Ex-husband Wants Daughter for Summer

Hi there! The fact that your actually asking about it is good! From the sounds of it you're more worried about her being homesick and how much time YOU can stand being away from your daughter!! Think about this from her fathers point of view... He has to deal being away from her all the time! Imagine how you would feel over the summer if she went to stay with him... That's how I'm sure him and his wife feel ALL year!!!

I say if she wants to go let her... Call her every night, though don't expect them to hold their evening waiting for your call! Have you weekends with her and maybe a Wednesday night dinner... If she does say she's homesick don't jump right up and go get her... I know that sounds rough, but that would show that you have no faith that her father can handle things! (this last piece of advice is from my step-childrens counsler!)Just re-assure you're there to talk and she can call when she wants and mention the next time you'll see her! I'm betting though she'll have a blast and enjoy the quality time she gets to spend with her father and his wife!!

As for the money... No you wouldn't have to pay the weekly summer camp fee, but most likely he'll end up spending it on her anyway to do other things... I'm guessing that your daughter w ould be staying home with his wife?? I'm sure she'll gladly put that money to use for other fun activities!! I know I would!! And for the child support being lowered... Most states don't/won't do that unless things are worded just right and the time between the two houses is just so....

Hi N.,
Yes, I've been in your shoes before and it was hard to let my son and daughter go with their dad for the whole summer. Actually...they came home a few weeks earlier than planned so we could spend a little time together before they went back to school and of course to get the school shopping done! We all sat down and talked and told the kids that at any time if the changed their minds I would come get them and they would come home. They felt better that way and so did I. It was harder on me than them. They called more than I thought they would because they missed me and it was hard when they would hang up and everything was silent again. Try to put the money issue to the side. It's more important that she have a good relationship with her dad and it's better for her to spend the summer with him than summer camp. Also...I did go see my son and daughter and take them out for lunch just so I could see for myself how things were going and to make sure they were really ok. Try to be happy for her....even though it hard on you. Kids tend to pick up on how we feel and then make their decisions off of us and that really isn't fair to them.This is just the start of what's to come and I learned it went a lot easier on me when I just embraced it and stopped fighting it, plus....it wasn't as stressful for me. The first time is the hardest. Try to look at it as an adventure for both of you!
Hope you enjoy your Easter!
S.

I think your daughter is plenty old enough. If you are concerned about it, you can always agree to summer... with conditions. If you live fairly close, maybe you can ask for every other weekend and maybe an evening for dinner during the week. My 5 year old stepdaughter has stayed with us on several occasions for up to 3 months at a time and we never had a problem with her getting homesick. Ultimately, you'll never know if you don't try it. It's important for both you and your ex to build a relationship with your daughter. Just a couple things to think about. Last summer my son (6 at the time) spent a month in Arizona with my Dad. I called him daily and although he did get a little homesick from time to time, he had a great time without me.

Hi I too am a single mother of one little girl who is 10 years old. Her dad and I seperated and divorced when she was four.I think that children need as much structure as they can get from two working parents who are not together. My advice to you would be not to send your daughter for the whole summer, because that can be a little confusing to a child of seven having to deal with different rules and morals from each household. Personally I really don't think a daughter should be away from her mother that long. What about granting your ex more visitation time during the summer months?

you are her mother and you know what is best if you have that instinct that something doesnt seem right then you need to go with your first feeling.

we all want what is best for our children but being a mom myself when we feel something for our child is not the right choice 99% of the time it is not so my suggestion would be just go with what you feel deep down inside because only you know what is the right chioce in this matter and as far as the child support he has to pay regaurdless just talk with a lawyer they will tell you that.good luck in the choice that you make i know that you will make the right one because you are a caring mother.

It wont hurt anything trying it.. If she gets homesick she can always come home. I think she is old enough to speak her opinion about it .. Maybe not old enough to make the final decision. He would have to pay childsupport as long as its not in the child support orders. My boyfriend gets his two kids only for a week out of the summer and he still has to pay childsupport that week he has them. You can make guidelines like you get her one or every other weekend or whatever you decide . If it was me and my kids wanted to stay at there daddys house for the whole summer and he wanted them there the whole summer i would probley let them but i would take them every other weekend and if something came up and i wanted the kids for an event or just a day at the beach or whatever i would take them then. Summer is only june thru august its not the entire year and it could be good for her. I would ask that the rules be the same in both homes. You can call her everyday if you want.. He shouldnt have a problem with that.

N.,

It is hard to let go, but you should. I am a single mom and have gone through a similar situation with my daughter's father. If they are within driving distance, help your daughter to understand, that if at any point she wants to leave than to tell her Dad or call, so you can go get her. As for the child support, you still receive whats yours because you still have to keep a roof over her head even though she is gone for 2 months.

Better for you to let her go so that he can't ever tell her that mommy wouldn't let him spend more time with her. Trust your own parenting, your daughter will see the difference between daddy's house and mommmy's house. Weekends are nice because they can have "fun" all the time. She might actually want to go because he is not a full time parent and is more of the "fun parent". When she is there for an extended period of time, any nostalgia that she might have, she will get over. I would tell him a month this time and if it works out, next year she can stay for 2 months and see what he says.

My 2 cents.....

Hang in there.....your blessed.

RNN

Hi! I have a similar situation with my 2 children. My lawyer and my husband's lawyer had to explain to him that although they are with him for a month, I still need to maintain their home and a vehicle to carry them in and utilities for them have use of when they return. The courts advised him of the same thing. My children are now 14 & 15 and do not want to spend an entire month with their father because of issues with their step-mother and obligations/activities they have here at home. He refuses to modify their visitation. He goes as far as to tell the kids to get a lawyer and take him to court to change it. He said to them "you belong to me for the month of July and there's nothing you can do about that until your 18". So needless to say, they don't enjoy summer because they realize that every other weekend will be extended to a month.

T.

I go both ways...it would be hard for me to go without seeing her all summer, but I would just have to (depending on where he lives) drive or fly to see her several times during the summer. This is a chance for her to bond with her father I don't feel that he forced her into anything, if she really, really didn't want to go she would have told you (remember her father wouldn't be around to hear her so she would be honest about her feelings with you) You should be glad that he wants to spend time with her. I am married and my own husband doesn't want to watch our daughter not even for a couple of hours.

I do agree with you on letting it be her decision in a way, because my daughter is three but I still ask her what she wants to do... My girlfriend is in that situation she also has a 7 year old and the courts have set it up for her to go with him every other summer but she doesn't want to, because when she gets there him and his new wife don't pay any attention to her...she calls my girlfriend up crying that she doesn't want to stay there anymore and she has to tell her no...due to the court saying she has to.....that is why I feel that it is in everybody's best interest to keep the court system out of it, because in some cases you may get a few extra dollars but the court imposes rules that put the kid in the middle.....I would let her go...but if she wants to come home early then he should let her without making her feel guilty....it doesn't mean that she loves him any less than you...she may not feel safe or comfortable in that environment she is used to a routine with you.....