Experience Needed -6 Year Old Boy- Boy

Hello ~

There is a great practitioner named Kirsten Hope. (google her). She can probably help and she's very reasonable (and also has kids).

I have a 7 yo too, and they are a wiggly age! I have found that swimming and swinging are the best activities for re-setting his behavioral and activity level.

Feel free to email me off line. L. ____@____.com

Hi J.,
I know this is something you don't want to hear. It's something I didn't want to hear (I'd known since he was 3) but I prepared myself for it. Perhaps you should put him on meds. My ds, 9, is a completely different person because he takes Concerta. It is such a relief to be able to reason with him and get him to do things that before Concerta I couldn't get him to do it. His schoolwork is sooo much better and his attention span lasts longer. My parents are always saying how disappointed they are in me for "taking the easy way out" but I truly believe this is the best thing for him at this time.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you. Let me tell you, it is nice to have my sanity back.

As the mother of a 10 year old that fit that description at 6, let me empathize with you. This personality and these characteristics challenge even the most seasoned mothers. Believe me when I tell you that there is no shame in raising a child with ADHD or Asbergers just a lot of hard work! There is also no shame in letting him have medication that will help him. Trust me he is just as unhappy as you are but he hasn't developed the ability to express it or the maturity to control it that you have. He is trapped in a brain and a body that won't sit still. He wants friends, he wants to be successful at school. I think of medication as training. Just like an athlete must train his muscles to do what he wants. Your son's brain needs training to focus and do what he wants it to do. Medication can teach your son. Medication can get him calm enough to listen to the things you are trying to teach him, calm enough for him to be able to think before he acts. Many kids go off of medication later in life because they have learned the skills to cope without it, however they need the medication to be able to concentrate long enough to learn.

I have 2 sons with ADHD (now 27 and 26) and one ADD probably Asbergers (age 10). With the youngest I have read everything I can get my hands on. I have met with countless doctors, psychiatrists, behavior specialists, etc. The medication allows me to teach him. The specialists teach me how to teach him as he learns differently than the other 2 or the 3 non-ADD kids. One of my greatest resources is a magazine called ADDitude. You should check it out. If you really are opposed to medication then look in to biofeedback. There is a great clinic in SW Portland called The Childrens Clinic. Very spendy if your insurance doesn't cover it. It is combination of counseling, behavior modification and parenting classes that is very effective.

Good luck to you and you can always write to me privately if you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.
J.

J.- I have a high spirited, high needs 5 1/2 year old, and I hear ya. They are a handful. I have two other kids, so my guy is lucky to have a built in play mate with his three year old brother, but that still makes for lots of work for mommy. :)

This biggest thing I can say is schedule - it's hard when you're a creative type to make and have one, but for these guys it's very important.

I talk about our schedule for the day in advance (including eating times, play times, school times, screen time, etc) first thing in the morning, and that seems to help when it's time to do things that I want to do. It helps him to know that there are lots of times where he can pick what to do.

I also have to strictly regulate screen time. He gets to watch a video when I take a shower or make a meal, and that's pretty much it. He mostly gets to play the computer only if we have finished chores and school work. It takes a few days of work to get the rules in place, but it has been SO worth it. Good luck!! Hope this helps!

Well, I have a 13 year old boy who has ADHD and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). He is like a toddler in a large body, and he likes to argue, control, seek negative attention, and is stimulated by upsetting his siblings, classmates, or anyone else around him. I've practically been accosted by parents steamed at him for his behavior, which is very, very difficult to control. My other children are not like this, and we have not taught him to be disrespectful, but people are judgemental and do not realize that his behavior is much like a kid with tourette's who cusses. When he was younger he also was extremely energetic and would hurt people, and had few friends after the second grade. A kid with ADHD who pushes a kid too hard on the swingset causing them to fall off will apologize and accept responsibility, but and ODD kid will claim they weren't holding on; it's never their fault. If I could go back in time I would do a few things differently. First, I would have given him medication sooner. This truly does help them academically, socially and helps them with their self-esteem, which might have avoided the ODD. We did not want to have our child medicated or labeled, but that was due to our idea that it was a social stigma to do so; forget about what other people think, or you might pay for it later on when your child is out of your control and is self destructive. The next thing I would do is get my son onto a swim team, where they practice every day and year round. The condition swimmers have to be in is amazing and this will take care of some of the restless energy and help them sleep and make them hungry. Lastly, I'd have started him on a gluten free (and possibly dairy-free, too) diet. This is one of the DANN program's most important key elements for autistic children, and I think ADHD is related to autism. I did have him tested for allergies, but nothing showed up, and I didn't do this soon enough. Try to take him gluten-free for 6 weeks, and see how he calms down. This helps my son, but he is 13 and cheats, and wants to go to Taco Bell and McDonald's with his friends. If he had started when younger, I think he would be used to it by now. Also give your son fish oil and cisteine for greater brain function. I've done a lot of research and you should too. It is an amazing amount of work to keep these kids from getting out of control, but it only gets worse as they get older, so start asap. Good Luck!

