Ex Boyfriend and Apartment Issue

Owww, K., tough situation. If even your lawyer doesn't see a way clear, then it sounds like something you may need to work through directly with your ex, or learn to tolerate a while longer. If I were in your shoes, I would take a look at the wonderful process called Non-Violent Communication, which can give you some real tools to make the most of whatever interpersonal situations you may find yourself in.

There's also a self-help process called The Work that you may find helpful: http://thework.com/thework.php. My husband and I both use this work as a way to decrease stresses and understand other people and ourselves better.

September must feel years away for you right now. I think many of us have been in distressing jobs, relationships, and even difficult pregnancies or with challenging infants, in which a couple of months seemed impossible to survive. But the time does pass, one day at a time, and we often come out stronger on the other end. And whatever you do in that time to preserve whatever love you feel for this man will be better in the long run for the child you have made together.

I wish you the best.

Just a thought. You could find someone to take over your lease. I am an apartment manager here in CA and if a tenant wishes to break the lease they can find someone to take over the lease, or sublet from them. It is a really long time until september! Talk to your apartment manager and see if you have any options, maybe they will be nice!

ask your land lord how much it will cost to break your lease, and if you can find someone to take it over. IF you can afford it, pay the fee and move out with your son. IF not, then you may need to sit tight, and when he gets on your nerves just remind yourself that your son is getting this extra time with dad, and you are keeping a friendship with the father, which is so very important to your son.

I have a friend that is in almost the exact situation (no child involved though), with her 6 year live-in bf. He has a hot temper, on top of being a loser that can't keep a job. He blames her for ALL of his problems. Anyways, both name's are on the lease, but since she is the first name on the lease (responsible party), it doesn't make much difference what he has to say. As of August 1st, the lease is up & he has no choice but to move out. I don't understand why your apt. complex would have let him back in?/? Unfortunately, it does sound like your stuck till Sept. with him, I would just do your best to ignore him & make it quite clear that you want nothing to do with him, other then things that have to do with your child. Think of how pleasant life will be when your able to put this in the past. Good luck to you & hang in there!

You could find an apartment now and just take your name off the lease, there's some minor paper work involved that you have to sign. Your lease won't be up, it will turn into his lease. When I left my ex I took my name off the lease, wasn't the situation your in but I still took my name off and moved.

That is sweet of his mom to think about the situation with his ex living there that way. Hopefully she'll be a good influence on the little girl :)

it sounds like you've already decided, but my suggestion would be, give him till Sept 30th to get his S*** together. give him an ultimatum, and quit fighting him. just give peace a chance (hehehe). it sounds to me like you guys went through a rough patch during pregnancy and that coupled with his lack of work ethic (i have been there) has caused you to just give up on the relationship. maybe there's a reason you are in this situation where you can't get rid of him. maybe if you just tweek your attitude a bit and accept that this is your life for now, maybe if you look at his good qualities (yes he doesn't sound like mr. wonderful - but there is no perfect guy out there and you could do worse by the sound of it) and change your perspective, you'll find it's not so hellish being with him. sure he's not perfect, but he's your baby's daddy. isn't your son worth trying to work it out?? ok so i realize i am in the minority and as i have said you've already made up your mind not to work it out...but imo this is a good opportunity to give him an ultimatum - if he REALLY wants to be with you and stay in his son's life full time, get a job and clean up his act by sept 30th. i realize you guys aren't married but to me it seems like it is a relationship worth saving. just my two cents.

You're stuck:( It sounds like you'll just have to tolerate him until September. He's not getting it either. Once the lease is up, you can move out and if he continues to bug you, get a restraining order. Maybe that will register with him. The only other option that I see here is that YOU move out which may be your only choice.

September 1st isn't that far away. About 7 weeks, it's going to take you that long to find a decent place and move. So start looking. Just tell him 'I'm moving Sept 1st when the lease is up and I hope you find a good job or a roommate to help with the rent.' Give notice to your landlord or management co.

There are a lot of red flags with this guy. He can't hold a decent job. He has no friends or family members willing to take him in. (which means he probably burned those bridges long ago) He can't stand the mother is his daughter, but HIS mother cares enough for her to let her live there. Now he can't let go of you? In a way he is an emotional abuser he is co-dependent. It's not that he loves you and or his son so much he NEEDS you. He can't survive without you.

I would submit in writing that you will NOT be renewing the lease and that your name will be off the lease. Be sure that is in wriitng and that the leasing agent understands this. I would also start looking for a new place or at least getting an idea on where you want to be. You need to tell him that you and your son are moving out in September.

When you are home, I would not engage in any type of behavior that would lead him to believe that you two are together. If you are acting like you are together then he is getting mixed signals. I don't know if you are sharing a room with him, but again, you want to be clear and understood by him. Good luck!

If his name is on the lease, there's nothing you can do about him staying there.
You could move out, but you would still be responsible for the rent if your name is on the lease as well.

You don't say, but it seems your major problem with his is his lack of work ethic. If he isn't earning enough to pay even half the rent he either isn't working or you have a really expensive apartment. I'd tell him this. He may actually get up off the couch and do something.

You didn't ask, but if you have rented for the last 8 years and have an excellent payment record, NOW is the time to buy a home. Home prices are the lowest in a decade and interest rates are the lowest in decadeS. You can get lower interest rates now than my mom and dad got when they bough their first home. BTW, I'm NOT selling any real estate and I don't work for a bank.

Good luck to you and yours.

Sept 30th is right around the corner, it gives you time to plan. You can either stay where you are and not have him sign the new lease, then you can evict him personally from your apartment or you can take this time to find yourself a new place and get the plan into action so you can move out Sept 30th to your new place. Unfortunately he sounds like a bum, and wants to live off of you rather than help take care of you and your child. Good to cut and run from these types. Our partner should make us happy not piss us off.
What does your lease say, have you read it closely. My tenants sign a year lease also but if they give 30 days notice they are allowed out of the lease without repercussions. You might have that same luxury and just dont realize it. Have you discussed the issue with your manager?

Make sure that your landlord knows that YOU are not renewing the lease and want your name off of it. I would even check to see if you can get out of it a month or two early without penalty based on your situation. It couldn't hurt to ask at the very least to see if since he's staying in the apartment if you could have your name removed from the lease. That would leave you free to leave, pay your half of what's owed for your time there, and then he's responsible for his half and the time that's left. It's not worth it to stick it out until the end of September.