Exhausted Mommy Needs Advice on Crying 6 1/2 Month Old

He's at the age where seperation anxiety sets in... but his continued crying is a learned behavior- my guess is you feel a bit of guilt and sadness that you are working part time, so you give in to his crying a bit faster than the sitters do (also, the sitters can hold him without having to try to get chores done, right?) As long as he can see you, he needs to learn that you will not hold him all the time. My son would LOVE for me to hold him while I make dinner, but I just can't chop and prepare dinner with one hand, plus it's not safe while I have a knife or something hot. So I sit him in his high chair at a safe distance from the stove and I sing to him and hand him things to play with. Every single thing ends up on the floor, so then I hand him something else (a wooden clothes pin kept his attention for quite some time this evening... but I also alternately handed him tupperware lids, plastic cups, and other safe items I keep in a basket close by). When I'm trying to pay bills or do other chores in the living room, I put him in his excersaucer thingy and put music and/or Baby Einstein video on. I'm right there and I make eye contact often, but I HAVE to get things done and refuse to give in and hold him all day long. If he gets hyterical, I pick him up and walk outside and listen to the birds and the calmness for a few minutes, then go back inside and plop him down and go about my business again.(Actually, 9 out of 10 times when he is crying hysterically it's because he's over tired, so I try to catch him when he's just starting to get crabby and I put him down for a nap). As for night time, he does NOT need to be fed in the middle of the night. To break my son of the habit of wanting to be fed when I knew he didn't need it, I picked him up and held him and just let him scream his head off. I knew he was MAD, not starving. He screamed in my ear for a full hour straight, then fell asleep out of exhaustion. I figured if he woke again within an hour or so and screamed again then he must have really been hungry, but he didn't. The next night, he woke again and I was ready to be strong and survive that whole hour again, but he only cried for like 10 minutes while I held him. Then he woke he 3rd night with just a peep and fell right back to sleep. He has been sleeping great ever since. Good luck- I know it's rough, but you have to keep reminding yourself that for both the wanting to be held during the day and for the wanting to eat at night that he is MAD-- and giving in to him will teach him bad habits that will be harder to break as he gets older-- you are not doing him any favors by giving in-- as a matter of fact, in a way you are letting him down.

If he doesn't like being out of your arms right now, try wearing him. We are so afraid of spoiling them we forget we can't do that until we start buying things they don't need! My theory is this: if it is free, give it freely. That means your attention, your love, your time, your arms, your lap, etc. When they are older and whine for toys, candy, etc. I can step over them at the check out line. Haha.

I can cook, type, do laundry, answer phones, help with homework, sweep, vacuum, mop, etc. all with a baby in my sling. It works well and my children are so happy this way. Soon they are happy to be down also. It is possible your little man is getting ready for a major development. Sometimes, just before they learn something new they need to feel safe again by being near their source of life...momma. Then, the learn this new thing...could be crawling for him...and let go again only to return with the next event of their growth. All is phases that pass and new ones come. Perspective is often the best gift you give yourself...perspectove cam be that this is so much work or it can be it is so much joy. What you believe it is, it shall be. I choose to see the things I do as a mom to be part of my life that brings me joy and that the tasks are easy and wonderful. I could just as easily choose to see them as stressful, exhausting, something I need to work to change, etc. What happens is the reality, but how we perceive it can make a world of difference in the way we experience it.

My Baby
I would hold you forever,
but I know you won't let me
and when my lap is empty
and I rock with only myself
I will miss the days and nights
your small body filled my space.
P. M.

K.,

I know what you are going through. My youngest son is a mommies boy, just like yours. He has 3 siblings, an older brother, older sister & his twin sister. He seemed to be the one that needed his mommy every 5 min & could not go a complete hour without me holding him. He also did not do this to anyone but me. He's 4 now & still requires more of my attention than any of the other 3. It's a bond that they have with you. I like you was very tired & frustrated, my husband travels for a living 5 days a week. I was at my whits ends, I still do not know how I made it through. And while I would love nothing more than to impart some great life altering wisdom, the simple fact is that some children feel the need to be with you more than others. I have learned to embrace it & it has gotten better. When Kevin was 6 months - 2 years I felt I was always holding him. The twins did not sleep through the night until they were 2 years old. I can only tell you, it does get better, but learn to love his need for you, one day he won't want you so much(like Kevin is starting to do) and you will miss the little extra attention and time you had together. I will tell you, that when I could not hold him, I made sure he could always see me & I would talk to him. He would still cry but things still had to get done. I did not let his crying stop me from doing what was required of me, IE: cooking, cleaning, caring for the other children. So do not let him learn that he can get you to drop all your doing. But if it can wait, it's just more fun to love on the baby.

oh my gosh this precious time you have now will soon be nothing but a sweet memory!

