A few months before my daughter turned 5, I enrolled her in jiu-jitsu (2x per week). She was okay with most of it except she got scared and anxious from some of the games they played (a game similar to tag and another similar to dodge ball) so after about 5 months, I let her quit. I felt that an activity should be fun, not anxiety-inducing, and a child should be able to enjoy an activity she's involved in outside of school.
Now she's 5 and enrolled in a once a week ballet/tap/jazz combo class. The first class was basically a private lesson because the other girls in the class failed to show. Afterwards, she said she liked it.
She just had her second class this week and she is one of four kids in the class. It seems the other girls have been dancing for a while, and they are comfortable with the movements. My daughter is completely new to ballet so obviously, it will take her some time to catch up to the girls. Now, she says she hates it.
Mostly because she doesn't like that she's not "good" -- she is not very persistent and in many cases, she doesn't like to continue an activity she doesn't feel comfortable with or she feels she's not good at. There's nothing that happens in this class that would cause fear or anxiety, except maybe when the teacher has each child perform the movements solo, which occurs maybe five to six times during the 45-minute class with each lasting a few seconds for each child.
Generally, my daughter lacks follow through, not just with these extracurricular activities, but also with projects at school and at home (coloring, bead art, etc.).
While I believe that a child should enjoy an extracurricular activity, I also believe she should give the activity a chance and give herself the chance to learn the activity. How do I balance these things? Other than praising her for trying rather than praising her for how well she actually did, what can I do -- how do I encourage follow through and persistence? How long should she try an activity before I let her quit?
I understand you don't want her to just give up. But sometimes it takes trying different things to find what she really will enjoy. You might talk to her and say we will try this for 6 months. after that time if you want to try something else you can. It might take her trying different things to come back to the one that she really loves. I know once my boys found their passion they knew it.
I think 5 is too young for many kids to be enrolled in anything structured - sports, dance, martial arts, arts/crafts, etc. They don't have the attention span many times, and the pressure to give our kids "enrichment" is fueled by the desire of the schools/teachers to make more money (which they do when kids drop out) The fact that she's in with some kids who have had prior dance training shows you that some families are starting their kids just super early.
Why does she have to be in any activity at all at this age? I think it's hard to tell a child this age that she has to finish what she signed up for, because she's too young to understand the finances and too young to really look ahead for 8 or 12 weeks, whatever the session lasts for.
She may have issues with follow-through in other areas, which tells you she needs work and development in these areas. I'd save that for school, and keep her out of structured activities. She may just be immature. Let her grow at her own pace.
You can tell her you're not signing her up for anything else if she asks, but don't blame her now for something that's beyond her reach. I wouldn't start too many projects at home either. Just work on letting her choose, but then making her clean it up before she starts something else. If she gets everything out and then quits in 5 minutes, that's okay - as long as you didn't start her on something too elaborate and beyond her abilities, and as long as she tidies it up (perhaps with your help). But then it doesn't come out again for at least a month or two.
She's showing you who she is. I don't think you can change that at 5. Let the focus be on school, and let her other activities include simpler play, bike riding, nature hikes, and so on - not stuff with a lot of supplies or a schedule of attendance.
Some of this is 'the age/the stage'.
She's 5.
Not everyone is ready for activities at 5.
Our son wasn't.
He didn't want to pay attention - he wanted to play.
So we didn't start him in taekwondo until he was 8 yrs old.
He started with a friend from school - but then really didn't like how much his friend didn't want to pay attention during the class.
See his friend wasn't 'ready' till a few years later.
He's stayed with taekwondo and is currently a 4th don black belt - and has just now joined a taekwondo activity at college.
Pull her out for now and try again in a few years.
Once you DO start up activities again keep her in class for the season.
Every time she takes a class - you want to say to her it's fine to try something new.
But if it turns out she doesn't like it - she has to complete the series of classes and doesn't have to take it again next semester/year.
This is suppose to help them really THINK about what they want to sign up for next time.
Quitting right away doesn't give them a chance to really try something out.
A class isn't about instant gratification/instantly liking something.
