Experiences W/ Young Siblings Sharing a Room

I have a 1 and 3 year old. I put them in the same room starting when my youngest was 6 months. It took a while for my then 2 year old to settle down. He would climb into her crib, throw toys in, talk to her-very frustrating indeed! I ended up sitting in the corner of the room in the dark. Anytime he would start to get out of bed I'd whisper in a very stern voice, "Lay down with you head on the pillow." If he got out of bed I'd silently but firmly put him back in his bed and sit back down. I had as little interaction as possible. If he started being too loud I'd put him in a time out just outside the room. It took what seemed like many very long nights-maybe it was a week or so? Now he goes down 7:30-8:30, she goes down 8:30-9. He is usually still awake when I bring her in. (He finally got the whispering thing down)-I sing a lullaby then give him another kiss and I can leave the room with them both awake! Hallelujah :)

That's what method worked for me-I hope it helps. Good luck-I know those long nights are tough.

P.S.-I think both my kids like having the other in the room-my son asks for his sister :)

Hi A.-

I have 2.5 year old twin girls who share a room - actually they shared a crib until they were 23 months old. I would recommend getting the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth(available at Target). In a nutshell he suggests establishing bedtime rules, a few simple rules that you repeat to your two year old at nap and bedtime. Let her know that she will get a small treat for following the rules (could be a small piece of candy or letting her play with a special toy right after nap or bed). The book goes into more detail and gives sample rules - I would highly recommend it. Good luck! K.

If you can stick it out, it will be worth it in the end. My girls - now 7 and 9 - share a room and they are best buddies because of it. Yes, they fight. But they wouldn't hear of getting their own rooms now. It is so comforting to them when something goes bump in the night to know they are not alone. And I love listening to them talking and bonding together at night - that's when they really get a few minutes of private time to talk about their feelings, etc.. It's really cute to hear them. I also think sharing a room is an important life lesson. I look at my nieces who don't share a room - everything is always "THAT's MINE!" or "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" and they are nowhere near as close or bonded as my girls. Try to set some gentle rules. Put a digital clock in their room, and tell them when the first number is on "8" (or whatever you want) - that they have to stop talking. You don't have to set the clock at the correct time, just set it so that when it turns to whatever number you teach them, it will be the time you want them to stop talking. (For example, it could say "8:00" when it is really "7:45".) Same thing for the morning - tell them they are not allowed to start talking or get up until the clock says "6" or "7" or whatever you want - if it says a number before, they have to go back to sleep. I started that lesson when my daughter was 2 - she was able to do it. Good luck, it really is worth it. They'll be best friends for life.

I have an almost 3 year old and an almost 1 year old (tomorrow!). I tried the room-sharing experiment a few months back because we too don't have another bedroom for the little guy. It worked OK for a while at night but not naps. Now, he's back in our room almost full time. He takes his morning nap in his sister's room so we all can get ready for the day in our bedroom. Big sis would also talk, giggle, play, get into his crib and jump around (sometimes on him). Lots of fun, but not much sleep. He also wakes up very early, and I'd rather have one child at 5:30 am than two. I have no really good advice. Sorry!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news for you, but my girls are 7 and 10 and they still keep each other up. At this point it's more of a lets see how long we can push back bedtime. They are okay about getting up most mornings though for school. So at their age as long as they don't make a lot of noise and come out of their room to complain about one of their sisters or wake their brother up in some way I don't mind too much. I remind them of the importance of going to sleep on time so they can get up in the morning especially on those days where they are having a hard time getting up in the morning.

You can't do much about the 8 month old, but the 2 year old I would tell her that she is to stay in her bed and not get up and go to the crib. Explain to her how important her sleep is and it's time for bed. Maybe tell her she doesn't have to go to sleep, but she can't disturb her sister and has to lay quietly in her bed with a book or something when the lights go out. And on the nights when she does it the next morning make a huge deal out of it and point out how well rested she is and how proud of her you are. This age they'll do anything to please you so if she sees how happy you are that she did what you asked she's more apt to continue doing it.

