Ex's Girlfriend and My Children.

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. You have the right to be concerned AND this is something you can't control. This is very soon for your husband to introduce a new woman into your daughters' lives, and to be planning to remarry. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about that. I agree with the earlier responder that it is in the best interest of your children to be accepting of her in front of your children and be as positive as possible.

When I was in my 20s, I moved in with a man who had two young children (2 & 4). It was too soon after his divorce, and we ended up separating, then eventually getting back together and getting married. This was difficult for all of us, especially the children I'm sure. His ex would call me names and say very ugly things about me and their father to the children.

On your schedule - one week is a long time away for children this young. Is there any way to break up the week so that your kids could see you in sooner than 7 days? When my daughter was 5 we set up our schedule as 2 days, 2 days, 3 days. I know that wouldn't work for everyone, but some of my friends do a Wed. evening dinner with the other parent to break up the week.

Read below and do what Diane says.......you should not have to leave YOUR home. Tell him to leave. He cannot force you to leave your children!!!!

So much to say (I agree with the second post)... but strictly regarding your children, this is how I see things. When I started dating again (when my 2nd daughter was 2), guys knew I had children, but NO ONE MET MY GIRLS until I thought it was going somewhere... needless to say, only ONE man met them, and we're still together 3 years later. This girlfriend thing is reckless on HIS part!! HOWEVER, do your children get along with her? When the girls dad started dating (dating IDIOTS at that, 19 year old strippers... ewwww. Nice girls, but dumb and misdirected, lost souls) I knew I had no control over his actions, and when it was his weekend with the girls, I would have to suck it up. *I would rather have my children exposed to bimbos and have fun, than for them to come home crying because they hate their fathers girlfriend.* I am a pretty tough mom, so while I don't slander these [dumb] girls names to my kids, I let them know that fake boobs, fake tans, and platnum blonde hair just aren't cool. Their dad rotates about 3 girlfriends, it's ridiculous. But like I said, there's no sense in getting all worked up over something you can't control. As long as the kids are happy to be around dad, I would try (TRYYY) to be happy that the KIDS are happy, and not terrified of this woman. Good luck honey, I know it's super hard!! Stay strong mama!

Excuse me??? He forced YOU out two weeks ago? Pack your bags momma because you need to go back into YOUR house hubby made the move to quit the marriage hubby can make the move and get out!!! I agree with the other posts that a week here and week there might be unsetteling to the kids. I would get a lawyer post haste and set things in motion properly not let hubby bully you out of your house or whatever else is rightfully yours. And if anyone truly believes that the girlfriend leaves after the girls are asleep and comes in the morning at 5am, I have a nice bridge to sell you!!! That "girlfriend" is sleeping over. As the momma's have stated there isn't much in your control, but he has abandoned the marraige and moved in another woman prior to the divorce being setteled you have a lot more in you arsenal then you think. Best of luck and I know you will do what works best for you and your kids.

Please get an attorney ASAP. The fact that you left the home concerns me. I am not sure about legality but I wouldn't want him to say you left your family. I would move back in there and tell him to leave this way he cannot claim you abandoned your children. If he makes it difficult then contact the police. It is your home as well and he has no right to force you to leave your children. I do not understand how you have joint custody if you are not divorced yet? When you say you came to this agreement was it through attorneys or on your own. Please do not trust him!! Unfortunately, he is not going to take you into consideration at all at this point so you have to look after you and your children. Do not agree to anything with him unless a lawyer has put it in writing and has taken your best interest into consideration as well. He sounds like he is thinking with his you know what instead of his brain!!!!!!!!!! Good luck

How did he force you out of the house before the divorce was final??? It is your home until the judge says other wise & even then you have the right to have time to move out - you don't have to be out the day the papers are signed or till the jugdes tells you to move. Was it his house before you married 17 yrs ago or did you get the house during the 17 yrs of marrage? If you got the house during the marrage - even if you didn't work outside the home, you have a right to be "bought" out of the house, since you were the care taker of the family.

I also don't understand the one week/one week arrangement. Where is the stable home for the kids?? Kids do better if they have stablity & routine - they can't have that with the one week/one week arranement.

As for the girlfriend... if you just moved out 2 weeks ago, this relationship starting at Thanksgiving isn't new to him... it's been going on since before you moved out. Yes, if he gets the house in the divorce he has the right to move this girl in & she will be a part of your kids lives, but will never take your place! Just like you have the right to move on, find someone else & have him a part of your kids lives, but not take the place of dad. But with that being said, if you take them to the doc - you have the right to take your "partner" - just as he has the right to take his.

Yes, it might seen really soon, but since he started dating before you moved out - it will feel that way. You are still hurt by his choose & have every right to be. Right now all you can do is ask him to respecte you and move her stuff out till the divorce is final, but understand that he has the right to say no.

My hubby & I have been married for 15 yrs and have 3 kids living w/ us & one on the way... we have an agreement that if anything happens between us, I get the house we currently live in (along w/ the house pmt - since I am the main bread winner) and the kids stay here. But he will get to pick one of the rentals we own (free & clear) around the corner (we have 3 total house on the same block) to live in. The kids will have the right to go to his house anytime, but there home is here with me. The other rental is to be used to help me with the house payment and up keep of the property & we are both to pay our own utilites, insurance & taxes for with ever house we live in. All 3 houses are to stay in both our names even if we divorce & if we ever sell them the profit would be split 50/50, but we want to leave the houses to our kids, so aren't planning on selling them. But I'm hoping that we never have to use our arrangement.

I wish you luck!! And hope you are able to find new pease after everything is said & done.

Your husband is an immature jerk.

