Explaining Death to My 6 Year Old

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. Yes, you do have to tell him and quickly.

Call your ped and ask for the number of someone to talk to. Make a call to this professional and ask for help in figuring out how to tell him.

You are not going to be able to prevent him to from regressing behaviorally. What you will have to do is help him and deal with his terrible loss. (As well as your own.) Grief counseling will help you. Your brother was so younng, and you will both suffer from his passing. It's okay to ask for help.

Take care of yourself and and your son.

Dawn

when a child expresses grief by acting out or 'regressing' it's not actually a regression. it's a totally understandable and even healthy coping technique. the child feels helpless and unable to grasp the enormity of the loss, and so reverting to a more baby-ish phase where the world was more comprehensible and safe is a very natural thing to do.
tell him now, in simple words. no long explanations or euphemisms about sleep. do more listening than talking, and answer his questions in simple terms. allow him to grieve in his own way. for some kids it involves a shrug and a return to play. don't let it faze you. he's processing. when he's ready to talk, or cry, or wail, or rage, be there for him.
i'm so very sorry for you all.
khairete
S.

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine.

The relationship your son had with your brother is like the relationship my daughter has with my brother. When he deployed twice I was always so worried about what I would tell her if something ever happened to him.

I think Dawn's suggestion to call the Ped is a great one. They can guide you to a counselor who can help him. This is going to be hard. But just be there for him the best you can.

I am saying prayers for you guys.

Honesty and less detail as possible. I am so sorry for your loss. He was so young. Prayers to you and your family

T.,

Since your brother and your son spent time together each day, he must already feel like something is wrong. You need to tell your child that his uncle is no longer with you here, but will always be with you in your heart. You did not mention your spiritual or religious background. Since your son loved your brother so much, I think you should allow him to attend the memorial service and express his sorrow and good memories.

Regarding the memorial.
I agree with taking your son to the memorial if he wants to go.
But I recommend taking another adult with you, who can be there for your son (and not for the memorial or anyone else).

My husbands grandfather died last year, and while we decided not to take our daughter out of school to attend the graveside memorial, my SIL took both her 13yo daughter and 5yo son to the memorial.
The 5yo got a little antsy, when people were talking about things that didn't particularly interest him, so I quietly asked him if he'd like to go for a walk.
We walked around the graveyard, looking at headstones and leaves, etc... and I let him talk about whatever he wanted to. He wanted to be there at the service for his grandfather, but he couldn't be quiet and still for as long as was required for the adult-oriented service.

So, I recommend having someone who can pay attention to your son (and not worry about their own grieving) if he needs to step away from all the talking.

My condolences to your family.

I am so sorry for your loss.

When my mom passed away I told my kids, ranging from 11 to 2. It was the hardest thing ever. Use the word died. Not sleeping, not passed....died. No know that is hard, but anything else give the child the idea that he will come back. Then talk about everything you will remember about him. Write those things down later to use In a scrapbook with picture of the two.

Honestly, my kids comforted me more than me to them. They are such simple believers and my 5 year old at the time told me grandma is looking watching us. We did not ever talk about death before or go to church, they just know.

He will probably be relieved a little....I can't imagine he has not noticed your mood lately and will know why. Kids are way smarter than we ever give them credit for. He will be ok...and you can comfort each other.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Big hugs and love to you and yours.

This site has some excellent information. As my family has lost several this year, I've had to do some explaining to my boys (who are a bit older than yours). Regardless, there are some important points to remember that we don't really consider when talking to a younger kid (like NOT using euphemisms).

This really helped me: http://www.dohertyfh.com/children_explaining.html

Prepare yourself for the questions he may have by reviewing what YOU believe. Heaven, spirits, afterlife questions may come up. I have always told my children what "some people" believe (to give them room to ponder what they find soothing and helpful) and then tell them how I choose to think about things.

And please realize that there is no perfect way to tell him that won't upset him. It's going to upset him, he's going to have to struggle to handle it. Give him all the room he needs to process it, even if it means acting out. Just love him really hard right through it all.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

First of all, I am incredibly sorry for the loss of your young brother. I hope that you can find peace and comfort in the memories you have of him. A big hug to you friend.