HOLD that baby! you can't spoil a baby, aas they are BABIES and need love. try babywearing :-)
it SAVED me www.thebabywearer.com/forum

and check out www.askdrsears.com for all kinds of advice:-)

my now almost 4 yr old (! where does the time fly to?) needed so much attention (thus the babywearing)& now he says "I don't like kisses!" when I try to slow him down for some cuddle time...

ENJOY!!!
hugs,
L.

My little girl does the same thing and if she's been changed and fed, if I need to do something I do it. The answer to your problem is in your question. I used to pick my baby up whenever she cried and I got exhausted too. Unless he's into something harmful or he's in pain or wet, he's fine. Just let him know you're still there.

Hi K.,

Babies go through stages and also are senstitive to changes around them. Of course, since babies cannot talk, crying is the way to talk. He is probably sensing your anxiety or guilt about going to work and it's bouncing back. Don't feel guilty because you had to return to work. I don't advise just letting him cry and cry, but there is a way around all that, to minimize the crying. When you put him down, in a high chair, etc., make certain you are calm and use calming tones as you tell him "mommy has to cook", etc. If your face isn't "happy" he sees that, too! He's going to cry each time until he gets used to being put down/not carried. One thing I tried was a baby sling, the type that you wear around your shoulder. My kids fell asleep or became relaxed in it and you can do some household tasks while wearing it. Another item that worked to calm the crying child is a baby swing. Put some little toys, teething ring, or even cheerios to keep his interest. Yes, he will cry, (keep the swing or high chair in view as much as possible) but that's okay. Last idea is a bouncy chair (not on a table!!!), some come with sounds and vibrations (batteries required). Any solution will take time, used every day, for at least a week or two before it changes behavior and he gets used to it. Don't give up after a couple of tries. Yes, it's heart-wrenching when he cries when you leave him, but be strong, he will be fine. He's too young to be manipulative, so it is separation anxiety times 2. The time that anything is going to work isn't going to be long, but may vary. Make sure that when you try anything is to pick him up once he is calm and then go for longer periods of calm each time until you get the time YOU need to do what ever it is you have to to. He'll learn that you are coming back and it's a trust builder, too. Good luck!

I dont know if you have ever seen that show on TLC called "Surviving Motherhood", but it had this episode on exactly what you are upset about. I am sure you can watch that episode on the internet. It has the mom say her problem and than it has an expert give her advise. One of the tips was to sit him in the room with you with toys around him and talk to him while you do what you are doing. Maybe that show will really help. I wish I remembered more so I could help you, my daughter is only 5 months so I havent quite got there yet.

Good Luck,
J.

sound like hes going through separation anxiety. its gonna be tough but when you drop him off do it quick give him hugs and kisses and say mommy will be back the key is do it quick as possible!!! my daughter went through the same thing! and durning the day try putting him in a bouncer and give him a toy and let him watch what your doing!!! at night if your bottle feeding with his last bottle before bed put a little(start with a teaspoon and gradually put more) baby cereal in it it will be thicker and it will last longer he might be going through a growth spert and if he is her want more to eat and this will hold him off longer and you'll get more sleep i had to do this with my daughter at 2 months works wonders!! but even thoe hes young just keep reassuring him mommy will be right back!! i hope things get better and let me know how it gose lot of luck! H.

hi... i totally get you... my third baby girl just turned 6 months and has been doing the same for the past month... i dont get it... she is such a happy baby, slept though the night. fell asleep on her own... now, she does not want to breast feed as much and is very harrd to feed. cries when I am around and night times are horrible... I have been getting up almost every hour and she will not calm down until I pick her up and nurse her. I am also going crazy here... I have founf that I get my half hour of peace when I put her on a chair or swing in front of the tv with BABY MOZART from ther babay einstein series... as soon as it catches her eyes I slowly sneak away to get what I need done/ The colors and ahpes in that video keep her distracted. I also find that if I put her in her stroller facing me and rock her with my leg whikle I get my stuff done she does not cry as much... hope this helps and if you figure something else out let me know!!! good luck@@

Did you just start working? It might be that change. He also might be catching on to a pattern, if he cries with you he gets attention. He might have (unknowningly to you) tried this in a more subtle way with your husband and sitters, and not getting the response he wanted quit doing it. I have to admit it took two years (my daughter is 2) to completely ignor her when she tries it with me. And the high pitch screams are enough to make you cross your eyes. Talk to your doctor about the eating habits, changing. It could be that he is going through a growth spirt...but maybe it is behavioral. Good luck!