Explaining Death & How to Help My Children Through My Fathers Passing

I am sorry for your loss.

Everybody mourns differently. Keep the lines of communication open during this busy time. Find some time to let others carry the load while you just sit with your sons. Your own religious beliefs will be paramount in acceptance of death. Share your beliefs. Share funny stories and pictures.
Share what you felt when a grandparent or loved one passed. Let them know what a special part of your father's life your kids were, like when they were born.

There is a book, "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf" by leo bascaglia (sp?) that is beautifully illustrated, and approaches death from the perspective of nature...leaving the door open for 'you' to insert your personal beliefs/perspective.

I am so sorry for your loss...especially during this holiday season. ((hugs))

Sometimes, what helps us most is to be given permission to grieve in our own ways. For adolescents losing a close relationship, I can understand how upset and confusing it could feel. I'd just say to keep your communication open with him, let him know that "I know that everyone who loved Papaw could feel really sad or really mad that he's gone. I know I'm going to miss him." I'd have these conversations--if you can-- at low-key side-by-side moments, like driving in the car, where there's less pressure for him. You can tell him what you might do to feel connected to your father (talking to him, writing him a letter) or if that's not your way of coping, how you feel sad but hope to see Papaw in heaven. Ask your son what he thinks, and then just listen to see what he has to say. Sometimes, kids this age question their beliefs, and you can give him "this is what I believe, and it's okay for you to be where you're at on this journey as well" sort of neutral affirmation.

I'm so sorry for your loss, J.. May you be blessed with peace and some meaningful time with family in the coming days.

I am truly sorry for your loss. May his memory be eternal.

I lost my mother on September 18th to a VERY aggressive pancreatic cancer. I understand the pain you are feeling.

My kids are 27 (she didn't have a problem understanding), 13 and 11. They were not with me in California when she died. We told them that, once we learned she had cancer, that she was NOT going to survive. We were making her comfortable. My boys have lost both of their grandmothers and one of their grandfathers (we had two deaths this year, my father in law and my mom).

How to help them? We told them the truth. In all instances, they were sick and the doctors could not help them. They died. They are now with God and looking over us.

At 10, he should understand the concept of death. The 7 year old might not.

They can however, cherish their memories with him. They can keep his memory alive by talking about him and sharing special times that they had with him.

Again, I am truly sorry for your loss. I hope you have safe travels to South Carolina for his funeral.

So sorry for your loss! I lost my dad two years ago when my kid were 5 & 3. My son, who was 5 does remember my dad and had a special relationship with him. We thought he wasn't processing the death either. But after the memorial service when everyone was back at my parents house, we found him in the den, crying while watching the picture video we had put together to share my dads life with others. I knew then he understood in his own way.
I can say we have cried together and still do when we miss him. We also talk about him still when we remember something. Kids will also try to be tough for us adults. They know we are sad and don't want us to worry more about them. Giving them permission to cry and that it's ok if both of you cry does help.
Also, when we returned to school, I asked the guidance counselor to check on him. Sometimes kids have questions, and though we want them to come to us, sometimes they might not since they don't want to upset us anymore. I simply ha he check on him and it was great because he shared memories and they made a special book together. When she met with him she simply asked how he was doing an did he want to talk because she knew we had lost Poppa. It was very casual and non- threatening. It also allowed me a chance to see if he was doing ok since I was grieving myself.
The first holidays were the hardest and sometimes they are still hard. It does help to share memories and let the kids know its ok to talk about them.
Since mine were younger we explained that his body was sick an the doctors couldn't make him better. I didn't want to scare them about death. My son also has his own picture of what heaven is like and it helps him to talk about it.
Best of luck and hugs to you an your family to get through this tough time.

Children digest grief slowly.
He will likely have questions every so often for you.
Just be open & honest.
Papaw was sick. So sick that everything the doctors used to make him better did not work and his life was over.
Explain: All things have life with a beginning, a middle and an end. From people to a blade of grass.
Lifetimes is a great book to share with them now.
I'm sorry about your dad--my sympathy.
Maybe let them write a note to him about special memories.

I am sorry about your dad. Kids are amazingly resilient. Your son will be fine as long as you are okay. Take care of yourself.