I have a 6yr old myself and I have been having a really hard time finding gentle words to explain, should she ask, what happened on friday. This morning I read a really realy great article, regarding survivors guilt the siblings are going through. Although it does not explain how to "explain" death to a child, it does address alot of other emotions children face when someone close to them dies. I reccomend this article to you and hope it helps you help him heal. Best of luck to you and your family.

http://gma.yahoo.com/siblings-sandy-hook-victims-face-sur...

First of all, hugs to you. This must be such a difficult time for you personally, as you grieve your brother. On top of your own grief, you must help your son through his grief.
I would recommend the book LIFETIMES, A BEAUTIFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN DEATH TO CHILDREN, by Bryan Mellonie. It's a very simple book, explaining that every living creature is born, and dies, and in between lives. Some lifetimes are long, some are short, and some are cut short. It's a good starting point.

I am very sorry for your loss! I would keep it simple as possible. Is he in kindergarten? I would ask to speak with the school counselor. He/she will be able to recommend books and other resources to help him cope with losing a loved one. He/she may also want to visit with him for awhile to make sure he doesn't become depressed or act out behaviorally, which are probably very normal reactions. Perhaps look into organizations in your community through a local church or even a hospital may recommend some agencies to help with this sort of loss. In our area there is a terrific non-profit organization called TeddyBear Hollow, in which it offers young children therapy after losing a close relative. God Bless you. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
HTH,
A.

I encourage honesty and straightforwardness. My daughter was 4 1/2 when my mom died, and she really loved her grammy. It was hard on her, but I felt like sharing honestly with her worked so well. That way she could ask us any questions she had, and could be open with us about her emotions. We talked ahead of time about the different "rituals" so that she knew what to expect, and this gave her time to prepare for it as well as possible. During the first six months to a year, we talked often of grammy whenever we thought about her or saw something that reminded us of her, often crying and holding each other as we remembered her. This was really healing for both of us.

Good luck!

I am so sorry for your loss! This will be pretty hard for your 6 yr old to understand. As another person sugested: keep it simple. Short, brief sentences. Don't offer too much extra information or details of his death. Taking him to the memorial or burial might make it easier for your son to grasp. Hit the children's section in the book store for age-appropriate books that will explain death.

My sympathies for the loss of your brother. Death is never easy.

My father passed away unexpectedly when I was 7 so I have a different perspective to share.

First, be honest but keep it age appropriate. Tell him enough to give him a basic understanding of the circumstances but leave out the gory details. Make sure he understands he is safe and what happened to your brother won't necessarily happen to him. Tell your friends and family how you explained it to your son so they don't tell him something different.

Make sure his teachers and the school are aware. That way they will react appropriately if he has a melt down in class. Ask them to let you know if they notice any changes in his behavior.

Let him see you upset but let him know its okay if he wants to talk about his uncle. My mother would cry whenever I mentioned my dad and it freaked me out to think I was causing it. I stopped talking about him.

Tell him what to expect at the memorial service. Decide on a signal your son can give you if he becomes overwhelmed and needs to escape for a few minutes.

Keep your brother's memory alive. Frame a favorite picture of your brother for your son to keep in his room, learn the special handshake and do it every night, etc. Have him write a letter to your brother and tie it to a balloon and watch it float away. Find reasons to bring up your brother- "Oh look, Uncle Ken would have loved that motorcycle", "Uncle Ken would have been so impressed by that drawing. Ken liked to draw too. Maybe that is where you got your talent", etc.

It is a very rough time for everyone involved and I am sorry you have to be going through this. Love, compassion and the support of friends and family will get you through it.

My prayers are with you and your family.

You probably can't keep him from regressing; it is part of most children's mourning. Tell him gently and kindly, hopefully when you can stay somewhat calm. Then, listen to him and answer any of his questions as honestly as you can. He may be asking questions already if they hung out on most days. You don't need to give more details than he asks for. Don't punish him for regressive behaviors; they will eventually stop. Get psychological help if he seems to progress past it with tme.

A little about me: I'm a child psychiatrist in practice 18 years, with a husband and two almost grown kids.