Engaged and Confused

That's rough. Both my parents and my in-laws live 20 min. away, and there's still tension between the 2 "groups". (It all started for us shortly before the wedding, which was almost 6 years ago now.) Whenever there is a combined event, which isn't often, they tend to stay on their own "sides". It's so frustrating! And for my kids' birthdays, we usually end up doing 2 parties. I swear, they're like a divorced couple!! My mom has told me she doesn't feel comfortable around my in-laws and would rather not be around them. I don't know what to do either!! In one aspect, with both your families being further away, there's probably less chance for them to interact, which might be nice. :) I can totally understand wanting everyone to get along. In my situation, everyone is polite, but tense, and I've pretty much decided, I'm going to do what I'm going to do (b-day parties, etc), and whoever wants to come can come, and if one of the other groups wants to throw a party, fine, but I'm not going to pay the expense, etc, for 2. Hope that makes sense, and good luck!! Don't stress out over it. They're all adults, and hopefully will act like it. :)

M... I think I may know you.. And if you are who I think you are.. He He He.. Be patient.. Especially at your wedding they will all come around.. My parents were like that with my first marrage, sat with MY family and NEVER talked with anyone else.. UNTIL I said something.. We all related now, and may be spending our holidays celebrations together, so let's all get to know each other.. And you know what they did eventually..
Now I have to admit now that I am in my 2nd marriage, It's kind of back to that situation, but his father is a work aholic and is never around. And his other half of his family are in different states, but we try to invite his dad to events and if we make big dinners and such..
Hang in there girl! They will come around..

You might arrange a dinner party with them all and have assigned seating to mix up the family members. Then you can always have a little sheet of questions that they have to fill out about the person next to them. Easy stuff like what are their hobbies, what they do, things like that.

Hi M.-

What we did was have the wedding party & both families together for a picnic. Not sure when your wedding is so I don't know if the picnic thing would work or maybe another party in addition to the birthday party, when you know everyone can get together. Make games that you play to get to know each other. Our families too didn't really know each other before the wedding. We did it a few months before the wedding.
Good luck!

Hi Megan,

Ideally that's what all of us would like - for ALL of our family to get along and feel comfortable around each other. But that might not happen. And that's totally normal for your families to feel uncomfortable towards each other. They are basically strangers to each other and the only connection they have is you guys. I wouldn't try to force it. As long as they are friendly towards each other and stuff then that's good. It's hard when they are probably only going to see each other just a few times a year. That's not enough for people to start feeling comfortable with other people.

I wouldn't worry about it. Since they live so far away they arent' going to see much of each other anyways. A few beers and some good entertainment at the wedding reception should loosen then up and they'll probably get to know each other then. Good luck with the wedding.
J.

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