However, you cannot control what he does. So let it go, or you will just be fighting with him all the time, which will be way worse for your girls than having some bimbo living with them part time. The only possible decent outcome of this is for you and your husband to be on really good terms with each other. That will hurt your girls the least. (Spoken as the child of divorced parents.)

I'm just wondering, though, why he is moving her clothes into YOUR house? You're not moving out of the house, are you? HE'S the one who wants out of the marriage,so HE should be leaving the house, not you.

And by the way, a 50/50 arrangement is not good for the girls. They need to have a home to call their own, not "daddy's house" and "mommy's house." There needs to be one house they call "my house." So they should be with you and visit him on weekends and whenever else the two of you determine.

YOU should be making the rules here, not him. Just nicely and calmly tell him how it's going to be. Tell him he wants out, and that's fine, but you are going to do what is best for the girls. And what is best for them is to live in one house with you, with visits to dad. And don't worry about bimbo. Hopefully she is nice. And anyway, it probably won't last, because he barely even knows her.

Listen to Rachel D., below.

All I know is I would not feel comfortable w/ joint custody if my husband was acting that immature and inconsiderate. How horrible for you!
I'm truly sorry you're going through this. My advice would be to get a lawyer and FAST. If he isn't willing to be mature and care about his children's wellbeing, then he doesn't deserve to be in charge of them, period.
Good luck, momma. You'll get through this!!!

If you are not yet divorced, you can have something put in your divorce decree that says that neither parent can have sleep-over guests (as in boyfriend/girlfriend). You will have to abide by it too so make sure that is what you want. After you are divorced, you cannot do anything about it so take care of it now or she will be moving right in after the divorce is final.
Good luck to you.

Unfortunately, this is something that you can't control. It's not up to you what your husband does once you've moved out. I do think it's good of him that he's not having her spend the night yet, so things could be worse. The best thing you can do for your kids is be acceptable of her and your husband because your kids will pick up on any negativity, and then the guilt will start to set in with them. They'll feel guilty that they are around another woman. If you explain to them that their daddy and you still love each other, but not in the way that married people love each other, and that you are still a family, and explain to them that this woman is a really good person and someone that their dad has fallen in love with, and that you like her, the transition will be easier for them. Anything else, and you're looking out for YOUR interest, not the kids. I come from a divorced family, so I say this with MUCH experience

Get a good lawyer, if you have to go thru ten of the!!

I know that your girls are young. And I can definitely see your hurt and anger towards him. If you intend to get full custody, or if you think it would be healthier for them to just not be around him then get a lawyer. OK barely ever takes the babies from the mother. If you think that he is a good father and just making lousy choices right now, just wait it out. Your children need both of their parents, and if this means that they see Daddy with a girlfriend now, and will see him with a girlfriend later, they will not blame you later. It is just how life is. My son is 4, and if my ex were to start dating even right after we split up or now, I would trust his judgment to act appropriately and explain accordingly. It is all about the kind of person you know your ex is as a father. The woman, or women should have nothing to do with it, because the girls have one Mommy, and that does not change. Be the bigger person, and don't let your anger impair your judgment, because I know that anger has caused me similar problems in the past. It will not hurt your daughters to form relationships with other female adults, it will help them distinguish at a young age between Mommy( long term unconditional love) and female friends (women who are around, and may or may not be friendly, that come and go). Just keep being the constant in your girls lives, and everything else will work out. The intial break up and year after are the hardest for adjustment. Really no matter what any of us tell you, you will ultimately make your own decision, hopefully it is not made with emotion, but with intelligence. Your girls need a Mommy who can see the light through the dark emotions. Just a suggestion, lol.

I have never had this particular experience. I do know that joint custody has
worked for my daughter. One of my concerns for you is the issue of having
to leave your home. If your house is in both your names, how can you be
forced to move? If you haven't done so, I would strongly suggest an
attorney. I am not in the habit of giving advice, just call this "Food for thought". I hope you are able to spend quality time with your children and maybe it will make the transition easier for all of you. wishing good luck and
wonderful new beginnings.

I worked for a lawyer and did many divorce cases, some of which were like this. I suggest calling the Oklahoma Bar Association's Lawyer Referral Line for a good Family and Domestic Lawyer in your area. I only say that because if things are going this far you don't know how much influence she will have on your soon to be ex in the future regarding the kids. I also agree with some of the posts below regarding the one week on one week off arrangement. Alot of times they do a 2-2-3 arrangement. But do what's best for the kids and if what you are doing is working then that's great.

I do think this is something very stressful, but nothing you can control in his personal life. The same would be true for him not being able to control what you do now. My parents divorced and I think your children are too young for the one week here and one week there. Maybe they are the exception to the rule and are very comfortable with this situation but it would have not been good for us. Our parents were always very involved in our lives after the divorce and remained very cordial because of "the kids." Neither missed an event but we lived with our mom and had weekend visits with our dad. This was more stable. I could not imagine being away from my mom for an entire week at that age, even far older either. Again, hopefully your children are doing great and not like us. Our dad even agreed this arrangement was better and easier for us and if he wanted to take us somewhere in the middle of the week for a few hours, if we wanted to go, we could, he just worked those arrangements out with mom. As their mom, you always have the right to be concerned and be their voice. You just won't be able to control what their dad does unless it puts them in a bad environment.

Please, explain why he should have the girls every other week, the only ones that will be hurt out of the deal will be your girls, they are not old enough to understand what is going on. No they shouldn't be around the soon to be x and new girlfriend, sounds like you are the one with stable life, give your girls the chance to get used to Dad not being there, before you put them with new girlfriend. Ask your girls how they feel, listen to them. But in my opinion, my girls wouldn't be going over there for quite a while, he is the one who broke the marriage up right. Look out for your girls, good luck and God bless you and your girls,