S.D.
It's really funny because we have the same screen name and when I read your request for advice it was like listening to my own self-talk!!
I too am a very anxious person. I am in the medical profession and deal with very ill people and high-stress situations daily. At work I cope well and remain calm with collected thoughts, but let something happen to my child and I lose my marbles. All of my years of training go out the window when it comes to my children. My son had a fever and chest/sinus congestion and I was just sure he had pneumonia and would be in respiratory distress soon. I found myself putting his monitor closer to his bed and turning the receiver way up so I could lie in bed and listen to him breath.
I agree with previous posters that basic CPR and first aid training would help in a crisis and every parent should be trained in this area, however, if you are an anxious person like me all the training in the world is not going to put you at ease. At this level of anxiety logic is not helpful.
What have I done to cope? Well, I've attacked my anxiety from multiple fronts. Initially, what helped most was medication. I took citalopram for almost a year. Although I had to stop taking it (or rather, opted to stop taking it)once I became pregnant with my second child, once I had some medicinal help I was able to think clearly enough to teach myself some behavioral and cognitive techniques to anxiety control. For instance, positive self-talk. When feeling stress related to my children I tell myself, "I am feeling very anxious right now because I am such a conscientious mother and very concerned for (my son's) well being. It is okay to relax a little. The odds of anything being seriously wrong are so small I am just wasting energy. It is okay to worry less." Other times it is helpful to redirect myself. If I find myself obsesssing I find something else to do. I check e-mail, play with my son, go for a walk, call someone... The point is to change my focus before my anxiety snowballs into an all-out panic attack. I cannot be a good mother or wife when I am paralyzed by anxiety.
I hope sharing my experiences helps you. There are lots of free resources on the web for dealing with anxiety. Good luck to you!
Oh, P.S. You are at prime time for post partum anxiety and depression. If you need help - get it!!! Call your OB, that's what they're there for, and it will not be the first time they would have treated someone for the same thing you are experiencing. Do not feel shameful, weak, or like a failure as these things are many times beyond our control (especially when there's hormones involved).