Hi J.! This is J.. I had four kids in five years, and
they were all a handful! First, I'd recommend removing your
son completely from the TV AND movies! They tend to amp them up. Next, take your son - the best you can in this bad weather - to the park, out to play, take him for long walks, and generally get him active outside. You'd be amazed at the difference in his behavior once you channel his energy into something creative instead of self-destructive. Also...watch
his diet and avoid sugar the best you can and cut out all
foods containing red dye. Sounds weird, but if you just do
it, you'll see the difference. On top of that, did you know
that a lot of chemical household cleaners can cause all kinds
of physical and behavioral problems in children? Think of it...they play indoors and breath a bunch of fumes from your
cleaning products, which have all kinds of nasty chemicals.
Get those chemicals OUT of the house, clean with natural and
safe soaps, and you're on your way to that little boy of yours being a happy little healthy boy.
I sure hope this helps get you to thinking about reading up on
these subjects!
:>) J.

hi J.,
i didn't read all of the responses, but in the first few i noticed that aspargers and autism came up. there is another condition called Sensory Integration Dysfunction or Sensory Processing Disorder that falls on the low end of the autism spectrum. I would recommend a book called "The Out of Sync Child" and see if it helps. That, along with "The Out of Sync Child has Fun" helped my 5 year old son quite a bit. Occupational therapy is recommended instead of drugs, which was a big turn on for me.
And the mom who said to limit the screen time is absolutely right, as it doesn't encourage them to learn how to connect and interact socially. You set the limits, you are the mom.
GOOD LUCK, sending positive thoughts your way!!

The advice you hav gotten about diet and exercise, and consistent enforcement of rules are good.

But I recommend that you investigate other causes as well. I don't want to scare you but the way you describe him fits the behavior of a child with autism spectrum disorder. I would recommend getting an evaluation. Your pediatrician or the school can recommend someone to help. If he does need help to succeed in school there is a law that requires the school district to proved that help without cost to you.

My grandson at 2 was much like your son and my daughter learned that he had a disorder that included both "wild" behavior and a speech deficit. I can't remember the name of it now. He's 4, in a special school half days, gettin speech therapy and his behavior and speech are both improved.

My friend's son has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. He is a likeable boy. He has difficulty controlling his behavior and relating to people. Yet, he is friendly. He doesn't seem to pick up on the nuances of a relationship.

Here is a web site that has a good explanation of the disorder.

www.ericdigests.org/2000-3/asd.htm-20k

The evaluation could tell you that he doesn't have a disorder and may refer you to another resource. If he has this disorder the earlier he gets treatment the better off he'll be.

I was worried about my grandson and very anxious at first after hearing the diagnosis but I'm very glad that he was diagnosed and is receiving treatment.

I feel for you.

First you HAVE to get rid of the video games and TV. He is acting the way he sees people act on that. It also sounds like a HUGE discipline problem, set limits and stick to them. The way he treats people now is exactly how he will treat you and others when he is a teen.

Whatever you do dont fall for the ADD lie, its a discipline problem. You can do it, be firm and NEVER give in once you have stated a rule or boundry with him.

Good Luck, remember your the Mom your in charge Not him!