One other thing I'm curious about though for the 2 year old. Is she napping? Is she napping too late in the day maybe? Now 8:00 or 8:15 isn't too late for her to be going to sleep, but the 5 a.m. wake up might be. As they get older they need less and less sleep so maybe she's napping too long during the day. I believe 10-12 hours for a 2 year old to sleep is within the norm. Maybe she only needs the lower amount of sleep. So if she's sleeping from 8-5 that's 9 hours right there. Honestly, I cut naps out by the age of 2 completely for my girls because I preferred them sleeping for me at night. She's getting a pretty good amount of sleep at night, but how much is she napping during the day?

M.

My boys (now 18 months and 3 years) have shared a room since the younger one was about 6 months old, and we haven't had too many problems, except that if one of them is having trouble going to sleep and is being noisy, the other usually doesn't fall asleep either, and in the morning whoever wakes up first usually wakes the other unless we take the noisy one out right away. But they don't otherwise bother one another (they don't pester one another on purpose, usually).

One thing you might find helpful is a crib tent for your younger one. This will prevent animals from getting thrown in or out. I think the crib tents are sold mainly as a safety device to prevent climbers from hurtling themselves out of the crib, but ours has been invaluable as a barrier against projectile toys. We purchased one at onestepahead.com.

It is great how much your two year old loves the littleone.....as she is willing to give her all the stuffies. I had twins...which is also a sleepless ordeal for a bit. Easier than yours, though as they slept in the same crib for the first 9 months and then the cribs had to be close enough that they could hear each other breath for the next year. Buy the time they were in toddler beds, they still slept in the same room but were not so focused on the other twin.

I alway wanted my girls to share a room because it teaches you to comprmise, and in an odd way, be able to focus on your own homework, thoughts, book etc., while the world goes on around you. I have known people that needed a completly quiet space to even think.

We had the four of us in one room until I was 9.5 then we moved and only had to share with two to a room.

Back to your issue...sorry. My little sisters' first two are two years appart and 2 weeks. The two year old 'gave' his favorite truck to the baby durring a nap, luckily the littleone was sleeping far enough away that she was not hurt. The pediatrition suggested removing the items from the room that could injure the baby. With a livingroom full of toys that used to be in the kids room, the little boy started climbing into the crib with his little sister to be with her. The pediatrition then said that she was not giving the little boy enough attention.....which was not the case, I think.

In the end, she told the little boy that his little sister loves him a whole bunch and when she gets older would love to play with him and his favorite truck but for now, she needs her sleep to grow up and be as big and strong as her big brother. This was reinforced over the next few weeks as he would try to snuggle with her at night. The toys went back where they belong and the kids started to sleep without waking eachother up. They are older now but still have a wonderful bond.

Hope it helps.

My 12 year old twins are Redcross Babysitter course Graduates and would love to be mothers helpers and watch the kids for you some afternoon while you sleep or get out for a bit....Just a thought.

About me... Mother of twin girls...a twin myself...married to my best friend for 20 years this July, Architect...just opened my own company in New London this January. I love kids.....

There are some things you do for short term sanity.... I would let the 8 month old stay in my room for a while until you regain some energy. The waking up early part you can't do anything about right now. They are still little. Grab the z's at night when you can. Make sure you have a good, healthy sleep program going for the kids like bath, book, bed or something like that. Try putting them together again in a few months. Good luck and take care. You may not believe me now, but this will work out! I used to put the older child to sleep first - before the baby. Now I put the younger one to bed first..... Whatever it takes!

Hi Allyson,

My children are slightly older than yours now but they've been together since they were babies & they're 16 months apart. Anyway, what I do when they won't go to sleep is physically separate them.

First, I'd explain to your older daughter why it's important to go to sleep (sure you already have but a reminder's good) and then tell her that starting tonight, if she doesn't obey you, you're going to separate them. I'd also recommend that you give them a few minutes to talk, sing, etc quietly when they first lay down without you being there but tell them they have to stay in bed and heads have to be on pillows. When the 15 minutes or so is up, tell them that quiet time is over and it's time to go to sleep. If after that, they won't settle down to go to sleep, the first time, I'd give a verbal warning to them from outside the door. The second time, I'd go into the room and give a warning face to face and remind them of the consequence. The third time, I'd pick up your youngest and say that she'll have to fall asleep in the pack-n-play in your room since they can't behave. I bet that after a couple of times, your older daughter will understand and stop (of course once they get a bit older, they'll just learn to whisper ;) The method works very well for me and my two are 16 months apart (and in the same bed by choice even though they have their own rooms!)