It's hard for a kid to realize that NO ONE is good the first time they try anything.
But they've got to be old enough to pay attention and mature enough not to be a 'sore loser' just for merely being a beginner.
It's important for you to realize that she's not late or behind.
She's merely being 5.
Let her be 5.
This is very common. My friends and I have all experienced this, as well as my sisters with their kids. So know it's not that unusual, especially at age 5.
I think a lot of us don't enjoy things we're not good at. I don't. So that's understandable. If she's shy at all, it can be hard to perform in front of others - but kids do tend to get past this. I would think that at 5, there would be little difference between her abilities and the other kids - in a few weeks, she will catch up. Those early dance classes (3-5) are super basic. Most kids barely grasp it.
My youngest likes art - but only if it lasts 5 minutes. So we do small art projects. I don't think of it as lack of follow through, so much as it's not her thing. She has interest, but it's minimal. So I adjust my expectations.
My kid would not have enjoyed dodge ball either (especially at 5) and hated tag until grade 3 - now loves it. Some kids (anxious ones) hate the whole competition thing, the chasing thing, etc. Mine outgrew that. I just had to give her time.
We had one come to us and say "I hate soccer" on the 2nd day of soccer. We didn't push it - we could still get out. Just observing the game - we realized our child was not a soccer player.
Trust your gut. If it's something she can overcome with mom and teacher encouraging her a bit, then keep her in it - if she seems to be enjoying it otherwise. If she looks bored, hates going, is not a dance-y kind of kid, then I wouldn't keep her in. She can try again if she's interested in a couple of years. The thing with dance is, there always will be kids who are better, or have started earlier - it's like that with a lot of activities. That's why I like scouting type activities where kids can just join, no requirements, it's social and it's a mix of activities every week. They do excursions (yoga, field trips, zumba, arts, crafts, music, singing together, skits, etc.) and so they touch on everything. It's a great way to figure out what a kid likes, because exposed to a lot.
Jujitsu scared her, after she gave it a try. I get that. And it was her first activity. I don't think it was bad to put it away. Maybe she will try it again when she's older.
Ballet. It's hard. Its really hard to be good. And she's already thinking shes not. Encourage her to keep trying, tell her everybody sucks at it, the first year. Tell her that you think she's doing AMAZING. Give her props for always truing her best, and tell her that, if she wants to wuit, she can. But tell her it would be sad for her to miss out on something she likes, just because she doesn't think she can do it.
Make a deal with her. She stays in ballet for 6 months, and you will get her the most awesome ballet related thing she likes (shoes? Tutu? Leotard? Whatevs). But also tell her that, if she reeeeeeeaallyyyy wants to quit she can, evan though you reeeeeeeeeeeeeaallyyyyy want to see her dance at the recital.
Or, y'know... something along those lines.
My kid sucks at violin. Like, skinning cats, sucks. But he does it, and proudly, because I cheer him on, and I told him it would be so fantabulastic if he would keep trying to see if he likes it. Now every school year, I ask if he is interested in continuing, he says yes, and I don't even have to prod. Lol
i go by the rule of 7. i don't even know where it came from but you have to go 7x before you can make the decision to stop going. its up to you if you say 7 sessions, 7 days, 7 weeks.
i make myself try a food (like cooking a new food for my family) 7x. not the same way 7x, just that food 7 times. it can be cooked the same or different but we will have it added to a meal 7x before it gets tossed off the menu or added as a regular item
with dance classes you could have her attend 7 of them that way she has a chance to see herself improve. practice makes perfect! she probably will get good like the other girls if she applies herself and has you encouraging her to do her best.
I agree with wanting her to stick with an activity, but you have to be age appropriate about it. Right now, an activity at home is only going to hold her attention for 15 to 20. So if she isn't interested in coloring or bead art beyond that, it's ok.
Signing up for a class or activity is great, too, but you have to be age appropriate about how often and how long the class/activity meets. Twice a week is a lot at that age. Also, anything lasting more that 6 to 8 week is possibly asking too much.