Have you had your son tested for Autism. My son is 11 almost 12 and he has savear ADHD but he also is BiPolar and Autistic. Autism has about 10 different degrees. One is Aushburgers(I don't think it spelled right).It is a social and emotional disorder. He does and says things that are not usually exsprcted from a young man of his age. I also have an 8 yr old daughter who seems to help our son out. You have to set limits and keep them. I started by telling Dakota (son) we were going to do something Mommy wants to do then we will do something you want to do. If you want to do X you have to do this first. If you continue to give in he will know he is in charge and not you and you do not want to do that. I took by son to a Neuobehavioalist at a young age and we have all had counciling to learn how to deal with Dakota and his special needs. He is limited to one hr of gameboy a day and can not play PS2 or Computer stuff at all during the week, then he only get one hr. He can play game boy all he want Saturday but not on Sunday. We go to Church everyweek and stay active in it and that helps him. Also Dakota is in a special needs class at Pleasant Glade Elem in Olympia. There are only five kids in his class. He is now almost compleatly mainstreemed into "normal" school classes and next yr in Middle school he will have a free time to go to the counciler so that he can degress and catch up on homework so he is not overwelmed with it all. I true hope this helps. Dakota does take some meds but they are out of his system around the time he gets home so he has time to be himself and I give him herbs that clean out his liver and kidneys and I make sure he gets his blood tested every three month make sure he is healthy. I have read your other responses and there is alot in there that sound very familier to me, so there is lots of great stuff. Hope you get the answers you need. Let us know how things work out.Lots of luck Shan

www.GlutenFreeEugene.org
Get him off wheat/gluten and sugar
Get him in soccer, or buy clay at Georgie's and let him pound the clay and make something.Take him to the park after school, weekends, let him have one friend over on Friday night, so that friend and him can play with the toys he has or play games with you. Childrens games are much fun, and yes you will have to play with them, have them cook something in the kitchen. Lots of art ideas from the interent. The Science Factory. Minture golf at Putters on hiway 99, play structures,needs real quality time with you. Go for a long bike ride the 2 of you.Get him to bring a friend home, so the 3 of you can do something or go to the park etc. good luck

J.,

It sounds to me like your son lacks consistency and discipline. I have a 6 year-old boy also, and I cannot imagine him treating others like that. Has he been abused? Just a question, not pointing fingers in any way. I would say that he needs follow through on your threats. If he acts out, take away the computer for a day. But the problem is, you have to mean it. You have to do it. If a day doesn't work, try two days. In addition, he needs positive rewards. If he is doing well, do a sticker chart and at the end of 5 days of good behavior (no acting out) give him $5 to save for his favorite game or toy. Does he understand the value of money, or do you buy him what he wants?
With our son, he has to earn money by doing chores and having good behavior. Then, he can save his money for a large toy, or spend it as he earns it. Most of the time he saves it towards something he really wants. We rarely buy our boys their own toys, they do this so they value their things and so we have some sort of reward system for good behavior.
I would try consistency and rewards before medication.
Good luck!

One of my sons was very "active" too. I soon found out what he really needed was more positive physical exercise. When he acted up, I would tell him to run around the house (outside) 5 times. What surprises me, even now, is that he would actually "do it". Afterall this was his "punishment" for negative physical and verbal activity. I think he sensed that this positive "punishment' was what he actually needed. I would watch him from my kitchen window, counting out each lap. He always finished and returned calm and in possession of himself. Good luck!

He sounds as thought he needs gymnastics or some sport that helps him become "body aware". Singing and dancing area great (at the same time) to increase body awareness. Kids NEED to bounce. Boys especially need LOTS of exercise. You could get him a trampoline to jump on. There is also the handle Institute - handle.org that specializes in this type of thing. By "screen time" I'm assuming you mean TV time. TV is very harmful mentally and physically if it's more than 1 hour a day. The doctors tell us, TV AND computer if more than 1 hour a day, WILL cause ADD or ADHD not MIGHT, WILL. This is a big motivator for me to make sure my daughters get as much NON-screen time as possible. Maybe you can go for walks with him in the woods, take him to parks, ride a bike with him. There are many active exercises you can take part in even if he's a little reluctant at first.

PS I understand wolves make great pets. I've wanted one myself.

Well sounds like you have your hands full. I have an energetic daughter like this. Not as active as your boy though it sounds like. Have you tried him in soccer, swimming or ANY kind of sport where he can release some energy?

First off, you really need to get a handle on his screen time. It sounds like he has spent so much time in front of the boob tube that he doesn't have the coordination and social skills that a 6 year old should have. Yes, it will be hard to cut him off and send him to play Legos, so take him to the park, go to Chuck e Cheese, go to The Children's Museum, go to a Jump Park, enroll him in sports. Do whatever you have to do, but the TV and video games is most definitely making his behavior worse, and you are not doing him any favors in life by taking the easy way out. No one said kids would thank you for limits, just that they would be better for them.

As a teacher that specializes in behavior issues I have a couple of ideas for you. First, you don't need to pretend you are always happy... too tiring and the kids see right through it. But talk about it with your kiddo if they comment, "I am feeling sad so I would like some time to sit and read a book to help take my mind off of it." This shows your kiddo that the emotions are okay and illustrates a strategy for coping.

