or someone's house, except it is done with phones and computers. Straight A's is an indication they have their values and priorities in balance and are fitting in the important things. Limiting the electronics doesn't take away the thoughts. Perhaps get them involved with volunteering, sports, groups, clubs, activities that fill the space involved with the electronic communication.
Good Luck

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J.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

The next time they ask what's for dinner, just say that you "forgot" because you were on FB or texting your friends. Maybe that will help them to see that it's important to do your chores around the house.

1 mom found this helpful
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F.C.

answers from Tampa on

as long as you are monitoring their FB and Txts AND they are maintaining their grades to your satisfaction, helping with the household, have additional activities there is no problem with them doing either. I say this as a mom of a 13yo girl who is a txt addict and as a mom who loves FB & txting LOL

Now if they stop doing the other things then limit their access or just stop it all together.

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S.O.

answers from Dallas on

I know I am jumping on this blog late, but you guys should check out www.eyeguardian for Facebook. Its the best and can help with teenagers on Facebook.

Stephy

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S.H.

answers from Huntsville on

Why do you dislike it? Is it causing any problems with your daughters?

If they are getting their homework & chores done, and they aren't misbehaving, I'd just let them. When I was in high school I was chatting online ALL the time. I still got my homework & things done. Never caused a problem. That was just how I socialized.

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M.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

We took our 13 year olds phone away because she had thousands of texts a month and the main reason was for emergencies if we had to contact her about pick-ups from school. Meltdowns and rudeness are not tolerated yes they try but it is not allowed. Our 16 and 13 year old are not allowed a facebook. Take the phone or shut off the computer the minute you give them a task and they do not respond and when they finish they can continue what they were doing. Sit them down first and explain the new rules and what is expected and what will happen if not and follow through 100% of the times. Think before you speak.They will learn to respect you and know you are doing it out of love. It is a hard job but so worth it at the end. Best of luck to you.

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D.M.

answers from San Diego on

My daughter, age 15, also texts and does Facebook, about an hour each day. She just doesn't like to sit there too long doing it. As long as your daughter is getting good grades and doing her chores, I think it's probably better than vegging in front of the TV. You should also have her be active an hour a day, walk or bike riding, etc. - that is, if she doesn't have an after school sport or something. Our family has dinner together every night, which is very important, and we talk about our day, no texting allowed.

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