I don't think your daughter doesn't necessarily lack follow through. I think sometimes parents ask young kids, "Do you want to take dance? Do you want to try Girl Scouts? Would you like to play softball?" They don't have a clue at that age. It's not appropriate to put that on them. You decide how many activities and which ones she does. You decide how long to stick with it, not her. If you get a sense from her that this is not a good match, you might decide to stick it out anyway, but you also might decide that it's ok to stop. As young as she is, don't be afraid that you are sending the message that it's ok to quit things willy, nilly. She is simply too young to understand that concept. As she gets older, you will want to consider that, but right now, it's just not something she can comprehend.
Your daughter is not lacking follow through or persistence. Those are qualities that emerge later. Right now she's just exploring a very massive world. Your job is to help her explore.
If the other girls are 5 years old, none of them have really been "dancing for a while" - they have only existed for 5 years and not even walking for part of that time!
It sounds now like your daughter just needs a cheerleader (mom) to encourage her to approach this new adventure with a fun attitude and a smile. Try that, and see how it goes over the next few weeks.
If she is really unhappy a few weeks / couple months from now (or whenever your next billing cycle for the class is, around that time) then it probably makes sense to stop paying. Just does not seem like a battle that needs to be fought, not something you really need to "force" her to do.
Did she pick the dance class? I would encourage her to give it some more time. If it's a year-long activity that involves ordering costumes and preparing for a spring recital, you want to make sure wants to see it through before all of that planning is underway. If she remains clearly miserable, I wouldn't have her participate too far in. Even if you picked the class with no input from her, I'd still encourage her to give it some more time. But if she's very reluctant, I'd say "ok, we'll try an activity again next year, and next time you can choose yourself (or choose something different)" If she was older, I'd be more firm in seeing it through to the end of the class or season, but she's very young yet. She's not going to fall behind if you wait a year or two or more before signing up for interest activities and classes
Please pick up some books about child development at the library. Expecting "follow through" at the age of 5 is completely age inappropriate. Very few young children are developmentally mature enough to be committed and disciplined at this age.
Sign her up for the shortest session you can and take the financial responsibility yourself. She's a LITTLE GIRL, already in school all day, she needs time to play and explore not be in even more structured activities :-(
There is a great book called The Growth Mindset. It is all about what you are asking - how to encourage kids to see growth as the goal, not perfection. It's got some good advice on how to encourage kids to try rather than praising achievement only.
I didn't find my thing until I was 30 yo.
Your daughter is so young. Tell her she has to do an activity and she gets to decide which one.
"Generally, my daughter lacks follow through"...who do you think she gets that from???
Sounds like you don't feel the need to follow through either.
I'd tell you to stop enrolling her in things and don't waste your money.
She's 5. She is going to be less than and better than other people all her life. She doesn't have to learn how to fit in at age 5, but what if she said she didn't like Kindergarten? Let her quit? Obviously not but my point is there will be things that she won't like at some point her entire life. I think she needs to finish something.
An aggressive class like she was in? That's something we'd probably not have done unless it was a family thing that the kids had been around. Dance? It's supposed to be fun but at age 5 she should be learning a lot of stuff plus starting her core muscles strength and development.
I have my kids stick with it for a semester/season (so say from now through December) when they want to quit some activity. My daughter started swim team recently (she's 7) and was enjoying it. Then a week later there was a new coach and suddenly she wanted to quit. He was one of those "bark out orders" coaches. I talked to her how he wants the kids to hear and it's loud in the pool and to just keep with it. A week later her old coach back and now she's loving it again. Kids are so fickle. It's hard to follow through with anything when you are 5! They have the attention span of an ant! haha. Just keep encouraging her to stick with it for now.
This is completely normal for a 5 year old. Many kids this age are simply not ready for a long term activity of any type. She is not yet of an age where she really needs to do any of this. Simply being in school is usually enough 'extra' right now.
The other thing is - who is coming up with these ideas for enrollment? The best thing to do is wait for the kid to express an interest in a thing, bring it to you for discussion, then proceed. Sometimes parents will find a think their kid might like and gets the kid excited about it because mom is excited, but it's not a real interest.