Next, small steps. If he doesn't engage in activities you approve of independently at all, then just start with 5 or 10 minutes. Then PRAISE! Here is what I would do. Set up 4 different activities at different areas around the room. One station with books, one with paper and crayons (the Creator's Corner), one with blocks, and one with another activity or game he likes (action figures, cars, etc). Then set a timer for 3 minutes. He spends 3 minutes at each station. If he is distracted and doesn't engage on his own, then go back to 2 minutes. You do not want this to be another power struggle but something he can do independently and feel successful about. The only rule is, you MUST move to the next station at the buzzer and you have to stay there the whole time. If he wants to stay at one longer than the buzzer, don't let him. Now you know a special activity you can use as a reward.

Each day increase the time for the stations by a minute and change the activities often. You don't need to change all of them. I always have the Creator's Corner and reading and blocks at our house. We go for 12 minutes a station... I have almost an hour every day while my youngest naps!

Good luck.

Try checking out some wesites for Sensory Integration Disorder. They might be able to give you some insight into your son's troubles. There are also resources available to help and different types of occupational therapy for the condition that are quite beneficial.
Good luck!
C. B.

I have a son whose 11 and he used to be somewhat like your son, but not to that extreme. Try giving your son tuna fish and see if it helps, it did with mine,but don't give it to him all the time, because I heard it's bad in large amounts, you might want to look into that. Other than that I guess he just needs a lot of activities to keep him busy, and a lot of love and understanding, because he probably can't control all of his behavior. Eventually he might grow out of it, mine did.

Hi J....I have a grandson that sounds similar to what you describe. They have gone thru counseling (he is still in counseling as is mom). They tried several meds.,,,Some made him absolutely wild. They finally diag. him with "oppositional defiance disorder"...Which actually seemed to help when subscribing a new med. I know meds are not always the answer. But he was not happy as "NO One" liked him. Now with the med. he is a happier child, and actually has friends at his before and after school day care. He now can be polite and say "I'm sorry" (which was unheard of before). Doesn't slam doors as often and his anger appears definately under control. (no more "accidently" hurting other children in the family.
He is 8 now...but it was a rough 3 years finding out what was going on. Applying for and receiving SSI was helpful as my daughter can get financial help with Dr. appointments and counceling...meds and testing. One of the most helpful things my daughter has learned is to praise him for EVERY good thing he does. No matter how small. ie.. Tommie...I love that you closed the door quietly,,good job! Tommie...thank you for speaking quietly to your sister. Tommie..thank you for shutting off the TV when I asked, good job. My daughter was so fed up that it was hard to praise him, when he had JUST slammed the door for the 50th time, but discovered that it was finally working. Now he is a pleasant child to be around. But he is on a med for sleeping, (as he was only sleeping 4 or 5 hrs a nite)... and a med for daytime.
Good luck...there is simply not enough help out there for these active children.
B..

That sounds a little like my son except my son can also become a little violent. He has been diagnosed with aspergers by the school district. He has been going to the learning center and they have a system of points that helps keep him in line. We have also dicovered that he needed his tonsils and adnoids out because of sleep apnea. He just got them out so we will see if getting real sleep will help.

Well, I just read through your post, have you ever had him tested for autism? Have you tried the glutten free diet? We took our autistic son off of glutten and noticed a huge difference in behavior. There were no "normal" signs of an allergy, but when we took him off we noticed a HUGE difference.. He stopped having fits. He used to scream al the time.. this has basically stopped. As soon as we can figure out how to take him off of whey we will.

Best of luck.

Growing children is very difficult. They truly come "hard wired" the way they are and all we can do is nudge them in the correct direction. Boys are busy and your sounds overly so. A book I liked was "1,2,3 Magic", it was clear in it's advice and I could use it right away. Consistency is key, even when you are worn out. Don't feel like a "bad" mom if you give into TV now and then. We try to stay away from cable and my boys watch DVD's and some internet TV, fewer commercials. Also, he is old enough to understand how you feel about his behavior--just make sure you talk when every one is calm. I truly sympathize with your situation. Hang in there.

It could be as simple as more exercise or a change in diet, but I'm thinking more along the lines of several of the suggestions here, as in sensory disintegration disorder. There's a really good website with some symptom checklists at http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/proprioceptive...

Best wishes and peace to you both.