Hope things get better for you because I remember how exhausting it is to be where you are! And try to remember that even though what they're doing is very frustrating, sharing a room builds a great bond between siblings. Goof luck!

Hi there. I have 3 kids (5,4, and 20 mo) sharing the same room. At first my middle child and the youngest were exactly like that, getting up, talking and keeping all 3 awake. It did get better. I had a talk with my middle child about the youngest needing all the sleep she can get, and that they had to stay in their own beds. This worked. They have stayed in their own beds and are asleep in 5-10 minutes. I'm not sure if this info will help you, but just know that it will get better.

I never really had problems quite like this... but my two girls have shared a bedroom since my youngest was 9 months old. They are 23 months apart.
I have always put the younger to bed earlier. Once she was asleep, I would put my older to bed. You can always reverse this order if you think your older daughter will disturb your younger.
Now that they are 4 and 6, they can go to bed at the same time. Since they learned from the start that bedtime isn't playtime, they go right off to sleep.
There are a few nights, here and there, that I actually sit in their room with my book to read to myself, while I wait for them to fall asleep. With my stern presence right there, they just go to sleep, no fooling around.

Good luck!
-S.

Hi A.

I would try and wait it out if you think you can hang on! Like you said, when the novelty of it wears off your two year old will adjust. I have 8 month old twins who share a room and they occasionally wake eachother (neither are sleeping through the night so I feel your pain of being tired!!!) but I refuse to separate them (nor do i have an extra room at the moment to do so) because I want them to get use to eachother being in the same room.

Hi A.,
I am having the very same problem, but with boys 21 mths apart. Now, I have my older son, who just turned 3, and his bed in my room. HOping you get some good advice. I sure could use it too!

J.

A., First of all I must say I'm so sorry for this must be a stressfull time. I'm a mom of 3. My boys are 5,3 and latest 4months. I was very skeptical about having my two oldest share a room. My husband is from a large family and after much debate he won. I must say I now agree it has been great for them. Having said that, now 3yrs into this.
I never bought an extra crib so my 2y/o had to leave his crib about 6-8wks before his brother was due. With this new freedom he loved to get up at night for ...you name it. I implimented the " losing a favorite bedtime toy" punishment if he left bed after say 3 times. You could make it 1 time. I must say he did test it and I knew that. But after testing and finding out I was sticking to my plans. (yes he screamed and cried for what seemed like forever... but was probably only 20min) I believe he did wake up one more time during the night because he missed his poohbear. Cried now for 3 minutes.. too tired to fight me. I still give that threat today. I've taken favorite toys away and for that matter I've even had the kids watch me pick up toys they won't and we go and donate them to as I call it "the kids that don't have toys and will take good care of them". Maybe keep the 8 month old in the pack n play while you straighten out the older sister's waking schedule. I wish you the best of luck. It's times like these that seem to make that "blink of their lives" childhood... seem like minute to minute and you'll never see the light. Pull together and pull through it. God Bless you and your family, L.

First off, my son will go down at 7:45-8:00 and stay up there blabbing to himself sometimes until 10 :00 pm!! I couldn't imagine him sharing a room!!
My thought is... since you have a pack n'play in your room, can the little one stay in your room for nights until shes a bit older?? You ALL need you sleep!

I have 3 kids, 3.5, 2 and 6mo. The first two are 15 mo apart and the second two are 21 months apart. They all share a room.

I ended up putting a crib tent over the baby's crib b/c i was afraid both my 2 yr old and 3yr old would climb into the crib with her and hurt her by accident. I got the tent at a consignment shop for $15.

My first two kids have shared a room their whole life. It really has made them closer as siblings. They wake up early together, talk together and drive mommy crazy together. Even at two and three they have built a bond that will last them the rest of their life. It really comes out when someone is mean to one of them. The other will defend them and stick with her sister wherever and however. When the 2yr old was a little over a year my oldest would get into her crib and they would jump and jump and laugh and laugh... They would sit in her crib and play... and they would just talk and talk and talk.

That being said sometimes it is rough on me to put them to bed. I get really "angry" at them when they get out of bed and start to take away toys when they don't stay in their beds.

But really, to be honest the bond they will build is worth all the headache... and if you start them young staying in the same room will become second nature