Encouragement for Women with Infertility Issues

Hi S.,

I don't know if this counts or not but I'll tell you the story anyway.

I was married for the first time at 37 and started trying to concieve when I was 39. Nothing happened. I tried two rounds of Clomid (oral fertility drugs) at age 41 and my emotions were all over the place from the medication.

At age 42 1/2 I had a test done to check to see if my fallopian tubes were clear; my doctor told me they were.

My doctor said he had done all he could and referred me to an infertility specialist. He also said to wait a few weeks before calling the infertility doctor because the test can act like a "roto rooter" and some women get pregnant after having the procedure.

A month later I received the referral to the infertility doctor in the mail. The next day I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.

My doctor was always supportive but other people weren't. A lot of people had the attitude that I had just waited too long to never have been pregnant by age 42. Well, obviously they were wrong!

By the way, I opted to not have an amniocentisis and my son is healthy, happy, beautiful and wonderful!

Blessings, R.

I would say to educate yourself. See what avenues are out there, and keep up with the latest info on fertility treatments. Ask around or search the internet for an outstanding doctor or fertility expert, you may be "partners" with this person for a long time.

Search your heart. If it's what you really want and can't live without, FIND a way to be a mother, be it through pregnancy, a surrogate, adoption or foster parenting. Even volunteering at an elementary school or preschool can help your head and heart.

I've been through it all. I started trying to get pregnant at 22 and couldn't. My doctor suggested adoption. We did apply with the county Adoption agency, but I also found a new doctor who was willing to work with me. After 6 months on clomid and a hysterosalpingogram (sp?) I conceived my son and he was born when I was 24.

Everyone said the second would be so much easier. Wrong! I started trying again at 27. Clomid didn't do it this time around, so we switched to IUI and new drugs. I went through a year of IUI's and was ready to throw in the towel when I got pregnant (finally!) with my daughter. I was now 30. Everyone was of the opinion that I should quit now, since I had a boy and a girl. I searched my heart and knew how much I loved mothering, and decided to try again. To my surprise I conceived immediately, but was devastated when I miscarried 2 months later.

Your head can play games with you. Does God not want this for me? Am I asking too much? Is there something wrong with my eggs? I gave my body a rest for 6 months, did some soul searching and tried again. Again, we had to resort to IUI's and drugs, but within 6 months I was expecting again. Thank God this pregnancy went forward, and I had another son at 33.

I loved being a family of 5, and tried to convince myself I was finished, but as my 30s raced by, I still felt someone was missing from our family. My previous doctor had retired, so I found a new specialist close by. I started it all up again, and miscarried twice. The Dr. suggested that since I had carried and delivered children before, that IVF might be the answer, we just needed to get the embryo in the right place. More fertility drugs and I learned to give myself shots. She retrieved 6 eggs, 5 were implanted, and I got pregnant with twins! Excitement like you wouldn't believe ensued, I was on cloud 9, but one of the twins died at about 12 weeks and was "reabsorbed". I thought it was only a matter of time until I lost the other one. It was a very hard, emotional time. I was grieving for my lost baby, but I was still pregnant. I was sure during the amnio all would be lost. But to my surprise, the other baby held on through it all, and I had a beautiful healthy boy the week I turned 40.

It can be a crazy, emotional roller coaster, but I'm so glad I didn't quit. The miscarriages were the hardest thing I've lived through. All the treatments took a toll on my marriage. Sometimes you have to take a vacation from the whole scene. But that desire to mother is the strongest emotional pull on earth, and I just couldn't give up. I'm so thrilled everytime I look at my 4 beatiful, healthy children. People look at us and assume I got pregnant so easily to have such a large family. Hah! If they only knew....

Hi Shanon,
I was told that I was going to have problems conceiving for medical reasons. After three years of trying my doctor proposed more invasive procedures, I said forget it. I bought a book someone recomended "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" read it, followed the chart, and pretty much gave up. Three months later, I was pregnant. I think it is because I started dcharting my fertile days without being on any type of fertility medication and also the stress was gone. Once I told myself adoption was the way and came to terms with it, I relaxed. I think that was it for me.
Please don't tell her to relax, I hated those words; especially from fertile women. Recommend her the book and tell her you are there if she needs to talk, scream out her frustations, cry or simply to pray. Pray that she will come to terms with her situation and hopefully that will relax her.
Good luck
ceci

Hello S.. I actually laughed when I read this post because that is exactly what happened to me, although it was not an infertility issue. Back in 1994 I had surgery to remove my right fallopian tube and right ovary. My doctor (who performed the surgery) told me that my chances of having any more kids was about 5%, and basically said get used to the one I had, and be happy with her. He was not at all encouraging. I was very upset because I was only 20 years old at the time, and knew one day I would like more. Less than a year after my surgery, I found out I was pregnant. I went back to see my doctor for confirmation. He was very surprised to see me, even asked what I was doing in his office. I explained to him that I thought I was pregnant. He laughed and said he doubted it, but gave me a pregnanct test anyway. He still didn't believe the results, so he did an ultrasound, right there in his office. He showed me the "baby" on the screen, and said "You know this is a miracle child, right?". I cried, because I knew he was right. So, he proceeds to tell me that after I have the baby, my chances will drop to 1% (of havng any more children). I accepted that and was ok with it, because I had a boy and a girl. I gave birth to my son in February of 1996. I am currently 14 weeks pregnant, so... the moral of my story is, anything can happen. LOL I believe that my children are miracles and gifts from God (as all children are) and when it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. My only advice to any woman that is trying to conceive is that if it's in the cards, then it's meant to be. I have complete faith in this situation. Sometimes it's not always possible for a woman to become pregnant (for whatever reason) and in those cases, I believe that they can still be mommies, by adopting or channeling other avenues. Being a mommy doesn't necessarily mean carrying a child and giving birth, it is about giving love. I would tell any woman not to be discouraged, and that if it's meant to be, it will happen in time. If not, then look at other avenues. I always wanted to be a surrogate mother because I LOVED being pregnant, and wanted to afford someone else the luxury of having a child to call their own, but was devastated when I heard I wouldn't be able to have any more kids (most likely). I can imagine that for someone going through the heartbreak of not being able to conceive, that they would not want to hear about surrogacy or adoption, but it is such a great alternative.

Hi S.,
Yes and how that hurt my heart so much when my doctor immediately suggested we think about adoption because he thought I would never be able to concieve.

I was seeing an infertility specialist in Hawaii and had 3 failed IUI's and a failed IVF. During the failed IUI's I had started research on eastern medicine and read a book by Randine Lewis. Once we moved back to California (after the 3 failed IUI's but before the IVF) I found a really great accupuncturist who specialized in infertility. I started accupuncture treatments with herbs. The herbs given to me were based on what my infertility doctor told me what he believed to be the cause of my infertility. I had been going to the accupuncturist for 3 months before my IVF. Once I had the failed IVF and my infertility doctor told me what he then thought the cause was (and that I'd probably never be able to concieve), my accupuncturist switched my herbs and I got pregnant within 2 months!

So my advice to other women is to not feel like there is no hope... there is always hope. Try the natural approach, it's amazing what it can do to the mind, body and spirit and the way you live your life.

By the way, the Today show did a segment last week on Randine Lewis's retreats. Although I did not go that route, it can give viewers an idea about what eastern medicine can do.